Karma
Most characters borrowed from the television series Nashville.
Chapter 5.
Juliette started crying in despair. "I don't know what I can do. He transferred all my money into his accounts. I tried to stop him but he drew up a new management contract that gave him full control over everything I had. I stupidly trusted him and signed it. He told me yesterday he sold my house. He said I was living with him and I wouldn't need it any more. He has taken everything. I have been so stupid."
"Well there's one good thing," Avery said. "He didn't sell your house. We stopped that so there's a plus right there. Don't give up just yet Juliette. Tonight we will drop you and Emily at your house and tomorrow I will come over and we can sort through this and see where you stand."
"Avery," Juliette said between sobs. "I am so sorry for what I did. I was so awful towards you and Kristen too. I don't deserve you people."
"Hey, Juliette you're our friend. The fact that part of you is a train wreck doesn't change that. However I will admit this is the worst one you have made but you are our friend faults and all and we love you. And never forget we look after our friends."
"If you're Avery's friend then you're my friend as well," Kristen added.
Her crying intensified, "I am so sorry. I have treated both of you so badly. Please can you forgive me?"
"That goes without saying Juliette."
Next day Avery could see Juliette was not well. She seemed to be agitated, her eyes were sunken and her skin very pale. "Juliette when you were at Wentworth's what were you taking? You drank a lot didn't you?"
"Yes."
"I have to be honest Juliette, you do not look good. What else were you using?"
"Nothing."
"Juliette, you know I can read you like a book. You can't lie to me. Do you still have any because you look like you've used something this morning? Don't make me search your purse and luggage"
"Please it was the only way I could cope there. It was so terrible, you can't imagine. I started cocaine."
"OK. You know you will have to go into rehab. You are still a Highway65 artist and I'd like you back at work as soon as you can. But you'll have to be clean if you're going to do that."
"If you say so Avery I'll do anything you want."
Avery started sorting through Juliette's accounts they brought from Wentworth.
Suddenly, Juliette sat on the couch beside him, put her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. "I love you so much."
"Just wait a moment Juliette. We need to get something clear here. When I say I love you, I do, but as a friend. I've had to make a lot of changes. I have a daughter, our daughter and I have a family because Kristen has a daughter as well. I am completely devoted to them. You must understand I love Kristen with everything I have, she is a wonderful woman. We are getting married in three months. The things that were between you and I have changed now."
Instantly Juliette was heartbroken, it was all over her face. "Married?" she said breaking into tears, she left the room.
She returned after about ten minutes still with tears on her cheeks. "Married," she said again. "I really have wrecked everything. If I wasn't so stupid I'd be the one marrying you."
Juliette moved back to the other couch as Avery continued through her accounts. It took over an hour for him to finish. "Well, he cleaned out most of it but not everything. There are some small amounts scattered around but the big news is that precious metal purchase I had you make last year. Even if he'd found it he couldn't touch it. It's secured in the Perth Mint in Australia. Twenty five kilos of gold, that's worth over a million dollars and you're the only person who can access it. When you want to cash it you only need to contact the mint and they'll transfer the money where ever you want. I know you've lost over fifty million but at least you have a base we can work off."
"We? You mean you and me?"
"Yes! We! You don't think I'm going to abandon you do you? Of course I'm not. I'm going to help you get back on your feet. Now there is something else we need to check on back at the office. That album we made before the Wentworth business started. It's still selling pretty well. You should have some royalties due on that. I'll go and check it out. There is more good news; you still have the recording studio, all the touring equipment, the trucks and your bus. The plane is gone I'm sorry to say, but you couldn't afford it now in any case. It looks like we got you out of there just in time."
She put her arms around him and began to cry. "Hey, it could be a lot worse. You're going to be ok," he said.
"No, that isn't what I'm really worried about because I know I'll be safe with you. I'm crying about what I did. Why I didn't listen to you. Why I let the thought of having a baby scare me. I should have realised everything would have been fine with you, in fact you told me exactly that when you said being a father and having a family appealed to you. I was so stupid, you told me that as well. I made a terrible mistake and because I had betrayed you a second time I knew you would never be able to trust me enough to take me back. I knew back when you said you would take the baby that eventually you would find someone else and they would have the life that would have been mine, if I only had the courage to listen to you. Now I have seen it, your family and soon, your marriage I never realised how much it would hurt me to witness. That's why I am crying because I don't know what I am going to do without you. I'll be alone again and worse, I have lost you."
