Read and Review! :-) You feedback means a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.

"C-Carlos, what are you doing out here? It- it's freezing!" I tossed my thing back into my bag, rising quickly, his mouth hung open as he stared.

"Kendall, he- he told us you were going through stuff, but- but not like this." His voice dripped with sadness as his chocolate brown eyes burned a hole through me. My heartbeat picked up as his eyes grazed slowly over my blood stained wrist, my heart was beating so loud that I'm sure Carlos could hear it clearly.

"You can't tell him! He doesn't know about this..." I whispered, hanging my head.

"What does he know about?" He knew almost nothing, he only knew about my father leaving. Kendall hadn't bothered to ask me how I'd been dealing with him leaving, he was always to preoccupied with Jo. Since the beginning of high school, everyday tore me and Kendall apart, him and the guys would inch farther and farther away from me and closer to Jo and her 'popular' friends. It was like everything I ever loved was slowly leaving me at once. How long until the next person vanishes before me?

"Don't tell anyone about this." I warned as I passed him.

"If you don't stay out here and talk to me, I'm telling." Pivoting on my heels, I made a 180 to look back at Carlos. "You need help, let me help..please?" His eyes drooped like a sad puppy, which I decided not to focus on, not wanting to give in. I quietly stared at my shoes, trying not to fall into spilling my guts to my former best friend.

"I'm going to be late for class Carlos."

He chuckled, which confused me. How was my being late for class in anyway funny?

"Once I tell Kendall he's not gonna leave you be. You know how he is." It was true, Kendall was persistent and stubborn, he would surely poke around and dig until he got what he was looking for. It was one of the good sides of his personality, but also the bad, it tended to get annoying, being pushed into talking about something you were clearly trying to hide. Half the time he didn't even come right out and make you say it, he had this way of sneaking around a subject and tricking you into telling him what he wanted to hear.

"Can we talk about this later? I have class, which I repeat, you're making me late for."

He rolled his eyes, taking a step closer. "This is your first day at school in like four days, what does skipping one class compare?"

I scoffed, tugging on one of his hoodie strings. "I was actually here on Friday." I stated matter-of-factly. Again, he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "Fine! But can we at least go some place warm? It's freezing out here." I said, motioning to my bare arms.

"Yeah, come on." We turned in the direction of the school parking lot, climbing down the icy steps and walking quitely to a small 1988, black Honda Civic, parked right beside Kendall's old blue Sedan.

"You drive now?"

Carlos nodded his head enthusiastically as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket. "Yup. Have been for three months now." He smiled proudly as I laughed, opening the passenger door and sitting inside. "It's nice to hear your laugh again." I cleared my throat, ceasing the laughter and leaned back into the cool, leather seat.

"How many times did it take for you to pass the test?" Knowing Carlos, it was more than once. Carlos wasn't a complete idiot, but he did lack common sense.

"Carlos, you're going too fast, you're going to fall!" A young Logan yelled out beside me, slowly pedalling his bike to match my speed. Carlos waved us off as he sped up.

"You guys are just jealous that you can't bike this fast!" He teased, breaking into a fit of laughter.

Suddenly, a car whipped around the corner at the end of the street, Carlos jerkily turned his handle bars and pressed on his brakes, sending him whirling into someone's flower bed. We all dropped our bikes and ran to Carlos' aid as he spit out a stray flower petal.

"Carlos, are you alright?" James questioned, reaching his hand out to help the boy up. Carlos looked at each of our faces, his shoes, then back up at us before smiling wildy.

"THAT, WAS, AWESOME! It's a good thing I was wearing my helmet." He smiled, slapping the black hockey helmet that sat on his head before running back to his bike.

Carlos' grin faded as he turned his keys in the ignition, the engine purring to life.

"Seventeen." A scowl set upon his lips as I laughed wildy, thrashing from side to side in my seat. "Hey! The test isn't as easy as it seems! James failed twice." I couldn't help but laugh harder as he held up two fingers, wiggling them back and forth and smiling smugly.

