Chapter Nine
"You're kidding, right?"
I sat against a fence post, annoyed beyond belief. A bored sort of stare on my face as I watched the exchange.
"Come on." Eli countered, "I can raise a teenager. I want her."
"Human teenagers are bad enough." Dess muttered incredulously, "There's no way you could raise a half-human, half-vampire teenager without going insane."
"And you could?"
My fate was being discussed right in front of me without my input. I'd tried several times to let them know my thoughts, but it'd been ignored every time.
Leandra still refused to leave Mikah's side, never leaving his arms. I couldn't blame her, despite the way he wanted to be one of the ones in Denali with the others. More than half of Carlisle's coven were in Denali with Tanya and my dad.
Esme, Leandra, and Mikah all stayed behind. Probably considering my fate had yet to be decided. Eli and his coven stayed around, letting Carlisle and the others handle the situation in Denali alone. Considering it was a family sort of matter.
The most we'd done was move to Cole's place just a couple of miles away. It was more secure there, and a good spot to wait for the night. Considering I was wiped out. Staying up the entire night before, I wasn't long for sleep.
Cole provided plenty of space for his and Dess' coven, considering he'd taken up residence on an abandoned farm. Wide open spaces, trees off in the distance that surrounded the property, and more room and privacy than he obviously knew what to do with.
"Yeah I could." Dess replied to Eli, "And not to mention the differences in diet. You've got to consider that, too. She won't even consider animals." It was a little funny that the only non-vegetarian coven of the entire group lived on a place to raise animals. No animals anywhere in sight, but it was still amusing.
"I could convince her." Eli argued.
"Okay." She challenged, "Convince her."
He looked to me, grinning, "Alex?"
"No." I muttered.
"You haven't even-"
"No."
"Just-"
"No."
"Awesome." Dess laughed a little, clapping her hands, "Amazing convincing skills. Just admit it. She'd be most comfortable with us."
"But she's my friend." Eli countered, "You were hard-ass right from the start."
"That's not true." She shook her head, "She can still be your friend. She just won't belong under you."
I idly smacked the dirt on the ground with a stick, bored out of my mind where I squatted, rested back against a fence post. Even if the arguing in front of me was a pretty good source of entertainment, they completely ignored the fact that I wasn't even sure I would choose any of them. After all of this, why would I?
"I don't belong under anyone." I threw the stick straight at Dess, thumping her upside the head.
"Worded that wrong, didn't I, sugar?" She laughed a little. I wasn't sure how a nod could have attitude, but I managed it. I was pretty good at it. She reached down and picked up the stick I'd thrown, looking to Eli, "So what do you suggest we do?"
"Do what you want." I muttered, answering for him, "I'm going to sleep." I stood up, and they looked to each other again.
"And she sleeps." Eli pointed out as if that made his case, "She sleeps. You forgot about that part, huh? And what'll you do if she starts preferring food, huh? You can't get it for her like I can."
I shook my head, heading for the wide open barn straight ahead.
"You were so brave today." I looked over as Leandra found my right side, falling into step with me as if she'd always been there. Mikah beside her, attached at the hands. Probably permanently.
"No." I muttered, "He just pisses me off sometimes. All the time."
"Even after." She countered lightly, "You really are a good kid."
"Apparently," I sighed, finding and flopping into an old pile of clean hay against the far left wall, "He thinks I'm getting soft. I don't think so, though. I just know what I like, and what I don't like. The way he was acting towards you is something I definitely didn't like. My dad or not, that wasn't right."
She sighed as well, kneeling beside me and Mikah landing beside her.
"It's just how it's always been." She shrugged a little, "You know how you were raised, and I know how I was raised."
"I know." I mumbled, "It was just so weird seeing that side of him like that." I laid back, yawning as I did so, "I don't know what I'm going to do now, and having Dess and Eli fighting over me like I'm the family dog in a divorce is just.." I trailed off.
"Annoying?" Mikah offered.
"Very." I sighed, "How are you feeling by the way?"
"You're asking me how I feel?" He asked, surprised, "How considerate of you."