"Well, it's not that bad. You'll still have about eighty percent of me."
"Before I had all of you that twenty percent I have lost I am going to miss terribly."
"Look right now we are working on your money. We need to get into Highway 65 and see if you have any in there. Then I'm going to book you into de-tox and get you off this cocaine. The sooner we get that done the sooner you get back to your old self."
At the Highway 65 offices Avery left Juliette with Rayna and went to see Mick. "How about that," he said when he returned. "There were two cheques for you totalling just short of a half million dollars. We've got a bit out of this wreckage. Things are a lot better than you thought they were"
"You two had much of a chat?" he asked.
"We've just been catching up on some lost time," Rayna said
"I hate to break up this friendly party with work but I've got a few ideas we should get going on," he said. "I think the market would be primed for another Juliette album. That one we did last year is still going Ok but it is starting to get on its last legs. So, first up we need to get Juliette into de-tox and off the cocaine. Now you haven't sung for over a year so your voice will need work. We'll book you a voice coach to retrain your voice. In the meantime we'll get to work on some new material for the new album. By the time we have enough material written Juliette's voice should be back like new. Then we can record and organize tours."
"Avery, you certainly don't waste any time," Juliette said. "I think you might be a slave driver."
"No Juliette, that's where you are wrong," Rayna said. "It's simply a matter of being organized to take advantage of the opportunities not flogging everyone to death. Avery likes to keep ahead of things and you will enjoy a huge financial benefit because of that."
"We need you to pack some gear for the de-tox centre but first I'll just check with Kristen and see if there is any going on."
Juliette was surprised to see Avery walk up to Kristen and give her an extended sensual kiss. "Hmm, been missing you," he said affectionately and hugged her.
"I was starting to get lonely," Kristen replied.
"Casual office I see," Juliette said.
"Hi Juliette," Glenn said. "You'll get used to it, everyone else is."
"Glenn is here to see you about some band options. He needs to know which way you'd like to go," Kristen said. "Mick needs to see you. He's trying to sort out the company portfolio and he's undecided between a few alternatives."
"Glenn, can we please make a time for tomorrow, will that suit?"
"Kristen, can we please give Mick a time tomorrow as well. I need to get Juliette to rehab now."
"Juliette, maybe you might like to re-hire Glenn as your manager. He's doing great for our band," Avery suggested
"That sounds good. Can we have a chat when I get back on deck Glenn?"
"Sure, looking forward to it," Glenn said.
Avery gave Kristen another extended kiss, "see you tonight.
Avery took Juliette to her house where she packed for her two weeks in rehab. He was sitting on the couch on her balcony when she came out.
"We wrote a lot of music out here," she said sitting opposite him. "Do you think we ever will again?"
"Sure, of course we will. What gives you doubts about that?"
"Because I know I've lost you Avery and I can't bear the thought of not having your love. From the minute I saw you when you came to pick me up at Wentworth's I realized how much I loved you, how much I'd missed you and how much I needed you. What you have done for me in just the day I've been home proves that to me."
"Hey, it's not that bad. I told you we're still friends. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be your friend."
"I know you are my friend and I know you love me as a friend. But there is a chasm dividing the love between friends and the love we had. I will never know that level of love again and I don't think I can bear the thought of that."
"Did you ever consider the possibility that as good as it was, it was not right for us? Maybe we were only meant to be friends. Each time we tried for more we failed."
"We didn't fail. I was the one who failed. That first time I was weak. I'd had too many failed promises in the past. I couldn't recognize the real thing when I had it. I had not learned to believe in us. I suppose I still hadn't learnt that lesson the second time either. The thought of having a baby scared me so much. I had no idea how to raise a child and I didn't want to fail like my own mother had. I didn't want it but I knew you would. I was weak again. I gave up on us and went with Wentworth as my only way out."
