A/N: Thanks JPElles, JaninaM8, and odinsdatter9 for your benevolent words, makes my day whenever I read those kind reviews. I agree with you, Princess PrettyPants, but alas, Loki is Loki. And JigokuShoujosRevenge…I don't know, I feel kind of bad now, but I will try to redeem myself in your eyes through this chapter.
This is off-topic, but I saw The Only Lovers Left Alive , and if you are a Tom Hiddleston fan and haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it. It's about two vampires, but it's not clichéd or the chick-flick-type and although it has those supernatural concepts, it has a lot of very "human" themes and I'm in love with the film, it's well written and is just amazing.
Also off-topic, but did you guys hear? ROBERT DOWNEY JR AND SUSAN ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY! Sigh, I love babies. And I imagine they are the perfect parents.
Also, thank you to 1Laure-Lo, and DraejonSoul. Enjoy!
No copyright infringement intended (this is much better than constantly reminding myself that despite my obsession with the Marvel universe – it shall never be mine.)
Jane looked around her home to find it completely…glowing. There were replicated decorations that they had seen in town: the paper snowflakes for the drugstore windows now were also hanging on hers, there were snow globes on every table, there was a wreath on her main and bedroom door, and mistletoe and festive bows decorated the walls and ceilings. The decorations surprised Jane but it was also the artistic touch. They seemed to be tasteful and unique. Even paper snowflakes on the window managed to look elegant.
Loki watched Jane do a 360 as she took it all in. She stopped when she noticed the Christmas tree in the corner, pushed in the corner in the make-shift living room.
"OH MY GOD!"
"Yes?" Loki answered, a very smug smile on his face.
The tree was a lot like Lola's but in comparison, it looked like Lola's was just the prototype. This tree was bigger and, well, better. Instead of the tacky red and gold decorations with the mismatched lights, this tree had silver and dark blue ornaments. Unlike Lola's tree it wasn't overflowing with the adornments but there were plenty of little stars. And the lights were all white and stunning.
"Loki…how?" Jane moved towards her love, hugging him as hard as she could. "Thank you," she whispered, not quite able to look at him yet since that would mean she'd have to look away from her perfect tree first.
Loki just chuckled. "Do you like it?"
"No."
Loki lifted up Jane's chin, kind of confused.
"I absolutely, from the bottom of my heart, adore and love and cherish it. It's one of the best things I've ever gotten and one of the nicest things I've ever had. I can't fathom how I got so lucky. Loki, I love it. So much. More than my life." As she said this, she didn't know if she was talking about her love for the tree or her love for Loki.
Loki just beamed at her praise. "Well, as they say, 'Have yourself a merry little Christmas'."
Jane laughed and just said, "'Kay."
Jane kept staring at the tree and Loki kept staring at her.
They didn't even turn on the any lights that night. The tree's lights and Jane's smile was all Loki needed to survive in the dark. They slept on the couch that night, spooning and whispering stories to one another until midnight came and they both sank into a deep sleep.
!
So Thor was the God of Thunder. Okay. Cool.
Then how was he able to stop time?
"How?" Darcy demanded. She had told Thor to drag her to her room but she didn't know how long it would take SHIELD to prevent her from leaving. Yeah, it wasn't a very brilliant plan, but brilliant plans were hardly Darcy's specialty.
"It's not time I stopped, no one can do that."
"Yeah? Then why are the deadliest assassins on the whole planet frozen in front of me?"
All SHIELD agents and their top notch spies and god-knows-what were immobile and frankly they all looked like idiots with their face stuck in one expression.
"I, well, stopped them."
Darcy just stared at Thor.
"So, who are you again, despite a raging giant with a surely unhealthy hammer infatuation, I mean dude, seriously, you should see someone about that. Next thing you know, you'll end up being the new Miley Cyrus, making out with hammers where ever you go. Is that what you want? Is that how your parents raised you?"
"…I am Prince Thor Odinson of Asgard and I do not understand what you are saying."
"That's okay, I talk kinda fast. Huh, wow, I never knew aliens could be this hunky. You're not even green and you have only two eyes. In fact you look more medieval-aged rather than some reptile looking laser shooting demented alien. To be honest, if it weren't for your super-hero abilities, I would just guess you were a male stripper going for a costume party or something. No offense."
Thor blinked, not sure if he should be insulted. He gave Darcy a blank look, at which she sighed.
Then she bowed. "Okay, Thor Onion, Prince of Ass-guard, Jesus that's an unfortunate name, anyways, welcome to earth! My name is Darcy Lewis, I will be your tour guide on this trip and you don't even have to pay me. Clearly you are very gifted with that hammer of yours, so all I ask is you cover by butt if need be. In other words help me from getting terminated, and I don't mean just fired, by them." She pointed at the still agents lined in front of her.
Thor understood roughly half of that so he nodded.
