He looks forward to every single day, thinking about the time spent together with Tetsuya. Everything has been going smoothly. From little pecks to the cheeks, it advanced to holding hands in the public without a care in the world. They often teased each other which left the others (namely the GoM) cringing. Well, what can I say? They are a very open pair indeed.
Everyday has been a fulfillment and neither was unhappy. Kuroko wasn't shy anymore towards Akashi's advancements. Heck, he has been quite daring to be affectionate towards Akashi whenever they are around their former teammates. He sneaked kisses to Akashi and blew kisses to him. At times, he would even poke the redhead's cheeks (It's squishy, he thinks) which would earn him a growl and snickers from their former teammates.
It won't be anything new to them though. They've seen it before and they will see it again. Their opinion doesn't matter, honestly. The both of them had professed their love in their presence openly in the past. Those were the best times, yet the worst times they experienced. Because, who would want to see their devil of a captain kiss and be touchy with their oh-so-innocent phantom? Kuroko isn't that innocent though.
More often than not, he will return the kisses. Neither of them tried to cross the boundary they've set. They don't know what they are now. They are not boyfriends, and certainly aren't just best friends. What they are right now, there isn't a word to describe them. More than best friends, but less than a boyfriend.
Akashi was tempted. He fears rejection. He knows that Tetsuya won't turn him down but he still doesn't muster up his courage to say it. He likes to make his confessions special. So special that it will be remembered for a lifetime and that it will be etched deep into the person's mind forever. He likes it 'grand'.
Tetsuya loves the warm cuddles during cool nights. He feels filled up, with warmth and love. There wasn't any loneliness. He let another into the world of his and he doesn't plan on letting the other go. He would whine when Akashi lets go of his hand that will eventually be void of the lovely warmth emitting from Akashi. He would purr when Akashi scratches his head, like a kitten receiving a scratch from its master. He likes to be pampered but he never voices it out. It'll be embarrassing. He's a guy; a male. Guys don't act like a girl being all cutesy all over. He loves the attention he receives; he loves the care and warmth he receives. Heck, he loves everything Akashi does to him. He would feel empty whenever they say their goodbyes even though they will meet again in the next day.
He's been regaining his memories little by little each passing day. Sometimes its sweet, sometimes it's dark. It kinds of wrenches his heart whenever a certain someone who has heterochromatic eyes appear in his dreams. It doesn't scare him. Rather, it pains him. There wasn't anything that makes him fearful in his dreams but it serves more as a reminder that something has happened to trigger the painful thuds and searing headaches whenever he wakes up from a fitful dream. It makes him want to tear too.
Sweet dreams make him happy all day long. It touches his heart. He personally likes the one where Akashi brought him to a skating rink during the winter season in the middle of the night. The rink was lighted up with little lights by the pavement, making the rink look even more beautiful than it is in the day. There isn't that much of people who ice skates at night. It's chilling and exciting to go against the dry cool air, slipping on the ice to get his boyfriend to pull him up and to enjoy little puffs of air whenever his boyfriend tries to speak to him. It's a nice experience, he thinks. He never had a chance to ice skate during winter. He didn't like the crowded areas and anyone can just accidentally bump into him when they are having too much fun to even care about their surroundings. Having such an opportunity, experiencing love, care and fun, he has indeed gained much.
The haunting dreams are what he can't understand. The ruby and gold eyes which seems to constantly stare into his soul is disturbing. The eyes are frighteningly familiar but he can't figure out why. It's gnawing at the back of his head. He can feel it. Those eyes are what tells a story which hasn't been told. The story, is absurd itself.
Kuroko looks as though he has a lot going on in his mind right now that he forgets Akashi's presence.
"A penny for your thoughts, hmm?" Akashi said, snapping him out of his reverie.
Kuroko blinked his eyes and realized that he is actually staring into space or rather, Akashi's face when he comes to his senses. He forgets that they were in the park they frequent. He turns away from Akashi, embarrassed.
Kuroko smiled sheepishly. How embarrassing to be caught off guard. "Ah, just thinking of some things..." He trailed off. "Things like you."
Oh two can play this game.
"Me, I see. What did I do to you that caused you to be so deep in thought?" He said wistfully.
"You really want to know?" Kuroko waggled his eyebrows then chuckled. He saw how Akashi smirked.
Ah, how playful. Akashi leaned in close and whispered into Kuroko's ears. "Yeah. Tell me about it, Tet-chan."
Kuroko turned pink at the sound of his name being so lewdly pronounced. Well, he'll just play around with the redhead before really getting on to the point of his thoughts. It has been bugging him for a while now.
Kuroko did the same- he leaned in onto Akashi's body and whispered into his ears. "You touched me. Inappropriately." He breathed into his ears. "I liked it."
