Author's note: thank you very much everyone!
Chapter Thirty-Seven: Cold Shower
"Have you ever seen a premature baby? Although my question might be mostly directed at Jane as you are a medical doctor, Maura."
The nurse was too enthusiastic for the Italian's taste. How could someone feel so at ease in such a sad and rather delicate environment? She had felt how tension and stress were building within her as she had awoken in the morning. This was not a happy moment to go through. Not at all.
Yet indispensable.
Shaking her head and playing nervously with the hem of her sweatshirt, Jane bit her lower lip before staring down at her feet. Oh come on, Riz'. This isn't first grade all over again! You're forty, dammit. Chin up!
"No, not really." Furtive glance at Maura. At least it was somewhat reassuring to see that the physician was not doing any better. When was the last time she had worked with newborns, exactly? Her current position couldn't be more different.
"Okay. Don't be worried, everything will go just fine. You're going to be impressed by their height and weight but remember they won't break if you touch them. On the contrary, they need this skin-to-skin contact, a lot more than babies born after nine complete months of pregnancy. First, we're going to put on a gown then wash our hands. Their health is fragile. We can't afford to bring in viruses."
Timid nod. Without a word, both women followed the nurse to a room where other people were getting dressed appropriately. As much as it was a good idea to have signed up for a morning workshop at the hospital considering Maura had high chances to give birth way before her due date, Jane couldn't help thinking that she wished she were on the other side of town. She didn't mind babies. As a matter of fact, she loved them.
But premature ones were scaring.
You will see how important it is for you to do it. Just in case. Because if the twins ever show up a bit too early, you will have to take care of them. A lot. So it's better for you to learn what to do and how this can be. It's a delicate situation but you can get the most of it.
Elizabeth – Maura's OB/GYN – had been rather convincing. Her words kept on haunting Jane night and day to the point she didn't stop asking her wife whether she was fine, how contractions went.
She wasn't ready at all for it. If Maura gave birth tomorrow, Jane had no idea what she would have to do nor how.
The room was rather big – plunged in the dark – and the temperatures were high. Without a word, she followed the nurse to an incubator. The woman turned a light on. Would these machines ever stop their noise? It was incessant and stressing.
Oh god...
As she looked at the small incubator, Jane made an instinctive step backwards and bumped into Maura. There – with a thousand IV – the tiniest newborn she had ever seen began to somewhat move around as if the light had just woken her.
"This is Lila. She was born at thirty-two weeks and if at the beginning nothing seemed to be sure, she has been taking weight and doesn't need as much assistance as she used to. She will be released soon... Do you want to touch her?"
Maura's voice rose quietly in the air. It wasn't necessary but they were all whispering, too impressed and afraid to scare the premature babies sleeping there. "Yes, that would be nice."
"Good! Then approach and pass your hand in the small hole there. You can caress her hand then take it between your fingers. It'd be nice for a first contact. She doesn't know you so she needs some time."
Jane let the honey blonde pass by her and looked – very focused – how Maura followed the rules. Her index finger touched the tiny pink hand. Hesitantly at first. Soon, the baby turned it around and opened her palm as if asking for more. Maura giggled and obliged.
"She has two hands. How about you try it too, Jane?"
Be brave, for once! "Okay." With a lot of care – a lot more than she had thought herself capable of – the brunette approached the incubator and repeated Maura's gesture. "Oh! She's warm..." Comment of the century. Congrats.
The nurse laughed lightly. "Yes, she is! The temperature of the room helps her to stay warm as well as this lamp. As a matter of fact, her parents have been taking her in their arms for a while, too. Maybe... If you feel ready for it... We could try it? How about you both sit down on these armchairs and I give her to you? You hold her like any other newborn. Just be extra-careful with her head."
As Jane took her seat, she looked at Maura and surprised herself smiling. She had seen her every single day for the last months yet it seemed like her pregnancy was only hitting her now. She could see all her curves – her rather prominent stomach – and her fuller cheeks. Her frown of concentration as the nurse put Lila in her arms soon melting into something sweet. Incredibly sweet.
Someone knocked on the door. The nurse nodded and excused herself before exiting the room to go and see her colleague in the corridor.
"How light is she?"
Maura made a face at the question and sighed. "Quite a lot, actually. It is a very strange feeling." But as she said that, Lila opened her eyes and stared at her quietly. The contact made the honey blonde grin.
"How come you don't go all Google-Mouth with her? She has ears, you know. She can hear you." Jane approached and dared a timid caress on top of the baby's head. "My hand is twice the size of her face."
"You have long fingers. Not that I complain..." Maura winked at Jane then focused back on the baby, whispering sweet words to her.
Scoff. "Don't go dirty while we're with the premies, Maur'! This is utterly wrong!"
…
Proud as if she had just found the Saint Graal while she had merely held a baby for ten minutes, Jane cast a glance at the restaurant and happily smiled. She felt relieved and accomplished. All the fears – and stress – she had felt in the morning were now gone and she could enjoy the blue of the sky as well as the snow shining on the sidewalks on the other side of the large window.
"We really need to schedule this trip of Ikea. What if you give birth tomorrow?"
Maura choked on her lasagna and rolled her eyes. Would Jane ever stop being the pregnancy freak she had turned into? "I am not going to go into labor tomorrow. Nor any time this month."
"How can you be so sure? This isn't something you can really control. Look at Guadalupe. It's quite the miracle of the year she hasn't given birth yet but that's probably because she is staying bed all day long while you don't. You don't stop walking – going on crime scenes – and doing autopsies! You know you should slow down, Maur'. Why don't you do it?"
The medical examiner frowned – pouted – and stared with great stubbornness at her plate. Apart from Braxton Heaks contractions – which were absolutely normal – she was doing fine. A bit tired after a full day of work but nothing worrying. Even her ankles weren't swollen.
"The pace I have now is good. I swear I won't do anything stupid nor susceptible to harm them. I am a physician, Jane. I know the risks. The day I feel the need to slow down then I will do so. But right now, everything is going just fine."
"You won't be less of a medical examiner if you slow down, you know. This job position is yours and you are an excellent professional. Nobody is thinking about replacing you once and for all."
Touché. Maura opened her mouth to reply but sighed instead. What could she say, anyway? What could she say without getting hives or worse?
"You can't ask someone to slow down on their passion... It is terribly unfair... I am having a very good and rather easy pregnancy so far. I have adapted to it. So let me do what I like the most as long as I can. There will be enough time for me to be away from the morgue." Too much, actually. Be honest. This is not something you like thinking about. Your references are at your workplace, not at home. What kind of person will you be once you find yourself alone at your place dealing with twins?
"I don't want you to be a housewife, Maura. I really don't. I guess you'd turn our life in a nightmare if you were. But I don't want Lucie and Alba to be just like Lila because you won't have stopped as you should have. Lila has been lucky in all of this but who knows if our daughters would be? We might be in 2014, premature babies still die. And I... I don't want that."
Jane's voice broke. Out of automatism – to hide tears that were asking nothing but to come out – she took a deep breath and looked down at her plate. She had no reason to be scared and she knew it but she couldn't help it. So many details scared her when she thought about it. Too many.
She run a hand through her hair and smiled apologetically. "You have no idea how eager I am to see all of this over and... And spending time with you and the girls out there in this real life. You have no idea how I wish time changed its pace to give that to me."