"Car, that's fifteen times less than you." I managed to choke out between laughs. Carlos ignored me as he gripped the steering wheel and pulled out of the lot, lurching along into traffic, gliding past a few cars.

"Let's drop my driving and get back to what's important here...you." I took a deep breath. I'd been hoping he'd drop the whole thing or maybe even forget.

"Aren't you going to get in trouble for skipping?" He waved his hand nonchalantly as if saying he had it under control. It wouldn't be surprising if he didn't get in trouble, after all, he is friends with the popular kids now, they don't get in trouble for shit. Carlos' car was equipped with a Sony stereo, glowing with its many button. Music blared throughout the car, vibrating the seat beneath me as I pushed the power button. "Jesus Car, I know you love the biebs, but you could have warned me." The radio switched to Drive by Incubus as I clicked the next station button, twisting the volume knob down a few notches.

"Ha-ha, that just happened to be on the radio." I nodded, biting back a small grin. "Stop trying to distract me." Never have I ever heard Carlos speak in such a serious tone, his expression was flat as he glanced quickly at me.

"I don't know where to start..." I admit, I hadn't talked to anyone about this. My family knew, of course, they're just afraid to confront the problem and fuck up our already damaged family...or so I liked to think.

"Why do you do that." He questioned, motioning to my wrist, keeping his eyes on the road ahead.

"It helps."

"Helps what?"

"The pain." A silent tear rolled down my cheek as I turned to look out the semi-frosted window, I quickly swatted it away.

"Kendall still loves you..just because you guys aren't as close-"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT KENDALL! God, what, does he think he's the only important thing around here?" I screeched, balling my fists.

"Go on." Carlos pressed, putting a hand on my shoulder, gripping it lightly.

"My dad, he left. You know, up and left. If he loved us, why'd he go? Were we not good enough for him? I don't even get it. I begged him not to go, I promised I'd be good, that I'd pick up my grades in school, but he walked out the door, not even bothering to look back." Tears spilled over as I shook my head, they slowly dripped down my cheeks and hung under my chin. Carlos pulled over, keeping the car running and put a hand over mind. This, this is what I'd been waiting for, someone to care..someone to listen.

Turning my hand over, I interwined our fingers, a smile spreading across both our lips.

"Tell me more." I sighed heavily, clearing my throat.

"I'd gone to Kendall about all this, not that I didn't trust the rest of you guys, it's just, uh, he and I were closer, emotionally. Ya know? He was my go to guy, always giving me advice, talking me through things. He was that for all of us, the leader, but ever since the high school hockey season started he was so busy with it, becoming the star player and all. You guys were great at hockey, you still are. With greatness and success comes popularity, I get that, I wasn't jealous of that. I was jealous that you guys would rather go to some party and get wasted then hang out with me, call me, or even text me for christ sakes. And Kendall, I was jealous, jealous that he'd rather spend his time with Jo." I sneered at the sound of the blonde's name escaping my lips. "His relationship with her was always so much more important, he never had any time for me, none of you did. I'd sit at home alone, every single night and mope, wishing one of you guys would call or show up. Everything boiled down to small talk and eventually, no talk." I took a deep breath, peeking over at Carlos, who was intently staring back. "You all brushed me off whenever I'd make an effort, especially him. I'd call him crying and begging to talk about everything I was going through, to finally spill what I'd been bottling up, but he'd always tell me he was tired and we'd talk tomorrow. We never did though. He changed, you all changed." We sat in silence, Carlos still eagerly awaiting me to continue. "You guys got, mean?" I said, a hint of confusion in my voice as I questioned my use of the word. "Jo and her friends would make comments about my looks and weight and you guys just sat there..laughing."

"Faith, we-" I put a finger to his lips, silencing him.

"One night, you guys finally decided to invite me along, to Jo's beach side pool party..."

The crashing of the waves played as a soundtrack to all the teens laughing, drinking, and just having a good times. I sat on a cream colored sectional at the edge of the deck watching as the sun began to set, shades of yellow, orange, and purple collided in the sky around a fiery orb; our sun.

