The best thing about Vegas hotel rooms were the thick dark curtains that blanketed the windows, shut out the bother of honking horns, eager voices and dancing fountains that crashed below. The room was perfectly air conditioned, causing goose bumps to rise over the exposed flesh of Stiles' arm. He shifted slightly, nuzzled himself down into the comforter until he felt a warm arm tighten around his abdomen. Tired eyes peeled open, hips pressed back against the bare skin of Derek's waist and he smiled fondly to himself. Time was irrelevant. The date was irrelevant. Nothing seemed to matter except the rise and fall of the chest behind him.
"Do you always wake up this early?" Derek's voice was a sigh against the nape of his neck and he bit down on his bottom lip to keep from gasping at the sudden rush of heat below the back of his skull. He wanted to justify the chills darting across the top of his shoulders, to explain the sudden ache in his lower belly, but he didn't need to. All the justification, all the proper blame was pressed snuggly along his spine, drawing lazy circles above his belly button.
"No," Stiles yawned, "I-"
He sucked in a sharp breath as Derek tugged at his arm and turned him over. Stiles' eyes rolled and he shifted back onto his side to face his co-pilot, breath catching when the alpha nosed underneath his chin and pressed his face against Stiles' throat, "I was cold."
Derek hummed but he didn't respond, he simply breathed against him and nudged his knee between Stiles' legs, tangling them together beneath the sheets.
It wasn't necessarily foreign but Stiles was still nervous. He didn't know what to do with his hands or his mouth, where to rest his arms or whether he should pester Derek to wake up or try his best to fall back to sleep. The volume of comfortability was staggering due to the time they spent in drift. Stiles knew that Derek liked his scalp scratched, knew he didn't like to be tickled and he couldn't stand when people wore shirts to bed with him. One thing he hadn't realized was that Derek was quite the fan of pressing himself up against whoever was in bed with him and wrapping himself around them like a god damn octopus.
"I didn't take you for a cuddler," Stiles mumbled, mucking up enough bravery to burry his face in the messy dissheveled pile of hair on Derek's head.
The only response he got consisted of strong arms tightening around him and smooth palms rubbing down the expanse of his back. Stiles trailed his fingers along the small ridges on the top of Derek's spine and closed his eyes.
They didn't have anywhere to be and he didn't have any complaints to sleeping the day away confined to a bed with Derek.
It was wonderful until both of their phones started to ring two hours later.
Derek growled and grumbled as he turned over and swatted at the night stand, grabbing blindly for his phone. Stiles hissed, pawing relentlessly at his eyes, "Who the fuck..." he tried to move but the ranger next to him clasped his hand over his hip and pushed him back down into the matress, laying his head on Stiles' chest.
"Hello," Derek bit into the speaker.
Stiles stared at his phone on the other night stand as it buzzed again and again.
"What? No- oh, well," Derek was laughing and Stiles arched an eyebrow, peering down at him as he spoke, "that... That isn't entirely untrue. Yes. No. Raleigh it- he, alright, alright," green eyes turned up towards Stiles who was still rubbing at his eyes and gnawing on his lip. He set the phone down and Stiles moved to grab his own phone.
"It's Allison," he glanced to Derek who nodded.
"Hello?" Stiles blinked a couple times before groaning and smoothing his free hand over his face.
"Derek's right next to me," Stiles mumbled, "No- yes... Yes. Fuck, okay, see you tomorrow."
His stomach clenched and his co-pilot wrapped an arm back around his waist, "What'd she say?"
Stiles ignored him and continued to tap on his phone, snatching his glasses off the night stand so he could slide them up the bridge of his nose. He didn't know whether to laugh or to be completely mortified by the images now surfacing on the screen. "Oh, fuck..." the beta closed his eyes briefly and inhaled through his nose, held it in before he swiped his finger across the screen again and physically winced.
"What is it?" Derek craned his neck to try and see what was causing Stiles so much pain.
"We're on TMZ," Stiles exhaled through a whine, amber eyes fluttering closed.
The phone was ripped from his hands as Derek shot up in the bed and narrowed his eyes down at the device.
The first picture was of them smiling over their shoulders, the next of them walking through the lobby, a few stills from the interview and then-
Derek covered his mouth with his hand when he started to laugh.
It wasn't even close to being a humorous situation; nothing about it was laughable or comical in the least. There were pictures of them dancing, pictures of them pressed against the grated surface of the speaker along with a few shots of them stumbling back to the hotel, messy, drunk and all loose smiles.
"It's not that bad," Derek arched a brow and Stiles shook his head, blowing a sigh towards the ceiling. A deep blush was settled over the tops of his cheeks and he hissed, "What do you mean it's not that fucking bad, Derek?"
The alpha laughed again, falling over on the opposite side of the bed to curl himself further into the blankets. Stiles let himself look, he let his eyes rake across the bare flesh that was pulled tight over toned muscle, gazed at the curve of the alpha's hip, the ripple on his abdomen, the concave beneath each of his collar bones. Derek Hale. Stiles slept with Derek Hale.
