Things That Merlin Isn't Allowed To Do (According to Prince Arthur)
31: Wear Evil Belts to Which Arthur Doesn't Have the Key
It's something that's been bothering Gaius for a time now.
It started two months ago, give or take a week or so, when during one of his errand runs he saw his ward in the company of a stable boy in a corner, near the water pump. The stable boy had taken off his shirt to wash himself off; Merlin had just given him a pail of water. They stood close together, shoulders bumping together and his ward was smiling.
It would not be so bad if not for said stable boy's hands nearing some of Merlin's more … personal body parts.
Gaius wouldn't have it, of course.
Merlin looked like a ripe tomato when Gaius quickly led him away from the stable boy (who looked very disappointed) and, later that evening, the feeling intensified as the physician sat down with his ward and over dinner reminded him to look after himself better and not spend time alone with half-naked men (or, well, Gaius would prefer if his ward didn't spend time with men whatsoever, in any manner, like any worried guardian would, but this would of course pose some difficulties when serving Prince Arthur who is very male).
After this disturbing incident, the physician has kept a close eye on his ward - he's done before, to make sure Merlin doesn't use magic carelessly (again) and gets caught (again), but this is different. His watching is more intense; followed by inquires at dinner if his ward has met anyone in particular or if there's been any other instances, and sharp reminders to never talk to strangers or be alone with any of the knights/stable boys/manservants/anyone really who isn't Gwen - which has made Merlin simply stare at him in confusion.
"I don't get why you suddenly mind this much that I'm being friends with them," the warlock had said once in complete honesty: "You never mind when I spend time with Gwen, but as soon as I mention Gwaine you go berserk! He's not done anything stupid again, has he, like almost burning down the apothecary's or become drunk and swapped all your bottles of the shelf? I told you he didn't mean to, it was an accident!"
It has all worried the physician very much. Every time he sees his ward in any kind of situation with another servant, a stable boy, a knight, visiting lord – or anyone of manhood, really – Gaius is swift to drag Merlin away, fear leaping at his old heart. Because it's his right as mentor and fatherly figure to make sure that no one takes advantage of his ward.
But after the first incident, it gets worse. Gaius finds Merlin in the armoury, polishing a sword, with sir Gwaine standing far too close and doing things very animatedly with his hands, and Merlin smiling at the knight wide (probably oblivious to the man's true intentions).
Then, the servant is swarmed by both familiar and foreign knights during a feast a couple of days later, offered a goblet of red wine, to which Merlin declines politely (thank heavens! thinks Gaius) and then looks confused as Gaius grabs him by the arm and leads him away (the physician considers letting Prince Arthur know of this problem. It would effectively scare off the knights and stable boys, but then Arthur would become aware of his manservant's … magnetism … and would probably want to claim him for his own – and Gaius can't have the prince taking advantage of his ward! So for now, he doesn't let the prince know of his concerns. If he does he first needs to sort out the Prince's intentions and his ward's own feelings. (It's not something he's eager to broach with either of them.))
But one morning, Gaius is reading through a random, thick book when he comes upon a chapter containing lots of brilliant ideas on the subject. It turns out to be an awesome book. Lots of helpful, concrete tips for tired, wary parents like him.
()()()
A very interesting book:
Methods of Protecting Thee Daughter/Son/Ward from Men with Less Than Honourable Intentions. 100 Unique Tips: At Least One Will Undoubtedly Suit You!
The following measures may be taken. Some are less helpful than others, and some can require a higher budget than what a peasant can afford but don't worry, there are low-budget options as well. Note! Proceed with caution when dealing with unsafe things such as dragons, knives and angry knights: things may get vicious.
Tip #1: In case of unwanted courting of your daughter/son/ward, make a set of rules and make sure the men in question understand them seriously. Scare them off with words! Works better if punishment warnings are added; it might be grounding, food-prohibition, or for the extremer parents, banishment (if you are not a lord/king and thus unable to ban them from the land, then from your house. You might also make deals with local tavern owners about refusing them entry there.) If things take a turn to the worse, speak with your local king/lord/queen; in case they have kids of their own they should be very understanding.
Note, if you are interested in this suggestion you might also want to look at Tip #4 ("Foul-smelling concoction: Three easy steps in making it work. People will stay away from your daughter/son/ward until expiring date, see notes.") and #17 ("Build a tower! Individual layouts, designs and sizes. For extra protection, use Dragon.")
()()()
It's a good one. So Gaius marks the page in the corner, in case he forgets, and scribbles in the margin: 'Serious talk w. Gwaine + stable boys ASAP!' Then he pulls out a second parchment, underlining the title Important Rules and sets to work.
()()()
It is just slightly effective, since Merlin still mingles amongst them, talking and laughing. But they all (save Gwaine who truly has guts and possibly blood of ice) distance themselves from him, little by little. By the end of the day, they give him wide berth and mostly leave him alone, giving no reasons as to why and the silence is in Merlin's ears deafening.
Merlin returns to his chambers feeling down and explains to his mentor that his friends suddenly are avoiding him, not lingering to talk needlessly and not taking up his offers of helping them, and he misses them terribly already (and that Arthur is a prat like usual and doesn't seem to notice, which only makes him feel worse).
