The house looked good. Cleaner than it had been in a good long while, in fact, but I hated the way the impending visit from the state ate away at my reality, making me second-guess everything. It seemed clean, to me, but would it be clean enough? Things that never bothered me before – things that were what made my house a home to me - suddenly seemed suspect.

There was the worn armrest on the chair, the fabric nearly worn clear off from years of us kids sitting there, leaning up against Dad while he read to us. There was the broken corner of the coffee table, where Darry had accidentally kicked it during a particularly wild wrestling match with Two-Bit. Then there was the top of the table itself, covered with round water stains from years of Pepsi and beer bottles sweating in the Tulsa heat, leaving their indelible mark.

None of these things ever bothered me, until the state decided to call for a visit. To us, these things were indicators of the everyday life that went on in our house, natural reminders of the people we loved. But, suddenly, I saw them with the eyes of a state worker, and I wondered: How bad did it look, to them? I saw our furniture as "broken-in," but in their report it would probably just say "broken." I hated it, that Social Services had the power to make me doubt what I knew was true: that I was where I belonged, happy, loved, and well cared for, and that I had a good home environment.

It was hurting my head the more I thought about it, and I lay back against the couch, ignoring the uncomfortable cushions, lumpy in all the wrong places from years of boys sleeping on them. I rubbed my forehead, trying to rub away the worries.

I heard a noise and looked up to see Ponyboy in the doorway. Soda had gone out with Sandy, and Darry was doing work in the kitchen. Even when he was home from work, he still always had work to do.

"You okay?" Pony asked. He came over and flopped down next to me on the couch.

"I guess. I don't know. I just hate it when the state visits. I always feel scared, and sick, and… I don't know. Confused. Like what has always been good enough – what nobody ever would have doubted was good enough with Mom and Dad here – suddenly seems not good enough."

"I know exactly what you mean," Pony said, and I believed him. Darry took the state visits like a job – in his mind, there were checklists of what to do and say, and how to pass the inspection. Soda seemed to see the visits as little more than an interesting diversion from everyday life, as well as the only real reason to ever clean the house. For me and Pony, however, it was different. It was life or death, like taking a test you couldn't study for, because you didn't know what the questions would be about. Even though I had no reason to believe the state would change our custody situation, just knowing that they could scared me to death.

"It'll be fine," he said, pulling me over so I was leaning against him. "Darry's doing everything right. They'll see that."

"I hope so," I said, wishing I could capture the fear I was feeling and put it outside, like we had done with the bug. It wasn't going to be that easy, though. Frankly, I preferred the bug, however big and scary, to a state visit.

I heard Darry push his chair back in the kitchen and knew he was going to come in and tell us to go to bed. I doubted I'd sleep much – and the headache I was getting from all the thinking wouldn't help, either.

"You two all right?" he asked, coming in and realizing it was a bit odd for the two of us to be sitting there in silence, without even the television as background noise.

"Yeah," Pony answered. "Just talking about tomorrow."

"Guys, you don't have anything to worry about," Darry assured us. "Things are going pretty well around here. They'd really have to dig deep to find anything to complain about."

"I guess," I said.

"Aw, c'mon, Scout, just a few hours ago you were telling me you think I'm doing a good job with you guys. Were you lying?"

"No," I said, "but that's the problem. It doesn't matter what I think. They can turn it around any way they want. They probably will look at the flowers I planted and say you have me doing slave labor in the yard, or something."

Darry laughed.

"I think maybe you're reading a little too much into this," he said. "They aren't always the bad guy. Think of the kids who aren't being taken care of, kids that the state has gotten out of bad situations."

"Well I wish they'd spend more time on them, and leave us alone," I snapped.

Darry's tone softened.

"Look, Scout, I don't love it, either, getting judged by somebody else on whether they think I'm taking good care of you. But that's just how it is, so you're gonna have to learn to accept it." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "You need to go to bed, anyway. I don't want to have to fight to get you up tomorrow."

"I know," I said, standing up. "I just wish it would be all over."

"Well, tomorrow night at this time, it will be." He patted my shoulder. "And the faster you go to sleep, the faster it will be here, and the faster it will all be over."

"Night," I said, heading down to my room.

"Night, Scout," they answered in unison.

I washed up and changed into my pajamas, lying in bed staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, trying to clear my mind so I could sleep.

I finally drifted off an hour or so after hearing Soda come back and talk to Darry about how things had gone with Sandy. I'd forgotten that he'd still had to talk to her about how things had gone with Steve. They were talking quietly and I couldn't hear most of what they said, but it sounded like it hadn't gone too badly.