It's just a few words but Akashi knows that Kuroko is just playing around. "My my. Someone is getting excited isn't he?" Akashi laughed then pushed the boy who weighed like nothing off him.
Ah, he knows. Straight to the point then.
He stared into the ruby red eyes. He huffed. "Akashi-kun, the memories I'm getting aren't always full of flowers and rainbows. Sometimes, I get dark and cold ones. The eyes, red and gold-" Akashi stiffened. "-who belongs to someone I seem to know, gives me an ominous feeling. It's always cold. I cannot shake off the uneasy feeling whenever I stare deep into that very pair of eyes. There is always a myriad of emotions swarming in the glowing orbs.
"Sometimes, when I wake up, I feel my heart throbbing. It's full of pain. I wonder if it's my heart bleeding for the other, or was it the pain I'm inflicted to. Perhaps, it may as well be the pain that the other is feeling, that I myself cannot help but feel. He must have caused quite a great impact in my life."
Akashi felt it- the strong wave of emotions. It's overpowering. He knew that Tetsuya would have such dreams because dreams are made from memories.
Kuroko continued, voice trembling. "There is just once this instance, I felt it full force. Words echoed off the dark area I was enclosed in, leaving me gasping for air and tugging at my hair to stop thinking about the venomous words spat at me. It was just a dream, but it felt so real. It haunted me. The words were full of hate. Voice void of emotions- it was cold. Then, the same pair of eyes came into view again before I woke up, disheveled, sweaty and snotty."
He felt guilty to inflict damages to Kuroko. Sure, he wasn't in full control of himself the last time, but did his other self, or rather, alter ego, have to be so unpleasant? What if Kuroko knew that he was the one behind the pair of eyes that held no feelings? Would Tetsuya still be together with him? Or would he avoid him till the end? He doesn't know. He doesn't want to know.
He wonders if he should tell him. But at the same time, he wants Kuroko to remember everything himself. He has already remembered most of the past. What good would it do to Akashi if he were to be the one telling Kuroko about the hurtful stuff he did and that he was sorry? He could only hope that the teal haired boy could forgive him.
Kuroko is shaking. It left him breathless and sweat beaded his forehead. He doesn't want to remember the words spewing out from the dark shadows aimed at him. 'Useless', 'Weak', 'Burden', 'Invisible', 'Emotionless', 'Hindrance, 'Pitiable' and many other spiteful words.
"-ya. Tetsuya."
Kuroko snapped his head towards the redhead. Akashi ran his thumb over the tears that fell onto the pale cheeks.
"Please don't cry. I promise, you will not be hurt any further. I will hold onto my word. If you ever need someone to listen to all your woes, I will be here for you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I will lend you mine. If you ever need a friend, call me. I will always be there for you." If you ever need somebody to love, I will always be there for you.
Kuroko teared up further upon hearing what Akashi said. No one has ever given any concern for him the way the redhead does. No one would ever go through such lengths just for a person like Kuroko. He doesn't believe that someone out there would actually give a damn about him. What makes it more perplexing was that, no one made him feel as loved as he was when he is with the redhead.
Akashi patted Kuroko's back and that's when he broke down. He cried against the shoulders of the redhead. He doesn't want to deny it but, being with Akashi makes him feel safe. It makes him feel loved. He doesn't want to destroy the relationship they have currently. He couldn't give the love that Akashi wants so badly back without regaining all his memories. It wouldn't be fair to Akashi if he accepts the love without parts of his memories. He needs to know the mystery person; the person who caused him pain.
After quite a while, Kuroko's breathing stabilized. Part of Akashi's shirt was damp with tears. He tried not to wake the sleeping boy up. He didn't like it when Kuroko cried. Kuroko was never one to tear; he was strong. He doesn't tear; at least, he tries not to. He kept his front strong. Until he considers that he is away from the world, in the confines of his room, then he would breakdown.
He never lets his true emotions get the better of him. It would ruin him. But for Akashi to have broken it down in a matter of seconds, just like how he did for Akashi's iron defense, it took quite some time to actually get to know the boy and to understand everything in the boy's world.
For Kuroko to cry like this, he feels bad, guilty even.
He piggybacked the sleeping boy, trying his best not to move around so much to wake him up. Fortunately, Akashi has an apartment in just a distance from the park. After all, the park was his favourite and the apartment wasn't so bad either. Getting the apartment was probably a good choice. Perhaps, he could rest Kuroko there for the time being.
Little did he know the place would trigger memories that would eventually solve Kuroko's questions.
Have you guys waited long? Finally, Kuroko has regained most of his memories. In the next chapter, he'll remember everything! Till, the next time.