"I knew as soon as you smashed that guy's face into the bar that we were bound to end up on some kind of website," he shrugged and yawned, swatting the place next to him. Stiles blushed and wrinkled his nose which seemed to please Derek more than anything else. He gripped the young ranger's wrist and tugged roughly, "It's something we have to deal with if-"
"If what?" Stiles interrupted before he fell next to his co-pilot.
There was a certain tension that seemed to weave between them, the unanswered question, the rushed, determined vice that choked both of them. It was choking Stiles, that was for sure. He could feel it, wrapped around his throat, warning and consoling, mimicking something that he felt in high school, something that mirrored an affliction he hadn't experienced since his first couple years in college. It was so utterly complicated but when he looked at Derek he saw far more than just complication.
Stiles choked on a breath when Derek slung his leg over the narrow hips that the beta sported and caged his arms around him. His heart thudded against his rib cage and Stiles swallowed dryly, watching as mossy green eyes flicked across his face, "If we're gonna do this," Derek mumbled.
"Are we?" the words came out rushed, a breath against Derek's cheek when he leaned down and grazed his mouth across Stiles' temple. He didn't understand how someone he knew inside and out, someone he had spent half the night memorizing with his hands and tongue and-
Derek kissed him and his grip on the thoughts in his head slipped. A gentle pull and press, completely different than any other they had shared. It wasn't like their first, fast and hard, nor was it like their second, inhibited by the exhilaration of battle and slathered in desperation. It wasn't drunk and dripping with jealousy.
It was quiet. Slow. Long, languid movements that had Stiles gulping down air between Derek's lips because he had forgotten to breathe. He didn't know why he was being so reserved, why Derek still made him so nervous, still had him convinced that this was all just a mistake. That they would go back to Shatterdome and act like nothing happened. It wasn't even the alpha that was trying to convince him of that, he was doing it all to himself. Every piece of denial. Every reservation.
Stiles cursed against his mouth and lifted all but steady hands to rest on the sides of Derek's face, feeling across the poke of stubble that was already peeking out of the smooth pores on his cheeks.
He opened his eyes when Derek pulled back, stared up at him without question because both of them knew what they were doing. They knew that they were only making everything worse, making their lives more difficult, straining the percentage of staying alive even further.
"Yes," Derek nodded and leaned down, "We're doing this."
Stiles didn't have a chance to respond and he didn't need to. Derek pressed his mouth back down over his own and he inhaled through his nose, arching up to meet the slow grind of strong hips between his legs.
We're doing this
The words echoed, bouncing and reverberating off the confines of his mind and Stiles hummed softly, enjoying every syllable.
"Are you kidding me?!" Peter's voice was gritted and rough as he pulled the words through his teeth, "It's two. Two in the afternoon. And you both are still-" he was standing at the foot of the bed and gestured to the two with their backs resting against the headboard, a few plates of food strewn across their laps, "did you see? Did you see yourselves on the internet because guess who has to clean up that mess?"
Derek shoved a piece of French toast in his mouth and Stiles started peeling an orange.
"Rangers!" Peter's voice elevated and Stiles suddenly felt like the situation could be more serious than what was being let on, "Do you even- do you understand what the lobby looks like right now?"
Stiles felt his stomach drop and he glanced at Derek who bumped his foot against Stiles' under the covers. It hadn't quite slipped his mind, but it wasn't something he had truly sat back and thought about, not the press or the rumors or the gossip that was going to spread like wild fire after the pictures of their intoxicated antics were released. "You two need to get up, get showered and get on a plane back to Shatterdome in four hours while I handle this. I'm approaching this as a drunken mishap if you guys don't tell me otherwise, so what is it?"
It was quiet longer than Stiles would have liked it to be and he could feel Derek's eyes tracing the contours of his face, waiting for some kind of affirmation. A nod. A sigh. Anything that would confirm their sudden relationship. He stayed still before he looked to his co-pilot over the rim of his glasses and bright eyes blinked back at him.
"Tell them we're together," Stiles spoke clearly in Derek's direction before he turned his attention to Peter who pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows at his nephew.
Derek shrugged, "You heard him."
Derek's lips were like hot coals against his mouth in the elevator, working hard to keep Stiles' in his own cage rather than in the cage that was slowly dropping fifty-one stories. "Are you okay-" Derek growled when Stiles bit down on his lips and trembled, pressing further into his arms. His breath was shaky and he swallowed, tugging at the hem of Derek's muddy green t-shirt.
"You ready?" Stiles croaked out the words and glanced towards the door when the bell rang, leaning forward as Derek stepped away from him and turned to face the doors which slid open.
As soon as their feet hit the polished tile of the lobby floor they heard their names being called. The alpha wrapped an arm around Stiles' waist and he didn't know whether it was for show, sheer affection or protection and either way he didn't mind. His stomach was doing flips and he clenched his fists to try and disguise the trembles twitching at the ends of his fingertips. The flashes from cameras blinded them but Derek just kept walking, a smile plastered to his face as he ignored the intrusive questions thrown their way.
