Chapter 24

Once I'm back home I don't feel like going inside and the way I look right now, I'm pretty certain my father wouldn't want me to be accidentally seen by his Capitol dinner guests. I'm in my dirt covered overalls and I'm a hot sweaty mess. I certainly don't have my illusion going this evening. I opt for sitting on the bottom porch step and stare off into the trees beyond the fence. I find my mind wandering towards the topic of Katniss and the games. I hope she is able to sleep tonight though I can't even imagine what a difficult task that could be. To find sleep on what very well may be your last night alive. I shudder when I think about it. I wonder how Peeta is doing as well. I hope there was some truth in what he said during interviews the other night. I hope that means he is able to be with Katniss tonight, to comfort her. So they can comfort each other. They must feel so alone being away at the Capitol about to embark on the fight of their lives and knowing that they may be able to find comfort in each other in the final moments before the game allows me to find my own level of comfort. I do think Gale is wrong about Peeta trying to fool Katniss into a false sense of security. While I don't know him very well, I do know that he's always been kind. More like his father than like his grouchy mother. I can't imagine him trying to trick Katniss like that. Usually, it was an unwritten rule that you didn't kill your own district mate. That didn't necessarily mean you were allies but you definitely weren't after each other.

I sit for at least an hour before finally deciding to head inside. On the table is a covered plate from Mabel containing my dinner. I lift the lid and glance at it. Beef Wellington. That explains the dough Mabel was working with earlier. I reheat it and eat a few bites before tossing the rest. All this thinking about Katniss and the Games has ruined my appetite. I peek in my father's study and see he's on a call and busy scrawling notes on a pad at his desk. He glances up and I blow him a kiss. He nods, smiles and then goes back to his notepad. Sometimes I really wish my father wasn't the Mayor. I'd love to be able to sit and talk to him about everything and about nothing. I'm lucky if he has 5 minutes a day to spare for me, much less sit around and chit chat for no reason at all. He's a good father and he loves me. He's always provided for me and I've obviously never wanted or needed for anything thanks to his efforts. But sometimes I think I'd trade it all away if it meant I could have a family that had time for me. I feel that pinch of envy again as I picture Gale in his house surrounded by family. After my shower I don't think I'm ready for bed yet and I decide to go back out on the back porch and swing for a bit. Maybe make myself some tea.

I find it easier to make tea this time though I still don't know where Mabel keeps the sugar and lemon. Bitter tea once again I guess. Alone on the porch swing I watch as fireflies light up across the field between my house and the woods. When I was little my mother had told me they were fairies working their magic. I can't remember if she ever told me what their magic was but I'm sure she made something marvelous up, whatever it was. I hope that my mother has a good day soon. She rarely has good days anymore. It's been at least a couple months since she was able to sit up and talk. At this point it isn't unusual for me to go weeks at a time without even catching sight of her. She never even leaves her room anymore. Even for the mandatory viewings, she has a portable device brought in for her. Peacekeepers bring it by on Reaping Day and usually leave it at our house until the conclusion of the Games. They do stop by and check to see that it's turned on though since she obviously can't come to a check in station herself. But, she did just get back from the Capitol so perhaps they were able to do a procedure or try a new medicine that will give her a good day tomorrow.

I wonder if Gale was able to get much hunting accomplished this afternoon. He looked so excited when I told him that the fence would be off again today. It was as if I'd given him a gift or something. His whole face lit up and his eyes sparkled even more than usual. I find it so attractive that he goes out and works so hard to provide for not only his family but for the Everdeens as well. He will make a wonderful husband one day, that's for sure. I wonder if he plans to work in the mines when he's finished with school. I hate the mines. The men who work in them practically slave away, all day long for pennies. And they aren't always safe. Mabel, Gale and Katniss had all lost family in mining accidents. Hopefully Gale won't work in the mines. Hopefully he will just keep hunting and trading at the Hob. I know it's illegal for him to do that but it still seems better than having him go off into the mines. He'll be finished with school this year. If he plans to work in the mines, he would start there in August. That's just a couple months from now. I'll have to find a way to ask him about it. I don't want to pry but I just worry about him.