Gaius can't have his ward unhappy (even if it keeps the men away) and the opens his book for guidance.
Tip #17: Build a tower of your own! Below follows a number different layouts of different sizes and designs. White, grey, black or pink and combinations. N.B – to tame a Guarding Dragon (or Wyvern if your budget is tighter), contact nearest Dragonlord for guidance: do not try on your own! Constant risk of fire damage. Feeding the Dragon properly lowers this risk. But this method is very effective. Any unwanted people nearing the tower will without delay be turned to ashes.
That might get difficult, Gaius figures, he's no Dragonlord and Merlin is incredibly stubborn so he definitely won't agree. But maybe he could convince the Great Dragon to help out nonetheless?
It's worth a shot.
()()()
"No!" growls the dragon angrily as Gaius presents the idea. "That'd ruin all my plans! I will not aid you, old man! Can't you see, it'll get in the way of the big epic romance! Besides, I don't like either of those colours," he adds, huffing, nodding toward the large draft. "It should be red and gold, not pink."
"How could you be so fussy and stubborn?" Gaius says, incredulous. "Balinor was a terrible influence on you."
"Go back to your cauldron and leave me alone," says the dragon turning his giant back.
Now what? the physician wonders, thinking hard. Better go back and ask the Book.
()()()
Tip #56 looks very appealing.
It could allow Gaius to lighten the rules and yet let Merlin spend time with the stable boys (and even Gwaine) without being in danger.
So during his rounds the next day, Gaius makes sure to go to the smith (after ignoring Merlin's questions of why he'd needed his measurements taken), leaving an order which raises a curious eyebrow, but the smith doesn't meddle (who knows, he might understand exactly what's going through Gaius' head since he's seen the physician's ward often enough in the city running errands for the prince or by the side of one or two knights or other servants, laughing as they pat his back).
Anyway, Gaius is doing this for Merlin's own good, only to protect him. He's an old man with many worries. His heart soon cannot take all this concern anymore – he deserves a break.
()()()
"Good morning, Merlin. I've a gift for you," Gaius greets his ward a couple of days later and holds out the gift wrapped in a piece of rough woolen fabric.
"A gift? Really? It's not my birthday or anything … But thanks, Gaius!" Merlin is surprised, but doesn't complain otherwise, and takes the package (it's unexpectedly heavy. So it's not a new neckerchief then …) from his guardian's hands, placing it in his lap to unwrap it.
"Err." He stares down at the metal device and leather straps blankly. Then at his mentor, who returns the look without a hint of the dreaded Eyebrow, so Merlin figures that Gaius has expected this reaction and prepared for it.
"What…what is this?"
"It's a chastity belt," Gaius explains calmly, no embarrassment on his face or in his voice and – oh god, Merlin thinks, did Gaius just say …?
"It's a WHAT!" Merlin shrieks, slightly terrified, his ears going from white to red in three seconds tops. Because now, like a flash of lightning from a perfectly clear blue sky, he's abruptly found out that Gaius wants to protect him from – well, err, that – and he's never had any idea Gaius even cared about – his, well, activities like that, even if he's not actually seeing anyone at the moment; and it's more than just a little bit mortifying.
"Well, as your guardian and fatherly figure, it is my duty to make sure you are taken well care of and not have vicious men trying to have their way with you. And even if you happen to be consent, I have to be certain that their intentions aren't to simply leave you after despoiling you, which would anger me greatly-"
"Oh my god. Oh my god." Gaius has – Gaius thinks that – Gaius wants him to wear –"OH MY GOD."
"Do not be so shocked, Merlin. It's for your own best, and soothes me immensely to know that you're safe."
"But I have my magic, I could always – if I don't want to, to ... you know!"
"Merlin, you know what I've said about using magic! You're not careful enough, and I'm not in the mood to meddle you out of the dungeons once more. This is the best way." And the physician holds up the thing and points at the lock on it: "I'll store the key in a safe place, so you do not have to fear for your virtue."
"Y-you can't be serious!" the warlock squawks.
Gaius is indeed. Very. Serious.
()()()
It's so uncomfortable!
The first two or three hours were fine. It's carefully padded, after all. It was fine even if he was terribly late and Arthur complained about his cold breakfast (the contraption took forever to put on, with lots of unnecessarily difficult laces and buckles just to make sure it stayed where it was supposed to. Gaius refused to let him leave the chamber with it on, so it was either wearing it or staying for the rest of his life in the physician's rooms, thus unable to work and protect Arthur. Not an option, really.)
Still, it's not like he's unable to defend himself if anyone tried to – to take liberties with him! (His ears burn at such a thought.) But his evil, evil mentor has not only locked the belt and hidden the key god knows where, but also placed some magical block on the thing. The spell is strong; he can feel it tremble against his skin: most likely Gaius has planned this for days.
Now it's tight and warm and he's itching on a spot he can't reach. And Arthur's a big prat as usual and has assigned him to muck out the stables (which he did yesterday), and feed and brush down Hengroen, the Prince's favourite steed. The latter duty isn't that bad, except the horse really likes chewing on the cuffs of Merlin's jacket in addition to the apples the servant has offered him, stubbornly refusing stop. The room is warm and he grows damp and sweaty, and the belt itches even more. He can't wear it anymore!
