To Sow a Barren Land
Disclaimer: 'The Hobbit' belongs to J.R.R Tolkien, MGM, Wingnut Productions and New Line Cinema. I make no profit off this.
AN: I am terribly sorry about this delay. It's a new schedule and I needed time to adjust myself to it.
This is a heavy chapter and much of it focuses on Rainion and Thranduil. In the next chapter, you'll see one of the major things in this fic and hopefully, I can mergeit without making it seem forced.
Thank you everyone for your support and patience. :)
Marcella: Hey Marcella! I am sorry it took me this long but i read your review the day you sent it and it made me smile really really brightly. I loved seeing (err...reading?) your excitement and I am so flattered and happy that you like this! Don't worry, he won't miscarry this time. And hmm...is it baby Legolas? Hmmmmm!
Miya: LOL aww hey, things will become better...or they might. They could, they probably will...err...okay so this is angst. I'm sorry, ^^; But thank you for dropping a review. I am glad that you like it. :)
Chapter 14
Throughout the forest, the scrunching of dead leaves could be hard as fast and strong steps were placed on them.
It was early morning and by that time, most of the elves in Thranduil's escort were awake and beginning to start their morning activities. However, as soon as they picked up the sound of unruly footsteps, they frowned and looked up in that direction, their confusion growing even more when they were passed by a blur of brown and grey.
Rainion was furious as he made his way. With what he came to know, his mind was sent off in a spin and his heart thumped so loudly that it threatened to come out from his chest. He couldn't think clearly. His mind was too muddled by the sudden revelation and his heart was pierced with hot shards of disgust at Thranduil's deed.
His eyes were veiled with loathe and disappointment which far outweighed his capacity to remain calm.
When a tent came to his sight, his glowering eyes were fixated upon it and with a burst of determination, Rainion hastened his pace.
The flap flew open and Thranduil was startled from his thoughts as he spun and looked bewildered at the unwanted company.
His eyes flashed with authority when they landed on a familiar figure, flushed and breathless.
"What is the meaning of this?" He hissed while looking askance. He was in no mood for unnecessary trouble. Not too long ago, he was so mercilessly rejected and Thranduil's wounds were still fresh to have a sour impact on his mentality.
However, his defiance wore off as Thranduil was overtaken by surprise when the other dropped the flap loudly and approached him with heavy steps.
"What are you playing at?" Rainion asked, his eyes glinting with a cruel and hurt look which made Thranduil's eyes grow bigger insolently.
"Beg your pardon?" Thranduil asked, not at all grasping how this sudden form of courage came in the usually timid elf. "How dare you use that tone with me? I'll have you remember who you're speaking to, Silvan!" He warned, sharply glowering at the other elf.
"You remember who you're speaking to!" Rainion sneered, at which Thranduil was completely taken aback.
Not used to being talked back, Thranduil's eyes flashed with rage. A snarl appearing on his mouth, he directed a sharp gaze as he retorted back, "I do well to remember who stands before me. It is you who needs a lesson in remembrance. If you weren't needed, I'd call the guards by now and be done with you. You have a lot to be grateful about, is that understood?"
His rebuke only seemed to infuriate the other even more. For within seconds, Rainion's eyes hardened and a strain appeared on his features as if he was willing himself not to lash out.
Thranduil lifted his chin up while daring Rainion with a critical look and quickly took away his attention from the other.
"Now if you are done with your little amusement, I'd expect you to leave and head for your quarters, befitting to your status."
Thranduil's voice still flared from the anger he felt from earlier. And added to it was this upsurge of outburst coming from his subject! For the life of him, he could never comprehend where he would be talked down to by someone who didn't even come close to his influence.
His mind was filled with shock yet again when he was turned abruptly and was now facing Rainion's furious face, mere inches away from his own.
"If I weren't needed I'd not be given a second glance, Your Highness." Rainion scoffed, his eyes piercing into those of Thranduil's while he took a firm hold of his shoulders.
"If you weren't needed, you wouldn't have the privilege of escorting me." Thranduil retorted back sharply, arrogance seeping into his tone.
He jerked his shoulders and when the other didn't budge, he glared at the hands which had the galls to touch him in such a manner before he looked up and directed his glare at Rainion himself. "And neither would you have the insubordination with which you dare set your foot inside my tent."
"Of course I'd have the privilege of escorting you! That is all you require of me." Rainion's tone was harsh. His eyes glimmered with an undercurrent of some other emotion equally strong and overwhelming, veiled brilliantly by his rage.
Vehemence erupted in Thranduil's eyes as they narrowed pointedly. "What is required of you is for you to know your place and do only what is asked of you!" Thranduil replied angrily, sneering ferociously at the other elf when the grip on his shoulder's tightened. "Unhand me now!"
"I do what is asked of me!" Rainion couldn't contain himself any longer. He screamed and clenched his fists, unmindful of him still holding Thranduil. Ignoring the wince coming from the other, he went on in a fuming tone, "I do what you ask from me. I have done so every night! I have let you toy with an idealism I hold so dear to my heart. I did it all! Catered your every whim. Let myself be unseen and hidden from your eyes. I have watched you as you replaced me by some other. I have seen you leave after you had no use of me. I let myself be cast aside like an object so that you could be satisfied!"
