Mark's POV

I ran up the stairs to the lost, skipping every other steep. I was so excited that I finally got some inspiration. As I reached the door I heard Roger yelling I got closer to the door to try and hear what was going on.

"He left! Just like April!" I heard Roger yell.

"Calm down mad, Mark just went out to film for a while." Collins responded in a calm voice. So this was about me, Roger thinks I would leave him just like that. I opened the door and roger ran up to me embracing me tightly and started to cry into my shoulder.

"Shh Rog, It's alright, I'm not going anywhere." I tried to reassure him.

"I thought you left, like…" He didn't even finish his sentence but I knew what he was going to say. Roger went back to sobbing.

"I'm not leaving you." I whispered to him gently. He pulled away from me and looked straight at my blue eyes.

"Promus?" He said like a child, I gave him a small smile.

"I promos, come on are you hungry?" He just nodded.

"Well then why don't you go to your room? I'll bring you something soon." Roger didn't respond but he walked back to his room and shut the door. I sighed and sat down in the chair next to the couch that Benny and Collins where on.

"He was okay for a while after we let him out. Then he realized you weren't here and flipped." Benny explained to me, knowing how confused I must be. I ran a hand through my blonde hair and looked at Rogers's door.

"I found some inspiration for a film." I told them, wanting to change the subject. I then began to tell them about my 'Real life' documentary. They seemed to genially like the idea… for once. "I better get roger something to eat." I went to the kitchen and got out a box of captain crunch. I looked in the fridge but there was no milk to be found. I then just put the cereal into a bowl and knocked on Rogers's door softly.

"Roger I have some food." I said gently, when there was no response, I just opened the door slightly and saw him lying down on his bed just staring up at the ceiling trying not to cry. He didn't even notice my presence as I walked in and placed the bowl next to him and I sat down on the side of the bed. "Roger? Will you please eat something?" I hoped and prayed that he would say yes. He didn't but he did take a handful of captain crunch in his hand and put it in his mouth. I smiled and walked out of the room, shutting the door.

I sat down in the chair I was just sitting in and looked at the clock. It was already 5 and Maureen still wasn't back from breakfast. Where in the world was she? I decided to pay no attention to it, knowing Maureen she probably saw a sign for something and got discarded. But don't get me wrong, I loved Maureen with everything in me, but sometimes she could just be a little too much. But in a relationship you have to make scarifies, right?

My thought possess was stopped when roger busted out of his room and ran into the bathroom slamming the door behind him and the sound of reaching quickly fallowed. I looked at Collins and Benny and jumped up running into the bathroom to see roger on the ground just like last night emptying the contents of his stomach. I sat down next to him gently rubbing his back.

"Oh Roger… it's alright just let it all up. Everything will be okay." I continued to say encouraging words like that to him. Collins and Benny where still sitting on the couch, trying not to make roger uncomfortable by watching the scene. He soon stopped vomiting because he didn't have much inside his stomach. I sighed and helped roger stand up. I brought him over to the couch and gave Benny and Collins a look that said 'Move' they both stood up and I put roger on in and I sat down next to him and he immediately lay down and put his head in my lap and just stared into space. He began shivering and sweat started to form on his forehead. I looked up and the other two sadly and then back down to roger who had started itching the track marks on his arms and picking at his more recent scabs. He continued to itch but harder leaving dark red marks. I grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from each other.

"Don't itch Rog, It will only make it worse." I told him.

"N-No it makes it feel better." He tried to convince me, but I didn't let up, and continued to hold his wrists. He started to fight again me trying to get his hands free from my grasp. He started to give up and I saw him starting to fall asleep but the shaking just got worse. I let go of his wrists and ran my hand threw his hair, trying to calm him. He seemed like such a child, like a sick child just wanting to feel better one second and the next second he would kill to get his smack. It just didn't make sense, but that is just one of the many symptoms of withdrawal. I looked down at roger and saw that he was sleeping, but his eyes where tightly closed like he was in pain and he kept muttering things that I couldn't understand. I took roger's head off my lap and stood up putting his head on a pillow. I went to his room and got a blanket and draped it over him. I just started to my best friend for a moment, at that moment just staring at the shivering roger a hatred burned for April. If she hadn't gotten him into drugs then he would not have HIV, he would not be going through withdrawal right now, and he would not be feeling the pain of loss. Collins layed a hand on my shoulder.

"I know this is hard for you to see mark." I turned sharply to him.

"How could you know?" I yelled to him, but not loud enough to wake Roger.

"Calm down Mark, you just have to be strong for him, because he counts on you right now, he counts on you to be holding him when he is shaking, he counts on you to be next to him when he is in the bathroom throwing up, he counts on you to just be there. You're his hope." I looked over at Roger and let a tear fall from my eye. He was right; I had to be strong, for my best friends sake.

At the moment Maureen came in, she walked up to me and layed her hands on my shoulders.

"Hey pookie, sorry I'm late, I was just having best time!" there was something about her that gave me a bad feeling, I just couldn't point it. "How's Roger doing?" she asked. I sighed.

"He tried to escape earlier and then I went out to film but he freaked out when I left, then he threw up from eating just some cereal, and I just got him to sleep." I said motioning towards the sleeping figure on the couch.