Embarrassed now, I turned over. Landing on my left side, my back to them, "Either tell me or don't. I was just curious."
"I'm fine." He laughed a bit, "Thank you for asking."
I couldn't help wondering, though. Was I really getting soft? Normally, I'd gladly punch anyone who dared consider me soft. I couldn't very well punch myself, could I?
"Does it hurt a lot to lose something like that?" I asked, turning back over to look at Mikah. I could tell he knew why I asked.
He sighed, "Well, it doesn't tickle, but I did have the best nurse in the world." He smiled over at Leandra.
"No more fighting for you." She muttered, "Not ever. I'll hide you in a tree or something."
"And it'll just reattach?" I asked, getting back to the subject.
"It can take some time, but yeah." He replied, "It also depends on whether or not it was a clean break, or if there was some.. Uh.. Twisting involved."
"Ew." I winced.
"Just gotta give the tissues time to mend and reconnect is all." He shrugged a little, "Once that's done, it's just as good as new."
"I wonder what it'd be like for me?" I muttered.
"Well, you do bleed, so I don't really know how that'd work for you." He admitted, "I wouldn't be too eager to try it, though."
"Believe me, I'm not." I shook my head, "Just something I'm curious about."
"Because of your dad?" He asked, and I looked down. He sighed, "I won't say I'm sorry for what he's going through, but.. I am sorry for what you're going through. It's not fair to you, and I know that, but you have a real opportunity here."
"Yeah." I muttered, staring at my hands.
"Really." He chuckled, "I can tell you from my own experience that each one of these covens have so much to offer you. Eli's coven isn't so bad, if you don't mind being led by a thirteen year old stubborn boy." I laughed a little, shaking my head a little, "He's a good guy, though. Dess and Cole both make one of the best teams I've seen. Other than Carlisle and Esme, of course."
"Well, fine. I see how it is." Leandra sniffed beside him.
"We're a given, princess." He laughed, kissing her nose. She laughed a little as well, the sound hardly audible, but clearly there.
"And if you're not into being bossed around, there's Tanya's coven." Mikah continued, "Everyone's pretty much a leader over there. She has a way of bringing out the best qualities in people."
"She doesn't like me too much." I pointed out.
"She just doesn't know you yet." He replied, "She's only cautious." He paused, falling silent for a moment, before he laughed, "And the fact that both Eli and Dess are arguing over who gets to keep you is a good thing, Alex."
"Well, they can argue all they want." I sighed, "It doesn't mean I'm going to willingly go with whoever wins said argument. I could just tell them to shove it straight up their-"
"Language." I shut up at Esme's voice off to the right as she stepped into the barn with us.
"Oh," Leandra sighed, standing, "She's corrected you. Now you can never leave."
"Leandra, Edward's back and waiting outside." Esme told her, "He'd like a word." Carlisle's coven had returned. Probably leaving Tanya's coven there to watch him.
"I know." She nodded a little, "I'm just not looking forward to this conversation." Mikah stood up beside her, taking her hand.
"Sleep on it." Mikah told me, and I nodded, keeping my eyes down.
Esme stayed standing there as both of them left, but I didn't mind that too much. I never really minded Esme's company.
I didn't even know how I felt. It was like an odd mix of being mad, and depressed. I wanted to keep arguing for my dad's life, but I knew by now that it'd do no good. Once they figured they couldn't torture him anymore, I wouldn't have anyone.
Yes, there were at least three covens vying for my company, but it really wasn't the same. They had their groups. Their covens, their family. I'd lose mine.
"Honey, I can't tell you how sorry I am." Esme finally spoke up, "Very, truly sorry."
"It isn't your fault." I replied quietly, "I mean, I get it, I guess. I'm just.. I don't know. Sad, I think. I do have one question, though.."
I glanced up, watching as she sat down beside where I laid. I waited until she was settled before I spoke up again. Something I did need to know.
"Why do you want me around?" I asked, looking to her, "Do you guys want me around because you felt bad for what you planned to do to him? Did you feel sorry for me? Or was it like he said? And you only wanted me around as bait?"
"Sweetie, listen." She sighed, "I highly doubt there was even one moment that your father wasn't lying to you."