Merlin glances toward the wide open stable doors. He's alone right now. Maybe ... just a short quick spell. Or he'll run first thing to Gaius after finishing in the stables, and demand the old man to let him free. When sure no one is nearby, Merlin focuses on the damned belt and his eyes glows gold, he pushes his magic –
And it bounces back almost painfully, causing him to stumble and his heels hits a bucket and he falls onto a soft pile of hay with an "Omph!" Winded, he lies there staring into the ceiling for a moment.
The belt is still there, more secure than ever.
Oh crap. Gaius must have known he'd try this.
The stable hand on duty, Matthew, having heard the clatter, peers inside that moment and his eyes widens at the sight of the boy sprawled on the floor: quickly he crosses the distance to him.
"Merlin? You all right?"
"Yeah," Merlin answers, smiling gratefully when Matthew offers his hand to help him up: somehow though he ends up pulling on Matthew's arm more forcefully than necessary causing the man to fall atop him. "Oof! Sorry. I'm being a big oaf … again."
"It's fine. I've missed being with you, you know, I'm not complaining," Matthew responds a bit above him and presses his body closer much like he'd done last week when Merlin helped to get him water from the pump – but this time is different, the man's hands warmer and breath quicker and he's atop of him too, heavy with muscle. And he presses closer still, closer than anyone has been before.
It makes Merlin's face burn and he squirms and suddenly he realizes this is what Gaius had meant this morning during that gauche conversation. He's not interested in Matthew … that way – Wait, is Matthew going in for a … a kiss? Oh my god he is, he is, Merlin's mind works at a frantic pace and his pulse speeds up, and he tries to move away. Matthew catches on first, though, with his right hand having glided down Merlin's waist and hip when he suddenly feels something beneath the fabric which isn't skin.
Merlin's breath hitches. "I – I'm not, I don't –"
The man's eyes grow wide like with realization and horror combined. Then, he jumps off Merlin like struck by lightning. "I, err. I got to go." He dashes out of the door like chased by an immortal army. (Which he might as well be. Because if the physician finds out he'll be in Big Trouble.)
()()()
"You're very quiet," Gaius observes at dinner that evening. He's promised to let Merlin take off the belt when finishing his stew, and considering his ward's reluctance earlier he expected him to be enthusiastic of this fact. But Merlin just stirs his stew with a spoon without really eating
"Has something happened?"
"Huh?" Merlin looks up at him and shrugs. "No, nothing."
"I know my ward enough to tell when there's something bothering him. Now, tell me," the physician coaxes.
"Well, I, uhm," Merlin begins slowly but the more he speaks the faster the words rush out of his mouth, needing to be let out along with his blurry befuddled feelings about it all. "Down at the stables, there was this … incident this afternoon. Well not really an incident, okay, yes, it sort of was but no one was hurt or anything and it's not really serious so anyway, it's nothing worth mentioning –"
"Merlin." Gaius gives him a serious look (including two downward eyebrows) cutting him off in mid-word. "Breathe. And tell me everything that happened."
The warlock nods and takes a deep breath. "Right. The incident, it, I fell and then, err, Matthew, that stable hand, he – walked up to help me but ended up falling atop of me and then he. Uhm." His ears are burning again and he can't look Gaius in the eye. "He tried to, uhm, to kiss me. But just tried though! He ran off when I sort of told him I, uhm, didn't. Well, err, want that."
A grown rises from the physician's throat. "What?" Thank god he'd the foresight to make Merlin wear the belt!
Staring into his bowl of stew, Merlin looks absolutely miserable. "I don't know why, before I never think he wanted – that. But I like him, he's my friend and he started to act all odd and ran off, and now I'm afraid he hates me now or something! Just because I don't want to kiss him it doesn't mean I don't want to be his friend! I'm so confused, should I go up and tell him or ignore what happened? Gaius, what should I do?"
"This is serious. Serious indeed," mutters Gaius, scratching his chin in thought.
Merlin continues to murmur to himself dejectedly, not liking the thought of his friend (former friend…? No, they're still friends, right?) not liking him anymore, because Matthew is always so kind to him and always cheers him up when he's got boring duties and sometimes he even sneaks a sandwich from the kitchens and gives it to the manservant, because he knows how badly Gaius' porridge tastes.
"Maybe I could talk to him … explain ..." Merlin murmurs.
The physician grabs a book from a nearby shelf, pulling it down and opening it on some obscure dusty page. "There should be something here," Gaius says, a finger following the title in fading black ink – Methods of Protecting Thee Daughter/Son from Men with Less Than Honourable Intentions. 100 Unique Tips: At Least One Will Undoubtedly Suit You!
"Yeah, I'm going to go and do that, now. Okay? Er, Gaius?" Merlin looks up at the physician, who is absolutely absorbed in the book. "Would it be all right if I went to Matthew and explained that to him?"
As the words register in Gaius' brain the physician's head whips up and he stares incredulously at his ward. "What, go to him alone? No! Finish your stew, boy. I'll have a talk with Matthew shortly."
Merlin considers telepathically sending Matthew a warning message (but dismisses it since he can't exactly out his magic like that). Gaius is rather dangerous when he's upset.
