Chapter 33

After I walk with my family back to our house I decide to go out into the woods and check my snares. I really wish I could go ahead and meet up with Madge. I hate being with her at school or at the viewings and having to pretend to just be her friend. I really hate it. But until we figure out what's going on behind her back with all this secret stuff I know the best thing we can do is pretend to head Mabel's warning. I really am terrified for her. Something is just weird about how her mother disappeared and how all of her things were packed up immediately. That's not normal. And Madge's father has a slew of Capitol connections which makes me worry that whatever things have been decided for her without her knowledge are somehow related to Capitol involvement. And nothing good occurs when the Capitol gets involved. Part of me is scared to let her out of my site. Scared they'll take her away and I'll never find her. But of course I can't be with her all the time. So, for the time being I'll have to make do with only our nighttime trips into the woods.

Last night, in the woods, it'd been so hard for me to stop us when things were about to go further than I knew they should. She sat there, straddling my lap with her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hands and lips all over my neck and my chest. I was so lost in how amazing it felt that I hadn't hesitated when she tugged at my shirt wanting me to remove it. And when I felt her fingers trace along the edge of my pants I almost gave in. I almost lost it. I knew if we went even a moment further that I wouldn't be able to stop. I wanted her. Every bit of her. In the worst way. But she has such an innocence about her that it just seems wrong of me to move so fast. I'm pretty much the first guy she's ever dated. A fact that I secretly love. I want to be her first everything. But I have to be certain she's ready for that next step. If she ever had regrets about us I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. If I wanted a future with her I would just have to wait a little longer. And I do want a future with her.

After I've cleared and reset all my snares, I make a quick run to the Hob to trade and drop a few rabbits off at the Everdeens for them before heading home. Rory takes my remaining haul and gets to work cleaning and preparing it. I wash up and lay down for a quick nap. Madge was right when she said it would be exhausting for me to spend every night out in the woods with her but I'll make do. I can get by with a nap here and there and just a couple hours sleep each night. It's worth it.

I wake up about an hour later and scarf down the stew that my mother has cooked. Posey is begging for my attention so I take her outside and we look for flowers to make daisy chains out of. There aren't a lot of actual flowers in the Seam but we do have a few flowery looking weeds. It's all the same to Posey, she doesn't know the difference. I help her tie the stems together creating a long chain. Once it's secured into a loop, I place it around her neck. I even make her a ring from one lone flower. She giggles and prances around as if she's got the Queen's jewels on. She's so joyful all the time that you just can't help but love her. I hope she stays that way forever. I hope as she gets older and starts to understand the world around her that she doesn't lose that zestful spirit.

After the kids and my mother have gone to bed for the night I kill the rest of my time by folding some laundry for my mother. I know she'll be pleasantly surprised to wake up and find her work half finished tomorrow morning. She works so hard and I'm glad to do this for her. Once I'm finished, I slip out of the house, careful not wake my family and begin walking into town. It's ridiculously hot out considering it's so late at night. I wish the lake wasn't so far away; swimming would be great right now. But her feet haven't even healed all the way from the last time at the lake and I don't want to make it worse. I'd felt so terrible when she showed me her feet. It was stupid of me to have made her walk all the way to the lake without thinking about her not having the right shoes for that much walking. Being a guy I don't have to think about that kind of thing and the only other girl I've been in the woods with is Katniss and she of course doesn't own any girly type shoes. By the time I arrive behind the shed at Madge's house, she's already waiting on me. The sight of her sitting there in the grass, waiting for me, makes my heart skip. God, she's beautiful.

I sneak up beside her and immediately pull her to her feet and we dart through the fence and across the field to the woods. Once we're in the woods, I stop and pick her up, wrapping my arms around her and spinning us around.

"I've wanted to do this all day!" I tell her before kissing her. It feels so good to be able to touch her, to kiss her.

"Do it again." She whispers when I pull from our kiss. Her eyes are glistening in the moonlight.

I kiss her again. I plant her feet back on the ground and smile down at her.

"I hate not being able to kiss you every time I see you." She pouts. She looks so darn cute when she pouts so I lean down and kiss her again.

"Me too. Any luck with looking through the boxes?"

"Actually, yes." She says as she pulls several letters from the pocket of her skirt.

We sit down and she reads me the letters. Each one of them are from her mother and they all mention a plan for her safety. The most recent one was last year and it says she'd planned to explain everything to Madge this year after her birthday.

"Where were they?"

"Behind the pictures that used to hang on the wall of her bedroom. What do you think they're talking about?"

"I don't know. It's odd that she never gave them too you and more odd that she had them hidden. But I doubt Mabel or your father know anything about them because they would've taken them if they had."

"She seems to have been so scared. But I don't know of what? The Capitol maybe?"

"Not sure. The Capitol seems like a reasonable thing to be fearful of. You're going to have to dig deeper on this. The letters tell just confirm what Mabel said about there being things already decided for you. We have to figure out what she wanted to protect you from if we want to figure out what the plan is."

"I'll see if I can find anything else. I just didn't know much about my mother. She got so sick when I was still really little so I stopped seeing much of her. And she doesn't have anymore family that I can talk too. I'm not sure who I could talk too about her."

"What kind of illness does she have? I think I've always known she was ill but I don't think you've ever told me what was actually wrong with her."

"I don't know. She started getting headaches. Then they got worse and would cause her to blackout or have terrible screaming fits. My father always tried to make her feel better. He often took her to the Capitol to see doctors there but none of them were ever able to do anything for her. Over the years she just got worse and worse."

She tears up as she explains all of this too me. I hate to see the pain on her face. I pull her into my lap and hug her tightly, kissing the top of her head. "Don't cry." I whisper against her ear.

She takes her small hand and wipes a lone tear from her cheek. She's gives me a sad half smile. I just pull her back to my chest and rest my chin on top of her head. We need to figure out this plan sooner rather than later. I do think it might be something to do with the Capitol. It's the only thing I can think of that could strike so much fear into a person. Her mother's illness is something to think about too. The Capitol has the most advanced technology and medicines available. They can cure everything I've ever heard of so why couldn't they cure her headaches? And Madge's family has plenty of wealth so money couldn't have been the issue. And why wouldn't they know what the disease or illness was? Could they not even diagnose her? It's not adding up.

Madge and I sit in silence for a long while. Her head stays resting against my chest the whole time. Our time alone out here passes far too quickly for my liking. When we walk back to the fence and cross through I stop behind the shed with her. It's so hard to leave her. I know I'll see her at school tomorrow and at the viewing but I can't be with her the way I want to. Tomorrow night seems so far away and I hate having to wait that long to kiss her again. So I kiss her now, one last time for tonight.