"From the time I was born, I had no choice but to believe everything he told me." I reasoned, "Why do you want me around?"
"It's true." She murmured, "The subject of 'bait' was discussed, but immediately, we decided that to keep you around would be for your own good. Not to lead Jack to us. That's never been a way of ours, and it won't be one now. We want you around because we know how lonely it can get out there on your own, and we worry about what might happen to you."
"I can take care of myself." I muttered, looking down, "But I don't want to."
"I know."
"No you don't." I sighed, sitting up, "It isn't fucking fair. He's all I got. Now I'm on my own and even though I've been told, I don't understand why. Why should some debt or offense he made before I was even born still matter? Why should I have to suffer for the things he did way the hell back then?"
I jumped, surprised into tension as Esme softly but swiftly pulled me into a hug. I sat there, confused for a moment. Why was she hugging me? The first and only time I was hugged, was because I was crying. I wasn't crying now, so I didn't get it.
When I didn't return it, she pulled back to look at me.
"Nothing," She spoke gently, "Nothing about what happened today was because of you, or to make you suffer." Wait, what? Why the hell was I starting to cry now? "Okay? I promise. I know this is difficult for you to fully understand, but your father is.. A very, very bad person."
"I know." I continued to fight tears, but it wasn't working too well, "He's a bad person to you, but not to me!"
"Knowing and fully understanding are two different things." She added, "Though the evidence could be right there in front of you, you don't want to let go of the view you have of someone you've known your entire life."
I couldn't help it anymore. The sobs I held back refused to stay back.
"Honey, he's your father." She murmured, "We fully understand that. That makes him a part of you. A part that'll never be replaced, and please don't misunderstand." Here I was, sobbing like a baby right in front of her, and she was worried about me misunderstanding? I didn't even understand why the fuck I was crying, and she was worried about that? She continued, "Our actions against your father are in no way decided or determined by you, or anything you've done."
"Then why?"
"I know it doesn't seem this way to you," She answered, "But it was the best solution for everyone involved. Including you. It might take some time, I know, but you'll see. You'll see the difference soon enough."
It wasn't fair. I didn't want to see the difference. There was one thing I did want, however.
"Can I see him?" I asked, looking up at her, "Just one last time."
She hesitated, and I could see how much she wanted to tell me no, but this was one request I knew she couldn't turn down, and of course, she didn't. Knowing I never got the chance to say goodbye to him, this would be my one chance at it.
I was allowed to go as long as I had multiple sources of protection, but I requested that they let me see him alone. Or as alone as they could manage without risking him getting away. That wasn't so much to ask.
"He's still in one piece?" Eli asked as I met them outside.
"Yes." Edward replied, "We needed answers first."
"Did you get them?" I asked almost bitterly.
"He's become difficult." He murmured, "He's actually very good at ignoring direct questions, and much to Emmett's disappointment, I wouldn't let him pressure the answers from him. Not yet."
"Comforting." I muttered, stepping passed him.
"Alex," I looked over at Carlisle as he spoke up, "He's been very uncooperative so far. Please don't be disappointed if you don't get what you go there to get."
"Why should he be cooperative?" I asked in return, "Either way he dies, so it's not like he's going to be helping his cause any by cooperating, right?" He looked down, so I left it at that.
I was actually surprised, however, when everyone followed us right back up there. Everyone went this time. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but they were letting me see him. I wasn't going to ask questions.
I didn't quite understand why Emmett found it so funny to tell me they were keeping him in a basement, but again, I didn't feel like asking.
This house wasn't as quite as out-in-the-middle-of-fucking-nowhere as Eli's place was, but it was still far enough out of the way that nobody had to worry about being bothered by humans. I wasn't sure if this was Tanya's place or just somewhere else.
It would make sense for them to keep him in their place, though. That way they knew every possible way out of there. It was a homey sort of place.
Entering into the living room, only a small breakfast bar separated the living room from the kitchen. It was passed the kitchen that sat a den, with firmly closed and guarded door. Given the way I was led straight to it, followed closely all the way to it, I could tell that was the basement door.
