Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.

The Healer

Chapter 16: Step One

Crow opened his eyes slowly. It did not take long for him to feel the pain from his injuries. He winced as he tried to lift his head from the pillow to survey his body. All he saw was white for his body was covered with bandages. He could not hold his head up for much too longer because the pain throbbed and made such a simple action unbearable. His head fell back on the pillow so his eyes returned to the white ceiling. The sun's rays caught his eyes making him turn to his side and look out the window. It was bright out, the clouds, white and fluffy, floating carelessly against the pure, brilliant blue sky. He heard the door, causing him to shift his gaze. To his surprise, it was his attacker that came to visit him. He smirked.

"Figured you'd be the last person to see me," he said.

Raven did not get too close, but it was close enough for her. It was obvious to Crow that the whole setting was uncomfortable for her; coupled by the fact that she came on her own accord—despite what happened—must have made this situation ten-times worse. Whatever she came to do, Crow believed it must have taken her quite a while to decide on it because as he observed her, he could only see how looking at him was overwhelming for the hooded girl. Raven stood still and silent, close to the door. She only looked at Crow for a split second; as soon as their eyes met, she immediately looked away. Her eyes wandered everywhere in the room except at Crow. Her one hand held her other arm while she stood there. Although his expression did not show it, the silence bothered Crow.

"Are you gonna say something?" he asked.

But Raven did not answer. Crow let out a heavy sigh before he began to move. Using what strength he could summon, he took on the challenge of sitting up. First, he grabbed the sides of the bed, and then using arms, he pursued to lean forward. But as he did so, the pain intensified, growing to a level that forced Crow to cry a little. He grunted hard, trying to keep his body together. At last, he was in a sitting position, but he quickly regretted it because all he could sense was the pain. It made every part of his body tender to the point that he thought he would simply be ripped apart. Raven, surprised by his rash decision, rushed to his side.

"You idiot, what're you doing?" she reprimanded him as she reached forward to support him.

Crow was panting, and with each heavy breath he attempted to ease the hurt. When he finally found a little comfort, he looked at Raven with a smile.

"Hey, you talked."

Raven hid her face and then she took a step back. She pulled down her hood but she did not look at Crow; instead, she kept her attention on the ground. It took a few seconds, but at last she spoke, yet she said it in such a low voice that to Crow she was just mumbling something.

"What was that?"

Then Raven lifted her head and looked at Crow directly.

"I said I just came here to see how you were doing. And that's all. Now, if you'll excuse me—"

She began to turn towards the door, but Crow stopped her.

"Wait. That's not all. What else do you wanna say?"

"Nothing! So I'm go—"

"Raven."

She looked at Crow who pointed at a chair. Having felt that Crow cornered her, she gave up on leaving and decided to stay. She walked over to the chair and sat in it. Her posture was stiff, keeping her knees together and both her hands on them. Crow laughed a little at the sight of her.

"Relax, will you?"

"Robin, I—"

"Don't be so tense—"

"Robin!" Raven exclaimed standing up. "Robin, look, I-I'm sorry , okay? I'm sorry!"

"Raven, what're you—"

"Please, don't do that."

"Don't do what? What am I doing?"

"Don't make it sound like nothing happened. Look at you! Nothing but bandages! You know what's worse than seeing you like this?"

"Raven, calm do—"

"Knowing what's underneath those bandages! That's what's worse! Damn it, Robin, don't make it sound like nothing happened because something did happen."

Tears started to form around Raven's eyes. Crow didn't know what to say. He has never seen Raven like this before.

"That's what I wanted to say. That's the main reason I'm here," finished Raven.

She then sat back down again.

Crow just looked at her. He said,

"Raven, we can't deny what happened. That wasn't my intention."

"Of course we can't deny it. It's right in front of us—of me. It's screaming right at me. It's you, Robin… It's you."

"Look, if you think I'm blaming you for this, you better make that thought disappear right now."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Just forget about it."

"Forget about it? Are you kidding me? I can't just forget about it!"

"Then try!"

"You're not making any sense, Robin. This happens to you and all you can say is forget about it? I do this to you and you tell me to forget about it? You're really an idiot if you think we can just forget everything."

"Raven, just listen. By forget, I don't mean treat this whole thing like it never happened."

"Then what do you mean?"