"Good. Now, you keep them frozen and I'll go to my room, quickly pack my stuff and then we'll make them follow us again to the room, so they think we are in there, and then you freeze them again and we'll take off. Don't worry," she flashed her SHIELD security key card at him, "I got you covered."
"I thank you for your generosity Darcy Lewis," Thor said, truly grateful.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm a saint, I know. Just do what I say and we'll be free in no time."
Darcy didn't have a lot of stuff. She only had one outfit, which she changed into, and then shoved her PJs in her messenger bag. The only other attire she had were her SHIELD uniforms which she didn't mind letting go, in fact she wouldn't mind burning the hideous leather that had tortured her self-esteem by making her look fat.
She threw her laptop, charger, and diary into the bag and for a couple seconds silently grieved her lack of stuff. Seriously, at this point, tomboy Jane had more clothes on her than she did.
"Lady Darcy, I think some other men are headed this way," Thor peaked into the room, nervous.
"Yeah, the others are probably getting suspicious, alright, time to bolt. Hey, can you freeze everyone on this building?"
"Hold on…yes, they are, as you are said, frozen."
"Awesome." Darcy grabbed Thor's hand and ran out. She ran past at the unmoving Fury and mentally flashing him the finger and just like that, the two left the building. The only con was that the SHIELD headquarters were in the middle of nowhere, but Darcy found a nice-looking car and hopped on. There was only one road ahead.
"How long can you keep those freaks still?"
Thor frowned, "Probably forever, but they might die, if I'm correct, mortals are not very, um…," he tried to look for a word that wouldn't offend Darcy.
"I know, we suck. But don't worry about them, we just need to get out. There's a security-guard kinda guy coming up, think you can freeze him too?"
"With pleasure, milady," Thor smiled. They drove past the stilled guard but his machines beeped wildly at the unauthorized departure. In fact, the now miles away SHIELD building was still beeping, sirens and alarms going off everywhere. From her rear-view mirror, the building was just a hue of flashing red lights.
She was speeding away and after what felt like forever, they found a highway. Thor relaxed when he saw the average mortals, finally some who weren't after him. Then he frowned when he noticed Darcy turning into a dark road, away from the lights and people. It was a dark wide alley, not a single soul present.
Darcy just gave Thor a reassuring smile. "All SHIELD cars have GPSs and they can track us down if we keep using this one. And like you said, we can't leave the agents completely frozen forever. So," she stepped out the car, and when Thor did, his door came out with him.
"My apologies." He tried fitting the door back in, but it just kept getting more and more crushed.
"Hey, you gave me an awesome idea! Here, give me your hammer."
Lightening flashed, followed by thunder as Thor glared at Darcy, unsure if she was still helping him.
"Dude, chill, I'll give it back," and with that she reached and snatched Mjölnir out of Thor's hand.
"How...?" Thor asked, completely flabbergasted.
Darcy winked at him and then threw the hammer down on the front of the car and soon the car was completely destroyed and partially caught on fire by the time Darcy was done talking out her frustration on the poor sports car.
She handed the hammer back to the stunned Thor and she wiped the sweat of her forehead and grinned at him. "Man, that felt good."
"How did you do that Darcy Lewis? No one has ever been able to pick up Mjölnir before."
"What? Oh Meow-meow? Yeah, turns out I just can. Now, let's step out of this alley before someone notices."
She grabbed Thor's hand again and they left the alley.
"You can unfreeze everyone now," Darcy told Thor as they stepped back into civilization. "SHIELD can't hurt us when we're around people. They're a secret organization and stuff so if they publically arrest us, because, well then they aren't gonna be 'secret' anymore. Plus, with your freezing abilities, we don't have much to worry about. Tell me though, how do you do that? Freeze people I mean."
They had made it to New York City now, Darcy wasn't exactly sure how, but she knew they were close to home. As they walked to Darcy's mom's apartment, people stared at Thor, but this was New York so people managed to move on.
"My brother taught me. He's a sorcerer…" Thor really missed Loki and Darcy picked up on that quickly. After all the two of them were in this mess cause he wanted to find his brother.
They walked a bit more in silence, Thor didn't say anything else.
Then they re-entered a dark alley. Darcy led Thor up a spiral of stairs and opened a small door. Thor stepped into a filthy room.
"So, uh, welcome, to the Lewis household. It officially is flooding with trash, so follow me to my room aka the safest place in this humble abode."
"Darcy, do you live here?" Thor asked, unable to imagine anyone capable. Darcy turned on her light in her room which was just slightly bigger than a store closet.
She took in Thor's repulsed expression. "Clearly you don't have poor people in Ass-guard."
"Asgard," Thor corrected, "And no, poverty is unheard of. It's a land for the free and civil. Money holds no value. You cannot continue living in these conditions Darcy, once we find my brother you must come home with me."
"Jeez, buy the girl some dinner first, you douche bag," Darcy joked, "It's okay though, I'm kinda irresistible. But hey, I don't know what operation you run back in your town but here, in the real world, if you keep saying stuff like that to other women, I cannot guarantee your safety."