"You have ten minutes." Emmett told me, "After that, I'm shredding him whether you're watching or not. I've waited too long for this." Esme obviously disapproved, given the way she pulled him off to the side.
Edward opened the door for me, and the second I was through it, the door closed behind me. I jumped a little, glancing back at it, before I stepped down the stairs slowly, watching him where he sat against the far wall. His knees drawn up just enough to rest his arms on.
The basement itself was very vacant. Not a thing in it, which would really bug me after awhile. I hated seeing him down here like that, but I wouldn't mention that.
It was cold in the room. I could smell it, and feel how cold it was. Being underground in a place like Denali was just asking for freezing temperatures. That just made the whole situation seem more lonely.
"You've really stepped in it this time." I murmured, and he looked up.
"What are you doing here?" He muttered with a frown. As if he were confused.
"I came to see you."
"I thought for sure you'd never want to see me again." He was still confused, standing up, "What's wrong with you?"
"Well, I know I shouldn't want to see you, but I think I'm a little stubborn." I replied, "I must get that from my father."
He couldn't help it. I laughed a little along with him as I finally crossed the room to stand beside him. The sound was quiet, but I'd never known my dad to be quiet. This was really getting to him. He sighed, squatting back down.
"I really did step in it, didn't I?" He asked, shaking his head, "Are you okay?" I knew why he asked. He wanted to know if they'd hurt me in any way.
"I'm fine, dad." I muttered, hoping to make it easier on him. I sighed as well, squatting back against the wall beside him. It was silent for a moment, until I spoke up again.
"Remember?" I prompted, "How many days have we spent in places like this?" He found that amusing, given his smirk, "Basements, abandoned warehouses, sheds, storage facilities.. Until night fell, and we could leave again?" He slowly nodded.
"You always hated that." He added, and I nodded also, "I just wanted to keep you where I could keep an eye on you without people seeing me. Lotta fucking weirdos out there."
"Not even including you?" I asked, and he hesitated for a second, before he laughed again. Looking at me in surprise. Probably surprised that I'd joke about that.
"How do you think I know they're out there, if I wasn't one myself?" He asked, and I laughed along with him again.
"Look, dad." I muttered after a minute more of silence, "I don't like what you did, but I don't hate you for it. I mean, you.. Still mean a lot to me, okay? I wanted to come here, just to let you know that even though pretty much everyone hates you because of what you did, not everyone hates you. You still got me. I hate you, but I don't completely hate you."
He sighed, "Well, thanks."
"It's just me and you, dad." I murmured, "I don't care what anyone else says."
He paused, and he spoke up again.
"You know why I treated you the way I treated you your entire life?" He asked, and I looked over, "I never treated you like I treated that little bitch. Which I'm sure you've noticed." I nodded a little, "I knew one day, this would happen. I know, because I brought this on myself. This was what I was going for."
"You wanted to get caught today?" I asked, "B-But.."
"I know." He grumbled, "Believe me. Stupidest move I've ever fucking made, but.. I treated you the way I treated you, because I wanted you to know that, without a doubt, you could survive out there on your own when you had to. You could, without having to rely on anyone else. I wanted you to be independent. To be strong. I wanted you to know that even though I'm not with you, I'd still want you to keep going."
Why did that confession want to crush me?
"I've known for awhile now that this was the way it was gonna end for me, so I did what I did to prepare you the best I could. That's all the last five years have been about. Moving around, avoiding trouble as much as possible, until I knew you were ready to be without me."
"B-But-"
"Don't prove me wrong." He shook his head, "Don't do that to me. I need to know that you'll be okay, so here." He sighed, reaching into his pocket, and drawing out a slip of paper. He handed it to me, "This is the second reason I left you where I left you."
On the piece of paper, was an address and a phone number to a place in California.
"I couldn't bring you with me, knowing how much you love to cause problems." He told me, "I needed this one thing to go well, and it did. That's the address and phone number to my sister's house. She's expecting you."
"She's human, isn't she?"
"It's just a back-up." He insisted, "In case staying out on your own isn't what you want. You won't be all alone. You do have family out there to visit."
