Disclaimer: If I could avoid a copyright issue with Square Enix, that would be great
A/N: Here are my excuses: 1.)I wrote an extremely detailed weekly plan and it took me forever, 2.) I wrote three other papers on top of that, 3.) I had writers block because I don't want to write this part, 4.) I'm on Spring Break and I downloaded Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask and had to start them. 5.) I found my old playstation and my long lost copy of FFVII and had to start that, 6.) I was sleeping. If that doesn't satisfy you just accept my rather sloppy chapter and weep for my loss of little Sephy.
"If you have this number then you know who I am. I am not picking up because A.) My phone is turned off or we have been sadly separated. B.) I don't want to talk to you. Or C.) I am trapped beneath something heavy and can't get out. If it's A or C I'll call you back."
Sephiroth stared at his PHS. He was used to Mom picking up right away and had never heard her voicemail before. In retrospect, he wasn't really surprised. He heard a tone and took a breath.
"Mom? It's me. Sephiroth. You probably knew that. We've had three ambushes, but they were mostly poor farmers so we just took their weapons and sent them back home. I think they were worried about us trampling their crops so I told my guys to watch their step and see if that helps. No ninjas so far. Tseng said you were worried about that.
"I saw a tiger today. Three of them. There were two cubs with...I'm going to say it was the mother. I sent you a picture. I figured you'd think it was cool.
"I'm not overly fond of the weather here. I complain about that a lot. I just think it's ridiculous that it can rain every day. And it's hot and wet. I can see why Tseng doesn't live here, and why he abuses the air conditioning in Summer.
"I was mostly calling to check up on you. I can try again later though. It might be a bit though. I will not say any more.
"Umm...I'll try again later. Love you Mom."
"Sephiroth? Sephiroth it's Mom. I'm so sorry. I was sleeping and my phone was on silent. I've been waiting for your call and I missed it.
"I did get your picture. That was adorable. It's my current background.
"Tseng doesn't talk much about himself, as I'm sure you've noticed, but I mentioned the weather and he did get a faraway nearly traumatized look so I think you're on to something. I don't like humidity either. I don't like to drown on my air.
"I have inside information that those dastardly ninjas are in the interior of the country, behind the parallel, so I'm not that worried. Worried, but not that worried.
"I miss you dear. I don't know what else to tell you. I love you too."
"I missed you again. I was getting better at calling you at the right times. Oh well. I was calling to ask you if you knew how Angeal and Genesis were doing. I haven't seen or heard of them since I got here. I haven't seen anyone in my squad. Why would they have us train together if they would just split us up?
"I miss you. I really miss you. I have so many questions, but I'm not going to ask them over the phone. How fucking tall am I supposed to get? I don't want to outgrow my coat.
"We're going to re-take the parallel again. I want to come back, but we should stay and fortify it. And I got another promotion and I don't want to sit through the ceremony again. I'd rather stay here and just get the field promotion. Those feel...real. I think it might have to do with Heidegger's self-appointed honors.
"A lady came up to me and told me my mother should weep for having to care for a devil like me. I thought it was kind of funny because you did it on purpose. I told her so and said you picked out your own misery and I had nothing to do with it.
"...Am I a bad person? I don't know. I think...I'm okay, not all that good, but not too bad either. I have no idea what makes me more of a devil than Genesis.
"I was hoping if I rambled enough you'd pick up, but...I'm out of things to say.
"I still love you."
"Sephiroth, the day you don't love me I will commandeer a helicopter, fly over to Wutai and demand to know why. As it is, I will remain here because the universe is still in balance.
"I know Genesis and Angeal are fine. Your squad makes up all of the SOLDIER leaders. You were the best of the best so shocker there. When you retake the parallel, you'll see them all again. They got promotions too and actually caught up with you. Genesis was kind of steamed up that you outranked him, so hopefully this makes him happier.
"Tseng told me that the older population is very superstitious and totally racist so I'm probably some sort of jumped up whore to them. Emperor Godo disapproves of that sort of behavior and had been trying to...modernize I guess. He was trying to preserve the natural aura of the nation at the same time so it sounds like he has some conflicting interests. I don't really give a fuck about how people feel about me. Don't you dare attempt to defend my honor either. I can do it myself. That lady can go back to her hut and 100 percent humidity.
"The fact that you question if you are good or evil kind of indicates that you're pretty decent. In my experience there is a spectrum of behavior. If Hojo represented one end and...Professor Gast the other I'd think you'd lean closer to Gast. People will think of you what they will and I can assure you that you can't change people. Just keep doing what you think is right.
