It took Dark Pit's computer a minute to load before the next screen popped up.
"Where are we?"
"Pit, welcome to the Kid Icarus Fanfic Archive," Dark Pit said. "It's where some of the stupidest ideas for KI games came to be and how those Pit clones were created."
Pit scanned the page. From the pictures and ratings, he could already tell that reading most of these stories would be either cause him to lose brain cells or be dangerous to his mentality.
"Geez, we're a tiny video game series and we have so many fanfics."
"It's the fangirls. They're always go mad for hot boys like you and me."
Pit blushed. "Really?" He looked where it listed the characters in each story. "It looks like they target you more."
Dark Pit groaned. "I'm awesome, cool, more awesome, and I can kick butt. I just don't like that kind of attention."
Pit sighed. "I don't know, but I guess it would be nice if I got that kind of attention..."
"Trust me, don't think about it." He got the computer from Pit and began scrolling down. He glared at the first few items on screen and breathed in heavily. "Let's start reading them."
The campfire blazed as a young boy roasted marshmallows. The sky was littered with stars. The forest around him was quite, like everything had died. The boy was alone, wallowing in self-pity and despair. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. He just didn't know what to do with his life.
It had been days since Pittooey left Skyworld. He hated Pit and Palutena. He couldn't stand Viridi or her commanders. Now, he was alone.
"A few paragraphs in, and we already have problems." Dark Pit leaned back in his chair. "First off, my name is Dark Pit. Not Pittoo or Pittooey. Second, why would everyone mistreat me? Third, the author repeated I was alone twice."
"Not to mention you seem like you're about to cry."
"Yes. It takes more than that to break me. Like if my wings were taken from me or if I had nothing on me but a bottle of water."
All he had on him was a bottle of water. His precious black wings? Gone.
Pit fell to the floor, laughing and pointing at the dark angel. "You just jinxed yourself!"
Dark Pit pressed the back button. "I'M DONE WITH THIS MISERABLE PIECE OF GARBAGE!" He scrolled down. "How about this one?" He clicked on it.
Arlon kissed Pandora while Pit clapped.
"Hurr durr marriage fun." Pit grew cross-eyed and grinned.
Viridi slapped him and growled into his ear. "Shut up Pit. We have a party to get to."
Dark Pit blinked. "...What? Also, Pit's out of character."
Palutena closed her locker.
"Why'd you suddenly stop reading?" Pit watched as the screen reloaded.
"High school is way overdone."
Hi! My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long black silky beautiful hair and cute large blue eyes. I go shopping at Tot's Hoppip every week with Darkie, my boyfriend. He's so cute and wonderful and more cute and can take out that ugly prep Spit in five seconds!
"WHAT IN HADES?!" Both Pits fainted.
When they both recover, Pit took the chair from him. "Let's calm down..."
"I can't." Dark Pit bursted out laughing. "Ebony out of all people? Oh my gods."
"You were touched by a devil, Pittoo. Hades bless you."
For the next few minutes, they skimmed more fanfics. The authors didn't seem to get any better. Both angels decided they needed a break. Pit hung out in a recliner while Dark Pit watched some videos.
They were about get back to hunting through the archive when a knock sounded at their door.
Pit jumped out of his seat. "Oh no." He rushed over to the door. "Who's there?"
"Pit, I want to talk to you."
Pit clenched his fists. "You're not fooling me, fake Pittoo. I'm not opening the door."
A laugh rang through the room. "Who said we were behind the door?"
Pit spun on his heel, finding three boys behind him. One was next to the wall and tied in long brown rope.
"Pittoo!" He pulled out his Palutena bow and pointed it in their direction. "You get your dirty hands off of him right now." He slowly approuched the Pit doppelgängers.
"No," Pit Two (Pit's clone) stepped up, brandishing a pair of Stealth Claws. "Either accept us or die."