"But she's human, dad." I muttered, "Won't she know?"
"Not if you're careful." He replied, "And don't stick around too long until you're older."
I sighed, looking down at the paper. I nodded a little.
"Thanks." I finally told him and he nodded as well. I paused, "So wait.. You left me here for this?"
"Not only that." He explained, "I left you here, because I knew you'd go find them. Darren wasn't wrong about that, but I also knew they posed the least threat to you. No matter who you were. If anything, they'd want to help you out more because of who you were."
I nodded a little.
"What about you?"
"Originally, I was going to use the offer to help them out as a way to clear my debts with them completely, starting over." He explained, "But.. Seeing they weren't about to budge on that, this is where I ended up instead. Plan B, I guess you could call it. I knew Plan A was a long shot, anyway."
"What would you have done if I'd stayed where you told me to stay?" I asked.
"Since when do you ever do what I tell you to do?" He asked in return, "I know you just as well as I know myself." I couldn't argue there.
In the dark basement, the silence dragged on. It was so hard to believe that this could be the last time I'd ever have the chance to do this.
"I wonder if they'd let me stay here."
"You don't want to stay here." He replied immediately, "Trust me. You have the whole world now, as fucking sappy as it is to say." I laughed a little at his words, "Nothing stopping you now. I didn't do all this just so you'd be stuck here with me. I've had this coming a long time, kid. Can only run for so long, you know?
"I just.. Wanted so much better for you." I barely heard that confession.
I couldn't help it. I blinked a few tears from my eyes, and of course, he noticed when I sniffled, trying to fight it.
"Don't you start crying now." He grumbled, "Least of all for someone like me. What have I always taught you?"
"Crying is useless."
"Crying is useless." He nodded a little, "It doesn't do any good. Crying about something when you could be doing something is just stupid."
"What about when I can't do anything?" I asked, looking up.
He looked to me, sighed and threw his arm around my shoulders, "Then I guess you have a point, but you still shouldn't be crying over me. If anything, this is a good thing. It's made me realize something I haven't before."
"What's that?"
"I really, really suck at this whole dad thing." I had to laugh at that one.
"I agree." I mumbled, "But I suck at this whole kid thing, so it works."
"Well, I mean, think about it." He pointed out, "You're the only one of my kids that's ever been really allowed to stay with me for any significant amount of time. Five years."
"What about Leandra?" I asked hesitantly, "You had her for six."
He fell quiet, and for a moment, I thought I'd pissed him off. I looked over at him, and he sat staring at his free hand rested on his knee as if in thought. Clenching and unclenching it slowly.
"Yeah." He eventually muttered with a slow nod, "Yeah, I had her for six, but dammit. I was just a kid back then myself. I didn't know a fucking thing about raising anyone. Just what my dad taught me by raising us and what I knew, but that's hardly anything."
"Why'd you want her then?" I asked, "Why'd you want to ruin her life like that?"
"I don't know." He sighed, frustrated, "I just did. I saw an opportunity, and I went for it. Gina was an open book. She made it so fucking easy." He laughed a little, "I still remember the first time I saw her, you know. Which is fucking weird, considering everything else about that time is pretty much gone, but that. That's stayed."
"It must have meant a lot to you for you to remember her mother." I pointed out quietly.
"Not her mother." He shook his head, "Not that bitch Gina. I hope she's rotting in hell."
"Leandra, then?" I asked, unphased by his sudden hostility, and he nodded.
"I remember her clear as day." He muttered, "She was just this little.. Thing, chasing my nephews around the park. Both cheeks red, because it was cold out that day, giggling non-fucking-stop. Two and a half years old, and I knew that I had to have her. Not that way, but.. As my own. Like a pet, almost. I wanted her dependent on me."
I stayed quiet. It felt weird to me to have him confessing all of this at me, but I wouldn't stop him. It seemed important to him to be able to finally say all this.
"She was beautiful." He admitted, "I didn't have any kids of my own, so I wanted her. I hated her so much, but I wanted her. Maybe I wanted her because I hated her? Or hated her because I wanted her so bad?" He trailed off to a short pause, before he continued.
