Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.

The Healer

Chapter 17: Same Words

"I'm sorry," said Raven.

She kept still, looking at the ground. She did not know whether to look at him or not.

"Raven, I said it's fine. Don't worry about it!"

"But—"

"Raven, I never thought I'd say this to you, but, please, stop talking."

Raven looked at a rather happy Beast Boy. He had on a grin that was threatening to break through the contours of his face. However, her attention was quickly drawn to the cast on his arm. It hung on a sling, and Raven could not help but notice how heavy it was. The stretched material symbolized the burden that was on him now—a burden that she placed there. Seeing his smiling face and then his injury, Raven did not know what to feel. Should she be glad that he said that it's all right? Should she be relieved that he doesn't blame her? Or should she feel guiltier because he is happy despite his injury? What should I do? she thought. Suddenly, Robin's (rather, Crow's) words echoed in her mind: "…what's done is done and let's move on."

"…And let's move on…" she whispered.

"What?" asked Beast Boy.

"Oh, nothing."

"You look kinda down. Are you all right?"

"Am I all— O-Of course I am! How about you? I should be the one asking you that."

"What, this?" Beast Boy laughed. "You think this is enough to bring me down? It's gonna take more than a few bruises to hurt me! I'm stronger than I look," he declared, winking at Raven.

At his words and expression Raven could not hold back a smile.

"There it is, I made ya smile," said Beast Boy with a smirk.

Raven blushed and quickly turned around. She quickly regained her composure.

"I wasn't smiling."

"Yes you were. I saw you!"

"No, I wasn't!"

"You can't trick these eyes. I have the eyes of a hawk! Both metaphorically and literally."

Raven turned to Beast Boy.

"Metaphorically? Wow, I'm impressed. You're using big boy words."

Beast Boy's face grew red.

"Hey! Watch yourself, Rae. I read, too! Someday, I'll know more stuff than you!"

"I doubt it."

"Just you watch! You know what, I'll get started now!"

The green titan turned and started for the opposite direction.

"You'd better take it easy."

"What for? This?"

Beast Boy stopped and looked at Raven.

"Didn't I tell you this is barely a scratch? I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"One-hundred percent."

"Beast Boy?"

"Yeah?"

"I really am sorry."

"Raven, not this again."

"No, really, I am. To be honest, I don't know what I should do. I feel so much guilt, bearing down on me, knowing what I did. That."

Raven pointed to his cast.

"That is a constant reminder of my mistake. I know you said that you're fine, and I really am glad that you're doing well, but… At the same time, I feel that I should do something to make it all right. Because if I don't, the guilt will still be there."

"To do something that'll make you sleep better is basically what you're saying. I don't think that would do us both good."

"No, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. But, you're good intention will eventually turn into a self-pleasing act. And I think that's much worse on your conscience."

"Look, first of all, when did you become so philosophical?"

Beast Boy chuckled.

"Cool, right? Told ya I read."

"Never mind. What I was trying to say was that I want to do something that could make it up to you—to all of you."

"Well, you said you're sorry, right? And you mean it, right?"

"Of course. Sincerely. As sure as day and night."

"Then you don't have to do anything more. You apologized, and that should be enough."

"Robin said the same thing."

"See? You should listen to him. He actually knows stuff."

Raven smiled weakly.

"I guess you're right. Both of you are."

"We are. Now you should cheer up. We know that you didn't do anything wrong. You should know that, too."

"Then how do you explain my behavior?"

"Having a bad day?"

"Is that you're answer to everything?"

"Because it's true. When do you ever see me grumpy?"

"When we're out of tofu?"

"Exactly. No tofu means it's a bad day."

"What happened… I think it was more than a bad day."

"Or it was only a bad day. Either way, it's done, it's over with, and we're both standing here: you, not ripping me to shreds, and me, not screaming like a girl."

"But everything is not back to normal."

"Sure they are."

"No, they're not. We're a few people short. You know, I never understood how five people could fill this tower with so much noise. But now, I'm looking at a bigger mystery: why is it that even if it's just one person missing, the tower becomes deafeningly quiet. Why is that?"

Beast Boy shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe because we're a team. But more than that, we're friends; we're a family."

"And that's exactly why hurting all of you is putting so much guilt on me.

She placed a hand over her heart.

"That's why, it's so heavy… I can't take the weight of knowing that I hurt my family. The guilt that that puts on my heart is far too great."

Raven looked down.

"And that's why I'm saving all my strength to face her… I want to apologize to Starfire in such a way that would show her how much I regret what I have done. How much I am sorry. I want her to understand—to see, as clear as day—that not of it was my intention."