I tossed and turned and awoke more than once with a start, not remembering why. Just after dawn, I fell back asleep and had a vivid dream about the state visit, which ended with Police officers taking away me and Pony, literally dragging us out the door. In the dream, I kicked and screamed, but in real life I woke myself up, yelling "NO!" just once, in a terrified, yet strangely authoritative way.

"Scout?" I heard Darry move to get out of his bed in the next room.

"I'm okay," I called back. "I'm sorry. I was just dreaming."

Soda was at my door with Pony behind him, and I heard Darry coming down the hallway.

"No, I'm sorry," Soda said. "I knew this would happen."

"What would happen? And what are you sorry about?" I wasn't panicked like I had been after my dreams about Steve– I knew this time that it wasn't real, it wasn't like I was replaying in my mind something that had actually happened.

"I knew it would make you worse again, if I talked to Steve."

"No, Soda… I wasn't dreaming about Steve."

"What, then?" Darry came over and sat down on the bed.

"About the state visit. I was dreaming that they were taking away me and Pony."

Soda looked relieved.

"Nobody's gonna take you. Everything is fine here. They'd have absolutely no grounds to do it," Darry reassured me.

"I know. It's just that my brain won't stop working."

"Well, I don't think any of us want your brain to stop working, but I sure wish you could think about something else. You know, rainbows, puppies…"

"Can we get a puppy?" I asked.

"No," he answered immediately, and I laughed. Just then the alarm clock went off in his room.

"Time to get up," he said, getting up and going to turn it off.

"You guys gonna have breakfast with us today, since you're up?" I asked Pony and Soda. "Sorry about that, by the way," I added.

"You gonna cook for us?" Pony joked.

"I guess, but you know I can't really do anything except eggs."

"I like eggs," Soda smiled. "In fact, I love eggs."

"You love anything you don't have to cook," Pony laughed, swatting at his head.

"I…" Soda started to argue, but thought better of it. "Yeah," he agreed.

"You two get out of here so I can get dressed," I said, throwing a pillow at them. Pony immediately threw it back at me, but I ducked in time.

"You're getting quick," he said as he winked at me and pulled the door shut behind him.

I didn't worry about showering, since I had washed up after gardening the day before and knew I'd be showering after babysitting to get ready for the state lady, anyway. I threw on some clothes and wandered out into the kitchen. Pony had taken some sausage out of the freezer and was trying to defrost it in a bowl of hot water.

"You're supposed to take that out the day before you want it, genius," I teased.

"I know, wiseass, but I wasn't planning on being awake before you guys left," he said, and I felt bad.

"I said I was sorry. It's not like I meant it." I turned and pulled the refrigerator door open, embarrassed that, without warning, I felt tears welling up.

Pony came over and stood on the opposite side of the door until I looked up.

"That was mean of me," he said, taking the eggs. "I'm sorry. I know you're nervous, and so am I. But things will be fine. Darry's doing everything he's supposed to. They won't find anything wrong."

"I know… so long as we don't mess up Darry's nice clean kitchen," I said, trying to joke as I closed the refrigerator. Pony put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed, and I tried to smile. I knew he was worried, too, he just did a better job of hiding it than I did.

He actually stayed in the kitchen and helped me cook, something the two of us hadn't done together in a long time. He told me about working at the bowling alley and I told him about Laura and her big tantrum the previous day. He laughed and said it was a good thing we were all past that age by the time Darry became guardian, because he would have lasted about ten minutes with a tantrum like that and then dropped us off at the nearest orphanage.

"You leave a mess in this kitchen, and that's still gonna happen, even if you aren't babies," he said, grabbing a chair and sitting down. I plopped eggs onto his plate and Pony gave him sausages and toast.

"Pretty good service in this place," he joked. "Soda, ketchup?"

Soda tossed him the ketchup from the refrigerator, where he was taking out the milk. Darry just barely caught it.

"Oh, you are so lucky I am trained to catch bad passes," Darry said, "or you'd be down on the floor scrubbing right now."

Soda just smiled and sat down with us.

"Scout, don't poke around. We're going early today, remember?" Darry watched as I played with my food.

I had forgotten about that. I was pretty excited to be getting the stitches out, though – they had become terribly itchy.

"How's that cut, anyway," he asked, and I peeled off the band-aids. It didn't look too bad. I went to scratch at it and Darry grabbed my hand.

"Don't scratch at it."

"Okay, okay," I said, trying to ignore the itching.

"Soda," Darry stood up and handed him some money out of his wallet and a paper off the counter. "You need to hit the store this morning, and make sure there's nothing bad in the fridge. And the beer goes to the basement. Two-Bit knows you need his car, right?"