"There wasn't a damn thing I wasn't willing to do to get her. I knew, I've always known that I'm the worst kind of person out there, so that's nothing fucking new, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be sorry for what I did to her. I have no remorse for taking what wasn't mine, and making it mine. She was, and always will be mine. Even after I'm long gone, she'll still be mine. She knows this.
"And Gina, being only twenty-three at that time, was more gullible than I could ever have fucking hoped for. I could have walked all over that bitch, but I chose to get her out of the way instead. No backbone. No.. Fight in her. So boring. Just once, just fucking once, I wanted her to take me on. Hit me, try to kill me, do something to protect Leandra besides yell at me. What fucking good does yelling at me do?"
"None whatsoever." I answered, and he shook his head.
"Now.. Leandra.." He continued, "She has fight. Nobody in the world could ever fucking deny that. I gave that to her. I made her that way. By making her life a living hell, she learned to fight. She learned to fight for what she wants, and for what's worth keeping." His tone had taken on an odd sort of admiration.
"By having nothing," He went on, "She learned to appreciate more. By being treated worse than a dog, she learned to appreciate being treated better. She knew what it was like being treated the way I treated her, so when she found better, she went for it." He paused for a laugh, "She went for it. Do you know how ballsy that was of her? You don't, but.. I was so sure I'd won, that she was going to turn out just like her bitch of a mother, and then.. She pulls that shit."
He laughed again, "She just.. She completely blew me away that day. The day she did that. I tortured her relentlessly, and I was positive she'd never complain, much less fucking run off." He trailed off into silence for a moment, until he spoke up again, "I've never been more proud of her in my entire life. It pissed me off, for sure, but the day she made that choice, I was proud."
He sighed, "After that, everything just kind of took off and just.." He shook his head, "I guess it got out of hand. I let my stupid-ass pride get to me, and I had to have her again. I mean, I was proud. Shit, was I proud of that little bitch, but I wasn't going to stand for that sort of rejection. I saw that as a personal insult." I nodded a little, understanding what he was saying, "So.. I got her back. Twice, I had her again, but both times, I had to let her go. Honestly? I didn't know what my life would mean if I actually had killed that fucking slut.
"It wouldn't have meant a damn thing." He answered himself, "Leandra.. She was my life. My entire life put into one.. One little person. I wanted to last. I wanted to.. Matter, I guess you could say. It might not have been in the best way, but I was remembered. I will be remembered."
I suddenly understood now where I got that worry from. My worry. The worry I had about being forgotten. Why I hated my ability. I didn't bring that up, but it would be worthy of thinking about later. I watched him, but he watched his hand. Like he couldn't even look at me.
"You do matter." I mumbled quietly, and he finally looked to me, "You matter to me. I know it's not much, but you'll always matter to me, dad."
He forced a smile, sighing.
"Thanks, kid." He replied, "I got a little carried away with that fucking confessing, didn't I?"
"It's okay." I shook my head, "I don't care. I've never heard this part of the story before."
"Because nobody else knows it but me." He replied, "But look. What I was saying before. You need to get out. Just.. Get out of here, and go. You know, because I'm not.. Worth you throwing your life away over. I taught you everything you need to know to make it, and what I haven't taught you, I'm sure you can figure it out on your own."
"But I don't want to be on my own." I argued, "I'd rather stay with you."
"Then that's all I need to know." He muttered, his arm around me getting firmer. It was as close to a hug as he was willing to go, "That's enough. You always have my back. You're growing up so quick, you know that?"
"That's what I do." I muttered, and he fell quiet again.
"I didn't mean to hit you that hard that day, kid." He sighed quietly, "I really didn't."
"I know." I mumbled, "Shit happens. I'd hit you back, but I doubt I could hit you that hard anyway." He chuckled.
"I don't know." He replied, "You can hit pretty fucking hard. You may not be made out of stone, but you sure as hell know how to compensate." I smiled.
"I had you teaching me." I reminded him. He looked down again, so I decided to lighten the subject again.
"That really came out of fucking nowhere." I said, "Cheap shot."