"Oh pookie I'm sorry, I should have been here, you must have had a rough day."
"Actually it wasn't all bad." I then told her my idea just like I told Collins and Benny.

"Oh baby that great!" She squealed, it was about time I got some inspiration.

"April… no… the man…. I need…." Roger mumbled from the couch then woke up with a start and ran into his room, slamming the door behind him. There was a sound of shuffling and banging, and Collins went to try to open the door but roger had put something heavy in front of it. He then knocked on the door.

"Come on boy open up."

"Fuck off Collins!" Roger yelled from inside the room. Collins sighed and pulled away.

"We should just give him some space; he probably just had a bad dream." I nodded and sat on the couch with Maureen. Benny looked at the clock that read 7:20.

"I'm gona' go out and meet Alison at her house, if I'm not back tonight don't be surprised." He winked at us.

"Ew." Maureen said making a disgusted face. Benny rolled his eyes and walked out. All three of us shared a laugh, our first one since April. When the laughing stopped my mind came back to reality. I looked at Rogers's door, there hadn't been a sound for a while, no yelling no crying, nothing, and it worried me.

"We should check on him." I stood up and went to the door with Collins. "Okay ready. Go!" We both rammed our shoulders into the door and it swung open, mostly because of Collins. I took a steep back at the sight I saw, Roger was on his bed loooking down at his left which, which was bleeding, in his right hand he had a peace of glass… no he would… but he did, he is.

"Roger!" I yelled and ran up to him. I began trying to grab the glass from his hand.

"Leave me the hell alone Mark! Just go away!" He yelled. I finally got the glass out of his hand, but I had many cuts on my hands because of the struggle. I began to reach for his wrist wanting to see how much damage he did.

"Mark no!" Collins yelled. I looked up at him and he grabbed my from behind, picked me up and threw me away from roger into the wall. "Do you want to get AIDS too?" He yelled at me. I had never seen Collins look this scared, this mad, this worried since I've known him.

"I-I.." I didn't know what to say, I practically forgot that Roger was now HIV positive.

"Are you stupid mark? Do you realize what just could have happened? Just get out! I'll take care of this!" I quickly got up and went out of the room. Maureen ran up to me and hugging me tightly. She pulled away and looked at my hand.

"Oh marky…"

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt." Just then Collins came out of Rogers's room, practically dragging roger by the arm into the bathroom, he closed the door but left it open just a crack. "Stay here." I told Maureen as I walked to the crack in the door and saw Collins kneeling in front of roger who was sitting on the toilet. He was taking water and wiping the blood off of roger's arm, reveling the cuts that where on his wrists. Collins stood up and went into the cabinet and pulled out bandage we had just in case of emergency, it was New York City after all. He began wrapping the bandage around Rogers arm. Roger hadn't spoken a word. The anarchist made Roger stand up and he pulled him out of the bathroom, I moved out of the way.

"We need to have a little talk." Collins said to Roger as they went into Roger's bedroom.

They didn't shut the door so I looked inside, trying not letting them see me. Collins and Roger sat on his bed and Collins was the first one to talk. "Roger, why? That's all I want to know… why you would do that?" He asked in gently voice. The rocker looked down not saying anything. "Come on boy, you know that I won't judge you." I saw a tear slip from Rogers's eye.

"I-I don't know… I miss her, don't have anything anymore, I don't have Heroin and I don't have her. So what's the point?" Collins sighed.

"Now you know that isn't true, you have me, Mark, Maureen and Benny."

"They don't want me here; I'm just a burden to them. You all hate me." I shook my head, I wanted to rush in there and tell roger that was a lie, but I knew Collins could handle it.

"Why would you think that?"

"You aren't letting me have what I want, what I need." Roger explained.

"We are doing this because we care! Rog, we don't want to see you kill yourself, and that shit is doing it."

"I'm dyeing anyway! So what's the difference?" Collins sighed and looked down.

"Man there is a huge difference between a year and four years." Then there was silence.

"I'm sorry Tom…" Collins then pulled the younger man into a tight hug.

"It's alright, Just remember that we will always be here no matter what, we aren't quitting on you so don't quit on us." And with that, Collins walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

"You actually got something out of him." I smiled. Collins shrugged,

"I guess I understand." Just then as if on cue, his AZT beeper went off. He went into the kitchen and took out the pills and took them with a glass of water, as he did this I sat down next to Maureen who was looking at my hands. The cut's weren't too bad, but they where still enough. "I'm sorry I flipped on you, it's just… when I saw that you where going to touch his wrist I panicked."

"It's okay; I understand I need to be more careful." I looked at Roger's door. "Should he be taking AZT now, I mean April wouldn't lie about them having AIDS, and we can't take him to a doctor like this." Collins nodded.

"Yeah, he really should, the sooner the better actually." I nodded. Everything is changing. And not for the better. How could Roger think that I hated him? How could he have AIDS? How did he get addicted to heroin? How did we get here?

Thank's to all who are reading and reviewing! The reviews really make me want to update sooner and longer chapters! This chapter is a very very long one, because i got carried away, i actually had to stop my self because i was about to use another one of my ideas that i wanted to save! I hope you enjoyed! Agan thanks for R&R!