Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Final Fantasy, not me.
A/N: This chapter is extremely fluffy and has some flashbacks because I needed some little Sephy in my life at the moment. Sorry if you wanted a real update instead of more fluff.
"I'd really hate to say I'd told you so,"
"No you wouldn't," Cass said, "I'm always right, so you'd never get to say it."
"You're right," Tseng said, "I told you so. However, since you've never had a day off in about eight years, Veld says you can have a few sick days."
"Good," Cass said, "because I'm my own opposite when I'm sick."
"...I wouldn't mind seeing that," Tseng said.
"Ass," Cass said, then turned away to cough, "I'm going to sleep now. Go do my job Tseng."
"What are you doing?" Cass asked. Bright green eyes blinked up at her, but the arms wrapped around her waist did not loosen in the least.
"I'm seeing how long I can hug you before you tell me to stop," Sephiroth said. A conjunction and a new word all in one sentence. Sephiroth was being wild tonight.
"Okay," Cass said, "just checking." She returned to the stove.
"What are you doing?" Sephiroth asked tentatively. It broke Cass's heart that he still felt terrified about asking her simple questions like that even after a year. The fact that he was hugging her at the moment was quite an achievement.
"I am cooking our dinner," Cass replied. There was another long pause.
"What is for dinner?" Sephiroth asked.
"Spaghetti," Cass replied.
"Spaghetti?" Sephiroth asked.
"It's a pasta dish," Cass said, "Noodles with a red tomato sauce."
"Is it good?" he asked. Cass was well aware of Sephiroth's very finicky and unpracticed palate. He was wary of tasting something he didn't like, but was satisfied that if what Cass made was not up to par, he could pick something else he knew he liked.
"I think so," she said. Apparently that was enough for him at the moment.
"I think I like hugging you," Sephiroth said. Cass ruffled his hair, feeling him stiffen then relax when he realized that was all she would do. That wasn't right.
"Is that okay?" Sephiroth asked.
"It's fine," Cass said, "You can hug me if you want to." She felt him nod and give a slight squeeze.
"I have finished cooking," Cass said, "I think you have to let go so you can eat." He let go
"Mom?" his voice, years older and cracking over the vowel, made her jerk up. His eyes immediately turned apologetic, but he had learned that she wouldn't accept apologies over needless things like this.
"Are you okay?" he asked, "Tseng said you were sick." She would have laughed at his concern if it wouldn't have offended him and send her into another fit of coughing. She coughed anyway and sniffed. Great...snot.
"It's just a cold," she said, "and I'm being a wuss."
"Your voice sounds wrong," he said. She sat up and remembered that Sephiroth's experience with illness was all Hojo induced and, therefore, deeply unpleasant.
"Yeah, I've been coughing up slime all morning," she said. He cocked his head at her caviler attitude.
"Just a cold with a case of the sniffles," she said, "I've had it for a couple days, but now I'm too miserable and self-centered to want to do anything but suffer. It'll be gone in a week. Hopefully I give it to Tseng." He nodded.
"Can I help with anything?" he asked. She stared at him a long moment.
"Are you going to wait on me hand and foot if I let you?" she asked.
"Yes," he said after a moment. She debated it. It would be taking advantage of him and she'd be sleeping all day (mostly).
"If you want," she said. He broke out into a smile. It took him less than five minutes to build and settle Cass into a pile of cushions topped off with the bedspread from her bed. It was wonderful.
"I kind of feel like an invalid now," Cass muttered.
"You always took care of me when I was sick," Sephiroth replied.
"You were sicker than I am," Cass said, "you needed care." She sneezed and took the tissue he offered.
"Go to sleep," he said, "I'll make you a lunch." Cass would have argued, but Sephiroth had already given her that awesome cough syrup with the sleep aid in it and she was really comfortable at the moment.
Sephiroth, however, was scrambling to decide what he should make for lunch. He was really only good at things that didn't require heating, but remembered that warm things were better for sick people. He was not as adept at stovetop or oven as Mom was, despite much observation and one or two observed attempts. He fumbled around in the kitchen for a few minutes before finding canned soup. He breathed a sigh of relief.
There were directions on the side of the can.
"What is a hug?" Sephiroth asked. Whatever his previous question had been vacated Cass's mind. Sephiroth didn't know what a hug was. The only reason she could think of why that could possibly be was that he had never been hugged. It broke her heart in an instant, but she hid it. Sephiroth appeared to have some sort of complex where he was worried about making a wrong move around her. He had to be perfect, no matter what. Curiosity was a sin and complaining illegal. It was a delicate situation and Cass struggled to come up with a reply that wouldn't cause either of them harm. Two months of watching Sephiroth had done little to prepare her for this.
"A hug is a form of showing affection between two people," she tried. By the look on his face that hadn't done the trick. Perhaps a more explicit description.
