SHAUN P.O.V
7 months have gone by, 7 months of being busy, busy, busy. Me and Andy couldn't be together or else I'd lose track of thought, I spent a lot of time being isolated in my room back home with just my guitar, pen and writing book. So many words from my head flooded the pages, so many songs about love, lust, confusing, heartbreak…having no "soul"…We went to London, recorded a little and came back, released singles and so on, tomorrow, we're releasing the new album This is Bat Country. Many fans hate the way we changed, but I hope they can grow to like it. The song on this album is like a twisted love story, my life is a twisted love story. I lied in my new double bed at home, looking at the posters that surrounded me. It's weird. I have posters of half-naked girls on my wall and think they're hot but I only like one guy, Andy. oh, and my man crush for Gerard Way. Speaking of Andy, he was coming over soon. I got up and fixed my hair properly and got changed out of my trackies. Horeur for the win. I laughed at myself and quickly tidied up my room.
"Hey beautiful" I gasped and jumped up, it was Andy.
"Hey baby, jeez you're quiet"
"I was trying to be" he giggled
"so, you staying the night?"
"most definitely, your house is better than my house. Bradie and Britta are so weird, I can hear everything through my wall" I burst into laughter
"maybe she's all 'oh my god Bradie, am I hurting you? I'm sorry' because he's more of a cuddler"
"he does like cuddles, I've walked in his room numerous times cuddling something"
"whilst having sexual dreams of spiderman"
"oh definitely" we both laughed, Andy grabbed my hands, pulling me closer
"so um, when was the last time…you…you know"
"cut...?"
"yeah"
"about a month, I'll be fine, me and dad are trying to sort it out"
"you sure he's okay now?"
"he's always had some anger management, I think mums making him get help"
"that's great news"
"yeah, and what about you baby, cut recently?"
"why would I need to harm myself when I've got everything I'll ever need right here" Andy smiled and leaned in, kissing me lightly, I smiled and kissed him back.
"come on, let's go to video easy or something and get DVD's and practice for meet and greets"
"sure" he smiled as we walked to the car, oh, I also got a full license in the 7 months.
"who's driving?" I asked
"not you. No offence, you're a bad driver"
"that's not what my driver instructor said"
"I know Shaun, but you're still a little off."
"I know" I frowned and got in the passenger seat as Andy got in the front.
"you'll get there, trust me, remember how long it took me?"
"yeah but you're good and have control" I pouted.
"I know baby, I know" he pouted playfully and started to drive
"shuddup"
"nup" He smiled, that glorious, beautiful smile
"I love you so fucking much" I bit my lip
"I love you too Shaun" he smiled and grabbed my hand as he drove, I held his hand and bit my lip, I am really so in love with this man.
After going to Video Easy and getting Toy Story 3 and crying at that movie and then watching some funny YouTube videos to cheer us up and answering formspring questions, eating pizza we decided to practice.
"I swear Bradie better be practicing" I said, tuning my guitar
"He would be, trust me. That's all he ever does"
"that boy gets so lonely, it isn't even sad"
"he has Britta there, she tries to sing, not too shabby"
"that's awesome" I laughed "planets?"
"what?" he said confused
"are we practicing planets silly billy" I giggled
"sure" he smiled and nodded at me telling me he was ready, we started playing the guitar and I sang.
"Sweet heart, here's the sweet part, it's 5am and your lips are still amazing but they can't stop, me from falling off the rooftop singing." And then Andy joined in, I smiled as we sung "what planet are you from and are all the lights on? I don't know how to talk to you. And where did you come from what planet are you from? I can't believe the things you do, I'm reaching out, I'm reaching out, I'm reaching out to get to you"
After practicing Andy crashed on my bed, I got into my pyjamas and sung softly "Sweet heart I'm here for you, to see your pretty face, I'd defy all the stars, to capture your embrace, sweet heart I'm holding out, sweet heart we're pulling through, sweet heart I'm reaching out, only to get to you…"
"you have the most angelic voice Shaun, I swear on my life" I smiled and crashed next to him, putting my hand on his cheek.