A couple hotel security guards helped them to the door where Peter was waiting with the twins. Both Ethan and Aiden looked ridiculously hung over. Sunglasses hid their eyes and they had their arms folded over their chests. Aiden yawned and Ethan texted someone on his phone, nodding towards Stiles and Derek as they approached.
"Ladies, gentlemen," Peter had his arms fanned out as he walked forward, creating a visual barrier between him and the teams that stood next to the glass doors of the hotel, "our rangers will be doing a press conference in a couple months, until then please keep your questions at bay."
"How will your romance affect your ability to defend our planet?"
"How long has this been going on?"
"What happens when you two break it off? Do we lose yet another Jaeger team?"
The questions being spat were more than hurtful and Stiles swayed between pressing closer to Derek or moving further away. A soft thumb rubbed just above the waist band of Stiles' jeans and he sighed softly, deciding to lean into Derek and try his best to block out the curious shouts that Peter couldn't keep away.
The car showed up minutes later and Stiles hurried to climb in behind Ethan who turned and shot him a smile, "wie war er?"
The beta choked on a laugh and arched a brow, "würden Sie nicht gerne wissen?"
Ethan nodded enthusiastically and Stiles shook his head, "Nosy little bastard," he shoved the German pilot playfully and glanced to Peter when he finally settled in next to Derek in the car. The man looked exhausted and well spent.
"Thanks," Stiles watched him carefully as steel blue eyes lifted.
The older Hale shrugged and offered a smile, "Anything for family," he kicked Derek playfully in the shin who rolled his eyes and bit back the shadow of a smile.
The twins rambled in German all the way to the airport and Stiles tried to keep himself from bursting out in laughter at their recap from last night. Sometimes he thought they forgot that he could understand them. Apparently they brought more than one person back to the hotel and played pranks on them, tricking them into thinking Ethan was Aiden and Aiden was Ethan. Once Aiden barked about falling asleep in the bathtub with a Victoria's Secret model and her boyfriend, Stiles couldn't hold it back and he buckled over in unashamed laughter.
"Fucking A, and we're the ones who made it on TMZ," the words were sloshed between chuckles and Stiles shook his head back and forth. Aiden shot a toothy grin towards Peter who rolled his eyes and Ethan smirked, shrugging his shoulders.
"It's because there's two of us," Ethan nudged Aiden's shoulder, "They don't know who fucks who."
Stiles choked on the laugh that came rushing from between his lips and even Derek cracked a smile. Peter on the other hand was less than amused and rolled his eyes, heaving a tired sigh, "For the love of god, get out. We're here."
Peter climbed out first and Stiles didn't even have a chance to look before Erica was purring against his face and pulling him away. He blinked and pushed his glasses up, stumbling to keep up with her as she paced ahead towards the check in at the airport.
"Holy shit, Stiles," her voice was a hiss and she grinned at him slyly, "You guys- really? I mean, I'm not really surprised but at the same time-"
"Why aren't you surprised?" Stiles whined, jutting out his bottom lip playfully.
Erica shrugged, "It's kind of normal for co-pilots to feel an attraction to each other but I never thought Derek would-"
"Like me," Stiles mumbled under his breath.
She swatted him hard in the chest, "No, you idiot, everyone knew he liked you, no one thought he would make a move though. I thought the time in your apartment was just-" She waved her hands and pursed her lips, "you know, one of those things."
The beta looked over his shoulder at Derek who was talking with Boyd as they were escorted through security and walked to their gate. He had never thought, not once, that Derek actually had any sort of feelings for him. Desire? Sure, he could play along with that, but it hadn't been until that morning that Stiles felt like his co-pilot might actually want something tangible with him. He couldn't comb through the emotions shifting this way or that way and as much as every part of him wanted to continue to focus on the turn his relationship with the alpha had taken, he had other things to worry about.
Like the reality of his occupation, the reality that just because he and Derek were... together- Stiles stomach flipped and he gnawed on the inside of his cheek. Just because he was with Derek that didn't change that they had a job to do.
They were Jaeger pilots and their foolishness didn't change that.
"Have you heard anything from Lydia or Herc? What's going on back at Shatterdome?" Stiles looked over to Erica and she seemed quite thrown by the sudden change of pace but the woman sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
"Nothing serious I guess, just a couple of things. The breach is speeding up but not as quickly as it was the first time. It looks like we'll be having another event in a week or so."
Stiles nodded and Erica watched him, eyebrows pulled together, "Are you okay?" her voice was more than concerned as she moved her hand to gently brush across his arm. Stiles shifted and tugged at the hem of his white t-shirt, "I'm fine, I just want to get this flight over with." That was a lie and Erica saw right through it, but she patted him on the back, rubbed her thumb in small circles and whispered that she understood.
He didn't know if she did though. If she properly grasped how quickly the situation had escalated, how ridiculous they had been, how selfish he and Derek were.
If it was even real. If any of this was even real.
Danny Māhealani November 15, 2031, 6:06 P.M
DEREK MOTHERFUCKING HALE?!
Stiles rolled his eyes.
Laurie Michealson November 15, 2031, 6:10 P.M
omg stiles hes so hot why didnt you call us?
