What's this? Not another chapter already! I know it's short but at least I'm not leaving you for so long again /: I'm going to have a time jump of about three weeks in the middle of this, just to get Kurt's healing and the preparation for the trial out of the way. PojaTheDinosaur thank you sweetie! You all mean so much to me :') I'm going away to Italy for two weeks with my school but I'll get another chapter up as soon as possible x
Chapter Thirteen – L-O-S-E-R
When the New Directions visited the next day Kurt found himself in a similar position, sat on the couch in the large living room surrounded by his closest friends. Blaine held his hand and he squeezed it tightly, taken aback by the amount of love and support that he was receiving.
"How are you doing white boy?" Mercedes asked, "it is so good to see you at home."
"I'm alright boo, everything's nearly healed and I'm so stoked up on painkillers I probably won't even remember this meeting, but it's okay because I can't feel anything much below my ribs, so yeah I guess I'm okay." Kurt rambled out of nervousness, "it's so nice that you've all come to see me though. I'll have to remind the dinosaur that it has to stay in Harry's closet-"
The group laughed as Kurt ducked his head, blushing.
"Sorry," Blaine apologised as he laughed, "He's having a hard time adjusting to the new medication that they've given him."
After a while of laughing at old memories of Kurt and the rest of the New Directions, Rachel stood up and clapped her hands.
"Kurt, Blaine, in a true glee club manner we have prepared something for you. I ask you to sit still and please don't be in awe of my-"
"What she means, Porcelain and Frodo, is that we have a song to sing for you and she should just shit up so we can start." Santana cut across the smaller girl.
Rachel stared at Santana, clearly offended. "Well yes, bu-"
"But nothing, girl." Mercedes snapped. "This is Kurt's moment, not yours."
Rachel huffed and stomped over to Finn who wrapped a long arm around her shoulders while trying to conceal his laughter.
"FINN!"
"Oops, sorry babe."
By this time Kurt was giggling into Blaine's chest and had a hard time controlling his laughter so the group could start singing.
Puck stepped forward slightly and announced "Kurt, this one's special and we've dedicated it to you."
Yeah you may think that I'm a zero
But hey, everyone you wanna be
Probably started off like me
You may say that I'm a freak show (I don't care)
But hey, give it just a little time
I bet you're gonna change your mind
Blaine and Kurt were speechless; this was the song that the Warblers told them had beaten them at Regionals only weeks before and they were dedicating it to Kurt- not to their win, but to someone who had had to ditch them for a rival show choir.
All of the dirt you've been throwing my way
It ain't so hard to take
That's right (that's right)
'Cos I know one day you'll be screaming my name
And I'll just look away
That's right (that's right)Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down
Baby I don't care
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like mePush me up against the locker
And hey, all I do is shake it off
I'll get you back when I'm your boss
I'm not thinking 'bout you haters
'Cos hey, I could be a superstar
I'll see you when you wash my car
Kurt knew that he would probably never get over what had happened to him, but it would only make him stronger in the long run, and in the meantime he had an amazing support system behind him.
All of the dirt you've been throwing my way
It ain't so hard to take
That's right (that's right)
'Cos I know one day you'll be screaming my name
And I'll just look away
That's right (that's right)Just go ahead and hate on me or run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down
Baby I don't care
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like meHey you over there
Keep the "L" up, up in the air
Hey you over there
Keep the "L" up 'cos I don't care
You can throw your stick
And you can throw your stones
Like a rocket just watch me go
Yeah
L-O-S-E-R
I can only be who I areJust go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down
Baby I don't care
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me
Blaine was gobsmacked; the group had improved on their performance from regionals if Wes and David's descriptions were anything to go by. He tightened his arm around Kurt and planted a kiss onto his chestnut hair as the emotional song drew to a close.
Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth
So everyone can hear
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down
Baby I don't care
Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out
You wanna be, you wanna be
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me
A loser like me
"Wow, you guys! No wonder you won at regionals!" Kurt exclaimed excitedly.
The group laughed, before Mike said jokingly, "Well it wasn't much of a challenge, against a group of ecstasy-addicts and a flock of birds."
At this Blaine pouted, causing the others to start laughing. Kurt allowed himself to join in, momentarily forgetting his attack, his injuries, the upcoming trial and every other bad moment he'd had over the last two months.
The next three weeks flew by for Kurt; his injuries had more-or-less healed with the exception of the wound on his stomach and his doctor had announced his lungs were healed enough to sing.
One thing that plagued everyone's minds, however, was the upcoming trial of Dave Karofsky. The former jock had pled not guilty at his arraignment (something which shocked even his own attorney) and his parents were refusing to even speak to him – his mother had once been a good friend of Kurt's own mom. Mail from all over the country, and some even from Europe and Australia, was finding its way to Kurt's house. While Kurt was touched by these strangers' concern he was getting sick of the media attention that the case was bringing.
"I wish all of it could be over." He complained to Blaine one lazy evening a few weeks before Christmas.
Blaine turned his head towards Kurt, "I wish it had never started. I think the best thing to do for now is to try and forget about it and enjoy the holidays."
Kurt sniffed. "Why me though? I dream about it every night Blaine! I can't just forget! Why couldn't I be normal, be straight?"