()()()
Similar things have happened before. Like that time sir Tanemwyth leaned in close in the hall last week. Or Gwaine the week before (Lancelot had dragged the man away before anything could happen). Back then Merlin had just smiled, not aware of the underlying meanings.
Now, the stupid belt makes him notice. He couldn't go anywhere without being aware of this fact. About people's interest in him and their desire to do … well, that. With him.
Not to mention Arthur.
Arthur, with his prattish grin and sometimes touch-y hands wanting to readjust Merlin's jacket and his low voice which Merlin has always liked, the man's warm eyes fixed on him, his possessive body language whenever he's around Merlin. The too-drawn-out-to-be-innocent glances. Before Merlin hadn't thought of it more than Arthur is being a friend and finally getting over his dollophead-attitude. But now ...
Now Merlin notices it all and can't believe it's been there for so long.
For all those weeks, months, when Merlin himself has … looked for too long and silently longed for something to happen and spent nights awake, chest heavy and his mind filled with thoughts that couldn't possibly be all right.
But now he knows! They're not wrong (except Gaius Greatly Disapproves) if Arthur feels the same, right?
If Arthur feels the same …
Merlin pauses in the middle of folding a tunic, sneaking a glance at the Prince at the desk. Who looks back at him. Both quickly avert their eyes.
… If Arthur feels the same, they could … maybe. Yes. Maybe …
But how would Arthur react to the belt? He'd probably withdraw completely, thinking Merlin is wearing it for an important reason. That he's waiting … that he doesn't want to be touched – well, Merlin doesn't want to be touched by anyone except Arthur. How is he supposed to convince Gaius that? His guardian has become unbearable the last few days!
()()()
"Gaius, it's really starting to bother me. Can't I take one day without the belt?"
"Either you wear it, or I will make this potion," the physician says pointing at a recipe (Tip #4) and Merlin wrinkles up his nose, glaring at the piece of paper. He doesn't want to go around smelling of garlic and horse manure for the rest of his life, thanks.
Merlin pouts. " ... Fine."
()()()
Arthur has noticed for the last few days how … odd his manservant is behaving. He's had this look on his face and his eyes, like he's dreadfully uncomfortable or a bit depressed, or both. Has something happened maybe? It's best to find out.
"Is something wrong, Merlin?" he asks as he watches Merlin bend to light the fireplace. And if that watching includes having his eyes more looking at Merlin's firm round backside rather than at the servant's hands, it's just pure convenience.
The prince sounds far too worried and un-prattish than normal, so the servant looks up at him with an inquiring expression. "What? N-no. I'm fine, sire."
"You sure? You've acted off for a couple of days now, clumsier than even your first week. Yesterday you broke two plates and a vase, and nearly your own arm."
Merlin scrunches up his nose, looking far too cute than he should, forcing Arthur to avert his eyes. "Um, sorry about that. But you never liked that vase anyway."
Arthur waves a hand. The conversation isn't going where he wants it to. "Never mind that. Just tell me what's bothering you. You can tell me, you know," he says, voce softening, "I am your friend as well, not just your Prince. (But tell that to anyone outside this room and I might have you beheaded.)"
"Err," Merlin mutters and looks away, heat flushing up covering his neck and ears. "It's nothing, really."
The prince doesn't look too convinced but lets his manservant help him take off his jacket and put the garment in the wardrobe, then give him a pair of pants to sleep in. As of late, the prince has tried and tried to gain his manservant's attention (well more attention than he's already receiving) by making pointless comments and asking how Merlin's day has been and stuff like that (Gwen had advised him to 'be nice'), but Merlin just doesn't seem to get it. His newest ploy is to walk around shirtless as much as possible, flexing his muscles. He is pleased to find Merlin looking at him a lot more, gazes lingering, but his manservant always shakes his head and averts his eyes bashful and ashamed and doesn't approach the prince. It's very annoying.
"Aren't you forgetting something, Merlin?" Arthur drawls as the servant moves toward the door.
"What?"
"Are the candles going to blow out themselves, hm?"
The prince plops onto the bed with a self-satisfied grin: once again watching Merlin (well, his rear) as he leans down slightly to put out all of the candles. No one can possibly blame him.
"Is that all, Your Royal Pratliness?" Merlin asks flippantly in the kind of tone only he can master in the presence of the crown prince of Camelot.
"Hm. Come over here for a moment will you."
Warily, the servant obeys. He's sure the prince is up to some mischief. Maybe he's going to throw a goblet or pillow or something, the stupid dollophead, or tease him for something or possibly pull at his ears. Self-consciously he moves to stand next to the bed, ready to cover his ears if need be.
In silence, Arthur just looks at him for a while.
"What?" Merlin demands at the stare.
To further embarrassment, Merlin feels his ears grow warm and red.
"Has something happened, Merlin? Is that why you're so … quiet as of late?"
"I can't find a reason why you'd be interested, sire," the warlock says hesitantly, and it's not really a lie: fantasizing freely he can sure find not one but two, three maybe even four reasons why Arthur would be interested. Unfortunately thinking that makes his whole face flush and causes an interested stir southwards. "I, I got to go now…"
The prince won't let him. A strong hand shoots out shoots out and wraps around his wrist, warm and firm, and pulls him down. Arthur has overestimated his strength though, and Merlin stumbles and falls right atop of him.