"In general, two people wrap their arms around each other," he nodded. He could visualize that.
"Why?" he asked.
"Well," Cass said, "usually they know each other very well. It can be used to show a greeting or a farewell, but mostly it's used to show pleasure of being in each other's company." He nodded again.
"How does it feel?" he asked.
"What?" Cass asked with a small laugh to hide her overwhelming pity.
"Does it feel nice?" he tried again.
"Usually," Cass said, "I don't have words to really describe the feeling." He nodded, understanding that. Feeling were hard. Cass weighed and measured her next words carefully and decided that Sephiroth couldn't go on this neglected. She recalled something she read a long time ago that proved that animals, primates, would forgo food and water and instead chose to be held and comforted. Humans were not that far off.
"Would you like to feel it?" she asked him. He looked up, surprised that she offered.
"Is that okay?" he asked.
"Sure," Cass said, stifling the urge to celebrate the fact that Sephiroth had attempted to use a new word.
"What...what do I do?" Sephiroth asked.
"Well..." Cass started. She got out of her chair and crouched down. "Come here," she said. He obeyed, stopping a few feet away. "Closer," she said. He stepped forward cautiously. Cass swallowed all remorse and awkwardness and wrapped her arms around his suddenly stiff form. She waited a few seconds until she felt it was an appropriate amount of time for a hug then leaned back.
"Was that it?" he asked quietly. Cass nodded.
"Can you do it again?" he asked. Cass shrugged.
"Sure," Cass said, "what are friends for." Sephiroth was looser during the next one, but that was more from shock.
"We're...friends?" she heard him ask quietly. She parted.
"Sure," she said, "I like you. You're not half bad to hang around. I'm guessing you like me." He nodded.
"That's all it takes?" he asked.
"For me," Cass replied, "I'm easy to please."
"Can I do it...can I hug you?" he asked.
"If you want," Cass said, "Do you want to do it together?" He nodded. She wrapped her arms around him one more time and felt his own tentatively to the same. It was loose and weak, but it was a hug. Cass tried not to feel upset that this was the first time he'd ever attempted a hug consciously. Very faintly she felt him tighten his arms.
This time what woke her up was a smell. Had she left the stove on on accident? She heard a scuffle in the kitchen.
"Sephiroth?" she called. He looked out.
"I was making you soup," he said, "did you want any?"
"Okay," she said and pulled herself back up. She was about to slip out of her sickness sanctuary when Sephiroth came back out with a bowl. That works too. She held her hand out, fearful for half a second that Sephiroth would insist on feeding her. Sometimes the line between sweet and scary was crossed by him, but it was easily amended and he never did it again.
"It's from a can," he said.
"I guessed," Cass said, "considering I have no ingredients to make it from scratch and you don't know how to anyway." Chicken noodle. Sephiroth had good taste as per usual. It did the trick in a pinch.
"So why were you looking for me in the first place?" Cass asked.
"I want Angeal and Genesis back here," Sephiroth said, "I don't miss them. I just want them back."
"That is missing them, Sephiroth," Cass said. He blinked, his universal sign of confusion.
"No," he said, "Before, when I was in Wutai, I wanted to be back with you. Now I want other people back with me. That's not the same."
"It goes both ways," Cass said, "I promise that I feel the same, only worse, when you're gone." Sephiroth's face turned more serious.
"How much worse?" he asked.
"Enough to make me child proof entire floors," she said. He seemed to be troubled by that.
"Why do I feel this now?" he asked, "Why wasn't it as bad in Wutai? I missed you more than Angeal and Genesis."
"I can't give you an honestly true answer," Cass said, then sneezed once, "but if I had to guess I would say that you are lonely." She coughed a few times as Sephiroth mused over that.
"How can I be lonely if I'm surrounded by people?" he asked.
"Do they talk to you, spend time, hang out like Angeal and Genesis do?" Cass asked.
"No, but neither did troops in Wutai," Sephiroth argued.
"You were, presumably, in a war with Wutai," Cass said, "you had things to occupy your time besides wanting attention from others. Perhaps you felt more camaraderie with your troops in Wutai."
"I don't remember being lonely before," Sephiroth said, "not like this."
"Because you didn't know that friends like Angeal and Genesis existed," Cass said, "you were denied that. Now you know, and you have to live with all parts of having friends. Even the ones that aren't so much fun." She watched as Sephiroth ran the explanation through his head and waited to see if he would accept or reject it. He looked back up.
"Your hair looks funny," he said. She smiled and set aside her bowl.
"I'm going to mess it up some more," she said, "I don't know what they put in that cough syrup, but it's fantastic."
"Is it okay if I read?" Sephiroth asked.
"Yup," Cass said, "I don't care."