Blaine sat up from his position on Kurt's bed. "Be straight? Kurt, come on! You're out, and you were proud! This is you Kurt, and I won't let one person just take that away from you. Besides, you wouldn't have me if you were straight – I thought I was more to you than that?"
"Blaine! I- I never meant it. Of course I want you! I just wish I could show my love for you without people b-beating me u-up o-or worse!"
Blaine stood up, his eyes blazing. "Are you saying this is my fault? My fault that you were RAPED BY A HOMOPHOBIC, CLOSETED JOCK? I- I think I should go." He finished dejectedly.
Kurt sobbed harshly, "Blaine! Please, don't leave me!"
"I'm sorry Kurt; I just need some time to think." The younger boy replied quietly. "I'll be at Wes' for the night. I love you."
"So go over what happened one more time." Rachel demanded over the phone.
"We had an argument, I said some things I didn't mean and he overreacted." Kurt listed monotonously. "Rachel I just want to sleep, please. I want to take my meds, climb into bed and sleep and hopefully not dream because that'll just be another reminder that he isn't here to comfort me, okay?"
"Kurt Hummel, you stop moping!" Rachel screeched, "I get that you've had a tough time-"
"A tough time?" Kurt said incredulously.
"Yes, but you need to just man up for one second. Where's that fighting spirit that you had last year? This is just one argument! Now put Aladdin on, get in your pyjamas and wait for me." Rachel continued.
"Wait for you?"
"Yes. I'm getting the girls and we're having a sleepover."
Kurt sighed and pinched his nose. Great, the Spanish Inquisition are coming.
The next morning after all of the girls had left Kurt emerged from his room and entered the kitchen rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
"Yes mom," He could hear his father say, "He's getting better. I know mom, but he won't speak to a therapist at all. Yes mom, we're trying to get him to open up more. No, Blaine's the only one he'll talk- Oh, hi Kurt. Mother, I have to go." Burt walked out of the living room and smiled sheepishly at his son. "She's just concerned bud, we all are and you know that. She wants to come down for Christmas."
Kurt shrugged as he grabbed a nutrient bar, "Sure. I'm going back to bed."
Burt frowned. "Where's Blaine? I didn't see him escape from all of the girls last night."
"Wes or David's probably," Kurt muttered, "we had an argument yesterday and he left for the night."
"Oh. You wanna talk about it?"
"No thanks dad. I might see you later." Kurt said quietly, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.
"'Kay." Burt said, "come to me when you're ready okay?"
"Sure."
Later that day Blaine returned to the Hudmel household with bags under his eyes and his shoulders slumped. He let himself in and made his way down to his and Kurt's room, pausing as he heard crying.
"Kurt? Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly.
"B-Blaine? You're really back? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean any of it, I swear!" Kurt launched himself at Blaine.
"Woah, I know and I'm sorry for being such a douche. Are we good?" Blaine wrapped his arms around his boyfriend protectively as Kurt planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Of course." Kurt grinned. "You've grown again Blaine, you're taller than me now."
"YES!" Blaine cheered.
The pair laughed their tears away and settled back onto the bed.
"You'll never guess what Wes' sister did to his gavel last night…"
Christmas Eve was a busy day for Kurt; he had invited all of the New Directions and the Warblers over for a party to thank them for all of their support over the past months.
"GUYS! Settle down, please!" Blaine called, grabbing the attention of the rabble.
Kurt stepped forward holding Blaine's hand securely in his own. "I just want to say thank you to all of you for everything you've done for me- us. After the holidays I know I have this damn trial and then I won't be returning to school until Easter according to Doctor Mauswell, but I just thought you all should know that I am returning to Dalton"
At this there were a few gasps and some sniffles from the girls.
"I know it will be hard, but Dalton is my safe place and my haven and I won't let him take that away from me. I'll be returning as a sophomore though, with Blaine."
Wes and David nodded; as juniors they would have normally graduated with Kurt and left Blaine behind, but they were glad that if something good could've come out of all of this then it would be that Blaine wasn't going to be left alone.
"So anyway, Blaine and I have something we want to sing." Kurt hadn't sung in three months and he was a little nervous, but Blaine smiled reassuringly at him as the music started.
Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk radio screams at me
Through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan
She's got chocolate on her face
Got little hands, and she waves at me
Yeah, she smiles at me
Kurt clenched Blaine's hand tightly; whilst not his first choice of genre this song meant so much to him, both as a person and as a survivor.
Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
Hello world
Blaine knew that Kurt wasn't over what had happened but there was hope for the future, and he himself was hoping that Kurt's return to Dalton would allow him the chance to move forward.
Every day I drive by
A little white church
It's got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God
Like he is there
Oh I know he is there
Yeah, I know he's there
Maybe before the attack Kurt didn't believe in God but now he was secretly praying to someone up there to help him through this time. Maybe it wasn't God, but an angel – his mom.
Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never going to heal
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world
Sometimes I forget what living's for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I'll be there
Oh I'm home again
I see my wife, my little boy, little girl
Hello world
Hello world
Kurt's audience sat astounded at the raw power that Kurt's voice seemed to hold. Goose bumps were raised one every person's arms and Burt and Carole could be seen leaning in the doorway listening to their son and his boyfriend express themselves the only way they knew how: through song.
All the empty disappears
I remember why I'm here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world
Hello world