We all just sat there, absorbing the news we had just received and thinking about what Evie had asked Soda, and what I had said I thought he should do.

"Uh... I'm gonna go see what else needs to be cleaned up… in the kitchen," Two-Bit finally said, getting up and hopping into the kitchen. He could see that we needed some alone time. Not that I minded him being there for the conversation, I pretty much considered him family.

"Are you sure?" Darry asked me. "I mean, just because people are upset, Scout, don't agree to something you don't want happening."

"You're finally doing better," Pony added, "is this gonna be a step backward for you?"

I thought about what they were saying and honestly, if anything, I felt like getting some closure would help far more than it would hurt.

"No, I want you to go, Soda… I mean, unless you don't want to."

"I'm not sure what I want. I'm totally confused."

"Nothing has to be decided tonight," Darry said. "Take your time, Soda."

"Yeah," he muttered. Confusion was not an emotion Soda enjoyed, because it usually involved some degree of deep thinking in order to be resolved, and Soda, while a fan of taking apart and studying machinery, did not like taking apart and analyzing his own feelings.

I got up and went around to the side of the couch where Soda was sitting. He had his head in his hand on the armrest, so I knelt on the floor next to him and held his arm. He lifted up his head and looked down at me.

"If you want to talk about it… I mean, if you need to ask me about anything, or talk to me, it's okay. I can talk about it. Not to everybody – not to most people – but, to you… it's okay. I trust you." I looked back up at Pony and Darry. "All of you. I trust all of you."

"Good," Darry said, "but I don't want you agreeing to something just because you think it's what everyone else wants to do."

"I'm not. I really think Soda should go talk to him."

All three brothers were quiet.

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door, surprising us, and we all jumped, and I even yelled, a little. It broke the tension and we all laughed. Soda stood up.

"It's probably Sandy… she said she was coming back over after she brought Evie home." He opened the door to reveal not Sandy, but Ben. I stood up.

"Hey," he said, to all of us, but mostly Darry. "I was wondering if I could talk to Scout… just for a few minutes." I found myself praying that Darry would say yes.

"Okay. Not too long, though. It's late."

"Thanks Darry," I said, going over to the door. "We'll just be on the porch, okay?"

"Alright."

I opened the door and Ben took my hand, leading me over to sit down with him on the couch. It had stated to rain, lightly, and there was a cool breeze blowing. It would be good sleeping weather, I thought.

The moment we sat down, Ben leaned over and kissed me, both of us allowing our tongues to explore a bit. I looked nervously toward the front door but nobody came out. I was definitely getting used to this new kind of kissing. He rubbed the back of my neck and I had to laugh, he was tickling me.

"What are you laughing about?" he asked, his face still right up against mine.

"You were tickling me," I said, nuzzling his cheek.

"In a good way?" he asked, turning my head to the side and kissing my neck.

"In a ticklish way," I answered. "So, besides a good night kiss, what do you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, I wanted to ask you something," he said.

"Okay… so ask."

"Well, my church... my Mom's church - is having a dance on Friday. It's for high school kids and the just graduated eighth graders… so, since you qualify, I was wondering if you'd want to go… and maybe take me as your date."

I smiled. It was funny, Ben being older than me but needing me to get him into a dance.

"I think I could handle that," I said. "I hafta ask Darry though."

"I know. I just wanted to ask ahead of time."

"I'll ask him tomorrow," I leaned my head against his neck. "Tonight's been kinda dramatic already."

"Why? What happened?" Ben sounded appropriately concerned.

"You sure you want to know?" I asked.

"If it has to do with you, yeah, I'm sure," Ben said, pulling me tighter against him.

"Well, I found out where Steve is."

"Don't even tell me he showed up at your house."

"No, he didn't. Evie did."

"And? What'd she say?"

"He's in the hospital. He tried to kill himself."

"Good. Too bad he didn't succeed."

"Ben…"

"I'm serious. I want to kill the guy. I still can't believe he did that to you, then had the nerve to come back in your house and act like nothing happened."

"I know, but… I always thought, and now I know, there was more to it…"

"Like what?"

"You know how we all knew about his Dad hitting him, right?"

"Yeah, that doesn't make it okay to go around raping girls."

"His Dad... was raping him, Ben. They put him in jail."

"Are you kidding me"

"I would never kid anybody about that."

"I know.. I know, I'm sorry. But that still doesn't make what he did to you okay."

"I know. And I don't really see how you go from getting raped to raping somebody else, but, I guess I kind of feel bad for him, a little bit."

"You don't owe that bastard one ounce of sympathy."

"I know I don't owe him anything. But I can't help it if I feel it, a little bit. I mean, I'm still scared of him, I don't want to see him. But he was only really scary and hurting people when he was drugged up, not when he was just the usual Steve. They got him off the drugs."