"it never used to be this good you know" I smiled
"yeah, but apparently cum is good for your throat" he giggled, I bursted into laughter
"Andy, it's been a while since I gave you a blow job, it's called honey, yogurt and wine"
"yeah, cum"
"ah, shush you"
"make me" he giggled and kissed my nose
"you're so amazing Andy" I kissed his cheek lightly, he turned his face, facing me properly
"and you're so fucking beautiful…" He leaned in slowly, putting his hand softly on my cheek and whispered "cock block"
"ah, fuck you hoe" I pushed him down playfully and got on top of him, pinning his hands down and smashed my lips to him, we kissed soft and slow for a minute or two until I pulled away.
"I love you" I whispered
"I love you too baby, can we sleep now?"
"of course, big day tomorrow" we got under the covers and snuggled up, resting my hand on his chest. He likes to sleep naked. I made him wear underwear. Don't want to be raped. Haha.
"I love our fans" Andy said softly
"I love them too, they are just the best"
"they really are, especially when they make fake accounts and make us get together, I love THAT the most" he laughed
"yeah, I can agree on that" I laughed
"night Shauny" he kissed my head softly then closed his eyes, as did I.
"night…"
"SHAUN, SHAUN! SHAUN GET UP, WE'RE LATE!"
I woke up suddenly and groaned, getting up, kissing him lightly "well good morning beautiful"
"morning, now get ready" he said panicky
"okay, okay, we'll make it, calm down" I took my clothes off and slided my jeans and black shirt on, quickly fixing my hair, put on a pair of Andy's sunglasses and sliding on my shoes, we made our way out to the car and to the store where we were doing our meet and greet.
After performing and breaking a sweat at how many people showed up, the fans are just full of surprises. After meeting them and taking photo after photo, we headed back home and crashed on the couch, Andy wrapping his arm around me, I tweeted thank you to everyone for coming out, same with Andy, he started giggling at his phone, I looked over. It was a picture of us from today, we were whispering to each other but it looked like I was going to kiss him, he tweeted the photo writing "that's hot" and bursted into laughter.
"hey honey, we won cutest couple award"
"well aren't we sexy?" I giggled
"most definitely" he winked, I smiled and looked at my phone, replying to some mentions.
"Hey baby"
"yup?" I looked at him
"kiss me"
"why?"
"just kiss me."
"okay" I giggled and leaned in kissing him softly, he kissed me back soft and slow and then I heard a click noise, I pulled away and looked at him funny.
"I just wanted a photo" he giggled
"show me" I smiled, he showed me the picture, we both smiled into each other's eyes
"I love you" we both said and bursted into more laughter.
"but seriously, we look great together" Andy smiled back at the photo
"it was meant to be" I snuggled into his side, he kissed my cheek
"you are my forever, Shaun"
"and you're mine" I smiled at him
"I love you"
"I love you too, so fucking much…oops, potty break" I said, Andy laughed as I got up and ran to the bathroom. After doing what I do and washing my hands, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket , it was a text…from Brooke 'can we please meet up tomorrow? x' I stared at it for a long time, I sat behind the bathroom door and just stared at it. What the fuck am I meant to do? I want to, but I can't, Andy will kill me, or feel like his heart was ripped out. I want to know what she wants, but Andy's jealously issues would swallow him whole. I heard a knock on the door, I jumped back to reality and dropped my phone.
"babe…Shaun…you okay?"
"absolutely, fine. I-I'll be out in a sec" I said, stumbling for my phone, grabbed it and walked out, Andy looked at me curiously.
"you okay?"
"I'm fine baby, just feeling a bit tired"
"okay, well, Bradie's here to take me home, I need to help him look after Chris, he has a cold or something"
"oh, okay, I'll come to your place tomorrow night?"
"sure baby, I love you" He kissed me softly and walked away
"I love you too so fucking much!" I shouted
"bye Shaun!" he closed the door. I went to my room and started shaking, the decision I'm going to choose will shoot Andy in the chest, but I need to know what's wrong with her I texted back 'uh yeah. Sure. Why not. Meet up at my place okay?' I pressed send with half of me in regret, the only good part of me that was left. I don't know what's going to happen I just know it'll end terribly.
