Hey everyone! I can keep apologizing for being a sucky updater, but I have been running around more that I've graduated than when I still had classes (maybe because I was using that time to write).

So, after spending a couple of weeks in Los Angeles for much needed vacation, where I met the sweet and amazing Stana Katic herself, here I am again. This chapter is shorter than usual but hey, shorter is better than none at all, right?

'You remember, don't you?'

Kate sighed and closed her eyes as she rested her head against the back of the couch. Her bare feet up on the coffee table, the detective slowly felt her body melting into the oversized cushions of her couch and moaned as the pressure on her back slowly faded away.

She was almost dozing when a hand brushed against her thigh. Opening her eyes lazily, she smiled gratefully as Castle pushed a warm mug in her hands. "Thank you."

Castle nodded and sat next to her, moving his body sideways so he could watch her without craning his neck, yet close enough so his knee grazed her thigh.

Then he watched her.

Because she had yet to explain her remembering his love declaration; why she had lie about it for the last six months.

Kate had been trapped like a deer in headlights upon hearing Castle's words and she didn't have time to explain that Alexis had came back, and the writer had to distract her long enough so Kate could sneak back to the bedroom to put some pants on. Things were confusing enough as it was without bringing the younger Castle into the mix as well.

But now, three hours later and lounging on her own couch with a writer watching her intently, Beckett wanted to back out. No, she didn't want to, she just wanted more time to figure out how to fix this. She needed more time to-

"Stop thinking so hard, Kate."

Beckett turned, startled, to face an ominous looking Castle. "How did you…?"

"You get this little frown when you think hard, like when you stare at a murder board for hours until it unveils before you. And the way you were biting your lip just now? It tells me that you're desperately trying to find a way to back out of this."

Castle watched as Kate's whole demeanor crumbled right before his eyes, leaving the woman next to him slumped on the couch, struggling for words. "You know me too well."

"I guess. This is one of those moments I'm glad I am though. Don't take this the wrong way, Kate, but I am not leaving until we've talked about this." Castle's voice was stern and laced with anger, but it was still soft, warm. "Why have you lied to me, Kate?"

"Wow. Start with the easy ones, why don't you?" Kate mumbled with a sigh, still unwilling to meet Castle's eyes.

"I learned from the best."

Kate glanced at the man, pursing her lips in dismay upon seeing the hardness in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Rick."

The look he was giving her clearly meant that is wasn't enough, and that she had to try harder. "I, I can't even make excuses, I don't have any valid ones."

"Let me guess, then, Kate. You were scared, confused. You were in pain, under heavy medication; you were still grieving from Roy's death and the actual pain of having been shot." Castle started, struggling with keeping his anger in check. Witnessing Kate struggling as well tore at his heart, although she was obviously having trouble keeping the tears away, her jaw clenching and her eyes blinking too quickly.

"I think that you feel like you don't have any excuses, because you know you did wrong. In that beautiful, damned stubborn head of yours, you felt like you couldn't accept help from anyone so you punished yourself by pushing people away. You pushed me away."

"I didn't want to." Kate finally whispered as she lost battle against her tears. "I wanted to call you so bad, Castle, I swear."

"Then why didn't you? How could you have possibly thought that any good could come out of it?"

Kate sighed and, after hesitating a long moment, turned to face Castle. "I didn't know what to do, Rick. I've never been good at taking care of myself and getting shot…it was…too much. I didn't want to be a burden for anyone."

"Katherine Beckett, that must be the stupidest thing I have ever heard coming from you and, believing me, I've heard a lot." Castle leaned forward and took Kate's hands in his, tightly enough that she couldn't free them even if she wanted to. "I love you, Kate. My timing might have sucked when I said it, but I meant it. I love you and you're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

Castle expected a glare, a scoff or having his ear ripped off but he was shocked when the sound of a watery chuckle met his ears. "Kate?"

"It's just…Every time either of us tries to make a move, the other goes around and screws up. It's like there's some kind of cosmic joke on us, something always comes up between us."

Castle frowned ominously, silently agreeing with his partner. "I know we've had some pretty bad timing over the years, Kate, but in this case? It's not karma, it's you. You made the decision to not act on us, especially after I practically gave you the opportunity on a silver platter."

Kate cringed but didn't answer right away. She deserved to be chastised, as embarrassing as it felt. "I, I wish I could blame it on the drugs they kept me on. It is much harder to live with the guilt when you're the only one to blame."

"Why didn't you call, then? Or let your father call me?"

Kate glanced at Castle for the first time in a long moment, pondering his questions. "I guess that, the most honest answer I can give you was that Ii thought you deserved better. I didn't want to be the one taking you away from your own life to get sucked into my own. I didn't want to take you away from Alexis."

Castle's demeanor changed and his eyes narrowed as his anger returned with a vengeance. "Do you really think I'd believe such bullshit from you, or are you really that dense?"

"I. Love. You! Anyone could see it, even the night janitors at the precinct! Damn it, Kate, you might be one of New York's best detectives, but you really can be emotionally retarded when it comes to relationships." Castle snapped his mouth shut but it was too late.

The humiliated look that crossed Kate's face hit him like bullet in the chest, but it was too late to take it back. "Kate, I-"

"Don't. Just, get out."

"Kate, please, let me-"

"Let you what? You're a writer, Castle, you know how to use your words and you just proved it. Now get out." Kate mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper but still loud and clear to the man's ears.

