Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Twilight universe.
OMG! I cannot believe the response from you guys. Apparently, ya'll missed these guys as much as I did! Every single review that comes into my email makes me squeal like a little kid. Seriously, they are wondering if I'm losing my sanity at work because every time my phone chimes with a new email, I smile and bounce.
A little house keeping first. Thank you guys for pointing out the rating to me! I had no idea I had missed marked this story as "K". Trust me…any of you that have read any of my stories should know I couldn't NOT have an "M" rated story. I need my sexy vampire way to freakin' much!
Thanks to everyone that sent me boys names also! I have some great choices. We won't see a huge amount of these boys in the story but they will pop up along the ride and it seemed very unfair to just call them "boy 1" and "boy 2".
Special thanks to my baby girl for letting me annoy the crap out of her by making her read through the first drafts to find all my typos and over used words! Love ya kiddo!
Chapter 2- Take Me Home Country Home
JP POV
Goddamn, life didn't get much better than this.
Cruising down a country fuckin' lane in a quarter million dollar car, my crew of munchkins behind me laughing and caring on, wearin' my gal's platinum band on my finger and headin' to spend a few weeks with my Bitch. Yeah, couldn't actually think of a better place to be in life. Except maybe…
"Fuckin' hell, is there anything but cows in this state?" I asked sincerely, looking over at Eddie as he smiled at his phone like a dork.
Laughter filled the small interior as not only Eddie but Alice also laughed at me. The sound was like flippin' music as the noise filled the air. It was so light and happy and I knew that my life wasn't the only one that was good.
"There are a handful of things besides cows. A couple of trees, some birds…" Edward said snarkily. He shifted in his seat so that his back was against the door and looked at me with an amused smile on his face. "So how are you, man? Tell me what's been going on."
"Oh, the usual. Touring, playing, and traveling. Not much has changed over the years."
That was actually true I thought to myself as I smiled into the sun and greenness ahead of me. The venues had changed from clubs to arenas and the mode of transportation had greatly improved but otherwise it was essentially exactly the same thing I'd been doing for twenty-five years.
"Speaking of modes of transportation," Edward said curiously. Damn, I'd forgotten how freaky the little shit could be with his Jedi mind tricks. "What's with the bus? I thought you'd be traveling in style."
"Well, we fly most of the time from location to location. But the bus gives us a chance to travel without all the fans realizing that it's us, ya know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love seeing all the people screaming and yelling for us. They're what have made us over the years. But especially with the kids, it can be overwhelming. The Silver Bullet lets us travel incognito."
"Oh, a fifty cent word from the rock star!" Alice squealed. "I'm impressed."
"Shut it, Pixie."
"Aww, I love you lunatic," she said sweetly as she hugged me from the back seat.
"You just want me, darling. Admit it!" I laughed as she smacked the back of my head.
"Hey, don't hit him while he's driving. He wrecks and I'll have to kill you both," Edward whined. We both just laughed at him.
"You writing much?" Edward asked with real curiosity in his voice.
"Not a whole lot lately," I sighed. For the last several months, I'd been struggling with some new stuff that was floating around in my head. But I could never seem to get it out the way I wanted. Just couldn't make it come together. Hell, maybe I was just worn out. We hadn't stopped touring long enough for me to settle my head and just get it all out. Besides, I was never the song writer that my girl was.
"So tell me about you guys," I said, changing the subject. "You know all about me, fuck, everyone does. Can't fart without it being in a paper. You guys are the ones living under the rocks. Tell me about my Bitch."
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"For starters, how the hell did you guys end up in Bum-Fuck Montana? Last time we really talked, you guys were in Canada somewhere. "
"That would be my darling sister, "Ali said as she slid forward until she was all but sitting on the console. "She found the house and its occupant," she said with a grin at Edward, who shook his head and laughed. "It was love at first sight and you know this one," she nudged Edward with her elbow.
"Yeah," I snorted. I knew exactly what she was talking about. If Bitch told Edward she wanted a purple polka dotted yak ass mounted on her wall, he'd have it for her in half an hour. "Wait! Occupant? What the fuck does that mean?"