"No way!" Pit rushed at him, splitting his bow apart. "Don't you know how bad incest is? What if we had the ability to have a kid? He, or she, would come out all wrong. It would be a waste of a poor soul."
Pit Two rushed at him. He held out two small squares. Seconds later, he was gone.
"Where'd he-" Pit was shot from behind. He turned, only for pain to envelop his stomach. He then felt cold. He had been frozen!
Pit Two reappeared in front of him. "Got him."
Dark Pit's clone (Dark Two) smirked. "Great, now let's get these two back to our Skyworld."
"No!" Dark Pit yelled. He wiggled in his bonds. He smirked himself when he felt something warm in his hand.
Pit Two walked over to him. And then he got burned. Terribly.
Dark Pit rolled away from the burning ropes. He stood and kicked Pit Two aside. He disintegrated as soon as he hit the wall.
Pit thawed out of the ice after a short struggle with Dark Two abusing the Freeze power. He shot him in the head and then dived on top, attacking viciously.
Dark Pit cringed and looked away. A scream seconds later indicated that Dark Two was gone.
Pit brushed a pile of black feathers off his tunic. "Phew!"
They were both silent, waiting to see if there was anything else. Dark Pit went over to his laptop and scooped it up.
"Let's get out of here," he said.
When they got back to the surface world, Pit screamed in horror. A blonde-haired girl in a rediculously puffy pink dress laid in the grass, groaning.
"Pit? Dark Pit? Is that you?" She rose her hand. "Those idiots tried to kill me."
Neither of the Pits went near her. They raced into the woods. Once they were out of earshot, Pit collapsed on a tree stump.
"Are you two alright?"
"Lady Palutena, thank goodness," Pit said. "We're fine. This problem of ours is getting strange."
"How?"
A light surrounded both Pits, bringing them back to Skyworld. They met the Goddess of Light at the front of her temple.
"You see, Dark Pit introduced me to this place... It's where people write about us."
The Goddess thought for a moment. "If that's the source... I don't know how it can be helped. Trying to tell them they're wrong will create a firestorm."
Pit lowered his head. "There has to be a way..." He began pacing around while the other two watched him. "Wait... You can post stories there. So that means we can put up a PSA to stop this stuff NOW!"
Palutena and Dark Pit groaned.
"He's not listening to us."
"They won't listen to him," Dark Pit added.
"Aw, come on Pittoo!" Pit threw his arm over his brother's shoulders. "It's worth a shot."
"Dark Pit's right." Palutena said. "People may not want to give up what they like to do, for reasons unknown. You can't force them."
"Lady Palutena..." Pit's eyes grew.
Palutena couldn't help but falter when she saw his face. She sighed and conjured a laptop in Pit's hands. "Alright. Just be careful. If I see you going over the top, then I'm going to prevent you from going there again."
The angel raced off into the temple.
Dark Pit glared at Palutena. "Great, now everyone's going to know we exist." He began jogging after Pit. "Excuse me while I build a barricade in the guest room."
Palutena just laughed and followed him. "Now Pittoo, you don't have to do that. I always have my forcefield on hand."
But she was unaware that the fans were watching. By using their authorial powers, they could sneak past the barrier and torture them even more. And with a certain new game on the horizon, Pit and friends were going to get a lot of attention.
Pit ended his entry there and sat back in his bed. It had been long and tedious, but the story was now done. He closed his browser and grabbed his 3DS...
When he realized he never saved his work. Dark Pit had to come in and recount the events while Pit sobbed in bed.
"It's only a story," Dark Pit tried to explain.
Pit sniffled. "It's my life!"
Dark Pit saved the document before leaning back in his chair. "There. Happy?"
Pit looked up and smiled when he saw blocks of texts filling the screen. "Thanks Pittoo."
"Whatever. I'm going back to the altar to focus on the ultimate Dark Pit staff. See ya." He slammed the door, leaving Pit to post the chapter online.
Note that this might not be the last chapter.