"Whose Laurie?" Derek purred her name as he leaned over Stiles shoulder and glanced at the screen of his phone. The beta growled and pulled the device away, shielding it from the prying green eyes that narrowed playfully. "Friend from school?"
Stiles nodded and nudged him away with his shoulder, "Yeah, she was in my Lit class first semester," he chewed on his bottom lip and typed out some kind of sarcastic reply before shoving his phone back into his pocket, "Have you heard from anyone?"
Derek snorted a laugh and shook his head, eyes rolling towards the paneled roof of the plane, "Yes."
His attention was stolen by the twins who sat three rows in front of them and were craning over their seats, "Hey lion, which one's Nala and which one's Simba?" Aiden almost couldn't finish his own sentence and Ethan's eyes crinkled closed as he laughed. The alpha rolled his eyes and shook his head while Stiles blushed and gritted his teeth, turning to glance out the window.
There was so much of him that wanted to brush it off, wanted to resist, to discredit everything. It was the first time since Stiles had arrived at Shatterdome that he hadn't wanted to fall into something, that he was scrambling to catch himself, desperate to find the ground, to find anything stable to hold on to. It seemed like everything had flipped, gravity had reversed, life had started swallowing itself because Stiles wasn't supposed to be with Derek, he was just supposed to fight with him and he wasn't supposed to actually have Derek, he was just supposed to want him. His chest heaved and he sucked in a shaky breath, lip worried from his teeth and stomach fluttering from the press of anxiety and the roil of nerves that coursed through him.
Derek rested his hand gently on Stiles' knee and he closed his eyes.
"Are you okay?" the alpha's voice was softer than normal and Stiles winced because he wasn't, not in the slightest.
"Yeah," Stiles breathed shakily.
He felt the hand tighten on his leg and the ranger stared out the window, desperate to figure out what the fuck kind of situation they had hurled themselves into and how exactly they were supposed to make it work.
"Hello rangers," Raleigh had his hands folded across his chest as he glanced between Stiles and Derek who wore their jet-lag prominently. Stiles pawed at his eyes with the back of his hand and nodded, glancing to Scott who stood behind him, polishing a piece of metal that fit over one of Striker Eureka's knuckle pieces. "How was Vegas?" Becket smirked, voice ruff and warm as he arched a brow and licked across his lips, tilting his head to the side.
Scott meowed.
Derek narrowed his eyes and Stiles jerked his head back before Raleigh turned to look over his shoulder, "What was that, McCall?"
Scott shrugged and shook his head, "Oh, that was just the sound of the cat being completely out of the bag."
Raleigh closed his eyes to try and keep from laughing and Derek looked to the ceiling, lips squirming to halt whatever noise, whether it be laughter or curses that threatened to spill from his mouth.
Stiles blushed and bit down on his lip before the silent laughter he tried to contain came out snorted and he buried his head in his hands, heaving a sigh.
In the three days after they returned from Shatterdome Stiles had heard from Scott, Allison, Danny, Laurie and last but not least, his father. It was a conversation he certainly was not ready for and one that had him slumped against the door of the gym, biting down on his lip. When his father laughed on the other end he couldn't help but crack a smile, "No, Dad... I don't- I don't know how it happened... it just kind of did." He shook his head and moved a hand to rake through his hair, "Yeah, we're scheduled to be sent out next week but it really depends on the severity of the breach, what? No, yeah... We'll be fine; we just have to keep our heads steady." He listened, croaked out an 'I love you' towards the end of the conversation and sighed when he slid his phone back into his pocket.
There had been fleeting touches here and there, the brush of Derek's hand pressing against his lower back in the kitchen, the dust of his lips against Stiles' temple. It was all so controlled. So precise and it made everything that much worse to know that the alpha was being tame to accommodate to Stiles' fleeting emotions.
"Hey," Derek closed the door of the gym next to Stiles and reached out to touch his fingertips, "You ready?"
Stiles swallowed dryly, "Yeah, let's go."
They had spent the morning training and Stiles was more than nervous for what they were walking towards now. It seemed like a decade since they drifted and as much as he craved it, it terrified him. There was such a strong urge to propel himself back into Derek, to curl himself around his mind and find safety in the bracket between his memories and the static that they floated in during drift.
But what would that accomplish? Absolute uncertainty? Regrettable hope? A meaningless rendezvous built on feelings that were stilts inside a machine that left them hardly malleable by the end of each battle? Stiles swallowed hard, rubbed the pads of his thumb along the tips of the rest of his fingers and ignored the feeling of his knees giving out after each handful of steps.
Mako was the one waiting for them when they arrived at the simulation dock.
"My wolf," she nodded to Derek, "and my fox," her arm slid over Stiles' shoulder.
Amber eyes widened and he blinked a few times, watching Derek out of the corner of his eyes as he grinned and looked at the ground. A fox. That was her little name for him, Mako's tiny blessing.
"Fox?" Stiles tried to be as smooth as he could but his voice came out excited and curious. Heat rose to the tops of his cheeks and he cleared his throat, head tilting to the side, "Why a fox?"