"But that's the point Juliette. It doesn't matter who was at fault or why. The fact is we weren't strong enough to hold together. The reasons or doubts are only products of the fact our relationship wasn't strong enough. Perhaps we should face the possibility that we are only meant to be friends. I really believe now if we were together something would happen in the future that would cause another upset. We are destined to be friends and no more than that."
"I know now where I was at fault. You were strong enough; I was the one with doubts and weakness. I must have hurt you so badly. That was so wrong of me. You were concerned for me. Caring for us, our baby and trying to convince me what I needed to do. I ignored you.
"You did hurt me Juliette. You hurt me far more than you can imagine, and you were so vicious and callous about it. You wanted to kill our daughter. She had done nothing to deserve that. You hurt me so badly that I had to throw myself into that CEO position at Highway65 I just devoted myself to it one hundred and ten percent. I don't know what would have happened if it wasn't for that. Actually, I do know, I would have absolutely lost it. Probably I would have cracked up completely. That job kept me sane. I was still hurting just as bad six months afterwards and I really had no-one in support. Kristen saved me. She became a friend exactly when I needed one. She just loved me so unselfishly. Just wanted to love me and did not expect me to love her. She gave me all of herself and expected nothing in return. She just wanted that I would let her be there to help me because it hurt her to see me in pain. I just came to see how kind and good a person she was and I came to love her. She is a wonderful person with a deeply loving heart. She is devoted to me and I am devoted to her. She is just so absolutely right for me."
"The fact is though Juliette," he continued. "You have a lot more issues on your plate that need urgent attention. You need to get though this rehab. Then we need get your finances sorted out, get new material written and get your career back on track. After that then you can look at the other issues."
Juliette managed her way through rehab and proudly announced she was never using cocaine again. Her alcohol problem may not have been as successful however. Avery had organized a vocal coach for her and she was to gradually increase her workload training her voice until it reached her full range and strength.
Writing music with her was a workload that exceeded his capacity. That had to be done after hours such were the demands on his time, not just by her but the rest of the company. Kristen carried a lot of the executive workload but she was stretched as well. Juliette was slowly becoming more demanding and he began to suspect it was an attempt to minimise his time with Kristen.
He needed to limit her demands on his time. He really needed to make time for Kristen, not that she complained but he needed her, he missed her and he wanted her. "I think we should organize some writing time for you with Gunner and Deacon. That will put a different feel into you album."
"Please don't do that Avery. You are the one who knows me and my music the best. I've written with Deacon before and I tried also with Gunner but the results are nowhere near what we achieve together. Besides I need you near me, I can't help myself. I need you. You are all I have. I am alone except for you."
"I've told you Juliette. I'm always here for you. You can rely on me and I'll always help you as much as I can. But don't forget Emily or Glenn. They both care for you very much. Keep up your contact with them."
"It's not what I mean Avery. I dream about you every night. I fantasize both of us together. I am so desperate I would be your mistress."
"Juliette, you have to get over this. You have to understand, I don't need you that way, what we used to have is gone. I didn't plan for that to happen but that's how it worked out and I think it's for the best. We are meant to be friends don't try to force anymore because it isn't there. I love Kristen. I will help you however I can but it will be within the limits of friendship. Now I'll organize Gunner to come and write with you. I need to keep up with what is happening with the company. Gunner's a good writer; he'll work well with you and keep in contact with Emily and Glenn, they can help you as well."
A few days later he was checking on the coming week's recording schedule when Rayna rang asked if he could call past her office. "Avery, we may have a problem on the horizon. Juliette's voice is not coming up as quickly as we hoped. The vocal coach thinks she may have lost it."
"What are you saying Rayna? You want me to see if can either help or assess her?"
"Can you? You might be the magic we need here."
"You're asking a bit Rayna. I'm starting to spread myself pretty thin since she has come back. There are a lot of other people here that need my help as well as her. I am responsible for a company at the end of the day. However, what makes her worse is she has romantic intentions. I've told her I'm not interested. However she won't accept it so I'm trying to cut back on my contact with her. If I do this she'll think I'm responding to her advances. That just creates more problems I don't need. What happens if her voice doesn't come up?"
"I'll give her a writer's position. She's still a good songwriter."