He does not mind, though. Merlin is warm and soft and hard in all the right places and he wraps an arm around him, pulling him close. He feels Merlin's breath and heartbeat quicken; the prince hides a satisfied smirk when Merlin groans and moves closer.
"I … I - s-sorry-" mutters the servant and tries to move off half-heartedly.
"You don't want this?" Arthur asks quietly, eyes earnest.
Merlin meets his gaze, breath hitching.
"If I said I really, really want this …" he begins to say and the prince's eyes darken with lust.
"Then I'd be very glad," Arthur fills in and, receiving the servant's consent, he closes the distance between them. The kiss is perfect, as close to perfection Arthur has ever been.
The kiss grows closer, warmer, Arthur grips his manservant's shoulders tight, pulling him close, groaning when Merlin gasps and moans; he slips his tongue inside to taste Merlin's mouth. It's a very, very nice taste; he wants more of it, needs more of it, needs Merlin's whole body. The servant draws a shuddering breath as the kiss ends, and the prince trails his mouth down along Merlin's delicious neck. Their bodies entwine, hands and legs and arms everywhere; Arthur nuzzles a warm spot on Merlin's shoulder, leaving a tender mark on the pale skin. The servant lets the prince slide off his tunic, baring his chest and pale stomach, and he arches into the man's touch. Merlin moans open-mouthedly, eyelids fluttering, and he tries to grip something, anything for support, to hold onto.
He tries to form words, make a comprehensible sentence and maybe tell Arthur he's got a slight, err, obstacle locked around his waist but all that comes out of his mouth is something like "Nngg" and then Arthur touches that sensitive spot again, and Merlin falls into bliss forgetting everything around him.
Encouraged by this response Arthur eagerly begins to unlace Merlin's trousers, pulling them down to reveal …
They both freeze in mid-motion.
Arthur is the first to speak. "Why in the devil's name are you wearing that?"
"Err, I, uhm – Gaius. Gaius made me wear it. Because. Uh, stable boys." Merlin's voice trails off awkwardly and he tries to slip out of the prince's hands, blushing to the root of his hair, but Arthur's grip is possessive and he won't let him go. Something comes in contact with the belt, and Merlin's heart leaps in surprise. "A-Arthur, what are you doing?"
The prince is fiddling with the buckles. "Trying to get you out of it, idiot."
"And you know how to pick locks do you?"
"Maybe," Arthur answers mysteriously. Merlin forces himself to lie back and be still. This is very difficult when you have an incredibly handsome half-naked prince above you desperately trying to also get you naked.
Arthur does know how to pick locks. It's a very useful skill he learned as a child so to be able to reach that cupboard in the kitchens with the cookies, and it's also helped him as an adult. Now, this lock is a tricky one and it takes quite awhile before anything happens. Merlin almost starts whistling a tune because, just because. But he doesn't want to discourage the prince so he keeps quiet, impatiently biting his lip, longing for Arthur's hands and mouth on him again.
Then suddenly there's a soft click. Arthur's eyes lit up and a happy grin spreads over his face. "I did it!"
As soon as the words leave his mouth he regrets saying them. Because just that moment the magic in the belt (not that Arthur knows it's magic, only some strange sudden energy burst) activates and closes the lock firmly and, for extra measure, makes an invincible wave push Arthur off. The prince lands on the floor on his romp with an ompfh and a curse.
"What. The. Hell," Arthur growls.
" … Gaius likes to take extra safety measures …" Merlin says vaguely.
"So Gaius has got the key?" The servant nods dutifully. "Right. I'm going to liberate it. Now. Fast." The prince grabs a white shirt hanging over the chair by the table and puts it on. Merlin continues to lie in the bed quite disappointed, betrayed by his pout, and to reassure him Arthur adds, "Don't worry; we'll continue this as soon as I get my hands on that bloody key. Stay here. I'll be right back."
He's out of the door before Merlin can tell him that it's easiest to convince Gaius if he's nice (not overly demanding). Hopefully he won't be too prattish when facing the physician. If he is, the only way they'll get that key will be by stealing it. Why wouldn't Arthur let him come with him, in case anything goes wrong? What if Gaius has put magical wards on the key as well? Merlin groans like in pain at the thought.
()()()
Ah, there. Gaius. The old man is totally oblivious, discussing with a merchant the price of a pot.
Every now and then, Arthur sees the physician pat his pocket. There! That must be it!
Hm, this will be kind of difficult. The people might react at seeing their prince pick-pocketing. But what choice is there? Carefully, quietly he approaches the man, acting as if he's just out on a casual stroll, greeting people with a nod – slowly getting closer to the old man, who still is standing by the merchant's stall. The discussion has risen to a more aggressive level; clearly Gaius really wants that pot, and the merchant is unwilling to sell it so cheaply (why, Arthur has no idea, since it's such a boring-looking, gray pot).
Then, just the very moment, in the flash of a second as he passes by, Arthur manages to get close enough and using his amazing warrior skills and stealth, he sticks down a hand in the pocket, grabs the metal object he finds and hides it in a closed palm, before continuing his very casual unhurried walk, whistling a merry tune and saying hello the Greg the Guard by the entrance to the citadel.