Mako smirked and shrugged a shoulder, entering a code into the keypad next to the nearly invisible door that lifted from the wall and slid open, "You're cunning- clever," she added through a nod, "you're sly and relentless. You're a fox, a very brave fox to choose to run with my wolf."
It wasn't a choice.
That was Stiles' first thought but he glanced at Derek who was watching him carefully from under the blanket of lashes dusting against the strong arch of his brow and it reminded him that even if it hadn't been a choice- it had been. And in the end he was grateful. Far beyond grateful but those emotions were much too difficult to distinguish and grateful would have to do for now.
Fox- that was something he could deal with.
"You ready?" Derek's voice sounded but he was already walking towards the large metal stations in front of the overhead. Mako strapped them in and Stiles winced like he did every time when the train of metal talons latched onto his spine and buried itself at the base of his skull.
The room went dark and Stiles could hear Derek breathing, could feel the tension rolling between them like waves. A tension he hadn't felt since before the debut. It almost seemed like Vegas had been some kind of time warp- a brief moment that they got themselves lost in for forty-eight hours. A tempered, monumental, breath-taking lapse in reality. Their own small breach out of the hell hole to a place where maybe they could have just met each other in a coffee shop downtown and went to dinner. In a reality where Mako's voice wasn't booming to life in his helmet, asking for their preparation.
The red letters blinking to life in front of his eyes pulled him away from the thought and the robotic voice counting down from three kept him biting at the bit to claw his way back into Derek's head.
Back into their collected space. Even if it wasn't the safety of Lionheart- it was far better than being left to deal with his own thoughts, that's what Stiles wasn't going to convince himself of, anyways.
Left Hemisphere Initiated
There it was. The burn. Like hot coals being rolled up between the duvets in his spine, melting into the fluid that settled along his vertebrae. It was still uncomfortable- it still hurt and Stiles had to grit his teeth and steady his shaking knees as it crawled up and settled behind his ears. The flash of white, still breathtaking, flashed and he gasped when his stomach clenched. The drift. Like Pandora's box. Opened and over-flowing.
"Breathe," he whispered to himself and inhaled through his nose.
Right Hemisphere Initiated
Stiles had learned to love the fire. He had learned to reach out for it and grip it between his fingertips.
Derek was there, he could sense the hum of energy that was bundled at the other end of the flames waiting to stampede into his head. To meet his mind in the middle and crash against it like thunder against dark skies, like rain against asphalt.
Neural Bridge Active in 3... 2... 1...
Smoke. It hit him like it always did, clogged the airway from his mouth to his lungs and Stiles bit back the urge to dry heave because it was so much thicker than usual.
"Stiles," Derek's voice was quiet, a hum threaded through a gust of air that sent the ash tumbling away, revealing the reel of memories hiding behind it. He recognized some of them, Derek's school, his first date, his mother reading to him next to a small red brick fire place, the taste of peppermint hot chocolate and then the taste of whiskey sharp and tangible on his tongue.
The beta pushed through, continued to breathe and shoved himself past the swarming memories, the voices, the scents and dainty touches. Stiles tried not to fall into any memories but he couldn't help it, not when it was Oregon's beautiful trees and soft rain against his cheeks, cold, soothing and nearly silent. It smelt like oak and earth, like clean asphalt and pine needles. Stiles inhaled and for once he really did consider staying there, right where Derek had been standing, in the middle of the woods with his face turned towards the sky.
But something tugged on his thoughts, beckoned him closer, and before Stiles knew it he was toppling into a mess of white sheets and warm breath. Into their shared memories where he could see himself trying to breathe, eye brows knitted together, jaw slacked and he could feel what his co-pilot had felt.
The pain from Stiles' nails down his shoulder blades. The nervous excitement. The disbelief.
It was so strange to see himself. To see his own body, his own face in something other than a reflection. It was oddly different, a perspective he still hadn't quite come to understand.
"Rangers," Mako's voice pushed into the fog and Stiles blinked, focused on something other than the memory he had found himself in, the memory they both unwillingly pulled away from, "are we ready?"
Stiles could feel Derek surging into the deepest parts of him and god, had he missed this.
Green eyes stared at him from across the deck and Stiles nodded, "We're ready."
Derek said nothing until after the simulation was complete and Stiles had to steady himself against the pillar when he stepped out of the metal clamps. No matter how many times they did this it was always strange to come back, to process it, to swallow it. Everything seemed blurry, it seemed like his ears were clogged and the room was muffled.
Maybe that was because he didn't have his eyes open.
Maybe it was because he couldn't feel Derek's hands on either side of his face.
Maybe it was because he didn't want to deal with the back-lash, with his own memories, with Derek's.
"Stiles!" his co-pilot's voice was far away but when Stiles' eyelids cracked he could see the outline of Derek's face inches from his own, "Come on, come back."
It took a minute, more than a minute for Stiles to inhale a shaky breath, for him to lean his weight into the alpha who took it easily and mumbled about water and dehydration, about having too much on his plate. Stiles disagreed. It wasn't that there was too much on his plate it was that he couldn't even find his plate to begin with.