"Look, I'll be honest here. Until she accepts the reality of our association I don't want to do this."
"I expected that but what I am asking is, will you?"
"Damn Rayna. This is stretching the friendship a bit here but if I say no you'll only pull the old company loyalty trick. Ok I'll do it but I'm cutting back more on my writing with her."
"Well try not too much of a cut back there either. You two are the best writing team we have."
"There is a limit Rayna. I'll put her on a writing timetable then. She can write and I'll call on her a couple of times a week and review what she's done. I've got to get her under some kind of manageable control. Something's got to give here and it's not going to be my marriage."
"I'm pleased you bought that up. There is a function organized for you for six thirty Friday night at the Bluebird. I am expecting you and Kristen to be there."
"Ok Rayna we'll be there. Now I'd better go back, see about Juliette's vocals and fight off more of her advances. Being the object of a woman's lust is not all it's cracked up to be."
"I've just been told I need to look into your vocal training," he asked Juliette. "So how's it been going?"
"I'm having a little trouble with my range. I can't get as high as I used to and I'm having some trouble sustaining long notes."
"Maybe, before we try anything we should get you to a doctor and have an examination."
The doctor's diagnoses was not what Avery or Juliette wanted to hear. "She does have an extended history of substance abuse, particularly alcohol. Unfortunately that can have a dehydrating effect on the throat and singing can cause problems in that condition. However it may be her use of cocaine was the ultimate culprit. That can cause a variety of negative effects vocally and that seems to be the case here. My knowledge in this area is limited. She will need someone who is much more informed. I'm going to refer you to an excellent Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. I'm sure that is your best course and he will know the best action to take."
"These cases can be difficult to predict," the specialist said. "Sometimes they will respond to treatment and sometimes the damage is not reversible and may even deteriorate further. However first we must take the most optimistic approach. I have outlined some breathing exercises for you and some medications. It is important you strictly follow all treatments. Definitely no singing and keep your voice use to a calm talking level. We'll make a follow up appointment in a month and reassess you then."
Back in the car on the way home Juliette began to cry. "One month, Avery I may never sing again. What will I do?"
"Look, he did say that these types of cases can respond to treatment. You have to be positive and expect the best."
"But it may not. What will I do then?"
"Well, looking at the absolute worst case scenario, suppose the damage is permanent and you can't sing again. You are still a great song writer so you will always have that and I know Rayna will put you on staff as a writer."
"What about you Avery. Will you write with me? I always do my best writing when we team together."
"Yes, we can get some time together. I was thinking that you could write on your own for most of the time and I could come and see you a couple of times a week and we could review what you have done.
"Only a couple of times a week?" she began to cry. "Avery twice a week will not be enough. I need to see you much more than that. You are all I have."
"Juliette, you must understand I am responsible for the entire company. There are over fifty people here who also need my help and direction. There is only one of me. It is impossible for me to give you more than that. You have Emily and Glenn. Besides you should go to more functions. You are bound to meet people there you like. Even a new boyfriend, there are plenty of guys who like you."
Juliette was beginning to feel despondent. To be so limited in her contact with Avery was going to be almost unbearable. "Avery, I have been with so many guys I have lost count and I only once found someone who I knew was right for me. That was you. I will never find another one like you. A girl only gets one opportunity like this in a lifetime. You were supposed to be the one for me and I am asking you to forgive me."
"Juliette there is no question of me forgiving you. I've told you before I have already done that. You think I am the right guy for you? Well, I know Kristen is the right girl for me. I have absolutely no doubt and that is why I'm marrying her in a couple of weeks. I really believe you and I are meant to be friends, even good friends but we are not meant to be a couple. You need to accept this and go find the guy who is right for you."
"Avery, I can't do that. I love you too much and I will for the rest of my life. I have made such a mess of what we had. I betrayed and destroyed us. You say you have forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. What I have done will be like rats eating at me forever."
Avery took Juliette home. "I'll come past in a couple of days and we can go over any music you have written. By the way, there is a Highway65 function at the Bluebird Friday night. It starts at 6:30. You should come along. It will be a good chance to relax and have a good time. See you there?"
"OK Avery, I'll see you there."