When Sephiroth came over he crawled in her lap without saying a word. He hesitated before wrapping his arms around her, as if he was waiting for her to shove him off. She didn't and never would. Instead she wrapped her arms around him in turn. She heard him exhale deeply.
He was trembling.
"Do hugs heal?" she heard him ask. She wasn't certain if it was a real question or simply a stated wondering. She decided to answer anyway.
"In a way they can," she said, "they can't undo damage like materia, but they can make some things feel better." She wanted to add so much more. She wanted to say that she had seen what had happened. She wanted to say that Hojo was evil and people weren't all like that. Some were good, like Professor Gast. She wanted to say that Hojo shouldn't be allowed to do things like what he just did to Sephiroth because it was wrong on so many levels. She didn't because it wouldn't fix anything. Hojo would keeping doing it regardless of morals and ethics. He was a psychopath and those silly things didn't apply to him. Sephiroth wouldn't have access to those good other people so long as Hojo had a say. Cass was enough as it was.
She had to get him out of here and show him. That was the only way.
She could feel the scar tissue from the incision Hojo had made. He hadn't stitched it up and had simply watched Sephiroth suffer until the enhanced cells started healing him. She started rubbing his back. She felt him fist up bits of her shirt, a warning to not hurt him. She continued with only gentle caresses, pretending she couldn't feel the scar on his back that was steadily fading away.
It took far too long for him to relax, but she kept it up until he did. His fists relaxed and his trembling stopped. She kept going. His head drooped until it rested on her shoulder. She kept going. His breathing evened out and he was on his way to sleep. It had been a hard day and he was still of the age for naps. She slowed and prepared to stand.
He perked up immediately when she did, but hadn't started fighting yet. Usually he was carried as a part of being dragged back to Hojo. He didn't like it. Cass pretended he was still asleep and moved to his chair. He looked up at her as she set him down. She moved back into her own seat. She saw him lie back down from the corner of her eye. She waited until he appeared to be asleep before allowing herself to feel angry.
He was such a sweet boy. Why did Hojo have to have him?
She peeled open her eyes and saw Sephiroth sitting a few feet away engrossed in a book. She smiled silently at his face of concentration. He loved reading, a good habit she had instilled into him. Hojo didn't approve of fiction, but Sephiroth liked even the most unlikely of plots. He noted that they were impossible, followed where they went anyway.
"Just to see," he'd say. She didn't know what he was seeing, but it seemed to be amusing enough. She closed her eyes again.
Sephiroth was nervous about going out, he always was. Then they arrived at the destination. Sephiroth halted in the doorway. Cass stopped to see what the matter was.
"Sephiroth?" she asked.
"I've never seen so many books," he said. That was true; the most he'd seen was on Cass's bookshelf. This was a place that was full of filled bookshelves.
"I'm just here to pick up one," she said. He nodded and looked around. She couldn't not say it now.
"Would you like one for yourself?" she asked. He stopped entirely to look up at her.
"You would do that?" he asked. She nodded. He looked at the bookshelves with an entirely new light. It took him an hour to pick one out, but it wasn't as if she had a better plan for the day. He had no idea what he wanted to read. No, correction: he wanted to read everything. She eventually narrowed it down. He seemed ecstatic with it.
He insisted that they read it together when they got home. She forced him to wait until after dinner, but he couldn't and started on his own. Then after dinner he had her start it over and she couldn't tell him no, not when he was this happy. She wasn't certain Sephiroth could get this happy until today. He was closer than ever, laying across her lap, nestled in the crook of her arm.
He fell asleep there. She picked him up, and to her great pleasure, he wrapped his arms around her neck. She stood there for a moment before remembering what she was going to do and moving down the hall. She bent down to set him down and he released his hold when he felt the mattress against his back. She gave him a kiss and whispered good night, but he didn't stir. On a whim, she brought the book in and set it on his desk, knowing that he'd read it when he woke up.
This time she woke up when she felt something brush against her face. Sephiroth was tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Sorry," he said.
"It's okay," she said.
"Are you hungry?" he asked. She nodded, then sneezed again. She accepted another tissue and blew her nose.
"That's lovely," she muttered. Sephiroth looked at a loss for what to do.
"You can leave if you want to," Cass said, "I can take care of myself, this isn't my first cold."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Positive," she replied, "I mostly sleep and complain. It's not something fun to take care of."
"I don't mind," Sephiroth said.
"If there's somewhere else you'd rather go, like practice with Masamune, it's fine," Cass said.
"Okay," he said, "call me if you change your mind."
"I'm not," Cass said, "I'm taking more of that cough syrup." He nodded. She watched him leave before wrapping herself up in her bedspread. She was going to go to bed and to take a bath in that order.
Still, she couldn't help but wonder how on Gaia she managed to have such a sweet boy.