"I'm fine," Stiles breathed and opened his eyes to look at Derek who took the opportunity to slide his glasses back up onto the brim of Stiles' nose.
"Yeah, sure, me too," the sarcasm dripping from Derek's words caused a smile to pull at the edges of his lips.
At least he wasn't alone in their denial.
Stiles woke up to Derek sitting on the edge of his bed. The silence was staggering and he tried to breathe, to close himself up when the alpha turned his gaze towards him and heaved a sigh.
"You okay?" Derek's voice sounded so far away and it hurt. It hurt worse than Stiles wanted it to.
Calloused fingertips brushed across Stiles' arm when he nodded, "Yeah, big guy, I'm good."
"I don't-" the alpha growled and turned his eyes to the floor, "I never wanted to force anything-"
"You didn't," Stiles flexed beneath his touch and it took a minute to adjust, to pull himself out from under the comforter and to stand tall in front of his co-pilot who simply stayed seated with his head hung. He looked pensive, concerned, like Stiles had driven something into his core that he had tried to carve out. It caused the beta's stomach to flip and twist, enticed every nerve in his body to react in a way that Stiles couldn't quite put a finger on.
Sleep still draped itself heavy on his mind but Stiles reached out and placed a hand on the back of Derek's neck. Warm.
"I know this is weird-"
"It isn't," Stiles interjected again, pushed forward and sighed when Derek let out of puff of air as his back hit the mattress. It was easy, to crawl over the firm body beneath him, to run his hands like ice cubes under the thin tank-top the veteran ranger was wearing, "that's what scares me."
The alpha swallowed painfully and closed his eyes when Stiles kissed him.
Stiles didn't know why he was kissing him, why he was trailing his fingertips up the inside of Derek's arm or why it felt so much more comforting to breathe in the air that Derek was exhaling rather than the oxygen anywhere else.
"Me too," he mumbled against the pout of Stiles' mouth.
And it occurred to him slowly, like a wave rolling forward to the shore and then suddenly crashing against the sand, that Stiles did know. He did know why his cheeks were flushed and his hands found purchase tangled between Derek's fingertips held tight above his head. He knew why life seemed so incredibly unworthy now, why things seemed to be painted in shades of muted violets and deep burgundy's. He understood the furious need to be a part of Derek rather than just next to him.
The beta trembled and Derek held on to him.
Headspace- an abstract, visceral, multi-dimensional communication found in drift and only in drift had seemed to be the explanation since he first laid eyes on him. Since Derek first broke into his atmosphere.
Stiles didn't know when Derek had flipped them, didn't realize it until he was craning his neck and the back of his head was nestled into the comforter.
Derek was a ghost inside of Stiles, moving and flooding and touching at the most unexpected moments. The back-lash, the dreams, the emotions- it all made sense. He had read about it in an article written by Dr. Caitlin Lightcap, pilots are said to find that their link remains somewhat active, though muted, after they've disconnected from the hardware. Ghost-drifting. A manifestation of eachother like marrow in their bones.
Unable to be shaken. Welded into place. Unforgivably permanent.
Stiles wanted to believe the twisting in his gut, the flutter in his stomach could be explained away by terminology that he didn't want to understand.
But Derek was far more complex than that and in the back of his mind, Stiles knew there was far more to this than just verbiage and a machine.
Warm breath cradled the skin behind Stiles' ear.
He swore Derek was going to say something but all he heard was silence.
Two days later Stiles' phone rang far too early in the morning. It was still dark outside and he cracked his eyes open, squirmed and froze when he felt a solid body pressed against his back. It was still strange to sleep next to Derek but ever since they got back from Vegas it seemed completely un-natural to sleep in a separate room than him. Even if it was something he needed to get used to, it wasn't something he was ashamed of enjoying, because he certainly did enjoy it.
"What the fuck," Derek groaned, arm falling over Stiles' back when the beta reached across the bed and fumbled on the night stand to grab the noisy devise. He swatted once and then twice before finally squirming away from the alpha who hissed and scooted after him, pushing the rough stubble on his cheek into Stiles' side.
"Would you-" Stiles laughed tiredly, "stop it, just," he rolled his eyes when he felt Derek smile, "it's five in the morning this is probably important- Hel- Hello?" he flopped back down into the sheets with the phone pressed to his ear as his co-pilot wrapped himself back around his bare chest.
Newt's voice was shrill on the other end of the line and Stiles winced, jerking the phone away before he hissed and mumbled for the scientist to slow down. It was a valiant effort but there was nothing that was going to calm Newt down and Stiles opted for the second to best option, "Where's Lydia? Put her- yes, fuck, just- oh my fucking god, here," Stiles held the phone out to Derek.
"Take it," Stiles seethed, shaking it in the alpha's face who craned his neck and pulled his teeth back in a mock snarl, shaking his head back and forth.
"Der! Take it!"
Derek snatched it from him and rolled his eyes, "What."