The entire Highway65 staff and artists were at the Friday night party. Rayna announced that the function was for everyone to show Avery their appreciation for what he had done for the company and the debt everyone owed him. There were instruments on stage and the best artists in Nashville were in the crowd. The bar was open and so was the kitchen. Highway65 was picking up the tab so there were no excuses for fun and music all night.
Avery, Kristen, Rayna and Deacon had a table right in the front. Juliette asked if she could join them. "There are so many new artists here I hardly know anyone," she said. "Go away for a few months and every thing changes."
Deacon got up on the stage. "OK let's get this party started. He called his full band, Hole in the wall gang, on stage. They played a thirty minute bracket to very enthusiastic applause after each song.
When they came back to the table Kristen gave Avery an extended kiss. "You guys are so good," she said.
"You're only saying that because you're my fiancé. After we get married then you can tell the truth," Avery joked.
One of Highway65's newer artists, Evan Ryder took the stage with his band and asked if Avery could join them on piano. "Looks like it'll be a busy night," he said.
After the bracket Avery invited him to their table, "Evan I think you know most everyone here except Kristen Redmond, my fiancée and you'd know who this lady is even if you haven't met her, Juliette Barnes."
Evan sat next to Juliette, "Howdy Miss Barnes can I just say I've a very high regard for you. You're an outstanding artist."
"Thank you, umm Evan was it?"
"Would you care to dance Miss Barnes?"
Avery could see by her reaction Juliette was about to refuse. He got in first, "Of course she would Evan. You both go and have a good time."
Both Rayna and Kristen looked at him disapprovingly. "Avery," Kristen said.
"What?" Avery shrugged. "You should try having her throw herself at you every time you see her. I swear that woman comes in heat whenever she gets near me. Maybe she'll get itchy for Evan."
Much to Avery's disappointment Evan and Juliette were only on the dance floor for one song. His scheme backfired because when they got back to the table Juliette took the seat next to him. He decided to try the same trick and danced with Kristen. When he returned he took a seat away from Juliette. Juliette then had another dance with Evan and seated herself next to Avery again. Avery gave up playing musical chairs.
"So the big day is tomorrow fortnight. Where are you getting married?" Rayna asked.
"Thank you Rayna," Avery whispered to himself. Open a topic that will remind Juliette of reality. "The West End United Methodist Church at three in the afternoon. Everyone at Highway65 has got an invitation. In fact they're going to be the bride's party because Kristen has very few relatives. I have them in droves. It will be a pretty fair sized wedding with all my lot coming."
Later in the evening Rayna took the stage. "We have come to the formal part of the evening which if you didn't know we are recognizing the outstanding results Avery Barkley has achieved for Highway65. When I started this company I had a vision of giving young artists a recording label that would allow them to freely express themselves. This was all well and good except for one thing. I was terrible at running a company. We found out, completely by accident, that Avery was highly qualified in business management and also had previous experience with his family businesses. In a very smart company decision I relinquished my position as CEO in favour of Avery. As you know I am now president of the music division.
In the time Avery has been here he has turned this company into the fastest growing business in Nashville. We have gone from having a net worth of minus fifteen million dollars to today where we stand at plus thirty seven million dollars. He has saved this company and from a corporate level we wish to recognize his results. Avery Barkley on behalf of Highway65 I would like to inform you that from today you are a member of the company board and a ten percent shareholder in the Highway65 label. We want to give you the incentive to keep up these results. Now Mick apologizes for going behind your back on this one but he was following my orders. He arranged for our brokers to draw the necessary certificates and I take great pleasure in presenting them to you."
"Thank you Rayna and the owners of Highway65. This is completely unexpected and a true honour. This is a fantastic company to work for and it's an absolute pleasure to come in here very day. But I'm afraid you are giving me far too much credit here. The reason we have got these results is because the fantastic group of people we have here. They are the ones who really make things happen and they deserve full recognition, I would like to thank you all for your efforts and results," Avery responded.