"Yeah," Soda said, finishing off the milk as Darry watched.

"Get milk, too," Darry added it to the list. I ate my last forkful of eggs and went over to the sink to wash my plate. Darry came over right behind me and started washing his plate over me.

"Leave it, you guys, we'll get it," Soda said, and when I looked questioningly at Pony, he nodded.

"Go get your stitches out," he said, and smacked me on the butt. "Good luck."

"Thanks," I said as I tried to smack him back but he dodged me and I missed, nearly throwing myself to the floor before Soda caught me on the way down.

Darry lifted me back up from Soda's arm, since I was nearly toppling him over in the chair along with me.

"Let's go, before you get even more injuries for the doctor to look at," he said. He grabbed his lunch and looked down at me.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then, we're goin'. Remember, Soda, keep the place clean, hit the store, and beer in the cellar. And Pony, no overtime today, even if they beg. In fact, get out early if you can. We need everyone here more than we need the money."

"Got it," he called over the running water. He had already started washing dishes. I know what he was thinking, because I was thinking the same thing: stay busy. Stay busy, and don't let that fear eat away at you all day long so by the time the state lady shows up, you're a nervous wreck. I followed Darry out to the truck and climbed in.

We didn't say much on the way – I was too busy worrying and he was probably afraid to say anything, for fear of making me worry more. I stared across the seat at him, realizing how much older he looked than the night our parents had died. It hadn't even been a year, yet, but he looked like he'd aged five years since then. I bit at my lip, studying him. He looked over and caught me.

"What?"

"Nothing." I hung my head.

"C'mon, that wasn't a nothing look."

"Just – I'm sorry we all take you for granted sometimes. I meant it last night when I said you were doing a good job. You are."

"I'm glad you think that," he said, as we pulled up onto the sidewalk between the Karis' and the Bryants' houses. I went to open the door and he stopped me.

"Scout… I love you guys, too. All of you."

"I know." I was glad he had known that was what I was trying to say, thought I felt bad that I hadn't actually said it. I didn't get why it was so hard sometimes to just tell people that you loved them. I opened the truck door and hopped out. Darry walked with me up to Dr. Bryant's house and just as we were about to ring the bell the door opened.

"Hiya, Scout," Dr. Bryant said. "and… Darrel, right?"

"Darry," he said, offering his hand as Dr. Bryant ushered us in. "Nice to see you again, and thanks for offering to do this."

"Oh, it's my pleasure. Scout… well, she kinda stuck with me, as far as patients go. She was one of my first patients after I took the job here in Tulsa."

"Yeah, I could kinda tell you weren't from around here," Darry joked.

"Yeah, there's really no hiding a Boston accent," he laughed. "Okay, Scout, sit down here at the table." I looked around – his house was pretty much similar to Coach K's. Nice but not over the top.

I sat down and he took out something wrapped in white paper.

"These are straight from the hospital autoclave… totally safe," he said.

"What's an autoclave?" I asked.

"It's the machine that sterilizes the stuff we use at the hospital," he said. "It just means that all this stuff is safe – you won't get germs from it, or an infection."

"Oh. Okay."

I saw him take out a few sharp tools.

"Is this gonna hurt?" I asked. Darry sat down next to me.

"No, it shouldn't," Dr. Bryant said. "It looks like you're pretty much totally healed. I only wanted Darry to be here so he would know I wasn't doing anything unsafe, that I was using the right tools and stuff."

"I appreciate that," Darry said. I knew he would have freaked out if I told him I got my stitches out without him there.

"I would have wanted him here, anyway," I said, taking his hand.

"Okay, so here we go," Dr. Bryant said. I felt slight pressure as he snipped each stitch, then dropped it onto the paper he'd put on the table. I watched, interested.

"Twenty-two, right?" I asked.

"Yup," he answered, as he snipped the last one.

"Not bad, huh, Dar?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Don't even think about it. You're out."

"Oh c'mon!"

"Forget it. No."

"What?" Dr. Bryant asked.

"My brothers have a 'most stitches' club," I said.

"What?" Dr. Bryant laughed.

"We're not idiots, really," Darry tried to explain. "Just… we all got banged up a lot as kids, so we turned it into a competition. Scout was never allowed to join."

"They discriminate against girls," I said.

"Good for them," Dr. Bryant laughed. "You're all set, Scout, it looks good."

"I hate to ask this, after you've already helped us out," Darry started, "but…"

"I got cut yesterday on a rusty nail. Please tell me I don't need a shot." I shoved my cut hand out in front of him.