"What are you doing in your clothes? This is a pool party, silly!" I smiled politely as Jennifer tugged on my shirt. She stood at a mere 5' 4" with long bleached hair, baby blue eyes, and olive skin, her body covered in a red bikini, a size too small.

"I'm fine like this."

"Aw, come on, don't be a party pooper." She teased before walking back over to Jo, who happend to not be up Kendall's ass. Taking in Jennifer's comment I stood, unzipping my shorts and pulling off my top. My bathing suit hugged my body comfortably, it was red and black floral print, my top was snug over my chest and slitted in the middle to reveal a bit of cleavage. I smiled, satisfied with all the male attention I was now recieving. Jo glared as Kendall walked in my direction, holding a plate of food.

"Look what I got u- woah, what do you think you're wearing." He set the plate down on the small wicker table and tried to cover my exposed skin with his hands, scowling at the guys who were looking. I rolled my eyes and sat down, Kendall following suit and pulling the plate between us, it consisted of a few chicken wings, potato salad, and some pasta salad.

"Mmm, looks good." I smiled, beginning to devour the food alongside Kendall.

It was around 11 when Jo announced she had a surprise. I stook beside Kendall and Logan as James and Carlos were engrossed in an intense game of rock, paper, scissors. I shook my head, smiling at the two goofballs. A large white screen was rolled down as a projector began powering on. What was she doing? Was she going to force us to watch her home videos or something? As the projector poured onto the blank screen a picture appeared. My heart sank like an anchor as I took in the image being broadcasted to everyone at the party. The picture was me in my bathing suit, eating, a pig nose photoshopped on my own with a few "moos" and "oinks" displayed in bubble letters around me. I could hear Kendall laughing beside me.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Cause it's funny?" I scoffed, slapping his chest.

"What do you mean it's funny?" I wiped my eyes quickly, pushing his arms away from me as he attempted to soothe me. "They're calling me fat!" I shrieked, gaining everyone's attention.

"Well, you could lose a few, maybe 20 pounds. It's no wonder you're still a virgin." Jo spoke, giggling as she reached Kendall's side, wrapping her small fingers around his bicep.

"I-I'm not a virgin!"

"Aw, don't try to lie. Kenny here tells me everything." Kendall suddenly found a strong interest in his shoes as I looked up at him. "Maybe daddy didn't like having a pig for a daughter."

"He didn't even stick up for me. I-I can only imagine what else he told her." Looking up at Carlos, I swallowed hard, taking in his appearance; his eyes were glossy with tears that threatened to spill over as his chin quivered. "I-I don't eat. I'm scared to. I feel like everyone's watching. I work out to the point where I'm going to pass out. I'm trying so fucking hard to lose weight, but nothing is working!" I exclaimed, my voice cracking. "I beg my mom not to make me go to school so I don't have to face anyone. I lay in bed like...like a fat loser. Would my dad have wanted to stay if I was skinny? Would we still be friends if I was skinny? Would Kendall have wanted me and not Jo if-" I froze, "disreguard that last part."

"Do they tease you in school?" Carlos' eyes were sympathetic as his thumb traced circles on my hand.

"They draw pictures of pigs and shove them in my locker, they laugh and moo when I walk by..." I shook my head, leaning it back and staring blankly at the roof of the car.

"Faith, if we knew...if I knew...the guys, we miss you. Kendall does too, but he's just got his head too far up Jo's ass to realize it." I shrugged. "You've got to let me tell the guys, Logie will know what to do." Immediately I shot up, pulling my hand back and glared at him.

"No Car, the deal was that only you know."

"I can't know you're like this, hurting, and not do anything about it." I figured the guys, excluding Kendall, would maybe help. Being alone wasn't doing me any good, I missed my best friends, I missed not feeling like there was an unfixable chasm in my chest.

"Only if you promise Kendall won't find out..." He held a hand over his heart as he took my hand in the other.

"I promise."