"Now don't sit down just yet," Rayna continued. "I'd like Kristen to join us up here because this involves both of you." Kristen came onstage looking decidedly nervous. Even though she was a former Miss USA finalist she was very unaccustomed to being in front of an audience. Avery took her hand in support. "Now," Rayna continued. "Everyone knows these two lovebirds are getting married in two weeks." A raucous cheer went up from the crowd. "So this is the second part of tonight's festivities. This is from my family to demonstrate our gratitude for what you have done for us and in some way go toward what you have given us."
"As has been published in the media," Rayna continued," it is no secret that my family are the sole beneficiaries of Lamar Wyatt's estate. We have decided that we want to share a small part of this estate with a couple of our dearest friends. With complete agreement with all the family we arranged for the executors to adjust the distribution of the estate. We had an item excluded from the estate and transferred into the names of Avery and Kristen Barkley. Slight assumption there but we reckoned it was a good bet. We want this to stay in the family and we regard you both as our extended family. So, as your wedding present from my entire family I would like to present to both of you free and clear title to Lamar Wyatt's house."
"I'm speechless," Avery said. "I don't know what to say or how to thank you. On behalf of myself and Kristen we appreciate this more than we can say. Thank you." He was visibly upset. He left the stage and out onto the street. He heard Kristen say something to the crowd as he went though the door but did not understand her. He was physically shaking with emotion, pacing up and down the street outside the Bluebird.
Juliette came out to see how he was. "Are you alright?" she asked.
"Of course I'm not," he said. "Someone just gave Kristen and me the best house in Nashville. It's worth millions. It'll take me a week to adjust to this."
"I'm happy for you. Who would have dreamed you would have all this in front of you?" Juliette said.
Kristen came outside looking for him, "I managed to finish the thank you speech for you. My god Avery, what is happening to us? That house is unbelievable. We will have such a great life there and so will our daughters. What a fantastic place to raise a family. You are the best husband a girl could wish for, I love you so much. Have you accepted the idea yet?
"No I haven't, not really."
"Well that's alright because I have something in mind for you when we get home and I guarantee it will give you a new mental focus." She gave him a very long and sensual kiss. "You have no idea how much I love you," she said.
"You are insatiable. Don't you ever think of anything else between us?"
"Of course I do but I can have my recreations. You have your music and I have you. I'm allowed my playtime and guess who my favourite toy is?"
Just then Kristen noticed Juliette and realised she must have overheard their conversation. "Oh, hi Juliette," she said and led Avery back into the restaurant.
Juliette stayed in the street a stab of pain hit her in the heart. "There is going to be no end to this torture," she thought. "Someone or something is making me pay a terrible price for what I have done." Tears ran down her cheeks.
A few days later Avery called on Juliette to review her song writing.
"I was hoping we could work on something together," she said. "I can't seem to get any inspiration on my own."
"OK, what are your ideas? What you would like to write about?"
"I don't know, everything in my mind is so tragic," she said. "Please Avery I am not handling this well. I know you're going to marry Kristen. I know I can never have you and I only have myself to blame. I thought I could grow past this, move on with my life but I can't. It's like I'm being forced to remember every mistake I made, everything I did that drove you away. Just when I think I am beginning to accept the reality something or someone drives it from me and puts back the pain. It really is agony."
"Why don't you try and remember the good times? We had plenty of those. What about when you bought that macaroni around to my apartment and told me you couldn't live without me? That night was something I will never forget. How about the morning when we found that New York Times article that called you a serious artist? Or the night you got back from Los Angeles? That for me was our truly best time. We made love, laughed and joked and then made love again and we kept that up all night. That was our most perfect time. Those were such happy times, really worth remembering, we were really in love."
"Oh Avery, I do remember those and all the other times. Then my demons remind me that I have lost that forever. Whatever is doing this to me is so cruel."
"Demons you say?" Avery said. "Why not try church again like you did before your Opry inauguration? That helped you then, it might work again. Maybe if you are haunted by demons some divine intervention might help."
She went to the Sunday church services but if god was there he did not help. She felt trapped, buried in her grief.
The wedding was a huge extravaganza, an exclusive Highway65 affair. Bucky Dawes gave the bride away. Best men were Deacon and Gunner. Bridesmaids were Scarlett and Rayna. It was an excellent service even the minister was complimentary.