Rainion ended harshly. By then, his face and hands were trembling out of sheer restraint. His eyes bore deep into Thranduil's heart, giving off an intense form of anger and hurt he had kept locked within himself.
At that, his face bore the immense shock he was experiencing and for a while Thranduil could do nothing except stare at the other with scandalous eyes.
He exhaled and let his face twist into a snarl as a wide range of emotions battled deep inside him.
His eyes flickered over to his shoulders which now throbbed with a pain from being held so strongly. A discomfort gathered in his heart as it beat wildly from the excitement and bewilderment over the whole event.
He would never admit it out loud but the way the other's swollen breath hit against his face, the way those usual warm eyes smouldered with a fiery anger and prestige was enough to intimidate Thranduil.
His own breathing was heaved and surprise aside, apprehension gripped Thranduil's heart which felt like churning and swirling unsettlingly as he tried to look away from those wild pair of eyes.
Rainion had never looked so feral.
An intense silence stretched between the two beings. Both panted hard—one as an outlet of his anger and other to cope with the huge blow he had suffered.
Thranduil's face hardened as his eyes challengingly met those of Rainion. His pride and arrogance coming into play, Thranduil raised his chin slightly and glared down at the other with the royalty and haughtiness which he possessed inherently.
His glare wavered a little when Rainion finally inhaled sharply. Never taking his eyes off the other elf, Thranduil stayed silent, waiting for his shoulders to be released, when the pressure on them began to lessen gradually.
Rainion's face was losing its edge. Now that the anger in him began to ebb, his eyes were left uncovered with a pure grief which jabbed Thranduil in his chest. No matter how much he kept up his cold appearance, Thranduil couldn't ignore how much he was affected by the Silvan's eyes forcibly holding back tears.
"Do not speak to me of doing my job for I have done it extremely well." Rainion spoke in a voice which threatened to break down. He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head, as if he wanted to hide whatever he was feeling. And it was a futile attempt by far.
"I never hoped to rise above my status." He went on. His tone became choked with unshed tears and his voice was rendered with such a vulnerability that Thranduil was forced to break his cold stance when his own eyes started welling up.
However, he quickly adorned his coldness when Rainion looked up. As he did, Thranduil could swear a part of his heart throbbing for the young elf whose eyes pleaded so earnestly.
"I have always battled with my virtues with what we did." Tears threatened to slip from his eyes as Rainion slowly removed his arms, letting them fall limply beside him. "I have held such union with reverence. Never believed to conjoin without love. And yet, I obeyed what you asked of me. I didn't object and perhaps that was my greatest mistake."
Thranduil's eyes extended by just a fraction at that. Suddenly, his heart felt burdened with a new sense of guilt as he watched the other's helpless form, overshadowed by a long-held grief.
"Do you know how it feels when you know you're just a substitute? That you will never be loved?"
He looked so broken and felt so unjust which made Thranduil's heart squeeze in empathy for the other.
"Do you know how it feels when you know you'll always be cast aside? Do you know how it feels to see you leave every night?" Rainion implored, each word shattering Thranduil and insinuating his guilt, "Do you know how it feels to be left behind?"
It was then that Thranduil felt a sharp pang in his chest. Unbeknownst to him, his mouth parted as a shuddered gasp escaped from his lips.
All of a sudden, he felt so pathetic. Guilt and shame seared throughout his heart and he felt a weight that washed away the arrogance he held previously.
He knew. He knew well.
He cast his eyes downwards, suddenly finding too hard to meet Rainion's gaze. His face burned with embarrassment and for the first time in his life, Thranduil found him lowering his head in disgrace.
He had been so blind! He was so caught up in his own grief and intentions that he had no regard for others' feelings. He had no regard for Rainion's feelings.
His lips trembled but no words came out. He tried swallowing but his throat felt so dry. A coldness crept inside his chest as he now came face to face with a realization which tore him inside and out.
He had done to the poor elf exactly what Thorin had done to him. He was no better.
He didn't know how long he had been looking down. Nor he had known when Rainion had gathered his composure for when he was called out calmly, Thranduil very hesitantly looked up, immediately wandering his gaze to land anywhere but on the other's face.
"You pictured him in place of me, My Lord?" Blue eyes darted towards the speaker when Thranduil understood how Rainion must've come to know. They widened soon after as Thranduil realized just how much had Rainion heard.
He prayed to the Valar earnestly to spare him any more shame he had brought upon himself.
"I could live if it was just for closure. Knowing what I know now, I'll fade."
However, his prayers went unheard as Thranduil once again found himself looking down. Once more his heart throbbed in shame. The weakened way with which Rainion spoke the last words shattered whatever was left of Thranduil's heart.
And he felt absolutely pathetic.
Thrór paced wildly in his chambers. There had been no news of Thorin and his cohorts and no sign of them either. As days passed, Thrór grew more and more impatient as various forms of concern rammed his mind.
Surely Thorin would've been closer to home by then and surely he had succeeded in what he was set out to do?
Worry rapidly growing within him, he reached for his glass of ale and throttled it down his throat. He was nervous and extremely anxious. It was crucial for Thorin to succeed and it was crucial for Thorin to reach the safety of his kingdom.
Dwarven pride depended on him.
AN: Please review!