"Forget as in accept the fact that we can't go back and change the past. What's done is done, and let's move on. Forget about it."

Raven got up and sat at the edge of Crow's bed. She looked out the window, and then at Crow.

"I'm sorry, Robin. I truly am sorry, for…for all of this…"

"It's alright."

"No, it's not alright."

"Didn't I just tell to not worry about it?" said Crow, sounding a little frustrated.

"I just can't… After what I did, how could I show how sorry I am?"

"You don't need to do anything. You apologized, and that's enough."

"It's just not enough."

"Okay, do you want me to say it? Will that make you feel better?"

"Say what?"

"I forgive you, Raven. No matter what you did, I'm sure that there's been a misunderstanding."

"How could there be any? I hurt you and the others with these hands."

"I said I forgive you, didn't I?"

"I know, and…and it does feel nice hearing you say that."

Despite her saying that, Crow did not see any change in her face that showed it. Her expression continued to be gloomy and remorseful.

"But?"

Raven looked down at Crow's hand, which was also wrapped in bandages.

"But, even if you say that a hundred times, it's just not enough. If the others also say that a hundred times, it still wouldn't be enough."

"Why?"

Raven closed her eyes and as she spoke, her lips trembled. A tear ran down her cheek and with the sun that shone on her face, that tear glistened like a gem.

"Because I'll never be able to forgive myself. How could I after what I put you all through?"

Suddenly, Crow pulled Raven in an embrace. Her eyes widened as she felt his arms tighten around her. It was just too surprising for her that she wanted to push him away. Yet, his arms continued to tighten, and Raven felt their warmth. Although it felt weird to her, there was something there that made her want to stay.

"R-Robin, what're you—"

Crow laughed a little.

"Oh, Raven, you think too much. Don't be so serious."

"What're you saying?"

Crow loosened his hold but his hands were still at her sides. Their eyes met. Crow smiled and Raven blushed.

"Don't be too hard on yourself."

At last, Raven managed to leave his hold. She stood looking at him. Her expression returned to being serious.

"Hearing you sound so happy and carefree is making me mad."

"Well, if you're gonna come in here all gloomy and all, I have to be happy to balance things out."

"You think this is a joke? I can't believe you."

"No! I didn't mean it that way. I'm just trying to cheer you up."

"Well, you can't, all right? You just can't."

"Then what do you want me to do, huh? What do you want me to do?"

"Don't be so forgiving and happy!"

"And why not?"

"Because you being all happy is making me feel that I'm just making a fool out of myself."

"I said I'm just trying to make you feel better."

"Well it's not helping. Instead, you're making everything sound like a joke."

"Fine! Then if it'll make you feel better, then I'll stop being so damn happy. Now explain the other one."

"What?"

"You told me to not be so forgiving and I wanna know why."

"Because it doesn't make any sense! It's annoying the heck out of me."

"What doesn't make sense?"

"I just don't get how you could forgive me after I put you through that. I mean, come on! I almost tore you apart! And here you are, ready to forgive me so easily without even knowing why I did it. You're making the guilt more unbearable for me! That's why I said I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. Compared to someone who could easily forgive, what does that make me? A monster? Or something even worse?"

"Then what'll make you feel better?"

"Don't talk to me. Don't look at me and especially don't smile at me. Don't forgive me. Be angry. Bear a grudge! I want you to have so much hate for me that you'd kill if given the chance. Just don't be so nice and forgiving. Out of all those things, being nice is the most unbearable one."

Crow silently watched Raven. No matter how hard he tried, he could not fail to see the sadness that this girl was carrying. Seeing her in this state tugged at his heart. He did not know why, but at this moment he felt a closeness to her. The way she talked, the way her eyes screamed the guilt inside, and the way her body strained under the weight of her actions' consequences: he saw and felt each and every one of them. He was empathetic towards her plight.

"I think you're wrong," he said after a time of silence.

Raven looked at him questioningly.

"About what?"

"Out of all the things you listed, kindness is the one that you want the most."

"How would you know?"

"Trust me, I know. There is nothing more heartbreaking than people turning their heads from you… Turning their backs on you, and leaving you to rot."

"I think you've forgotten that I'm part demon. I've had my fair share of that in the past."

Crow looked down and grinned.

"No, this is different."