"Ugh, well," Edward said uncomfortably. "Bella has a dog. It was living at the house when she found it and I think she actually bought the property just so that the mutt wouldn't have to go anywhere."
"JP, you won't believe this thing!" Alice cackled.
"Wait!" I nearly screamed in hysterics. "Don't you guys, like, eat dogs? What the hell, bro? You mean, she actually has is like a pet or something?"
"Yes, it's a pet," Edward said with a little exasperation in his voice. "And I have never once eaten dog in my life, thank you very fucking much."
"But seriously, wait until you see this thing," Alice interrupted. "It looks like it's made with all the left over canine parts. Long floppy ears, big giant head, curly tail and little stumpy legs. Plus, the poor little thing is blind, so it spends most of it's time following her around and running into bushes and rocks. He's really sweet but sort of pathetic too."
I couldn't wrap my head around this little tidbit. I was gonna torture Bitch over her blind mutt. But really, what vampire on earth adopts a blind stupid dog?
"Just don't tease the dog," Edward warned. "Tease her about it all you want, she understands it's a bizarre situation. But Lord help you if you tease the dog itself. She went apes hit on Emmett about a month after we moved in because he pulled the thing's tail."
My eyes were watering I was laughing so hard. God, it was like a real life version of the Twilight Zone.
"Take a right at the next road," Edward said through his own laughter. "It's about a mile up ahead. Then we drive for about forty miles."
"Shit fire! How far out in the boonies ya'll livin'?"
"Redneck!" Edward teased with a smirk. "Your grammar has gotten worse over the years instead of better and yes, we live a very long way from anyone."
"JP, will you tell me something?" Alice chirped as I watched the bus turn right behind us.
"Anything. You know that."
"He's filterless Alice. Be very careful what you ask," Edward teased.
"How can you guys take month long vacations? Don't the kids have school?"
"Ah, Padowan, that we have covered. When we decided to bring the whole crew with us when we toured," I said as I smiled. I always fucking smiled when I thought about my kiddos. "We had to make arrangements. And really, what choice did we have? There was no way I was touring without Heidi after Paul was born and then Jane and Felix popped up hitched and she stayed pregnant for like ten years."
Both Edward and Ali laughed at that one. Edward harder than his sister as he apparently pulled the image of Jane on stage dressed in leather and eight months pregnant.
"So Nana Chip and Marcus came up with the idea of home schooling once the kids started getting old enough. It's been really amazing though. We've taken them all over the place and they haven't missed a thing. And Chip and Marcus love all the time they get with the kids. It's sort of turned into a pretty cool adventure for all of us. We all pitch in with different things and end up learning from the youngins."
"It's still so strange for me to imagine you a dad," Edward said. I looked over at him expecting a smirk. But I was kind of stunned at what I saw. He looked…sad. Or envious.
"I gotta tell ya, man. Being a dad is the greatest thing in my life. I love Heidi more than my own life. And I love my music dearly. But my kids? Fuck, I can't even put into words what they mean to me. Just watchin' them, listening to them, spending time with them. It's amazing. I want to be the dad those little people deserve."
I couldn't help but get sappy. My kids were my whole damn world and I was proud as hell of them. They were such amazing kids. And I didn't mean that just because they were mine. I really and truly thought they were the three most extraordinary people I'd ever met.
"Tell me about them," Edward said with a small smile.
"Well, Paul is…hell; Paul is just fucking like me. Drives me nuts," I laughed as I thought of my boy. "Thirteen years old and already a dawg in the makin'. I think he looks like his mama but she says he looks like me."
"He does look like you," Alice and Edward both said at the same time.
"I think he's got enough of my gal in him to make him prettier than I am," I conceded.
"Not to mention, no facial metal," Edward jabbed.
"At least not yet," Alice chimed in.
"And he's so damn talented it's scary."
"He plays?" Edward asked with obvious interest. I knew that would pique his interest.
"Yeah," I said proudly. "And he's more talented than I'll ever be."
Alice let out a whistle and Edward grinned like a Cheshire cat. So did I for that matter.
