Chapter 11

Lily sat on her dorm bed, completely befuddled. Tina had just run out on her after Lily told her she had just cut once again. The blood on her arm had dried, but it still stung a little.

This was all Fred's fault. He made her this way. He made her depressed, empty and crazy.

She needed to talk to him. She needed to tell him everything she had been holding inside, but first, she needed alcohol.

She walked to the kitchen with her head down. The halls were unusually empty for a Saturday night after a Hogsmeade trip. They were normally scattered with students that were still in date-mode, even though their dates were long over. Lily was quite grateful for the lack of strays though. She didn't feel as if she could face the happy couples that graced these corridors on most Saturday nights.

She tickled the picture of the fruit, as she had seen filch do the night of her first detention of sixth year. She stepped into the kitchen and looked around; even the white walls, pearly marble floor and silver bench tops held memories of her past love. She remembered her 'ajax' fight with Fred and George and it pained her to think of a time when she was still so close to the twins.

It seemed so far back now. Nearly a year had passed since then. At the start of this year, she was still best friends with Fred and George Weasley. Back then, she could still confide in Fred and laugh and joke with George. Back then, she didn't know the extent of her feelings for Fred. Back then, she was still classified as 'theirs' even though they had no official claim on her. Back then, things weren't so complicated and so…so painful.

Lily was still reminiscing when she was greeted by a small, female house-elf.

"Hello Miss." the elf asked shyly, yet happily, "What can November get for you Miss?"

"Hey November." Lily half-heartedly greeted the elf, "Do you have any Dragonspirits?"

November the elf reluctantly nodded and slumped off to get the requested beverage. She came back with a glass bottle with a cork for a lid and held it out.

"Thanks." Lily took the bottle and wandered around outside the grounds.

She took small sips at first, mustering up the courage to talk to Fred. She didn't think she could do it without breaking down. She didn't want to cry in front of him, but she didn't exactly want to slap him either. Did she?

Maybe she did want to slap him. One day he's ready and willing to fight for her and the next…the next he couldn't care less? She was extremely confused. Fred only added to the confusion by getting into that fight with Mason. If he didn't care about her, why was he so worked up?

Lily shook her head, as if to shake the thoughts away and took a swig of the brownish red liquid. It burned her throat and tasted like shit but she really didn't care. It was strong; a lot stronger than Firewhiskey or Butterbeer. November had only given her about half a bottle and the affects were quickly starting to take place.

Lily's vision was slightly blurred and her steps were wonky. Her hearing was fuzzy, and her stomach was lurching. Her head was swimming as she squinted. Her vision cleared up enough to see where she was. She was standing outside the Gryffindor common room.

She took a deep breath and straightened up, nearly toppling over in the process. She walked up to the portrait of The Fat Lady and said the Gryffindor password. Or at least, she thought she did. She stood, expecting the portrait to open.

"Hello?" she said waving her free hand in front of The Fat Lady's face, "aren't you going to let me in?"

"You need the password." the portrait replied in her sing-song voice.

"I just said the password!" Lily said through slurred speech.

"My dear, you said nothing." the portrait replied sweetly.

"Oh," Lily cleared her throat, "bootur scosh." Even if she didn't have alcohol on her breath, Lily's speech was so bad even The Fat Lady couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Please repeat that?" the portrait frowned. Lily sighed in annoyance.

"Butter scotch." she said clearer and the portrait swung open. She stepped into the common room and people stared at her. She ignored them all and walked to the door of the twins' dorm. She opened the door and saw Tina in there with the boys. "What are you doing here?" Lily asked cocking a curious eyebrow.

"No reason," she said hurriedly, "just leaving." she finished and slipped out of the door. Lily shrugged it off, too drunk to note it as suspicious. Lily walked over to one of the twins and looked at him sternly.

"Fred, we need to talk." she said pointing at him with the hand that still clutched the near empty bottle of Dragonspirits.

"Then you should probably talk to him." George pointed at the other twin.

"Oh." Lily said again and walked over to Fred. "Fred, we need to talk."

"I'll leave you to it." George said leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

"Lily, you're drunk," Fred said level-headedly.

"Pffshh," she said waving a hand in the air, "I've had a little to drink is all."

"We can talk when you're sober." he said although guilt crashed down on him because he knew he had made her this way.

"That was my original plan." she said brightly.

"Lily," he opened his mouth to protest, but Lily had thrown herself at him – literally. He caught her in mid-air. She wrapped her legs around his torso and snaked her arms around his neck as she leant down to meet his lips.

Fred kissed her back with no hesitation. She shoved her tongue into his mouth and began to unbutton his cardigan. She pushed it off his shoulders with ease, never breaking their kiss. He walked forward a little more and laid her down on his bed. She tugged him down by the collar of his shirt and then pulled it over his head, revealing his toned and muscular chest.

'Thank you quiddich.' she thought as she ran a hand over Fred's exposed chest.

She began fumbling with his belt buckle as he slid his hands up her sides. She lifted her hands into the air briefly, allowing Fred to remove her shirt and discard it. He stopped for a moment, taking in the sight of the scars left on her arm. He had a guilty look on her face as if he was the one who had cut her arm. He noticed one scar in particular. It looked quite new and was dangerously close to her wrist. Lily squirmed, uncomfortable with Fred seeing what was left of her self-harm. He looked back at her eyes and kissed her softly on the mouth, as if to say sorry. Lily returned the kiss and it heated up once again.

Her hands instantly moved back to the belt, which was also discarded quickly along with his jeans. He leant down and planted kisses along her stomach and around her bellybutton. His lips made his way back up to the centre of her torso and his hands tightened around her waist. She kissed his neck hard and dug her fingernails into his back, resulting in a moan of pleasure from the boy. She was showering his neck with small kisses when Fred spoke.

"Wait, stop, stop." he said standing up. Lily looked up and met his eyes and he looked…mortified. Okay, not exactly the reaction she expected.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" she asked sitting up.

"No, Merlin, no." he said wiping his face with his hand, "it's me. I shouldn't be taking advantage of you while you're drunk and upset."

"You aren't taking advantage." she said. "I love you and you just proved that you still love me. Why can't we do this?"

"Because…it wouldn't be right." he said, trying to convince himself not to continue removing the clothing from the girl in front of him.

"Why? Why wouldn't it be right?" she argued.

"I don't want you to do something you'll regret." he said softly.

"I won't regret it Fred! It's what I've wanted for so long. You're what I've wanted for so long." she said almost pleadingly.

"I don't want you to lose your virginity while you're drunk. You deserve better than that." he said putting a hand comfortingly on Lily's shoulder and resisting the urge to slide it down, taking her bra strap with him.

"Fine," she sighed, "can I at least lay here with you?"

He smiled sadly and nodded. The girl pulled herself under the covers and soon Fred was in there with her. His arm slipped protectively around her waist and her head buried into his chest, taking in his scent.

Fred was fretting the upcoming morning. If Mason found out what had just happened, Merlin knows what he would do. He eventually pushed these thoughts aside to enjoy having his beautiful girl in his arms once again.