Chapter 4

It's been two weeks since I left Marley with Ryder. I can't say that it has been the easiest thing. I try to avoid her as much as I can. I nod and smile whenever Ryder talks to me about her. I think everyone in my little circle of friends knows that I have a thing for her. I know they are not stupid. I can see the looks the give me when I just walk away whenever Ryder announces that she's coming to hang out but its something I have to do. I don't want to break Ryder.

He's been going on and on about this is the girl for her. How she makes him smile and how nice she is. Thing is I know this. I know how nice she is. I know how beautiful she is. I know what makes her smile and what makes her frown. I know that when she's upset she listen to the classic rock song "Rockstar" by Nickleback or when she's happy she listen to Taylor Swift.

I can't stop thinking about her. She's in my thoughts all day and all night. I can't shake them away. My body and mind know how different she is from the other girls here but I pretend like she's one of the guys. I like I don't care that she's making Ryder happy instead of me but really it's killing me.

"Dude. You gotta come to this party" one of my friend says as we hang out by the mall.

"No" I said indifferently as I slurp on the large size slushie I just bought.

"Dude, you haven't been to any parties" he whines and I can feel the urge inside of me to punch him. I hate when people whine. "What's going on with you?" he asked.

I stay quiet and shrug. He needs to believe nothing is wrong because no one can know I care about someone. No one can know that I have a crush on the sweetest girl to ever step on this boring town. People would laugh and they have every right to. Like I could ever get a girl like her. Not even in my dreams.

"Dude you've been in a funk! You have to go" he exclaimed and groan.

"If I go. Would you leave me alone?" I growled and he slips away but still nods. "Then fine" I said and I stand up. I storm away angrily. Tonight is going to be painful.

Ever since Marley and Ryder met he has been taking her to every damn party in town, which means I've been avoiding them all together but I guess it will happen eventually. It's a small town, if they keep dating. I'll ran into them and it will be equally painful. Might as well torture myself.

That night I got dress drove off. By the time I left Ryder had already picked up Marley. He had texted me and called me to give me a ride, like he does whenever he's going to one but I didn't pick up my phone. I need to have my car to leave early. Plus I don't know how much of them making out can I take.

When I get there, the party already started. People are already drunk and the music is high enough to not hear your own thoughts. Typical party around here.

I walk around and within five second I already have a drink in my hand. I don't know how it happened, I just know is there. I see my friend all in a corner. Everyone had a drink and everyone is laughing. Everyone is having a good time. I start to make my way when someone moves and I see her. She wearing a short black dress, that perfectly molds her body and then I see Ryder's hand around her waist. I stop and stare and she notice.

A smile brightens her face and I'm tempted to go up to her but I don't. I turn around and go the other way. I saw, I torture myself. Now I need to get drunk or take someone home. Except I only want to take her home.

I chug down my first drink and just as I'm about to take another I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and blink. Marley is standing right in front of me. She has a smile and her hands are holding themselves behind her back. She's the poster girl for innocence.

"Hi" she said happily.

"Hey" I said back, trying to act like myself but it's not too easy. Her smile is contagious.

"It's good to see you here. I was hoping you would come to one of these" she said shyly, a blush creeping on her cheeks.

I can feel the cards moving. She shouldn't have said that. Now I know she wants me and I can have her. I can tell her to get out of here and she would come along. I can see it in her eyes, I can see it her in smile, I can even see it in the way she's standing. I could take her and never look back but I don't.

"Yeah. I've been busy" I said with a shrug.

"Oh" she said softly and I can see her trying to fight a pout.

"Anyways. I should be going" I said and I turn around before she can say something else. She needs to go back to Ryder before I change my mind. She needs to go back to him before I turn around and begged her to take me back.

Before I leave I take two more beers and one shot but they don't make me forget. They don't even make me dizzy. I drive around, hoping to somehow shake the feeling I have in my chest. Wondering if Ryder already kissed her and asked her to be his girlfriend.

I get home after a couple of hours and I'm not as buzzed as I wish I was. I know as I walk up the stairs that I will see her when I get to my room. Part of me wants to see her because I actually regret walking away from her at the party. I hated seeing her smiling at Ryder and not me, although I know that it bound to be that way. She's a good girl and he's a good guy. Not to mention that he's my best friend. I could never do that to him.

As expected I see her as soon as I open my door. She leaning against the window staring into my room, her chin laying on her arm, as if she's waiting for me. "Hey" I said, placing my keys on the nightstand.

"Hi" she says softly and I can hint the sadness in her voice.

"You had fun at the party?" I asked like I would normally do because I need to act norma. I peel off my shirt but not my pants, I'll do that when she get to bed, and I sit on the window and I lower my head to meet with hers.

"You left" she whispers instead of answering my question.

I sigh and shake my head. "I did" I say.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because you were with Ryder"

She tilts her head and she looks at me with her sad blue eyes that had caught my attention since the first moment I laid eyes on her. "But I wanted to be with you"

"No you didn't" I say.

"Yes I did" she said. "I always want to be with you Jake"

I know where this is going and I feel myself torn. I know what she's going to say. I know what I want to say but I know I should just back away and go to bed. "You should want to be with Ryder"

"Why?"

"Because he's good guy" I say and I can feel a pressure in my chest. Something is pressing up against me and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Because he's a good guy?"

"Yes"

"And I'm a good girl?"

"That's right"

"And he likes me?"

"Yes"

"But you like me too"

The last thing she said wasn't a question, it was a fact. I hesitate on answering because I could just turn this whole thing around and make her go into Ryder's arms. If she believes that I don't like her, it might be easier for me.

"Jake…" she whispered and I look up. I barely had time to look into her beautiful shiny blue eyes when I feel her lips pressed against mine. I stay there frozen and then I pressed my lips against her back. It's innocent and I can feel she's never done more than just a peck and although I want more, I don't push it.

She leaned back and I keep my eyes close. "Damn…" I whisper.

"Damn?" she asked, and I hear the worry in her voice.

"Yeah damn" I say and I open my eyes and I smile. "Kissing you might have taken away the last self-control I had" I say and she smiled as I cup her cheek and kiss her again.

I know I'm in a world of trouble. I know that Ryder will be mad. I know that I may be shun out by my friends. I know people will tell her this is a bad idea but right now, as she press her lips against mine, I just don't care. She makes everything alright and the rest it's just noise.