Castle's heart stuttered in pain. He couldn't do this. If he walked out now, she wouldn't take him back. Part of him thought how ironic how the tables had turned so quickly, and so viciously. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

Kate laughed, her teary eyes burning a hole right through him and ripping his heart out of him with every second that passed. "You feel like I've been treated you like a fool because I lied about remembering, and that what, I don't care about you?"

"I've always had issues, Rick. Still have, but I've been working on them. I've been working so hard to be more, for you, so you wouldn't have to deal with an emotionally retarded girlfriend. But I guess it doesn't matter now. Not anymore anyway."

"Kate-"

Get out, Castle. I mean it."

Castle refused to be bullied by the still temporarily crippled cop, as terrifying as she might still be at the moment. "No."

Challenge flared in Kate's eyes. "No?"

"No. I'm sorry about what I said, it was out of line and I didn't mean it, but I am not leaving this place until we've talked."

The writer kept his ground but gulped nervously when cold, calculating eyes landed on him. "Fine."

"Fine?"

"I'm going to bed. Do what the hell you want to do, I'm done with this." Beckett hissed but her voice lacked the fury her eyes contained earlier. Instead she sounded dejected, as if she was done fighting. Literally.

Before she could reach her room she found herself almost stumbling against Castle, who had ran for the bedroom door the second he saw her moving. "Castle!" The fight had taken its toll on the detective and her knees buckled when she tried to get a grip against the doorway. She would have taken a dive face first if it hadn't been for two strong hands that caught her around the waist, their solid grip keeping her upright. "Castle, let me go!"

"Never." Castle had taken the incident to his advantage and efficiently wrapped his arms around her, effectively pinning her against his chest. "Kate, honey please. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I swear. I love you, I love you so much."

Faster than he could have ever wished for, Castle felt Kate's struggles lessen, his heart swelling up when she slumped against him, her body shaking under gut wrenching sobs.

The room was dark when Kate opened her eyes again. Blinking the dried tears away and looking around in confusion, the woman frowned as she recognized her own bedroom. 'Huh.'

Groaning at the beginning of a migraine behind her eyes, Kate rolled onto her side and yelped as a set of dull but still beautiful blue eyes stared back at her. "Hey."

"Um, hey. What time is it?"

"Quarter after midnight." Castle informed her quietly as he sat up and handed her a glass of water with two small pills. Kate glared at them but still took them without a protest, if only for her head's sake.

Castle waited until after the detective lay back down to do the same, resting his head close to hers but still keeping enough distance between them. "It hurt so much."

Wide sienna eyes bore into him once again, but this time the anger was gone, instead filled with what the writer thought was sorrow and shame. When it was clear that Kate wasn't going to talk again anytime soon, Castle continued. "I thought you didn't like me that way. I felt so stupid, pining after you all those years and for what? So you could feel like you could lie to me and carry one like nothing was wrong."

"Castle…"

"No, I mean let me finish, okay? Please?" Grateful when a subtle nod encouraged him forward, Castle swallowed tiredly. "But then we had this talk on the swing sets. What you told me that day, I thought it meant something. I thought that you were telling me, in your own way, that you wanted me to wait for you, so I waited."

The partners shared a look, gauging each other. "You could've told me, you know. All you had to do was to tell me you weren't ready yet. Anything would have been better than keep hearing you didn't remember anything."

Kate sighed as she closed her eyes, the weight of the day pressing down on her already. "I'm sorry, Rick, I really am. I wish I could turn back time and fix it, but I can't."

"Maybe you can."

Kate looked up in surprise, dubious but nonetheless curious about whatever Castle had in mind. "What do you mean?"

Castle shifted and moved closer to Kate so their heads were almost touching on the woman's pillow. "You could tell me."

"Tell you." Curiosity left the cop's drawn features, only to be replaced by uncertainty and doubt. "About what, when I was in the hospital?"

"Yes."

"No, Castle, I-"

"Kate, please. I'm not asking for gruesome details. Not until you're willing to talk about it anyway. When are you going to realize that I want to know you, all of you?"

Castle feared he had lost her again when she avoided his gaze, so when she finally locked eyes with him a moment later, a deep breath of relief shook him. "What if…?

"What if what?"

Kate bit her lip and hesitantly moved her hand until it connected with the man's chest. "I don't like to tell stories when I'm all broken and weak. It…you…"

Pressing his own hand over hers, Castle inched his head closer so he could whisper in the woman's ear. "Use your words, sweetie. I'm not going anywhere."

"You fell in love with a homicide detective, not the walking mess I am deep down, under the peels." She ushered hastily before she lost the nerves to voice her biggest insecurity to the man she loved.

Castle was floored. "Oh, Kate…is that really what you thought all this time? I had a crush on hot, savvy, detective you, that part is true, but falling in love? I fell in love with Katherine, with Kate, and with Katie. Detective Beckett was just an added bonus."

Castle couldn't deal with the lingering fear he was seeing in his partner's eyes. It tore at his heart so bad that before he could restrain himself, he had closed the distance separating him from Kate and softly, so delicately he wasn't even sure it was happening, pressed his lips against hers.

He felt her breath hitch in her throat as her hand clenched under his, pulling tightly at his shirt, and was about to pull back when she responded. It was shy, hesitant, but it was there. Just like an injured bird inching uncertainly yet hopefully towards a healing hand, her kiss was light but sweet, as if she couldn't believe it either.

"Castle?" She whispered as they pulled away, way too soon for their liking.

Daring to peck her lips once more before looking at her with bright eyes, Castle grinned and nodded. "Yes, Kate?"

"I love you too."