TG: rose
TG: whats wrong
TT: I don't know.
TG: well dont be too helpful or anything
destroy him crush his head crush the mind that dare speak to us like this
Stop!
TG: shit that was shitty
TG: sorry
It's too late for apologies; make him-
TG: im here for you okay
TG: ill stick by you
TG: like hillary stood by husband clinton
TG: what even was that guys first name
TG: probably something lame
TG: but anyway im here like she used to be for him
TG: except i wont leave
TG: even if i have a good reason
Dave.
The lump in my throat grew. How could I have ever hated him? Hated any of them?
My fingers were shaky, and I had to fix mistakes twice before I could finish what measly response I had begun.
You could hate them because they are the scum of the earth, they walk far beneath you, far beneath us, you will suck on their bones and walk on their skins-
I forced the thoughts below screams.
TT: Thank you, Dave.
It wasn't enough, but I didn't know how else to word it, how to make it convey all of my gratitude. More tears fell, landing on my arms, on my hands, on my keyboard, and I frantically wiped them off, using the bottom of my shirt, rubbing frantically. Nothing could happen to this computer; and my skin burned at the contact. I realized I was being irrational, but I couldn't not get rid of them-
I realized that Dave had responded.
TG: sorry for the ramble
TG: rose whats wrong
TG: what can I do to help
TT: I don't know.
TT: I honestly don't know.
I took a shuddering breath.
I needed to tell him. Just come straight out and say it. This wasn't- this wasn't something that…
I didn't know what it wasn't. It was just suddenly extremely important that I tell him I killed someone.
Confess? You foolish girl you'll burn if you confess we'll burn if you confess
Good.
TT: But… I've done something.
TT: I- well, last night. Around one in the morning- though, now that I think about it, it may have been closer to midnight- I think I killed a man.
TT: Well, no. I know I killed a man.
I typed and sent before I could think, before I could reconsider. I knew that this could potentially be a huge mistake. The police… the FBI… anyone with the most limited hacking abilities could now see this confession. But that's what they wanted me to think, that's the doubt they were planting in my mind, a blue thorned flower unfurling its petals in what needs to be a field of pink.
Dave's icon stayed lit, but there was no response from him for nearly two minutes. I didn't breathe for the entire duration. Finally, when his message chimed in, my heart beating wildly in my chest, I let it out and sucked in air, choking.
TG: okay if youre being serious ill help
My mind went blank, relief coursing pink through what few thoughts I managed to keep long enough to process. Several more messages chimed in, rapid fire.
TG: was it an accident
TG: are you okay
TG: did he do something to you
More tears flooded, and I leaned back so that they wouldn't fall on my arms or keyboard.
He did something he existed he marred everything he touched until he was touched by your knife they're all like this all of them
My hand flew to my mouth and I bit down on my thumb, holding back the scream, ragged in my throat. Just- shut the fuck up!
TG: but rose if youre fucking punking me or some shit im going to be the one to kill someone
TG: no offense but thatd be pretty shitty for you to do after so long without talking
TG: or if this is anyone but rose dont think i wont kill
TG: rose
TT: I'm sorry.
TT: I'm so, so sorry. It's not a joke, though, Dave.
TT: I wish it was.
TT: It wasn't even provoked. I just went out and killed a man.
TT: I killed someone.
Again, the thought sledgehammered into my chest.
and it was oh so nice
NO
TT: I fucking killed someone.
TT: Oh, God.
TG: okay dont freak out
TG: rose listen to me are you okay right now
TG: does anyone else know or is it just me
TG: and what do you want to do
We want you to lay before us bathed in your own blood
TT: I don't know what I want to do.
TT: I don't want to go to jail.
TT: But there are these voices. And it sounds like I'm crazy- I know I am. But that doesn't change the fact that there are these voices, and they keep telling me to kill, and I know I will do it again.
TT: And I just want them to stop.
Already crying, my tears intensified, another feeling of hopelessness washing over me. What have I done? I'm stuck, caught in this, a fly in a web so large it has no end.
It took me some time to clear the tears enough to read Dave's messages.
TG: voices
TG: like schitsophreinia or however the fuck its spelled
TG: is that what this is
TG: isnt that like the most curable
TG: or most scientifically understood or something
TG: youre the psychiatrist you should know
An anvil dropped on my head.
Of course.
Of course!
TT: Yes, something along those lines.
TT: I didn't even consider schizophrenia…
TG: dr dave helping out the crazies
TG: not that youre crazy
TG: but like you know scientifically speaking
TG: shit im going to shut up now
TG: lalonde sorry please dont leave
TT: Sorry. I'm kind of flustered right now.
TG: its okay
TG: what can i do to help
He can let us wash in his blood
TT: I really don't know.
I needed to stop saying that. Some air was pushed out that I suppose could be seen as a small chuckle.
TT: I'm sorry for my lack of knowledge today.
I'm sorry for killing someone and then dropping this on you the first time we talked in years.
TG: i guess you can be excused
TG: be better prepared next time though young rose
TG: contrary to popular belief there are some things that remain out of my knowledge bank
TG: never deposited them
TG: or i deposited them so long ago the bankteller lost the key and now theyre rotting in unopened safes
I bit my lip, ignoring the tightening of my throat.
TG: but so what can i do
I didn't respond. I didn't know how to.
TG: are you still in that same house with the water running below it or whatever
TG: the city that ends in opolous
TG: or yeah not opolus but that one like an hour from dc
Strange that he remembered.
TT: Yes.
TG: bro has something up in dc around there in about two weeks
TG: this is some creepily convenient timing you have there lalonde
TG: like seriously your weird psychic stuff must have been acting up again
TG: telling your murder urges to wait until the time was right
TG: sorry
TG: anyway
TG: i was going to sneak away and find your house with a descriptive google search and go there to demand a conversation
TG: ill stop by and we can work this out better
TG: make a plan over internet and put it into action when we see eachother face to face
TG: how does that sound
I didn't dare breathe. This was… this was too convenient. Even the slightest air current would topple this and it would shatter. Slowly, slowly I moved my fingers across the keys.
TT: That sounds perfect.
TG: okay cool listen this is terrible fucking timing but i have to go now
TG: ill send you another message later tonight
TG: and im going to tell egbert and harley that youre back on the grid
TG: so expect stuff from them i guess
TG: dont do anything okay
TG: and for the love of all these goddamned puppets stay online
I swallowed heavily, coughing, my shoulders dropping- from relief or exhaustion, I couldn't say.
TT: Dave
TG: yeah
TG: dont get all mushy right now i know im basically a knight in shining armor but youre not really a princess
TG: im rescuing another knight
TG: and we knights dont get sappy
TG: see you soon rose
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 14:05 -
There was a moment of yellow- bright, blinding yellow, and, for a few seconds, I was basking.
And then it dimmed, browning and blackening under a single thought.
Dave will die if he comes here.