Ha! So there. His mind is soon filled with lots of naughty things he's planning to do with Merlin. He might even give the servant tomorrow off, to get time to do even more naughty things.
()()()
As is routine now, Gaius pats his pocket every fifteen minutes to make sure the key is still there. However as he turns from the merchant's stall with a pot firmly in hand, his pocket feels oddly flat and empty.
The key! The key is gone, stolen!
()()()
"What took you so long?" Merlin gasps and Arthur finally reappears, a tiny metal object clenched firmly in his hand.
"Sorry. Had to pickpocket it."
"What! Are you crazy? Gaius could've cut your head off!"
Arthur gives him an odd look, raising an eyebrow, clearly not believing this.
"I mean," Merlin backtracks, as he can't exactly say that Gaius has magic too and could possibly use it in his rage and literarily cut someone's head off - Arthur would never have believed him. "Figuratively."
"Right."
The prince kneels on the bed, and Merlin can't help but moan and buckle as the man's hands comes in contact with his bare thighs. Then, Arthur inserts the key in the lock, twists it, expecting to hear a satisfying click.
Nothing happens. No sound, not anything.
"Fuck," he mutters and pulls out to inspect the piece of metal. "It's some kind of fake!"
"No fuck is what you mean," Merlin pants heavily, moaning with disappointment, thinking he might be going crazy.
Arthur throws away the annoying object, it lands somewhere beneath a cupboard, and vividly sharing Merlin's disappointment, moves down and kisses the servant's neck again and his now naked arms and abdomen. "Arthur," Merlin groans, "we've got to get rid of the belt! I can't stand it anymore!"
"Yes," the Prince says against the warlock's flat stomach, nuzzling the bellybutton. "I'll find that key. Where could Gaius be hiding it?"
"Dunno," Merlin murmurs, kind of distracted by the Prince's wonderful mouth and hands. "Maybe his chambers. A cupboard. Somewhere. Uhm. A book. Ugh. Arthur." His voice is higher than earlier, he's on the verge and so, so badly wants to get out of the belt. "Go and find the bloody key instead of tormenting me!"
"Yes, yes, I'm going," answers Arthur. "But you've got such amazing soft skin and cute bellybutton I just want to kiss and nuzzle. Just, give me a little longer…"
"Arthur." Merlin's tone changed into a sharp warning, eyes flaring. "If you don't go find it, I'll leave right here and now and you'll never be given a second chance to-"
"Be patient, darling! I'll be right back."
The prince darts out of the door. Merlin falls back against the royal bedcovers, sighing. At this rate he and Arthur will never get it on!
()()()
So, if Gaius wears a fake key on his person to fool people, then, the real key mustn't be on his person. It's only logical. What did Merlin say again? Book, cupboard? Maybe. They're all valid hiding places of tiny objects. Thus confident, Arthur marches toward the physician's chambers.
Luckily for him, it appears to be empty. Wasting no time whatsoever he quickly begins his search, starting with the nearest shelf. But it can take awhile, since the room is cluttered with bottles (empty as well as filled with strange green, brown, yellow, red and purple substances), instruments used for god knows what, parchment, quills, rabbit-feet and books. So many, many books. Arthur wonders how many years or lifetimes it'd take to read them all. Gaius could've laid the key anywhere . In plain sight even.
Fifteen open books, three shelves and eight upturned bottles later, Arthur startles at the sound of footsteps. Damn! The whole room is a mess. There's no time but for him to hide. The bed is narrow and low but miraculously he manages to dive under it out of sight, just as the door opens. The can recognize the end of Gaius' blue robe brushing the floor as the physician walks across the room – toward a small cupboard on the wall. There's a click, something opening, a thud, something being closed, a murmur: "It's still there, phew."
Then the feet moves away and out of the door.
Just to be on the safe side, Arthur waits a couple of minutes. The silence is complete: he's alone. With glee lighting up his face like a Yuletide tree, he crawls out of his hiding place, marches toward the tiny cupboard on the wall. The lock is easy to pick. No magical traps. Inside, there's a small box. Arthur opens it, and, lo and behold! The Key to the Evil Belt!
The prince does a small victory dance. Nobody can see him anyway so it's safe: no one will go about starting the gossip mill about rumours of the prince's dancing skills.
()()()
Merlin has tried to stay calm and focused and patient but it's darn hard when you want to be shagged senseless by one of Camelot's handsomest men and, honestly, this whole affair is getting ridiculous really, with the keys and traps and silliness and why on earth did Gaius made him wear the stupid belt in the first place?
Struggling to remain still and calm as he waits, he lies with eyes tightly shut and breathes through his nose. In. Out. When will Arthur get back? In. Oh, he wants Arthur to touch him on that spot again on his neck and maybe kiss him and - Out. – and then in hard and eager and writhing and – Oh!
Something warm comes in contact with his hip and suddenly, the belt loosens and falls off. Merlin's eyes open wide.
"Finally!" he exclaims, but it's more of an intelligible moan.
"I found some oil as well," Arthur says with a smirk and tugs the belt off completely.
()()()
It takes exactly forty-five seconds for Gaius to pinpoint the location the guilty. Only one would be clever enough to reach key. Or stupid enough.