"I miss you too. I will be right here waiting for you to get back and I will answer absolutely everything you have to question. You're going to be very tall. I've known this since you were twelve and have been keeping it from you to preserve my own denial. You won't outgrow the coat unless my estimate was way off and then I will get you another coat. It's not a big deal.
"I love you too in case you were wondering. You shouldn't because I spent the last ten minutes talking to your phone because I won't hear your voice if I stop.
"Try to come home in the next six months. I want to know that you're okay."
It was an easy promise to keep. Sephiroth was rotated out once the Southern end of Wutai was taken over. He, Angeal and Genesis had spent a lot of time trying to finagle it under their control.
In the cold, harsh, wet reality of war, Genesis was a lot more serious and hardened. Sephiroth knew the poetry reciting jerk was still in there somewhere and let the stern Commander give his recommendations. He deserved the promotion.
Angeal, on the other hand, was still very much Angeal-ish. He still gave off the calming, yet very controlling aura around him. Sephiroth felt envy for how easily the men allowed themselves to be ordered off by Angeal. He made it sound like a favor and they liked him enough to do it for him. Genesis, though colder and sterner, still had his natural charisma and wove his way between control by fear or by appeasement.
Sephiroth didn't have that. All he had was his sword, a strategy, and brute directness, not to mention his own genetic make-up whatever it was. Apparently, it was enough. He hadn't been questioned yet. Everything he said was done by the day's end.
He added it to his list of questions for Mom. It was long by now.
He stepped off the transport airship a year and a half later from the day he left. Nothing about the scene had changed except that Mom wasn't there and he was finished growing vertically (or at least he hoped so). He sighed out of relief and out of exhaustion. He wanted to find Mom, but he wasn't ready to talk yet.
He only had two weeks to stay at the most.
Angeal wanted his own mother, not to leech off of one of his friends, but he still went up there alone and looking for comfort.
He didn't sign up for this.
"I didn't sign up for this," he said when she had let him in, "I wanted to help people, not kill them."
"That's war Angeal," Cass said.
"I didn't sign up to fight it," Angeal said.
"I know you didn't," Cass said, "but you are anyway. You don't have much a choice anymore." He just stared at her.
"What do you want me to tell you?" Cass asked, "because I am not going to lie to you."
"Did Sephiroth ever have a choice?" he asked.
"No," she said, "I asked him if he wanted to live with me before I made the request, but that's the only life decision he was ever allowed to make."
"Do you have a choice?" he asked.
"Life or death," she said, "I was told I could be a Turk or die out in the wasteland. Most times the decision was worth it, but...I didn't sign up to kill people either."
"What happens if we refuse?" Angeal asked.
"We get replaced and someone else does it," she said. Angeal didn't ask what replacement meant.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because of greed and power," she said, "that's usually the reason for all strife."
"And there's no changing it," Angeal said.
"I didn't say that," she said, "there's no immediate change, but small increments, small enough to not be noticed at the time, will do the trick over time."
"How do you live with it?" Angeal asked.
"Does the Sun still rise each morning?" Cass asked.
"Yeah, so?" Angeal asked.
"So that means life goes on," she said, "It doesn't stop just because you're unhappy. You just have to find a way to cope until you've made enough changes to make it bearable. I read, I cook, I talk to Sephiroth, I be a bitch to everyone else." Angeal frowned.
"Hey if you thought this schpiel was bad think about this: I gave the exact same one to Sephiroth. Think about how comforting I was with his turn. By Genesis I might have it down pat." (She didn't).
Sephiroth stared into his room and his hands tightened on the papers in his hand. He was nineteen years old. He was an adult in society's eyes. He had fought and won more battles than nearly anyone in human history. He could fight and defeat up to ten Wutaiian ninjas at the same time. He led entire armies of men. He was at the top of the list to become the next General. Surely he should be able to make a simple decision.
Instead he was worried about hurting one person's feelings and pondering if he was really ready for this.
"Seph? You here?" He backed out of his room and swallowed hard.
"Hey sweetie," she said, "staying for dinner?"
"Sure," he said, "...Mom?"
"Mmm?" she asked.
"...I love you."
"I love you too," she replied.
"...I...there's..."
"Slow down, think it through," she said, "what's the matter?"