They had organized leave to take a honeymoon but since Rayna gave them Lamar's house they decided they might use the time to relocate homes. Besides, Kristen said, "We can spend heaps of money, go to Hawaii, lie on the beach and spend the rest of the time making love or we can do exactly the same thing here. We won't have the beach but a bed will still work for me. Then we save the money and utilise our breaks to move house."
Even though Juliette received an invitation she decided against attending. Witnessing the permanent loss of her only love she thought would be unbearable.
However, she made a last minute decision to attend, perhaps, she reasoned, knowing Avery was married and lost to her might put some of her demons to rest. That plan failed as well. The further the service progressed the deeper and more insufferable was her pain. That night sleep escaped her, but not her heartbreak. She spent most of the night crying into her pillow.
Her song writing with Avery reached a point where the emotions of the music were having a negative effect on her. She would breakdown in tears after only a line or two and couldn't continue. He felt helpless bearing witness to her despair. "What am I going to do Avery? Nothing works any more. I am losing everything." He could feel her pain but was unable to ease her anguish to any degree.
"We have an appointment tomorrow to see your specialist. Be positive, he might give you just the news you need. If you can get back singing everything will fall into place," he said trying to sound optimistic.
The specialist spent over an hour examining Juliette. "I'm afraid I don't have good news. There is some scarring on your vocal cords and this doesn't seem to be responding to treatment. However you also have nasal damage due to the cocaine use. I'm afraid this combination will definitely affect your voice. It is possible you may never sing commercially again. The problem is you need to try singing to see what effect it has. Unfortunately this also carries the risk of further damage."
Juliette was deep in thought during the drive home. "I don't know how much more bad news I can take," she said. "It seems to me I have just about lost everything that had any meaning in my life and I have nowhere to turn for support."
"Well, you know I am on your side and I'll help in any way I can."
"That's kind of you Avery but you are the most important thing I have lost. However you can't give me the kind of support I need. You belong to Kristen now. I'm just going to have to think about this. There are a lot of things I need to work out."
"Will you be OK?" he asked when they got to her house. "Would you like me to stay with you for a while?"
"No. I'll be alright. I just have some things I need to work out. But thank you Avery for everything you have done and what you have given me."
"OK Juliette. I'll come past tomorrow afternoon and we can try music writing again. It has to come back sooner or later."
Juliette opened a bottle of vodka. She hadn't had a drink for a month but now was a good time to break her abstinence. She needed to numb her demons, think about her situation, where she was and what was in her future.
The more she considered her position the more she understood her future and the less she liked it. She was caught in a trap and she realized that no matter what actions she took, whatever she did it would have no influence on her future. She was destined to follow a path and everything else was beyond her control.
She picked up a pen and her writing pad. She was a letter writer of only limited ability but she hoped she could express herself clearly in this. This letter was a message to the most important person in her life and more than anything else she needed that person to understand.
She finished the letter, folded it into an envelope addressed as 'Personal. Avery Barkley, Highway65' and placed it on her nightstand.
She still had the bottle of anti anxiety pills that caused her to become pregnant. Her doctor told her that they were dangerous. She must be strict with them and no alcohol. She took half the bottle of pills and washed them down with the vodka. She repeated the action with the remaining pills. She drained the remaining vodka and lay back on her bed. Quietly and peacefully she slipped into oblivion.
Emily was at Avery's office door when he returned from the morning meeting. Both her and Kristen were visibly distressed. Emily said "Avery, I am so sorry. Juliette has taken an overdose, she has passed away."
He could say nothing. The comment did not register and when it finally hit home he was stunned, he could not move.
"She left a letter for you," Emily said between tears and gave him the envelope. "I need to find Glenn and let him know as well."
"Oh Avery, I am so sorry," Kristen said. She was as upset as Emily.
Avery still said nothing. He was wooden, emotionless. He went to his office cabinet, took out a bottle of whisky and poured himself a large drink. He dropped the envelope on his desk, sat down, turned his chair and just stared out the window. The only time he moved was to get another drink.
Kristen asked him a couple of times, "are you OK?"
"Yes," he said, "just getting a handle on this." The second time she asked him she could see tears on his face. She decided to leave him to adjust on his own. She could almost feel his sorrow.