I woke up and groaned. I wish I could go back to yesterday and not have sent that. Andy will kill me. I know he will. I got out of bed and had my shower and got dressed, I checked my phone and he sent me the picture of us kissing then sent 'I love you and miss you already, see you tonite x' I smiled, I really wish he learnt how to spell tough I texted back 'I miss you too! I love you, can't wait x 3 ' I did my hair quickly and had a sandwich. Then I heard a knock at the door, I started to panic and opened it, Brooke was there. Oh my fuck, she looked gorgeous, what have I done. She smiled.
"Hey…" she said softly
"H-Hi, hi, um, how are you?"
"I'm great, I-I just thought we should catch up"
"yeah" I bit my lip "o-oh, come in"
"thanks" She stepped in and looked around
"my room?" I asked, what a stupid question
"sure" she smiled and walked in, I followed and closed the door, she sat on my bed and looked up at me.
"soo…" I said awkwardly
"uhm, how have you and Andy been"
"amazing, incredible, actually. He's just…he's great"
"that's great" she looked down, I sat next to her and looked at her, biting my lip
"I-I'm not with Daniel, anymore…by the way" she looked at me
"why…? What happened?"
"He got a tad…a-abusive"
"wait, what?! What did he do?" she sighed and lifted her skirt a bit, showing a cut on her leg
"what are you trying to say showing me this?"
"It's what he did to me! Well, that I got the day we broke up but he still hurt me in the months before, I got bruises everywhere. Wait, what did you think it was?"
"oh, that sucks and nothing, nothing at all"
"you were thinking I cut didn't you?"
"no, never, you're too beauti- I mean, you wouldn't do it to yourself, you like yourself."
"not after what I did to you" she bit her lip "I did try though, I just couldn't do it, I don't know how you did it"
"well, I've been through a lot" I bit my lip
"I know" she looked at my sympathetically
"anyway, why did you come here?"
"just to say sorry, and I wish you all the best…" she looked in my eyes, I looked back in hers
"w-well" I swallowed hard "thanks"
"no problem" she bit her lip.
we kept looking in each other's eyes, oh god, her eyes are amazing. I looked down to her luscious pink lips. No, Shaun, stop. You don't love her, you love Andy. I looked back to her eyes, I felt my heart skip a beat, she looked to my lips then to my eyes, she started to lean in, I leaned back in reluctantly. I closed my eyes and before I knew it, our lips touched, I stroked her cheek softly and kissed her slowly, she kissed me back in the same motion, I smiled under the kiss. I missed her kisses.
"you fucking bastard" I heard a soft voice sob, I pulled away quickly. She looked at me shocked.
"no, NO, no." I said and turned my head to see Andy, he was basically in tears, he looked angry, broken, sad.
"Andy, it just happed, we both didn't mean to-" Brooke said
"NO! fuck you, you little fucking mutt, I knew you wanted to take him back, I knew you'd try your hardest to do so! W-Well I don't care anymore, fucking keep him as your sex toy you fucking WHORE!" Andy stormed out of the house.
"FUCK! Brooke, just stay here"
"o-okay"
I ran after Andy "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?!" I yelled, He turned around, he looked pissed.
"MAYBE SO I WOULD CATCH THAT SHIT!" He pointed to my window
"Look, Andy, I-I didn't mean to-"
"h-how long as this been happening for?"
"what?" I got closer to him, placing my hand on his cheek "baby, nothing is-"
he pushed me off "NO! don't fucking seduce me into believing your BULLSHIT! You obviously love her more than me, I clearly was just a fucking cover up until you had the guts to kiss her again!"
"NO ANDY, YOU DON'T GET IT. I LOVE YOU!"
"NO! You really don't! You're a lying cheating piece of shit. No wonder you wouldn't even change her name in the album art thing. You're a using, worthless shit! You NEVER loved me, maybe once, until I broke you. But is all this fucking Karma necessary?!"
