Disclaimer: Final Fantasy = Owned by Square Enix. Yada, yada, yada. Author makes no profit and stuff.

A/N: This has absolutely nothing to do with the plot at all. It's more of an offshoot when a thought about interactions between Tseng and Cass. It's just here because I'm lazy and don't want to put it anywhere else.

Warnings: Cass has a dirty, dirty mind to go along with that mouth of hers.

Tseng bit the inside of his cheek as a paper airplane landed quite gracefully on his desk. It was a double edged sword he was treading. He could read it and implicate himself or ignore it and more airplanes would arrive. Things don't just land so innocently on a Turk's desk, not even paper airplanes. Especially with the person Tseng knew to be the creator.

There was only one person who had an aim like that.

A quick glance up revealed his worst fears. She appeared busy. Tseng really had no choice. He unfolded the carefully creased aircraft. The message written inside made Tseng's blood chill.

I'm bored.

Cassiopia Durmont was not used to boredom. Tseng found that out very quickly. She was efficient and professional, but couldn't sit still to save her life. She was used to finishing a project and having something else to do immediately after. Most Turks cherished the breaks Veld required between missions. Cass usually did too, except for one thing.

Sephiroth was in Wutai. He'd been gone for two weeks. Cass had stopped pulling out her hair with worry and had slipped into something darker and dangerous.

Ennui. Tedium. Listlessness. Boredom. They all meant the same thing. Tseng would be going to hell in a handbasket unless he found something for her to do. The fact that she was once again calculating the force necessary to propel her desk through the ceiling showed that time was steadily running thin. When she started to design other paper plane models it would mean it was far too late.

Tseng took evasive action and went to his superior. His attempts to stop the fallout on previous occasions were futile. He needed help from the top.

Veld sat up when Tseng entered without knocking. The normally stoic man was imperceptibly shaken. He was clutching a sheet of notebook paper in his hand. There was a hint of sweat on his brow.

"What is it?" Veld asked fearing the worst.

"She's bored," Tseng said. Veld was utterly confused. Tseng handed over the paper. The message stared back at Veld, but offered no further explanation.

"Cassiopia Durmont is bored," Tseng said, "Please give her something to do. I beg of you." Veld had never heard the phrase "I beg of you" spoken by a Turk before.

"You two just got back from a mission," Veld said. Three hours ago to be precise.

"I know. She finished her report," Tseng said, "and now she's bored." Veld didn't understand at all what Tseng was getting at. Then the devil herself popped her head in.

"Unless I get a job in the next twenty minutes I'm going to rewrite the computer passwords for the entire building," Cass said. Veld suddenly understood many things, like who had mixed up the coffee machines on several floors or had stolen and disassembled various pens and pencils to build a 3-to-1 model of the plate, and realized what sort of danger they were in. He scrambled to find a mission before it was too late.

"Alright, kill, lay or marry," Cass said, "Palmer, Heidegger, and Scarlet." Tseng looked at Cass from the corner of his eye.

"We're supposed to be waiting for the target," Tseng said.

"No shit," Cass said, "and the asshole isn't going to be here for another three hours. I'm just trying to make the time pass faster."

"By saying a few phrases that make no sense?" Tseng said.

"Make no-" Cass said exasperatedly, "It's a game. You got three options and three people, match them up."

"I see no preferable outcome," Tseng said.

"That's what makes it fun," Cass said, "Finding out which you think is the lesser evil."

"No," Tseng said and returned to his surveillance. Half an hour later, Tseng sighed.

"Marry Palmer, lay Heidegger, kill Scarlet," he said. Cass looked up, seemingly surprised.

"I didn't think that would be the route you would take," she said, "Bravo."

"What about you?" Tseng said.

"Marry Palmer, kill Heidegger, lay Scarlet," she said.

"Really?" Tseng said.

"Palmer's a pushover who I could pretend I didn't marry, I hate Heidegger because he looks down on me and is a whiner to top it off, and I think Scarlet might be good for a one night stand."

"I hardly think she'd agree," Tseng said.

"It's a hypothetical situation," Cass said, "you're not supposed to think too hard about it. Your turn."

"Rufus, Sephiroth, and Veld," Tseng said. Cass shot him another look.

"You have a dirty mind," Cass said, "I like it."

Tseng batted Cass's hand away from the radio controls with a steely glare.

"What?" she asked oh-so-sweetly. He shook his head and returned to guiding the helicopter once again. He swatted her hand again without looking away.

"Ow!" she said. Tseng felt a little smug about that, but didn't show it. She'd get revenge later if he did.

"I'm not letting you touch it," Tseng said, "I learned my lesson from last time."

"What did I do?" Cass asked. Tseng looked over at her.

"Attention K-Mart shoppers," he monotoned.

"Oh yeah," Cass said and focused elsewhere.

Tseng debated killing her again. He'd make it quick. She wouldn't feel it. He'd even be able to pass it off as an accident. There was a witness though. Rufus would probably tell because for some reason he liked Cass a little bit.

He hated the ceremonial role of a Turk as much as Cass hated Hojo and this wasn't helping at all.

"Have you ever noticed that Heidegger's nose is shaped kind of like a dick?" Cass asked. Tseng shot her a warning look. It looked like the implication had gone right over Rufus Shinra's head luckily. Though she kind of had a point. Tseng brushed it off and tried to communicate with a glare that she should shut up even though they were the only three that could really hear her.

She didn't listen as usual.

"Every time I see Scarlet," Cass said as the self-same director stepped into view, "all I can think is-"

"Cass," Tseng said in a warning.

"Bodacious," Cass continued.

"Cass!" Tseng hissed. She paused to give Tseng a smirk.

"Ta-ta's," Cass finished innocently. Rufus barely concealed his snort, but both Turks caught it. Tseng felt horror creeping in.

"Cass, no," Tseng said, "Please."

"What?" Cass asked, "I'm not doing anything wrong."

"Please," Tseng said, "he's not yours."

"What am I doing to him?" Cass asked.

"Don't teach him bad things," Tseng said. She fell silent. For a moment Tseng had the folly to think that she actually listened and that it was over.

"Titty sprinkles," Cass said. Rufus giggled uncontrollably and Tseng resigned himself to being trapped into ceremonies just like this one. Ten minutes later he was snickering quietly and was perfectly fine with that.

And yet, no matter how many times she got in trouble, no matter how many times she pissed him off and toed the goddamn line, Tseng forgave her. He couldn't not like her at this point. She made a speck of humor in everything and that made the job easier on the hard days and enjoyable on the good ones. She was evil, but also an angel in disguise.

More than once, Tseng would question why he didn't just request a partner change. Once it all blew over, the answer was strikingly clear: They were friends.

And really, Tseng didn't want it any other way.