"The military offers housing," he blurted out. He'd had a decent speech halfway worked out and instead just he blurted that out. Cass seemed unfazed by that knowledge.
"And you want your own place," she finished.
"...Kind of," he replied, "I'm never here anyway and..." Cass held up her hand.
"I understand completely," she said, "but are you sure you want to live there?" Sephiroth's stomach dropped a little.
"I mean, they're kind of shitty apartments," Cass said, "I'm sure you could find a better place that you could afford on your own."
After a few days of searching the papers he most certainly did. The landlady seemed a little awestruck at the person who wanted to take a look at her empty apartment, but she let him in.
The place was empty, bare, with white walls and wood floors. It had windows and a balcony. It was smaller than Mom's, but bigger than the one bedrooms he had considered from ShinRa.
He took it on the spot and paid the first month's rent.
He didn't have too much to move over, but Mom still helped him move over. He felt his throat closing up even though she seemed so happy that he was moving out. He was still leaving her. He'd done it a lot, but this one was...permanent.
"I told said you would leave one day, spread your wings and take a shot at trying this on your own," she said, "Everybody does it." He didn't want her to just leave right away. She made him a large dinner to take up room in his barren fridge. They decided his walls would look good with some blue paint and perhaps replace his windows.
She had to go eventually though.
"You can always come ho-back," she fixed hurriedly, "My door is always open for you. I'll still answer all of your questions and talk to you and feed you when you need it." He nodded and hugged her because he was afraid of what he would say.
"I love you," she said.
"Love you too," he said.
"Have some fun," she said, "you're on your own now." It took a little while for that to sink in. He was alone. There was no one here with him.
It was scary and exhilarating.
Genesis hated the stupid ceremony was felt somewhat proud of what it was for this time. He was one of three. The Three: Himself, Angeal, and Sephiroth. All of them in their early twenties and all of them as high as you could get in the military.
That was amazing for anyone.
What was best was that for once, for five fucking minutes, the burning sensation of being second fiddle to Sephiroth wasn't there. He was fine with it.
Because Sephiroth didn't want it.
"I'd rather stay a Colonel," Sephiroth had admitted, "I was good at that. I'm not going to be a good General." It was a late night admission at Sephiroth's apartment and there might have been alcohol involved, but once it was out...
Genesis could feel Sephiroth attempting to shy away from the spotlight despite his completely neutral expression. He didn't feel pity and he didn't feel upset. He felt just fine. This is what their natural dynamic was. Angeal was...Angeal. He was a badass. Sephiroth was the one they looked at, but he would change places in an instant.
That made it okay.
Cass hugged them all, and, as another first, his heart didn't stutter over it. He returned it warmly, feeling suddenly tired.
Sephiroth sighed as he entered his apartment. His landline message box was blinking. He put Masamune on her wall shelves as he made his way over. He pushed the play button.
"How nice of you to call me when you got back,"
"Oh shit," Sephiroth muttered.
"Oh wait, you didn't," Mom's voice said, "I was so hoping I could use you as an excuse to get out of meeting with my boss slash partner. Nothing is worse than getting a lecture from that little asshole. He never fucking changes expressions or tone. I can't tell if he's upset or just fucking with me."
"Just ask her out Tseng," Sephiroth said, "The worst she could do is say no."
"It doesn't help that he hasn't aged in like ten years."
"That might have been a compliment," Sephiroth mused, "then again, she might actually say yes which would be so much worse than no. Better not ask."
"You let me down," Cass said, "So I snuck into your apartment and hid a homemade pizza somewhere within." Sephiroth perked up. There was free food here. He pulled out a water bottle to hold him over during the search.
"Here's a hint, it's in the stove." He opened it.
"I love you Mom," he said, "I really do."
"I know I'm amazing," she continued, "I know you're a General and lead an army of super-soldiers, but I still worry about you and would like a call every now and then."
"I will, I will," Sephiroth said.
"I have your birthday present too," she said, "stop by when you want it."
"Tomorrow," he replied.
"And answering my message isn't actually answering me, just a text will do."
"I know," he said.
"I'll be working tonight," she said, "you can give me a call if you want. But no obligations." Sephiroth smiled and started pulling out his PHS as he sat at his table with his pizza.
"Well I just felt like talkin' at cha," she said, "I just felt like sayin' I love my little black rain cloud so enjoy your rotation off. I love you Sephiroth, talk to you later." He dailed her number and sat back.
"Hey Mom," he said, "I just got your message."