I bursted into tears, his face was flooded with them. "IS IT!?"
"I-I…I didn't mean to, I swear on my life" I grabbed his wrist "A-Andy please…" he pulled away "I-I was worried why you wouldn't answer your texts or calls, n-now I know why, you wanted to fuck her, you like girls, you used me. You make me sick, y-you're nothing to me now, .me. It's over Shaun…" He turned away and went to his car, speeding away. It took me a few moments to realise what just happened, I ran back inside. Brooke put her hands on my shoulder, I looked at her, she was crying too. "Shaun! Calm down, please. I-I'm sorry"
"n-no, don't be, it was my fault…I-..I'm going to the bathroom"
"O-Okay, I might go" she bit her lip
"I-If you insist"
"bye"
"bye" She looked at me quickly then walked out, I went to the bathroom and closed the door, I sat behind the door and started to break down, I couldn't control the sobs and tears flowing from my eyes. I am such a fuck up. I hugged my knees to my chest and cried into them. The whole relationship I had with Andy the past 10 or so months came rushing back, the first time we actually made love, his birthday, going to London, watching movies together, but then the bad things flowed through my mind. Everything is my fault. I should have never let my heart take over my body, I feel so empty now, just when I was getting better, I fucked up. My body was shaking only the slightest, I inhaled and exhaled trying to calm down, I went to the sink and washed my face then looked in the mirror, I bursted into tears again. I only had two things on my mind now. Andy and cutting, I opened the cabinet and grabbed out the blade, I pressed it to my wrist and dragged slowly, it only made a scratch.
"for fuck sake!" I said softly, wiping my eyes and walked to the kitchen, putting the blade in the bin. I went to Liam's room and took his sharpener. I went back into my room and unscrewed the blade, wiping it with a tissue to get rid of any led and I pulled my pants down, I stared at my thighs, I remembered the time Andy was going to love me and then the cuts, and then he got drunk, because he couldn't handle me. Oh god I'm a fucked up person. I sniffed and sat down, slicing little horizontal lines over and over again on the side of my left thigh, blood came out of them almost instantly. I was still shaking. I put the blade in my drawer and cleaned the cuts off with a red towel, luckily. I slid my pants back up and lied down on my bed. I looked at my phone, Andy sent me numerous texts asking if I was okay and then a recent text popped 'I can't believe I fell for you and your poetic bullshit. Whatever happened to the "I love you so fucking much" were they just lies? Most likely because you must fucking hate me. You knew I hate her. You knew I hated her being around you but what do you do? You fucking decide to bring her over and make out with her. Oh I get it, you just need someone with boobs and blonde hair, well sorry I don't have boobs and grew out of my fucking blonde hair, fucking user. I hate you. If I'm not around tomorrow it's because I'm dead. But then again, I want to be around to see you crash and burn, and I won't be there to pick you up. Fuck you' I bursted into tears again, I didn't even know how to reply. He hates me, I broke him so bad. I looked at the photo of us kissing and cried softly, trying not to make a noise, to think that only a day or two ago, we were practicing and having fun kissing and so on and today, crash and burn. I stared at the photo, blinking all the tears away as I slowly drifted to sleep. There was no hope for me and him again, is there.
ANDY P.O.V
I drove away, tears streamed down my face like there was no tomorrow, I wish there was no tomorrow. I'd never thought he'd cheat on me, ever, he kissed her, he invited her over I bet. I have never felt so used in my life. Shaun was my everything. He's the reason I woke up in the morning. His smile and his cute little laugh used to make my heart pound, now it makes my heart rip to shreds. I still love him, but I hate him. He ruined me. I can't believe that all this time he'd never loved me, he loved her from the moment they met, not me. I fucking hate everything right now. And after everything we went through, every-fucking-thing. I stormed into my house and ran to my room, slamming the door, I started to hyperventilate. There was one thing I wanted to do, maybe two. Slice my skin apart and listen to 'Sometimes' from One Size Fits All, but that'd make me worse and remember everything. I can't listen to In This Place either. Shaun's voice, I need that out of my head right now. His lyrics always had to do with me and making him feel like shit, or being loved. I still can't believe him, his lyrics are lies, fucking bullshit. I looked through my draw and grabbed my blade, sighing.