Stiles' head was swimming and he sighed when he felt a warm palm press into his side and pull him into Derek's chest. A fleeting surge of nerves made an appearance for a moment and then subsided, which made it much easier for Stiles to curl himself back into the heat of the veteran's bare torso and close his eyes. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Derek always smelt like expensive cologne and spicy body wash, always felt smooth and unmovable when they slept together.
"What..." Derek's voice was softer this time and Stiles' lids cracked, slivers of honey turning up in a hazy attempt to question the situation, to ask for silent permission to go back to sleep because that was all that was on his mind at the moment. He wanted to believe it wasn't anything important, that is was simply Newton's research-drunk rambling and lack of courtesy when it came to time-keeping. "We'll be right there," Derek tapped Stiles on the arm repeatedly until the beta was sitting up and scratching lazily at the back of his head.
The phone was discarded and Derek was swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
"Wha... Der, I'm literally still asleep, what is-"
"We have to get to the lab, everyone's on their way."
Stiles wanted to tell himself that it was the tone in Derek's voice that jolted him and not the view of his bare body walking towards the bathroom.
"Oh, okay, can you fill me in here, I mean- I uh, I'm a little," he tried to feign a laugh, "in the dark-"
"He found something," his co-pilot called from the bathroom, a tooth brush jammed into the side of his cheek, "made some kind of development with the Kaiju. If it's important enough for him to wake Herc up before seven then it's important enough for us to get down there, so get dressed."
It was hard to hesitate after that so instead of trying to find a shirt, Stiles slid the brown leather jacket on and zipped it up half-way, stepped into a pair of maroon pants and kicked on his boots which he hardly managed to lace up before Derek was hauling him by his arm towards the door.
"Why the fuck am I awake," Herc's voice was rough and full of rasp, "and why aren't you two wearing pants? Look at 'em, Raleigh? Couldn't you 'ave picked another set of brothers to pilot for Germany?"
The twins swatted each other and rambled in German, seated on two stools on one side of the laboratory. Herc was with Chris and Raleigh, Mako walked in holding two mugs of coffee and leaned into Becket's chest when she handed one to him.
Scott was there with Allison, Isaac with Peter and Lydia. Boyd and Erica walked in only moments after Derek and Stiles' arrival. They all seemed to be as confused as Stiles had been before they left, even Lydia, who surprisingly enough had her shoulder propped against Isaac's arm, hair tied back in a bun, sweatpants hanging low on her hips with a college sweatshirt thrown over her upper half.
"Hermann!" Newt came sliding out from behind an open door next to one of the large tubes attached to the wall, "Bring my tablet and-"
"Oh, shut up! I'm coming, you and your ramblings, always with the ramblings, can't you just be quiet for one minute!" Hermann Gottlieb wobbled out and swung a long black cane towards his partner who ducked and rose back up like it was a completely normal act. Stiles rose a brow and glanced to Derek but his co-pilot was shaking his head and leaned into the side of Scott's chair.
"I wasn't rambling, you asshat, just- I need my tablet and can you-"
"How can you possibly expect me to know where your tablet is? I have been busy trying to understand how we are going to defeat a species that just so happens to have figured out how to harness our only weapon!"
Herc's eyes rose, Chris glanced to Raleigh who patted Mako on the thigh and stood, "Gentlemen," Becket's voice was stern, "What exactly are we here for this morning-"
"The kaiju are nuclear!" Hermann tapped his cane against the floor.
Stiles didn't quite know what he heard first, whether it was Hermann's words or his own body jolting so hard that his neck cracked. His fingers curled into tight fists, hands trembled as his throat seemed to immediately go dry. He felt Derek stiffen and stand up straight. He didn't know if someone dropped their coffee mug but he could've sworn he heard something shatter.
Nuclear.
That would change everything.
Stiles reached up to rake his hands through his hair and scratched idly below his bottom lip before he sent a trembling finger to push his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose.
"What do you mean they're nuclear?" Chris looked to Hermann with his eyes narrowed before he glanced at the other Marshall. Herc's jaw was clenched tight, eyes downcast and settled on the cracks between the tiles on the floor.
"I have been in London for six months trying to help them with their research," Hermann breathed, "The water around the breach has been sending bodies of ocean life ashore so we did some tests. The Kaiju blue wasn't the same noxious, chemical filled substance that we've come to understand. It was... filled with radiation," he tapped his cane against a row of blackboards, "if we sent Gypsy into the breach as a nuclear weapon and successfully detonated her, which we did," he nodded and drew a line from the date of the closure to the date of K2, "then these aliens-"
"Precursors," Newton interjected.
"Excuse me, if the Precursors," Hermann hissed over his shoulder, "adapted and used our own technology to breed a new wave of Kaiju- a nuclear army of Kaiju, then I don't know exactly how we are going to deal with this. The breach must be closed, it must."