He took my hand and looked at it.

"Well, you don't need stitches… and it looks good. I'm sure you already had a tetanus shot, in the hospital. I mean, I was your doctor – I would have ordered that for any infected cut, but I'll check your records when I go in today. Is there a number where I can call you?" He looked at Darry.

"Well, I'll be at work, but you can call my brother, Sodapop and let him know. He'll be home."

"Oh, right, Sodapop. How could I have forgotten that? And Ponyboy, right?" he smiled.

"Right."

"Darrel… that's fairly common. How'd you end up with that?"

"I'm a junior," Darry said, and I put my arm around him, thinking of Dad. "My father was a Darrel."

"Well, I'm a junior, too, Dr. Bryant said, "and that's a pretty exclusive club to be in, as well."

Darry laughed, and I was glad that Darry and Dr. Bryant got along as well as he and my coach did.

"Well, Scout, I hope I don't have to have you as a patient again anytime soon, but it's nice to have you around this summer," Dr. Bryant said, leading us through the living room.

"I really appreciate your help," Darry said. "It's really nice of you to take care of Scout like this, for us."

"It's my pleasure, really," he said. "And feel free to call on me, again, if you ever need something like this. You never forget your first patients in any particular place."

"Thanks," I said, and surprised myself by turning and hugging Dr. Bryant. "That was much better than going to the hospital. And for the plants, too."

"Well, Barbara's at work, but I'll tell her. She does all the gardening around here."

"Alright, well, if you ever need any roofing or construction work done, feel free give me a call. I'll give you a good deal." Darry headed out to the front steps.

"Will do, Darrel," Dr. Bryant said as he stood in his doorway. "You take care. And I'm sure I'll see you around again this summer, Scout."

"Okay," I called back. "Seeya!"

"Bye, Scout," Darry called from his way back to the truck. "See you this afternoon. And don't worry!"

I had to chuckle a little at that. Heck, if I could just turn the worry off, I would have done it already, a long time ago.

Coach was waiting in the doorway when I went up his walk, and Laura came running out from behind him.

"Hi 'Cowt! New!" She pointed to her shoes.

"Oh!" I pretended to be enthralled. "Did you get new shoes?"

"New shoosh!" I picked her up and went up to where her Dad was standing.

"She couldn't wait to show you," he said. "I saw your brother's truck and couldn't figure out where you'd gotten off to."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Dr. Bryant said he'd take out my stitches if I came over early, with Darry. I was over there."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't just disappear. Laura would have just about exploded if she didn't get to show you those new shoes pretty soon!"

"Shoosh! New shoosh!" She motioned for me to put her down, so I did. She took off like a shot to her room.

"Well, she's in a good mood today, as you can see… as usual, give us a call if you needed anything."

"I will."

"Alright, bye then."

"Bye,"

"Bye-bye Daddy!" Laura yelled from her room, and I went down the hall to join her. She was happy as a clam all morning, asking me over and over again to take her shoes off, then put them back on again. I almost understood her complete joy over a new pair of shoes – I certainly could have used a pair, but there was no way I was going to mention that to Darry, not until Soda started working again, anyway. She went down for her nap without a fuss, and woke up at almost the exact second her Dad came in the door. He had just walked in when I heard her calling.

"'Cowt! 'Cowt!"

Coach gave me a signal to be quiet and as he went into her room I could hear her joy and surprise.

"Daddy!" she yelled, and my heart felt heavy. I was even more jealous of her having her Dad than I was about her new shoes.

I was quiet on the drive home and he must have noticed because finally he asked me,

"Was everything okay with Laura today? I mean you seem kind of quiet – upset, even."

I debated on whether or not to tell him but he already knew my whole family situation, anyway, so I figured it didn't matter much.

"The state's coming to check up on us today. I just always get worried that they're gonna take me and Pony away."

"Scout, your brother is doing an amazing job with you. They'd have no reason to take you."

"Yeah, I know, but I still worry, just because I know they could, if they decided to." We pulled up at the house and as I moved to get out, he said,

"Well, good luck, Scout – but you aren't going to need it. They'll see that Darry's doing a good job."

"I hope so," I answered, jumping out. "Thanks for the ride."

I waved as he and Laura drove away and then turned to go into the house where I'd have nothing to do but … wait.

......................

A/N: This chapter ended up being longer than I thought… the state visit is up next, then some crazy summer drama. I'll be gone this weekend, walking a 60-mile fundraiser walk for Breast Cancer Research. Hope this long chapter holds you over til then! Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing! You have no idea how much I appreciate it.