"You've gotten really good at pissing me off." He countered and it was my turn to laugh.
"Because I'm just like you, right?" I looked up at him, "I know what really bugs you."
"Now, don't fucking start that." He laughed, shaking his head, "I don't wanna be pissed at you right now."
"Maybe tomorrow." I mused, "Be pissed at me tomorrow."
"Deal." He replied, and we both sighed this time. It tried to upset me to know that he probably wouldn't be able to be pissed at me tomorrow.
Our smiles fading quickly. He looked up, and I knew why. He looked to me, and I looked to him at the heavy footsteps crossing the floor above us. Heading for the door.
"Now, come on." He stood up beside me, and it'd always been instinct to follow his every move, so I did as he did, "Look at me. I'm not freaking the fuck out, am I? I know you'll be fine. Dammit, quit your crying."
It was true. I was actually crying now. I didn't want to lose him. Not now, not ever, but I knew there was no other way. The number of people he'd wronged had just piled up too high, and it was his turn to face that, but I wasn't ready to be without him.
Instead of making myself stop crying, I stepped forward and hugged him. He groaned in irritation, but allowed it.
"Yeah, yeah." He murmured, "Hug, hug, hug. Good? Good." He pulled me back, taking my cheeks between his hands, "It's time to go now, kid. Go on."
"But-"
"No." He grumbled firmly, "I mean it. Be safe, be smart. Remember everything I taught you, and you'll be perfectly fine." I sniffled hard and nodded, "Good." I had to hug him again, and though I expected that to make him mad, he just returned it, "Come on.." The level of irritation in his tone had softened just enough to know how much this bothered him as well. That bothered me, knowing this was getting to him. He was fully aware of the fact that this would probably be the last time he'd see me.
Him, the one who'd been there from the moment, the second I was born. The one hugging me now was definitely not the same one they saw.
Behind me, up the stairs, the door opened, but that just made it harder to let him go. Sobbing twice in my effort to keep hold, but he fought free. Prying my grip loose.
"Time's up." He told me, his voice quiet and gruff, "Alright. You'll be fine." I turned, looking to both Emmett and Jasper standing there, "Go."
He shoved me lightly back toward the stairs. I hesitated and looked back at him. He stood there, but I couldn't read his expression anymore. There was no anger there, or sadness. Not even any of the stern firmness I was used to seeing. He gave me a tiny smile.
"I'll see you around, kid."
No he wouldn't.
That thought almost crushed me, and almost made me go right back to him, but I knew what he'd want to see. He hated it when I cried. He was always telling me to be tough. Being tough meant refusing any emotion, so I steeled myself the best I could, and nodded.
"I hate you, dad." I mumbled, "No matter what." He smirked.
"Right back at you, pal." He murmured. With that, I shoved passed Emmett and jogged up the stairs. Ducking from the room as quickly as I could, despite the knot of emotion in my throat, threatening to choke me with each breath.
As much as I needed to hide my emotion from my dad, that really couldn't last long.
"Alex.." Leandra murmured as I pushed passed her, "Alex, wait.." I ignored her. Heading up the hall and straight out the front door.
"Let her go." Carlisle told her, "She needs space."
I didn't even have time to shut the front door behind me before I was collapsing into tears. Right there on the porch. Squatting down, bracing my side against the post and hiding my face. Carlisle was right. I did need space. I needed a lot of space.
I understood. I did understand, but that didn't make this any easier. Saying goodbye and leaving him was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. Especially knowing why I had to leave him, and what I was leaving him against.
I felt it, the way every eye in the area was on me. The door open behind me, and all those inside witnessing what this was doing to me. I hated this situation. I hated it. I'd just gotten him back. All I had to do was let go? That wasn't that easy. That was much harder than anyone obviously knew.
I was mad now. Angry. At nobody in particular, because despite how I fought it, I did understand. That didn't ease my anger any, so with a sob, I stood back up. I took one step, and started running.
Talking about doing something, and actually doing something were two totally different things, and as firmly as I'd been decided before to leave him, it wasn't okay with me. It didn't seem fair to me. Why should they get what they wanted?