"I can't believe you feel bad for him. Scout. He hurt you; scared you to death. And we all know you're still not over it."

"I know. I can't explain it. I don't get it myself, I guess."

"So she just came here to tell you that?"

"No... He wants to talk to Soda."

"I hope Soda told her he wouldn't give him the time of day."

"Actually, I think he should go."

"What are you thinking, Scout? Have you lost your mind?"

"No. I know you don't get it, but can you just not argue with me? I can't help how I feel about it. I've been wondering ever since that night everybody found out about him, where he was, thinking he might come back, wondering what happened to him. If Soda talks to him… maybe I can get some answers – maybe I can not feel so scared anymore."

He pulled me tight against him and kissed the top of my head.

"You're right; I shouldn't be telling you what to do. You know what's best for you. I'm sorry."

I looked up and kissed his chin.

"You're forgiven."

"Scout, back inside. It's getting late." Darry yelled through the window.

"Guess I gotta go," I said.

He pulled me against him and kissed me one more time. I waited until he pulled away this time. The kiss felt good, safe, and I would have been satisfied to sit there all night except for the fact that I knew Darry would be peeking out the door any minute. It turned out to be somebody else who caught us off guard.

"Well, I guess Soda wasn't lying when he said you two had gotten pretty close while I was gone," Sandy commented, coming up the steps. Both of us jumped up, and I felt my face flush. Ben gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

"Night, Scout," he said, and was gone.

I went in the door ahead of Sandy. Soda looked up from the couch and saw my red face and laughed.

"What'd you just get caught doing?"

"Nothing," I said, walking past him into my room. I heard him interrogating Sandy as soon as I left. Darry went in to tell them he was driving Two-Bit home, but Sandy said she was leaving again in a few minutes, so she would take him home. I lay back on my bed and listened to them all talking. Finally, I heard Sandy and Two-Bit leave. Darry and Soda were talking for a while in hushed tones, and I was sure it was about Steve. I'm pretty sure I heard my name at least a few times.

Eventually, I got ready for bed and walked down to brush my teeth, but Pony was already in the bathroom, so I went back to my room and sat on my bed. Soda went off to his room and Darry stopped at my door on his way by.

"You can come in," I said, when I saw him peering through the crack. He came in and shut the door behind him, so obviously he didn't want either Soda or Pony to hear whatever he had to say.

He sat down on my spare bed and looked across at me.

"I don't want you to be making decisions based on what you think other people want. I want you to take care of you. Not Soda, not Evie, not me."

"I am. I want Soda to talk to him."

"Are you sure, baby? Why?"

I took a deep breath. Darry wasn't any more likely to understand any empathy I felt towards Steve than Ben had been, so I decided to go with my other reasons.

"I need to know more," I said. "I want to know why, why me? I mean, does he feel bad? I can't explain it, really. I just feel like if Soda talks to him it might make me less scared, knowing what is going on with him now. I know it makes everybody mad and frustrated, but I'm still scared sometimes that it's gonna happen again, that he'll come back."

"It won't happen," he answered, "and you certainly don't make us mad, by being scared. I don't know where you're getting that idea."

"I just feel stupid, and needy, like everybody is having to reassure me all the time."

"We don't mind. We want you to feel safe."

"I know. I think I'll actually feel better... safer... if Steve isn't such a mystery anymore, if Soda talks to him."

"I guess I can see how you would feel that way," he agreed.

Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you get… I mean, I don't understand why when somebody is being hurt, it would make them want to hurt somebody else. Do you think it was because of the drugs? Or because of his Dad hurting him? What do you think made him hurt me, and Sandy, really?"

"I honestly don't know. A little of both, maybe. I guess maybe that's an answer Soda can try to find out for you, if he decides he wants to go. I told him to sleep on it."

"Okay." I stood up. "Do you need me for something else? I gotta go brush my teeth."

"Not really. I just wanted to make sure you were okay – after all that happened tonight."

"I'm okay."

"Good." He stood up and patted me on the back. "I'll see you in the morning, then." We both walked out into the hallway and I headed into the bathroom.

"Night, Darry," I called after him.

"Night, kiddo," he said. "Sleep tight."

"I will." It seemed to get a little bit easier every night.

........................

A/N: I hope I didn't freak anybody out with what I revealed about Steve in the last chapter. I had assumed a lot of people might have anticipated that from my "Looking for the Whales" one-shot, but, then again, maybe not, and perhaps I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of that chapter. I only worry because there were so many people who reviewed when Evie was at the door, but not so many after she revealed Steve's "secret." I hope I haven't disappointed anyone! Happy 4th of July to all of my fellow US residents!!