Without ado, he slams the Prince's chamber door open. Just in time to see said Prince getting busy on the bed with the physician's ward, both of them very, very naked and – Gaius' face darkens – is that one of his bottles of oil?
"Merlin!" Gaius admonishes. Loudly. Accompanied by the Eyebrow of Doom(TM). "What have I said about being alone with other men? Especially undressed such!"
"G-Gaius!" Merlin shrieks in shock and embarrassment and falls off the bed, dragging both the prince and most of the bedding and pillows with him as well, disappearing on the other side of the bed.
"Merlin, you idiot," Arthur grumbles, rubbing his nose which the servant accidentally hit with his elbow. He stops the motion however when seeing exactly what, or who, interrupted their lovely moment.
"Gaius!" the Prince exclaims in a high-pitched voice. "What - what are you doing here this, err, fine day? Haven't got - pots to, err, to polish?"
The Eyebrow is raised in his direction, which immediately silences him.
"Oh, I was just taking a casual afternoon stroll, when I noticed someone –" A sharp, evil look, which would make any knight quiver, is sent in the Prince's way – "not so subtly picking something from my pocket. I'm lucky I thought of such a risk and stored the real key in a safe place. But then, to my chagrin, someone had broken into my chambers and stolen the real key. Which does not make me happy."
Merlin tries to make himself invisible (not using magic) which is, as anyone who's tried this would know, very difficult and doesn't work as well as he'd like.
"Merlin!" the physician barks. "Here. Now! And dress, for heaven's sake, we can't have you running about naked in the castle. I can't stand being more stressed than I already am!"
"But Gaius!" prince and warlock whine as one, the latter doing his best kicked-puppy-look.
"No buts!"
Arthur can't help himself, pinching Merlin's backside, making the warlock shriek in surprise. His mind is slipping deeper into the gutter and making a home there, it seems.
Was if physically possible, Gaius would now have grown horns, red eyes and have steam coming out of his ears (with magic that could actually be possible, you know, but since it's a no-no in Camelot, Gaius refrains from using it).
"None of that either!"
()()()
It's a desolate warlock who enters the physician's chamber eighteen minutes later. It'd taken quite a lot of shouting, complaining, shoving off hands and locking of doors to get here (Gaius had been annoyed to find Arthur could get out of the antechamber, into which he'd been forced lest Merlin never would've been able to get dressed, in less than 30 seconds. It'd taken five tries to get him in there).
"It's unfair, Gaius!" Merlin protests. "I want to be with Arthur!
"Yes, perhaps, but do you know what you're committing yourself to? I've not checked yet if Arthur is compatible enough for you, nor given him approval! Young people," Gaius says, adding in a mutter; "Always in a hurry, not knowing their own good. Did the dragon have a part in this? Did he?" he demands to know.
"Oh god," the warlock groans, hiding his face in his hands. "You know about the dragon?"
"Of course! I'm not an idiot. What's he told you?"
"That Arthur and I are two sides of the same coin and 'the sun and the moon' and lots of other similar things, mostly just gibberish," Merlin says, waving his hands around in vigorous gestures. "
Gaius' face is very grave, eyes darkened with seriousness. "The dragon said that – about the coins? Two sides of the same coin? Exactly that?"
"Yes! Can't I go back to Arthur now? Please?"
The physician leans over the table, asking in a rapid pace: "Did he mention grandchildren? A big white wedding? Exchanging of vows? Anything of the sort?"
Merlin wrinkles up his nose in confusion. "Err… no … But he said something about uniting Albion together and stuff, no big deal." Honestly! He's just a guy in love wanting to get laid and Arthur is on the same wavelength so he can't see why Gaius is so terribly upset. It's not like he's going to leave or get drunk with Gwaine or anything. Desperate he adds; "But Gaius, I want it! I don't care about the prophecies or anything, I just want him! I –" Here he blushes rapidly, a dark deep hue: " – I, I think I'm in love with him."
"Uniting Albion!" Gaius exclaims, standing up. "Together! I've got to have a serious word with him. Do not dare move a muscle, Merlin, or do any magic, I'm warning you."
Luckily, when being so frustrated, the physician is very wrapped up in his anger (at the prince, the dragon, and destiny and at everyone really) he doesn't notice his ward's golden eyes or how something is carefully slipped from his pocket, across the table and quickly diving beneath the warlock's tunic for cover. Merlin attempts to look as miserable and innocent as possible. Gaius leaves the chamber glancing back warningly one last time:
"If anything happens while I'm gone-"
Merlin almost can't stop himself from tapping a foot. "Nothing will. Nothing! What could possibly happen?"
Honestly, he doesn't deserve receiving the Dangerous Eyebrow Look again.
()()()
The dark cave lights up by a single torch held high. An angry, incredulous voice echoes between the stone walls:
"What's all this about coins and prophecies and uniting Albion?"
Kilgarrah regards him like he'd grown a second head. "Are you slow, old man? Emrys and the Once and Future King shall rule this kingdom and make it a bright place, bringing the harmony of magic back."
"What else, then? What else have you Seen but not told my reckless ward?"
The dragon looks pleased and smug. "Wouldn't you want to know…"
"I demand you to tell me!" Gaius shouts.