There was silence after that. Not the kind of silence that people fawned over, nor the kind where hands met and fingers intertwined or where the sound of falling rain broke through and made everything seem okay. This wasn't a happy ending and nothing was going to change that. It was the silence that made Stiles remember the sound of his mother's voice telling him to be strong on his first day of school, the same silence he had endured weeks after the funeral when his father couldn't seem to find his own voice. It was a quiet that woke the dead, chilling and eerie and knowing. The beta's hands shook so he shoved them into the front pockets of his pants, he chewed on the inside of his cheek and tried his best to look absent minded, to look strong at best, or brave. Something, anything other than the panic that he had to keep at bay underneath the ridges of his skin.
"They evolve- we knew that. We knew that they imitated and we knew that there was a possibility but..." Herc's voice faded, "what can we do-"
"Well," Lydia handed her coffee cup to Isaac and walked forward, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "we need a plan, that's what we need. We've found a few different things; some make sense, others not so much. But..." she had her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes when a large tentacle slapped against the side of a glass tube next to her, "I need to catch up with Hermann and put our research together."
"What should we do?" Boyd was the first ranger to speak, "What do you need from us?"
Deep green eyes blinked to each of them and Lydia tried to smile at the two scientists bickering behind her, "We need your patience. Train, sleep, eat... don't let this affect your performance."
"We don't have the time to be patient, Mrs. Whittemore," Chris stood and glanced to his daughter who was kneeling down and fiddling with the laces on her running shoes. Allison had already been up and dressed for her morning workout, which hardly surprised any of them. Lydia sighed and shook her head, "I realize that," she answered, "but if the Kaiju possess radioactive properties then perhaps we can use that information to fuse the breach once again, just give me some time-"
"We don't have time!" Herc's voice rose and Stiles almost jumped. Derek's hand brushed against the top of his leg and Stiles watched his jaw strain and clench. The tension was thick and he leaned further into his co-pilot, took comfort in the small touch of his open palm against the small of his back.
"Well, we have nothing else!" Lydia shouted back, "This is what I can give you, Marshall, take it or leave it." Her lips were twisted into a sarcastic smile; eyebrows pulled together, mouth pursed into a thin line.
They couldn't all break at once.
"Herc," Raleigh set a hand on his shoulder and the Marshall shrugged it away, grumbling an apology over his temper. "Thank you, Lydia, we'll check back in twenty-four hours. Until then everyone keep your phones close to you. I need to talk to Hale about this situation."
Derek blinked and arched a brow but Raleigh waved a hand, "Peter," he clarified.
"I expect you all to keep your heads up," Chris spoke quietly; "We're Jaeger pilots. You're the most dangerous thing in the world, including the fucking Kaiju, remember that."
Stiles didn't know when they started walking towards the door or if he had spoken a word since they left their apartment. He didn't know if Erica was talking to him, if Scott had his hand on his shoulder or if that was Derek's hand, all he knew was that everything just kept getting heavier. Everything just kept going deeper. His heart was hammering against his rib cage, vibrating into his fingertips as his knees shook and he stumbled, hand shooting out to brace himself on the nearest wall. They were in the hallway outside of the East Hangar and Erica gasped when he slumped against the wall and tried to catch his breath.
"Breathe, Stiles, c'mon-" her hand was on his shoulder, "Derek!"
Footsteps. He recognized them. Loud and steady.
"Move."
It was Derek's voice.
"Stiles," hands on his face, like always, because Derek knew how to comfort him, "it's okay. It's just a development, it's-"
"We're gonna die, Der," he hadn't meant to say it, the words just came stampeding out of his mouth over the crack of a sob when Stiles tried to breathe again, "I can't save them, we can't-"
"Shut the fuck up, kid," the alpha's voice hit him like a train, "and just breathe."
His lungs felt like they were filled with leeches that drank the life out of him, clogged his airways, squirmed and writhed inside him; caused him to ache. This wasn't what it was supposed to be. Not this. Not now. Not after he had a family here, not after he felt like he was worth something here, not when he had finally realized that perhaps he had never had anything to lose. Not his mundane career, not Brown, not his memories of Prom of the time he had spent interning for his teachers during the summer.
It was Erica and her dry wit that mattered. It was Boyd's wisdom, Allison's skill, Scott's friendship. What made a difference was Isaac and his gentle hand, Lydia's broken smile that he had watched start to heal over the past few months. It was Raleigh's faith in him, Herc's legacy, and Chris's hope.
It was the man currently coaxing him to breathe, to inhale through his nose and exhale through his mouth.
Stiles had lived twenty-four years without anything to lose until he met Derek Hale and until he started fighting for something so much bigger than himself. Until he started believing that he could change things, until he felt imaginable power within the walls of a machine and the mind of someone beautiful.
"C'mon, inhale," Derek whispered, arms latched onto Stiles' shoulders, "exhale."
Stiles followed.
Stiles had always told himself he wasn't a coward but he had never believed it until Shatterdome. He had never felt it until Derek.
The alpha's forehead rested against Stiles' and he breathed with him, slow and steady.
"We aren't going to die," jungle eyes opened to peer at him and Stiles felt his stomach flip.
"What are we gonna do?" Stiles didn't want to sound weak.
The alpha's lips pursed and he moved a hand down to grip at Stiles' hip, pushing him to stand up straight.
"We're going to kill them," Derek mumbled against his cheekbone, "all of them."