"What do you mean?"
"Just don't say anything and respect women. Capisce?"
"Of course, I did not mean to disrespect anyone."
"Good. Now, here's the situation: my mom's a drunkard and my dad's is probably dead somewhere, I don't know and I don't care. My brother however frequents this place so let me find some cash and then we'll 'borrow' one of my brother's trucks from his house and then we head to New Mexico to find my friend Jane."
"Will she be able to help?"
"If you're brother fell from the sky like you did, then definitely, she's kind of an expert on outer space and the sky and astrology and physics and things I can't pronounce so you stay in here and I'll look for cash and then I need some toiletries before we go steal, I mean borrow, my bro's car."
"Wait, Darcy, I cannot let you roam in the house alone. Allow me to help."
"Whatever you say pretty boy. But watch out, if a rat bites you, I don't have insurance so…"
They trudged across the dirty house. It stunk and was absolutely disgusting; the alley was cleaner. Jane checked her brother's room which was sort of clean. She flipped his mattress. "Holy shit, look, $10,000 bucks! Damn, maybe I should have joined a gang."
"Is that a lot of money?"
"Yes, $10,000 bucks is a lot."
"Then why don't you hire a maid to clean your home?"
"Well, you see, my brother joined this gang, which are like mini-mortal mafias you know, they do like a bunch of illegal stuff, like dealing drugs and kill people and they get a lot, and I mean, a lot of cash. My brother sort of left the house and left me here to rot with my mother. Thankfully I got this art scholarship and met Jane and just lived in the college, away from the dirt. Anyways my brother, Ricky, has this mansion up in Manhattan where he pretends to be all high-class but he keeps some drug money here when he comes to the city so his wife doesn't catch him carrying loads of cash and find out that he's more than just a really successful real-estate agent."
For Darcy, the story was, well, her life, so she didn't care as much as Thor did. He really felt bad for Darcy who not only had this broken family but also one that didn't treat her right.
"Darcy, I am–"
"Don't you dare Hammer Man. I'm not sorry about my life, I may not have lived like a Deity but I'd rather be this instead of some high-class ass I like to make fun of. I could have been a beach blondie," she shuddered, "but I'm a badass and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, let's shut up and look for anything shiny or well, money."
Turns out, Ricky's room was stuffed with cash. Behind the breaking furniture, underneath it, in the old suitcases; it was the best scavenger hunt Darcy had ever been a part off.
By the end of their hunt, Darcy had over $2 million on her lap.
"This is AWESOME!"
Thor smiled at Darcy's happy dance and laughed along with her. Midgardian women were more light-hearted than Asgardian ones it seemed.
"Oh my god I'm a rich bitch! This is so cool, dude, Thor, we're rich!"
After a moment, Darcy calmed down. "God, the money really changes you, huh?"
"Anyways," she pointed at Thor, "hand me that black bag and stuff all this in. We gotta leave ASAP and steal ourselves a shiny Hummer."
"Darcy, we have all this money now, wouldn't it be better if we simply bought our carriage?"
Darcy stared at Thor with disbelief. "Dude, for once in my life I have the chance of getting some pure revenge. Seriously, I wish I had your powers, magic seems like a waste with you." She shook her head at him.
Thor straightened up, slightly offended. "It's hardly a waste Lady Darcy. We will steal that carriage and I myself would like to give your brother's house a bit of the classic hammer-thrashing. You can have a turn," he grinned at her mischievously. Thor loved pranks and he himself was a fan of revenge. Although sneaky strategic pranks were more of Loki's department, Thor was overtly fond of smashing his way to victory and this would be no different.
"Now we're talking! Okay, c'mon! We have to leave the city before SHIELD finds us. And knowing them, it might be soon."
By the end of the night, Thor and Darcy had become yet-to-be-convicted felons. Ricardo "Ricky" Lewis's mansion had a massive dent that appeared out of nowhere, in fact, he woke up to find half of his house on the ground and all his cars destroyed with his hummer now gone.
That hummer wasn't actually his, it was a gift with some other things from some underworld mafia boss he had killed a family for, so it was probably stolen when he first got it so now he had no way of tracking it down or the people that stole it.
Because the car was now already on a highway, the tinted windows hiding the two grinning fools who were blasting obnoxious rap music while munching on family packs of pop tarts, with a bag full of stolen cash in the back seat.
A/N: I do not endorse crime or criminal activity. The reason I put Darcy and Thor together was because before the movies, Thor was a childish and foolish God who sort of smashed away anything that came his way. And Darcy is equally stupid and fearless. I know this chapter seriously lacked a lot of Lokane but they'll be back. So, did you like my development of Darcy and Thor? I don't if they'll be romantically involved, but they are partners in crime now.
Thank you very much for reading, review if you'd like, and stay tuned!