I decide it's time to force myself to go to sleep so I hop off the swing and go back into the kitchen. I place my teacup into the sink and turn out the lights. Back in my bedroom I open my balcony doors to let the breeze cool down my bedroom and then crawl into bed. I end up tossing and turning for awhile and then eventually give up and climb out of bed.

I kill another hour by giving myself a manicure and pedicure. Tomorrow is a big day after all. The Capitol will be watching us and it will be important that I look my part. If I'm going to look sleep deprived then I should at least try too look polished and neat. And all my gardening efforts have reeked havoc on my usually tidy nails. After my nails are dry I go ahead and select my outfit for tomorrow and lay out all the pieces of it. I picked out a navy blue dress that has coordinating turquoise earrings and necklace. I won't need to carry the purse that matches it. All I'll be doing is sitting and watching the viewing.

The clock on my nightstand tells me I have another 3 hours until the sun comes up. I look over at my bed and frown. I know I have to find a way to sleep. I'll look terrible if I show up in the square without even so much as an hours worth of sleep. I turn my lights back off and climb into bed once again. I don't know how long it takes but I finally drift off too sleep. It isn't a restful sleep though and it's filled with nightmares about previous Games I've seen. I'm up and out of bed shortly after the sun the next morning. I piddle around in my room, getting ready as slowly as possible in hopes that time will pass quickly. Even though I slept for a few hours, I still have bags under my eyes. I sigh, knowing this means I'll have to layer on the make up. After my face is perfected, I move on to my hair. My hair is naturally wavy and thick and falls below my shoulders. It's going to be hot out in the square today so I think pulling it up and off my neck will be my best bet. I manage a perfect top knot, secure it with a few hair pins and then lightly spray it so it holds.

I head down to the kitchen and find my father at the table looking over some documents as he has his coffee and muffin.

"Morning." I say as I enter the room. I don't see Mabel anywhere but I assume she's upstairs tending to my mother.

"Ah, Madge dear. Don't you look nice this morning. Ready for the viewing?"

"Thank you, I suppose I am as ready as I'll ever be. I'll feel better once it just gets started, once Katniss makes it past the first day." I tell him.

'She's done great so far, I'm sure she'll keep it up. Well, duty calls my dear. I'll see you over at the viewing in a bit."

And with that he's out the door leaving me to eat my muffin alone. I decide to go up and check on my mother. Surely she'll be having a good day. Maybe not a great day, but maybe good enough that I can go into her room and sit with her for a bit before I go to the square.

Upstairs I find the door to my mother's room open, which makes me smile. This must mean she's having a good day! I enter her room and freeze at what I see. My mother isn't here. Her bed is perfectly made. Hasn't been slept in. There are boxes everywhere. Mabel walks out of my mother's closet with an armful of clothes and stops in her tracks when she sees me standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing? Where is my mother? What is going on? Why are you boxing up her things?" The questions flood out of me as my mind goes into full panic mode.

Mabel puts down the clothing, comes over to me and places her hands on my shoulders. "Madge honey, we need to talk. You should sit down."

"No I will not sit down. Where is my mother?"

"She's not coming home. She's too sick to stay here anymore so they're keeping her in the Capitol. She's in a special facility now. I was planning to tell you after the viewing was over. I'm so sorry."

Her words cut right into my heart, pull the breath right out of my lungs. Tears sting my eyes. I can't be here now. Can't deal with this. Can't think about this. I push Mabel's hands from my shoulders and stumble backwards out the door of the bedroom. I'm halfway down the stairs when she catches up to me and pulls me into her arms.

"Madge honey, I know you're hurting. Believe me when I say that. But you can't be like this right now. Can't show your emotions. You need to pull yourself together and remember that the Capitol is watching. You do not want them mistaking your sorrow over your Mother for sorrow about the Games."

"Let me go!" I shout angrily as I free myself from her grip and wipe the tears from my face. I race down the rest of the stairs and out the back door. I have to get out of here. I cannot be in this house another second.