"Honestly, I think she'll say the same thing… That it's all right."

"No offense, but I'd like her to tell me that herself."

"And if she does, what'll you do? Will you be relieved?"

"It's funny… I want her to say that it's all right but at the same time not. Knowing her, she'll just smile and say that everything's fine. I'll be as confused as I've been. How should I feel, Beast Boy? Happy? Guilty?"

"Happy. Just be happy that she's still talking to you. The silent treatment is always a bad sign."

Raven playfully punched his shoulder (on his good arm, of course).

"Be serious."

"I am! And, ow, that hurt."

"I didn't punch you that hard."

"Ah, yeah, you kinda did."

Then Raven smiled.

"You know, you're optimism has always been one of your best points."

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow.

"'One of?'" Then he grinned. "So, what are my best points?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Oh, come on, admit it. You like me, don't cha?"

"How could I like an idiot?"

"Because he's the cool and funny guy."

"I'm leaving."

And so Raven turned for the other direction. As she made her way down the hallway, Beast Boy called out to her:

"Don't worry, Raven! Everything's going to be all right!"

"You're too loud!"

"Oh, and tell Starfire I said hi!"

If she'll talk to me she thought.

"They keep saying that…" Raven grumbled. "They keep saying 'don't worry about it'."

As she turned the corner, she stopped. Her teeth tightened and she balled her fists. Then suddenly, her arm swung out to her side smashing onto the nearby wall. She winced at the pain, immediately regretting her move. However, the pain was quickly overshadowed by her present aggravation.

"Dammit!" she hissed. "Stop saying that!...please."

She pulled back her hand, which she proceeded to study. Her knuckles were red, almost blinking in synchronization with the throbbing she felt. Covering them with her other hand, she massaged her injured knuckles. She stared blankly at the back and forth motion of her massaging hand. Then she paused. She repeated:

"They keep saying that…"

She continued to look down at her hands, slowly opening them to reveal her palms. With distant eyes, she looked at them. Memories of the fight started to invade her mind once again, and again, she was overwhelmed by them. Her two hands began to shake as she remembered every detail: walls collapsing, windows breaking and then there were the shouting, the crying, and even the blood dripping.

"Was I always capable of something like that?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Cyborg with a smile.

Raven looked up, her expression almost fearful of the look—as if to say "there it is again."

"You're smiling…" she noted.

Cyborg looked at her momentarily confused. Again, a smile appeared, and then he laughed.

"Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Well—"

"Raven, if you're worried about what happened, don't worry about it."

At the sound of those words, her eyes widened. She began to shake her head side to side. Her face was of dejection. The look she gave him swiftly removed the smile on his face. Almost instantly, his expression began to match hers.

"H-Hey, what's wrong?" Cyborg asked.

"Everything…" responded Raven.

She lowered her head, setting her eyes now on the white floor. Despite the situation, she could not help but notice how clean the floor was. It shone like glass, nearly reflecting the lights from above perfectly. In fact, it was reflective enough to serve as a mirror as she was able to see herself and Cyborg on it, albeit partially. She stared at her reflection, and it stared back at her. She saw the heavy expression she was wearing. She did not like it. Sure, most of the time she retained an almost unchangeable countenance—able to hide fear, agitation, and even sadness. She could handle looking at the expressionless face any day. But the particular look that she held today—right now—she could not stand it.

"Why am I letting myself be affected like this?" she asked herself. "Didn't they say it's all right? Don't worry about it, right?"

Then her eyes moved from her reflection to Cyborg's. Suddenly, she remembered why… Why she has to be affected. She observed the bulky parts that clung to Cyborg's body. These served a purpose similar to that of casts. They were metallic components that Cyborg designed some time back for the purpose of keeping his body intact in situations just like this one. They allowed his body to function normally, or almost normally for there were limitations put in place such as limited movement—if he moved any more, he could fall apart. Ultimately, Cyborg created these "casts" to let his body be able to work and repair any damaged parts. Once the repairs are complete, he could take them off. But for now, since there was much work to be done, he would still need to endure a little bit more.

It was the same for Raven when she first walked in—her reaction, that is. Just as it pained her to see Beast Boy's cast, she also did not want to directly look at Cyborg's only way of staying together. What can I do? she thought.

"Raven?" said Cyborg as he reached forward, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Raven instantly looked up, her trance broken.

"You all right?"

Raven simply nodded. Her stare slowly switched from his face to his body. Cyborg followed her gaze and examined his frame. He chuckled, which caught Raven's attention.

"Are you worrying about this?" he asked.

"Of course I am," Raven responded. "Not just you, but everyone. I've seen them all—well, almost all of them—and I can't help but notice that you're all in bad shape."