It was almost mid-day when he opened the envelope and read the letter.
My Dearest Love, Avery,
By now you will know what I have done but before you condemn me please allow me to explain myself.
All my life I have felt someone or something was looking over me. I don't know if it was god, or an angel or just my destiny but I am positive I had the influence of some external force in my life. For the purpose of this letter I will say its god because I heard somewhere a famous quote that said, 'There is a divinity that shapes our ends' so I am going to go with god planning my destiny since he is divine.
I have already explained to you my childhood how my mother was a drug addict and how I was molested by her man friends. This continued until I left Alabama. Despite this upbringing or maybe because of it god saw fit to bless me with a singing talent. This talent changed my life. I was taken to Nashville and signed to a record company. They trained and developed me. God made sure I was successful. He gave me fame, wealth, people who supported me and a career. I was one of the most popular artists in Nashville.
However the one thing I never had and which I spent most of my time looking for was love, but I only found disappointment. Every man and there were a lot of them failed me. Mostly they just lied. They said they loved me and they used me. I suppose I was some sort of worthwhile conquest but I was so used I thought there was something wrong with me, that no one wanted me.
I know now what god's plan was for me. I was being too impatient. I should have waited because he gave me you. I believe now that was his plan all along. I knew from that time when you played guitar for me you were someone special. After we had been together, writing and playing I began to fall in love with you. I loved you more than I could imagine. You fulfilled my life; you were what I lived for. Then I made that mistake with Fordham and we went through those terrible weeks. I was tortured, desperate; I thought I was going to lose you. Those weeks were heartbreaking to me. I had never regretted anything I had ever done like I regretted that stupidity. But you forgave me. I loved you so much, I didn't deserve it but you found it in your heart to forgive me and so did god. He let us stay together.
Then god gave us a special gift, I became pregnant. I know now that was meant as a blessing but at the time I became scared and confused. I listened to wrong advice. You were telling me what I should have done but I ignored you. I made the decision to terminate my pregnancy, to kill our child, to reject god's gift to us. I committed the ultimate transgression. For that I would not be forgiven.
Immediately from that time I have felt as if I am trapped in quicksand. I struggle to break free but it is drawing me down and down relentlessly. I'm fighting but it is very strong. The quicksand is taking all my gifts from me. I have failed you, our daughter and god. He is taking everything back. When I was with Wentworth his depravity stole my self respect. Then he stole my money. You have been taken from me. I have lost my career, my happiness, my writing and now my singing. I am being smothered by the quicksand. I am in utter despair and I know nothing or no-one can help me.
Now I realise what my punishment is. God will reclaim his gifts from me until I am back in that trailer park in Alabama. I know that is now what will become of me and I am helpless to prevent it. God has sent the quicksand and he has abandoned me. I cannot wait for that end I can only take one course of action. Please forgive me.
I still have my memories and I have the best memory of my life; the night after I got back from Los Angeles. I know you remember how we were so much in love and so happy. We made love all night. That night was the most perfect of my life and that was the night our daughter was conceived. She is the part of me that will always be with you, the combination of the best in both of us from our best time. She was conceived from the love and happiness of us both. She will be a wonderful child. She is my most precious gift to you. When you think of your love for our daughter please, through her, remember me and your love for me. That way you will give me my happiness.
I can fight no longer, the quicksand is too strong. I surrender myself.
Good-bye Avery my only true love. I will wait for you so we can meet and love in a better place. Thank you for loving me and being my life.
Friends forever, Love forever.
Allegra Harmony Elaine Barkley…that is a beautiful name.
He placed his head on his arms, folded on his desktop. "Juliette," he sobbed and wept uncontrollably.
Kristen heard him and came into his office. "Avery, what is it?" He did not move other than to slide the letter over to her.
She read it and then lifted Avery to his feet. They held each other both crying for their lost friend.
They buried her next to her mother. Maybe together they would both find reconciliation.
Avery, Kristen and Allegra stayed well after the other mourners left. He just stared at the grave.
Carved into the headstone was her epitaph, 'Friends forever, Love forever.
Kristen took his hand and gave a gentle squeeze.
Avery shifted his attention from the grave to his daughter and smiled.
He would never forget.