Raven raised an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"These people aren't simply random ones running from you in fear. No. What I mean is your friends, people you know and care for deeply and they, in return, care for you, they know you, they even love you—these people—are what I'm talking about… And then suddenly, they're against you… As far as I know, there is no greater despair than that."

"How would you know that?"

Crow's eyes widened and then he quickly lifted his head. He saw that Raven was looking at him confused. He gave a soft chuckle and said,

"I could only imagine how painful that is. That's why I'm saying it's okay to just take my kindness for granted."

"I can't bring myself to do that."

"Could you at least tell me why you attacked me?"

Raven was silent for a while. Crow could see the dilemma in her face. All in all, he could tell that she did not like that question and that she refuses to answer it.

"Are trying to tell me you attacked for no reason?"

"No! I-I just…"

"Then tell me already. Why'd you attack?"

"Because… Because you weren't you…"

Crow was baffled.

"What?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I was scared, all right? I was scared…"

"Scared of what?"

"You. We all were."

"That's silly! Why would you all be scared of me?"

"Because you weren't you. Because you were not the Robin we knew. You were different; so much colder…"

"Okay, that explains why you have all been acting strange around me. So what's the story behind the attack?"

"Like I said, I was scared. Whenever we talked to you, you weren't the same. There was a sharpness in your voice, and your eyes…there was something in them that was just…menacing. So when I knocked on your door, and you answered, you brought with you this darkness that just made me so sad."

"And that's why you attacked me…"

Raven looked down nodding.

"It was much easier for myself to admit that there was someone else who took your place than to believe that you were the same person. I convinced myself that you were just another villain that came to infiltrate the tower. My mind and body believed this truth wholly—I told myself that there was no other explanation other than this—to the point that I've let my anger come out and take over."

"Raven…"

"And do you know what I ended up proving? That the demon part of me is still strong and alive inside. No matter what good I do, I can't hide the evil within myself… I can't believe I hurt everyone because I was simply scared. In the end, you're still you; you're still Robin and not anybody else. Like I said, I only managed to unmask myself…"

"You're not evil Raven."

"Thanks… But after what happened, I'm having a hard time believing that."

"Then I guess I'm also at fault here."

"What? No, you didn't do anything."

"Yes, I did. Look, I was just having a bad week. I wanted to keep that to myself, but I guess some of it leaked out in my behavior. If I had only talked to you guys about it, I may not have acted so violently. I could've prevented this. Look, Raven, I'm...I'm truly sorry for putting you through that. For making you feel scared, along with everyone, I really am sorry."

"No, don't apologize. If I had only listened to Starfire more about talking to you, this wouldn't have happened. I ended up hurting everyone because I acted without thinking."

"Bottom line, it's my fault. I had no reason to behave so harshly around all of you."

"But I was the one who hurt all of you."

Crow and Raven just looked at each and eventually they broke out into laughter. After a moment, they stopped and simply smiled at one another. Crow said,

"If we don't stop, we'll be here all day having a contest of who's more sorry."

"But I am sorry, though, Robin."

"And I'm sorry, too."

"I'm really glad to have you back."

"I never left."

"I should've known that. Beast Boy said you were just having a bad day. For a moment, I thought so, too. But seeing you so different from how you usually are, I just couldn't fully convince myself that it could happen…that you would also want to be left alone sometimes. It was just so far from what I've come to know that it scared the heck out of me."

"Which goes to show that anything could happen."

"Uh-huh."

"So… How're you feeling?"

Raven looked away with a soft grin.

"Much better now."

"That's good."

"I'm so happy to know that you're still you."

"I'm never leaving the team."

"I know… You won't."

Crow yawned.

"I feel exhausted. I think I'll lie down for a bit."

"Oh, of course. Get some rest."

He still felt sore, so he slowly lowered his body onto the bed. As soon as he was lying down, he felt immediate relief.

"I'll be leaving then," said Raven.

"You don't have to go."

"You need to get all the rest you can get. I don't wanna disturb you. Goodbye."

Raven turned and started for the door. Crow watched her as she walked away. She stopped at the door and glanced at Crow. She said,

"Thank you, Robin."

And then she disappeared, the door closing gently behind her.

Crow smiled and let out a sigh. He looked out the window and just stared at the clear blue sky.

"Soon, you won't be thanking me," he said to no one in particular. "At this rate, it'll be in my hands, and no one can stop me."

Chapter end