"Not that bad, trust me. This? Easy fix. See my right hand?"

Raven watched him wave his arm.

"It feels new!"

Raven smiled weakly.

"That's good," she commented.

Cyborg turned around and returned to his workbench. His hand swept the table's surface in search for something. Raven, who followed him a few steps back, tilted her head in hopes of getting a better look. "Ah" muttered Cyborg as the sound of metal pieces hitting and scraping against the table stopped. He turned around and held out a small screw that he held between his forefinger and thumb. He walked over to Raven and asked her to hold out her head, and so she did. In her open palm, Cyborg placed the small screw. Upon closer inspection, Raven noticed that it looked unorthodox. It had a peculiar shape; the general outline of a typical screw was still present, however. Yet, it was different. Along the body were random grooves and within those grooves were blue lights that lined the grooves' paths perfectly. The head was plane, except for a blue light that dotted the center, replacing the familiar opening for a screwdriver.

Raven studied it for a moment and then looked at Cyborg questioningly. Cyborg smiled.

"That piece goes in here," he said pointing to his head.

"What? Why is it not there?" Raven quickly answered, her voice sounding a little nervous.

"Because I want you to put it. Not now, but later. It'll be the last piece that completes my repairs."

"Why do you want me to do it?"

Cyborg sighed and sat back down in his chair.

"Because I know what's going on in that mind of yours."

"What do you mean?"

"I can hear it in your voice, I see it in your eyes, heck, your face shows it."

"Shows what? What're you talking about?"

"That you blame yourself for everything."

Raven felt a sudden pressure come down upon her. She made a fist around the screw. Her eyes widened and she just stared at Cyborg. For a reason unknown to her, she felt guilty that she blames herself. To her, it felt like Cyborg caught her in the act of doing something bad and now he is going to reprimand her. Why do I feel guilt for feeling this way? she thought. Isn't it only natural that I should blame myself for hurting them? But when he said it, why does it feel like it was bad… Like it was something I should have never done? Despite feeling like that, Raven found relief knowing that someone understood how she felt; someone who did not just say "don't worry about it."

"It's not my place to say that I know what you're going through," Cyborg continued.

His voice stole Raven away from her thoughts.

"But if it's okay, let me just say that I can understand what're you're feeling just a little."

Raven stood silently, simply wanting to listen to Cyborg.

"You must be thinking that since you did all of this, that you should blame yourself; that you should carry the guilt; and that you should find a way to make it up to us. I get it. But you shouldn't think like that. We are your friends, Raven. We don't want you to suffer like that. We don't blame you so you shouldn't blame yourself."

"Even so," Raven interrupted, "I still want to do something to at least show how sorry I am."

Then Cyborg smiled.

"I knew you would say that. That's why I gave you that," he said pointing to her hand that held the screw.

"Huh?"

"You could make it up to me by helping me put that last piece."

"But, no, this is not enough. I need to do something mo—"

"No, you don't. I personally think that you shouldn't even do anything. But I'm still letting you do that one little thing for me anyway."

"But it's not enough."

"We're friends aren't we? I won't ask for too much. In fact, I don't want to and I think it's the same for the others. Because we are friends—all of us—I want you to understand that any gesture is enough."

Raven looked down at her hand, which she slowly opened to reveal the screw.

"Look, Raven, the reason I gave you such a small task is to show you that anything, no matter how small, is enough to show how sincere your apology is. Even if you don't do anything we'll know that you're being sincere. So please, Raven, don't be too hard on yourself."

"It's still hard to believe I did all that."

"Hey, it happened and now it's in the past. Forget about it! Don't worry 'cuz everything's fine now."

"That's what Beast Boy and Robin said. You've all said the same thing."

"Because it's true."

"I don't know… I still feel uneasy. I was fine after talking to Beast Boy… But seeing you in this state brought everything back. I feel like I need to be convinced every time when I talk to you guys that everything's alright."

"Just keep in mind what I said. The important thing to remember is that we're friends. Nothing, especially something like this, could ever come between us."

Raven looked at him and gave him a smile. He returned it with his own cheerful grin.

"Thanks, Cyborg."

"But every time I hear those words—don't worry about it—I have doubts in my mind," Raven thought as she made her way down the hall. "Is it really okay to not worry? Are things okay just the way they are right now?"

Then she stopped, seeing that she was in front of a door.

"I just don't know..."

When she finally exited her thoughts, she realized that she was facing the emergency room that held Starfire. Raven reached forward and pressed the button that would open the door. As it slid open, Raven said,

"Will you say the same thing?"

Chapter end