"Jared, on the other hand, couldn't care less about music. All the lil' maniac is interested in running at top speed and kicking the living shit out of anything that doesn't kick back. Well, come to think of it, he actually doesn't care if it does kick back, as long as it doesn't kick too hard. He's gonna be my soccer player. I think he's the spitting image of his Mom and everyone seems to agree with me. But he's a handful, that's for sure. And a temper…whew! I've never seen such a little dude get so fired up so quickly."
I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye and noticed he seemed fascinated. Alice looked like she was lost in thought but smiled very softly at me as I met her eyes in the rearview mirror. I smiled back at her but felt a little bad. They both seemed to be thinking about something that bothered them. And given the topic of conversation, I could guess what it was. It must be tough to know that neither of them would ever be able to share the feelings I was bursting with. I didn't know how much Edward had ever thought of having kids but I knew that Bitch had never said much of anything about the subject. I wondered if this was one of the few things that they had different opinions about. It was clear, with a single look, just how much it would have meant to Edward to be a father.
"And your daughter?" Alice asked a knowing look on her face. It was perfectly clear that I was wrapped around her tiny manicured finger, even without knowing a thing about her.
"God, what can I say about Isa that won't make me sound like a pussified jackass? She is just…amazing. She is so much like Bella it's almost scary. She is as beautiful as Heidi and smart as a fucking whip. Spends all her time with her nose buried in a book and a smile on her face like she knows a secret she's not spilling. She has Chip and Marcus completely wrapped. She's like a doll they can play dress up with all day long. But the kid's got a heart of gold. She's amazing," I finished gushing.
I looked over at Edward to find him smiling wider than I think I'd ever seen him. He was lit up like a Christmas tree in the passenger seat.
"You call her Isa and not Bella?"
"Yeah," I said kinda low. Fuck, it was no use, he'd get it out of me soon enough. "Well, obviously you know we named her after your girl. But when she was first born, Heidi got flipped out because I referred to her as "Lil B" a couple of times and she thought I was gonna end up callin' her 'Bitch'
"She was probably right!" Edward cackled as he doubled over laughing. "You know the first time I heard you call her that, I wanted to rip your head off. I didn't know that was a term of endearment. And even after I did, I hated it! Still do actually. But I gave up trying to correct you years ago."
"Smart man," I snorted. "I've been calling her that for so long it's almost ingrained."
Edward stretched his hand out, indicating a road up ahead on the left. I put the blinker on so that the bus would know we were turning soon. There was a very wide drive way lined by the biggest freakin' trees I'd ever seen and a black mailbox set about ten feet back from the road.
"Did you guys move to fucking Twelve Oaks?"
"Frankly my dear JP…" Alice said in the most fucked up Rhett Butler imitation I'd ever heard.
I could see Edward was about to jump out of his skin with excitement as we got closer and closer to the house. The drive way wound on and on for miles, taking us deeper into the forest. I could definitely see why they lived all the way out here. There wasn't a chance of anyone coming close to them.
"You ready to do this?" I asked as I pulled the car into the first curve of the circular drive in front of a massive house. "Should I tie a bow around my head or something?"
"Fuck yes, if I'd thought to bring one," Eddie howled.
A tiny hand shot forward with a huge red bow tied to a headband of some sort.
I snorted so hard I probably blew snot across the steering wheel as I killed the engine and looked toward the mondo fuckin' house to see the whole Cullen clan waiting for us with giant grins on all their faces. Even Rosie seemed to be off her "bitch" perch as she let out a laugh at somethin' Em said to her. They were all there…but one.
"Where's my Bitch?" I hollered before I even climbed all the way out of the car.
Chapter Notes: Just a quick two things….#1, this is NOT going to be a B/E baby story! They will talk about it some but don't get nervous that I'm going down that route. But hearing proud papa JP talk about his babies would make anyone feel a little envious.
And #2! Evanescence is releasing the first album in more than 5 years on Monday the 10th! I started the outline for this story more than a year ago, so the answer to the questions you guys had about if that was why I started writing again is no. But I am uber-excited about hearing the new stuff. Hopefully it will fit in well with the story. And even if it doesn't fit the story…it's Evanescence! Fuck, that's always worth listening to!
See ya next week and leave me some love! Make me purr….