"I-I don't remember a day where it didn't end with you touching my skin and showing me I can feel and I'm not so empty on the inside" I said to the blade, I sniffed and took off my bracelets, dragging the blade across my wrist over and over. I didn't want to stop, but the amount of blood pumping out of my arm and the stinging pain that just covered my hearts pain, I stopped and cleaned up. I'm not ready to die. I'm ready to watch Shaun suffer. I fucking loved that man, he never, ever fucking loved me. I put the bracelets back on and laid down on my bed. I want to listen to One Size Fits All and compare it to Stack is The New Black. He never loved me since the second album I bet, I'm stupid for falling for such a devil who was beauty on the outside. I listened to Sometimes on repeat, the lines repeated in my head over and over, I hurt him badly but it was a mistake. Shaun deliberately hurt me. Selfish cunt. I pulled my earphones out and turned my iPod off, putting it in my drawer then covered myself with a blanket and closed my eyes. Slowly falling asleep.
I woke up feeling as shit as the day I cut and Shaun was with Stacey, ugh, Stacey. I got up and had my shower and all that shit, getting dressed into my 'Meow Mother Fucker' shirt, himynameis jacket and my skinny jeans. I lied down on the couch and watched TV, just flicking through the channels , not even watching, Shaun is on my mind. But I swear I don't want to cry no more tears for him. None at all. I heard a knock on the door. It wouldn't be Bradie, he's with Britta and he has a key. The person kept knocking and knocking, I groaned and got up, Answering the door, it was Shaun. I sighed shakily, he seemed…drunk?
"what do you want?"
"I-I wanted to tell you how, how sorry I am baby please…" He stumbled forward, putting his hand on my cheek, I pulled away.
"NO! I-I can't Shaun, I-I'm not getting hurt anymore, no more, please"
"I won't hurt you Andy, I swear on my life that was the one and only time"
"I-It's still over. Once a cheater, always a cheater!"
"This is me you're talking about here Andy, I'm not like the others"
"you're right, y-you aren't. you're worse!" I shouted, holding back tears
"please…" he pleaded softly
"no, fuck you, you're pathetic! Y-You're stupid and a horrible person, PATHETI-"
suddenly he pushed me into the wall. I gasped.
"aw, aren't you a cutie"
"Sh-Shaun, stop"
"J-Just give me a fucking chance, please…I love you…" he smashed his lips to mine, I clenched my eyes shut as a tiny tear trickled down my face, I tried to pull away from the kiss but I got dragged more into it, I wrapped my arms around his neck, he bit my lip softly and pushed his tongue into my mouth, I groaned and battled with his tongue, trying to push it out of my mouth as he battled deeper into my mouth, I forcibly became hard, he cupped my crotch, making me moan. before we knew it we were making out, he was pushing me into my room and then our clothes were off and then suddenly, we were in bed, naked, fucking. I feel like a whore, like he's using me this one last time. I cried out as he thrusted into my prostate.
"F-FUCK you Shaun!" I scrunched up my face, he panted and kissed my chest softly.
"oh god oh god oh god" I mumbled as he sped up, thrusting more jaggedly. I orgasmed loudly in unison with him, he pulled out as he suddenly groaned, cumming on my bed. For fuck sake that stupid whore. He moved down to my length, sucking me hard and slow, I panted and bit my lip, groaning as I came in his mouth. He swallowed and made his way back up to me, kissing my head softly, wiping the sweat of my head then sniffing, whispering as he looked in my eyes "I-I'm sorry…I love you..." My eyes welled up, I sighed and rolled over, those eyes made me feel like there was a knife dagging into my heart. He lied next to me, the cover over the both of us, I didn't know what to think, I just fell asleep.
