Ch. 30: Desire and Longing

Tabatha's eyes shifted up from the book in her hand and looked around the dark potions office; she loved this time of day the best. Every night after dinner in the Great Hall she and Severus would go back down to the office put the tea on then spend the evening reading or chatting about a multitude of different subjects. Severus seemed to enjoy the conversation that would spark from his comments about a particular assignment he had given his classes, as he graded them, and Tabatha was always interested in learning something new.

This evening Tabatha felt particularly cozy. It was May but the nights could still be quite chilly in northern Scotland and she was reclining on the sofa in front of crackling fire. Before her on the warm stones Keir had found what seemed to be his favorite spot, the fire's glow causing a bit of amber to appear in his black coat. Tabatha then drifted her eyes towards the large desk, and particularly to the silent man behind it.

Severus was sitting behind the desk bend over a large stack of papers. He had been consumed lately with both preparing his classes for their N.E.W.T's and ever since her disastrous stroll with Professor Quirrell he seemed to be on alert constantly. Tabatha noticed how his dark black hair fell in curtains around his face as he feverishly wrote notes in margins of papers. He had his waist coat off and the top two buttons of his shirt was undone, letting his usually tight collar open slightly. A small grin grew on Tabatha's lips as Severus raised his head, his black eyes glared at Tabatha in its cold gaze for a moment. Finally he cocked his head a bit and spoke.

"Penny for your thoughts?" His voice flowed like silk.

Tabatha's smile widened and her breath caught in her throat, Severus looked especially handsome tonight. A warm glow started to form in base of her stomach causing a rush of heat to flow to her cheeks. Yes Severus looked very handsome, perhaps more than handsome…

Suddenly something came over her and she gave a slightly deeper smile, dropped her head a bit and let her eyes gaze up at Severus, her teeth softly biting just the smallest bit of her bottom lip.

The change in Tabatha's demeanor almost knocked Severus off the chair. Taken back he held himself firm for a moment as his mind started racing.

"Could she be…flirting with me?" Severus let that thought race though his head as he controlled his compositor but he couldn't control everything. Her sweet smile had made his eyes soften from its cold stare to pools of warmth, and as she slowly bit on her lip he felt the pains of tightness around his loins.

Tabatha's smile deepened more as she watched Severus's eyes change, the warmth in her stomach dropped lower. A new feeling fluttered across her body, suddenly her cozy fire seemed much too warm, and her eyes darted away. This feeling was different than any other she felt since she appeared at Hogwarts and it truth it was a bit unsettling. Quickly she stood up and walked over to the desk.

"I was just thinking about heading to bed for the evening, all that reading has made my eyes tired." Pleasantly chuckling as she spoke.

Severus quickly tried to regain any moisture in his mouth.

"Well then…. Will I…ah.. See you in morning for breakfast".

His eyes continued to stay warm and his voice had a slight timid tone that made Tabatha's pulse quicken a bit and she felt compelled to step forward and placed her hand very lightly on top of Severus' hand which held his quill.

"You will, and I will look forward to it" her voice was almost a whisper, her eyes becoming deep pools of affection. Tabatha then turned around and headed towards her chamber an entered slowly closing her door.

Once in her chamber Tabatha made her way to her own sofa and flicked her wand at the cold hearth.

"Incendio" she sighed as she cupped her head in her hands as the glow of fire filled the room, and her thought raged through her head.

She had known that she felt extremely attracted to Severus and that her own body had reacted very strongly and yet it was deeper then that. The want and need that had filled her left her feeling betrayed. She had no life to look back on, no experience to call upon on how to act or even how to process these feelings. Because of her lack of personal memories Tabatha was as at a loss. Of course she knew the mechanics of everything, but she was an adult woman with the innocent and possible naivety of a child, and Severus was a grown man with more than likely little if any innocence left. How could someone like her ever please him, more so how could someone like him ever love someone like her?

Tabatha raised her head from her hand as tears started to well up.

"Oh my God…I'm in love with Severus Snape, and I have no idea who I am…" with that she lowered her head again let herself enjoy the sobs of realization that she was only a half a person without her past, and half a person could never be with anyone else.

Back in the potions office Severus stared a moment after her then himself stood and darted into his own bed chambers. Closing the door his pressed his back against it as his breath raged and his mind turned. He wanted to hope what he saw was true, that for a moment Tabatha, sweet Tabatha had conveyed want for him. Want in a deeper way, then a companion or a friend, the same want he felt when he looked at her. Severus heart beat faster and faster in chest, locking the door he ran to his bed and sat down. Severus was beyond any hope of stopping what was now the inevitable.

In the dark of his mind's eye Severus saw Tabatha still there before him, every inch of her tall frame. Her short brown hair, golden hazel eyes, and every curve of her fuller figure beckoned to him. Slowly his hand reached for his now tight groin and for the first time in what seemed years he let out a soft moan of pleasure as his timidity squeezed his swollen member beneath is trousers. Desire want and need flooded his vain as he heard his zipper go down and in his hand felt the heat of lava and the stiffness of steel, as he started his intimate massage.

His mind focused on how soft her skin had felt any time he had the privilege of coming into to contact with it. As his hand moved faster he leaned back against the head board and let his mind think of caressing other areas that might be softer more welcoming. His head leaned back and his mouth opened a bit as he his mind allowed him to run his hands all over her, her arms, her legs, her thighs…. God how he loved those, even with clothing he could tell they were sturdy but sharply. How he would love to touch every inch of those, and more.

His hand moved faster and faster as his pictured himself running his hand up and down her milky thighs going further and further up that damned skirt of her trying to reach what would be only compared to the gates of Eden. Before his mental interlude could go any further he felt the wave of imminent pleasure start to surge in his groin. As he leaned his head back further his eyes opened slightly and rolled back, his hips started to rock and suddenly with great force the practical proof of his lust was expelled from the tip of his throbbing sex, an a low moan crept out of his throat.

"..Mmmm…Tabatha…mmm.. I...mmm…I love you ...mmm…my…Tabatha….."

His body shook with force and then trembled in low aftershocks. Moments later as his breath steadied Severus mind returned to normal along with a larger than usual amount of guilt. Slowly his mind polluted itself.

What had he done...? Over the women who claimed to be his friend. She had been nothing but caring, compassionate, kind to him, and how did he repay her, he turned her into an object of lust, carnal desire pleasure for himself.

Screaming over his own guilt another internal voice was straining to be heard.

"You love her you idoit"

Severus gasped, yes he did. He loved Tabatha Rewolf.