"Weeell," Kilgarrah says with glinting eyes and rests his chin in his giant paw. "If given this information, what would you do with it? Oh, do not bother answering, old man: I know you. You'll do what you can to slow these events out of fear for the young warlock's safety, then out of fear for your own, and finally, out of fear of the shock the kingdom might suffer from the change coming in the heels of these events. But, let me tell you something. You may try all you might, but the Once and Future King and the Young Warlock have more tricks up their sleeves than you can possibly be prepared for."
"Tell me something new."
The dragon inspects his claws, glancing at the physician nonchalantly. "What's your price?"
Gaius is taken aback: "Price?"
"Yes," Kilgarrah confirms. "You truly believe I'm going to tell you and be given nothing in return?"
"What about …" Gaius thinks hard, very hard, to come up with something. He draws many blanks. What could the dragon possibly be interested in having? Hm. Suddenly, he's hit by a brilliant idea. "What about a brand-new pot?"
()()()
"Wow, a new record," Merlin says as Arthur, three minutes and fifteen locks later, enters the physician's chambers, quite forcibly since he's getting tired of all these bloody locks. Where the physician has gotten his hands on all those bloody locks to put them on his door and other annoying places, Merlin isn't sure he wants to know.
The point is, Arthur got his telepathic message (it's good to be a warlock) and hurried here as fast as his feet could carry him, just after the physician's left. And Merlin knows the dragon: it'll talk riddles and gibberish and mention coins at least twelve times – it'll keep Gaius busy for a long while.
"Yup," the prince says, "Of course. I'm awesome."
"Yes, yes, whatever. Come on! Before Gaius comes back!"
"You've got it?" Arthur asks, removing his shirt as he walks over to where the warlock is standing, in the doorway to his own room.
Grinning smugly, Merlin pulls something out from under his tunic, wrapping the string attached to the item around his finger and doing his most flirtatious pose. He's already timely pulled off his boots and loosened his neckerchief, keenly waiting for the prince to arrive. Now, he makes a show of remove the brilliantly red piece of cloth all the way, dropping it on the floor, making a come-hither motion with his free hand. "We haven't got all day, Arthur …" he purrs.
"Oh, Merlin-" Arthur gasps turned on so much and practically jumps on the equally excited warlock.
()()()
"What colour?"
"Brown, red or blue. Your pick."
A difficult choice. A truly difficult choice. The dragon taps a claw against the stone. "Hmm."
"Two then! I'll give you two. Just tell me already!"
"Is it a human trait to be so impatient?" Kilgarrah wonders aloud.
"For heaven's sake," mutters Gaius. "All three of them then!"
"Brown, red and blue?"
A tired sigh. "Yes."
"Right, you've got a deal, old man!" The dragon looks very pleased. "Now: here's the thing, I might have exaggerated a thing or two on the Merlin/Arthur front, not completely of course, but slightly - but, you must admit they look fabulous together." He's cut off by a pointed ahem ahem – Gaius is furious, to think he's lost three of his best pots for this! – and the dragon clears his throat: "Right, so you want to know whether your ward is going to have a happily ever after and if you'll have any grandchildren to bounce on your knee someday. Let me tell you …"
()()()
The physician returns to his chambers three quarters of an hour later, not pleased with how many riddles the dragon has left him to solve. Granted, he's quick, so he can probably have made sense of them within a couple of days, but then he also has to decide whether he'll accept Arthur's advances on his ward, and the more time he'll have to make Merlin wear the belt, the grumpier his ward will get.
His room is oddly ... silent. Suspiciously silent. Merlin is sitting by the table, right where he'd left him.
Gaius regards his ward with sharp narrowed eyes, taking in the slight change in the young man's breath, hair (which is slightly rumpled) and clothing. "Did anything happen while I was gone?"
"N-no, nothing!" Merlin quickly assures him and hurries to get busy with grinding some greenish paste in a nearby bowl, to avert his mentor's attention. He's taken extra care in covering his neck to hide any eventual love bites, but his shirt might be inside out. "I've just been making this powder, see? For, err, a…uhm, medicine. For, uhm. Aching. Teeth …?"
"Oh, really? I never thought you to be overly interested in becoming a physician. Well, if you're so keen on it, we could start serious lessons: I could well use a knowledgably assistant. You seem to have an overdose of spare time anyway –"
"No!"
"No?" asks Gaius, eyebrow hinting to be raised.
"… I, I'm busy, I've got to – polish Arthur's armour!"
"I think not. You did that earlier today; I see no point in doing in twice. Now, first," the physician says and puts a large heavy dusty book on the table. "It'd be easiest if we begin with the basics of the human anatomy …"
Merlin's forehead soundly connects with the table.
()()()
Meanwhile, not far off, beneath a thick safe pile of blankets, two wrists have been attached to the bedpost with a red piece of cloth. And a somewhat urgent voice is whispering: "Psst! Merlin? You there? … Hey, can you hear me? Merlin! … Shit, Gaius has stolen you hasn't he? Fuck ... Now I'm stuck here."
Has he mentioned that Merlin is an expert on tricky knots?
()()()
If Merlin wakes extra early the following morning and enchants a broom to do the hula as a distracting factor while smuggling a certain, slightly disheveled prince out his chamber, well, that's nothing but pure convenience.