SHAUN P.O.V
I woke up, my head was pounding, thighs were burning, I looked next to me to see Andy, my gut dropped. What have I done, I looked under the covers to see myself and Andy, naked. Then it came back to me, I drank away the pain yesterday, so I ended up at Andy's to talk it through, but instead I fucked him and probably made him feel like a whore. I'm so fucked. I got up and got my clothes on carefully and grabbed my shoes, looking at the beautiful sleeping Andy Clemmensen one last time, I sniffed and looked down, making my way to him, I planted a soft kiss on his head and whispered "I'm so sorry…" I carefully made my way out of the house and walked till I eventually found my car a couple streets down. And made my way home. How could I be so stupid?
Couple days later…
ANDY P.O.V
Shaun clearly used me fucked me and left. Just like that, it fucking hurt too, I didn't enjoy it, at all. All I could really think of during it is how much of a whore I felt and her, Brooke, with my man, or, who was my man. I fucking hate everything. I went to the kitchen and made a sandwich, taking a bite and feeling like I hadn't eaten in days, which I haven't, I felt sick every time I did, I heard a knock on the door, I groaned. "BRADIE!? MUM?! GERALD?!" I didn't want to answer the door, but no one was home. Well, I did sleep in till 2pm. I walked to the door and slowly opened it, raising an eyebrow, my heart aching only the slightest seeing Shaun, the man who I loved. I sighed.
"what the fuck do you want? Because you've taken all I got"
"Andy, can we speak about it?"
"fine. Whatever. I walked back to the couch and sat on the couch, he sat on the recliner couch next to the big couch.
"Andy, I j-just wanted to say sorry for the other night, for everything, I really do love you. And I completely understand that you don't want to be with me ever again, and that you feel like I used you and that I never loved you, but I did Andy, I really fucking did"
"hm, like how? I listened to Sometimes and then Compared it to In This Place and THEN compared it to Nothing At All"
"they all somehow say the same thing"
"But I feel like in each song it's drifted, on stage when you performed In This place you cried and now you don't play it, ever, surprised you haven't written a song about raping me yet" I smiled sarcastically
"do you think I liked being reminded of the past? The last time I played it, we were together. And after I said the line "and we'll be better off today" you heard it, YOU heard me say "fuck yeah we will" I believed in you Andy, I do love you, I never meant to 'rape' you in any way, I was drunk.."
"mmm, whatever, you love Brooke"
"no, I-…I love you both"
"well you have to choose. Which is easy because you'll choose her, she has tits, she can have kids, it's legal to get married to her, your dad would be proud of you for once in a blue moon!"
"A-Andy…"
"I-I don't want you back, not yet, no, you still disgust me" I looked at my nails then started biting them. I usually bit them when I'm nervous or Angry. Shaun got up and got on top of me, flicking my hand away, he put my hands on my cheeks.
"at least one more kiss and hug and then we can act like I never kissed her and we can be back together, or we can be friends, you know we love each other too much to not be friends"
I sighed and bit my lip, he looked at me trying to read my emotions clearly, he leaned in slowly, brushing his lips with mine, I clenched my eyes shut, trying to forget about him and Brooke as I kissed him back slowly, his breath shook, I inhaled as he pulled away, I opened my eyes and wiped my eyes quickly, there were some tears forming. I can't cry. Not now. I don't want to cry over him anymore.
"s-so?" he said
"I-I would rather us be friends, Shaun, I couldn't even kiss you just then without that picture in my head and I'm sick of us being on and off, on and off, I want us both happy, and we clearly can't be happy together. I'm sorry."
"I-I get it, I do…w-well, I might go" he got off me and made his way to the door, I followed him, he turned to me.
"I-…I love you buddy"
"I-I love you too" we both hugged each other lovingly but hard, like we didn't want to let go, I let out a soft sob and kissed his shoulder quickly, breathing deeply, I really didn't want to let go but I pushed myself away, I just need to let him go. I'm sick of fighting for him, I'll never win.
"s-see ya at practice yeah?" he said, walking away
"of course, s-see you!" I closed the door slowly and banged my head on it. There's a part of me that wishes I took Shaun back, but I knew it'd just get too bad to cope.