But then again, why should I?
I found the largest city I could find, and wandered. My entire life constantly being questioned was confusing me. They didn't know. They weren't there my entire life. They didn't know what kind of person he could be. It didn't make any sense. How could they be telling me so often to try to consider it from their side when they weren't even trying to see it from mine? Maybe because they couldn't imagine he's anything other than what they've seen.
Behind me, the sun was setting on the other side of the city, which hit the mountain range in the distance. It was nice to look at. Was this what it was going to be like for the rest of my life?
With a quiet growl of irritation, I turned.
Leandra and I were like sisters, but we couldn't be more different. In a way, it was amusing to know just how different things could turn out with just a few details changed, like how we were treated during our younger years. I might have been owned like she said, but I never knew the difference, and frankly, I didn't give a shit. It didn't bother me the way it bothered her, clearly. How could I have fallen for that?
Maybe all he was doing was trying to make sure she didn't turn out like her mother? A lie, as he'd admitted it himself, but I couldn't help it. I hated him, and I hated what he'd admitted to doing, but I couldn't deny it anymore. I loved him too, but there was no way I could take all of them on. I hated being powerless. Maybe that was what was bothering me the most.
He needed my help, but I couldn't help him. Not against everyone, and definitely not if my dad wouldn't let me stay to help him. If only I were stronger, or faster. If only I had something going for me, but as it stood right then, I didn't have anything. Not one thing that would be useful to him.
Still crumpled in my hand was the slip of paper. The last thing he gave to me. The longer I looked at it, the more its worth grew.
It obviously meant a lot to him that I go there. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gone through this much trouble to clear the way for me. To clear the way, so I could get there safely. There was just one question I had.
Had he expected to not be able to come with me? Had this been his intention all along?
If that was the case, why the hell was that so hard for him to admit? Why couldn't he just come out and say that he cared about what happened to me? He wouldn't have done this if he didn't, but the fact was, he did do this for me.
It was quickly dawning on me exactly what he'd done. Just like the slip of paper, the more I thought about it, the clearer it got.
Carlisle's coven had always provided safety to those associated with him, and he knew full well I'd be no different. He placed me with Darren, also knowing full well I was too stubborn to stay where he put me. That was a given to him.
The only other coven in the area to find would be Carlisle's coven. Probably hearing, knowing exactly when they got back to the area, so I'd be sure to find them.
Darren would get pissed. He'd get edgier and edgier every day because I wasn't listening to him, and knowing Darren wouldn't do a damn thing until he had more backup, my dad sent Omar his direction. Effectively pushing them towards the fight. Probably never expecting it to be so easy.
He was placing everything he had on Carlisle's group to win that, even going so far as to tell them the location of the rest of Omar's coven, just so they'd have the upper hand, and remove any possible threat to me.
Knowing, probably full well, that he wasn't getting away from them. He never intended to. It explained why he provoked them so much. Keeping their attention on him, and got so mad when Edward threatened to take it out on me. Him taking it out on me was something unacceptable to him.
It was the only explanation for him sticking around when he had so many opportunities to run. He was facing the consequences without running this time. For me. Because he wanted to give me the chance to fuck up on my own, without having to deal with all the problems he'd caused in his life.
All while tracking down Heather, and telling her about me so I'd have a place to go when they did keep him. I'd never mentioned it to him, not once in my life, but he probably knew I wanted a family. How lonely I got with it just being us, and without him, that'd only get worse.
I had to take a moment for more tears. Even after all this, why could they not see? Why couldn't they tell that he wasn't trying to hurt anybody, but only wanted to clear the way for me? Why couldn't they see that he wasn't only the horrible person they saw him as? Even after all this, why would they still do this? Even after all this, why would they still take him from me?
No doubt he hadn't changed a bit, but to them, they weren't even looking for change. They just wanted revenge. To make him pay for everything he'd done, but in the process, they actually were making me pay as well. Forcing me away from him. Couldn't they tell that hurting him hurt me? Did it even matter?
He wasn't who they said he was. He wasn't him, that person they told me he was.
Looking to the paper again, as hesitant as I was, I couldn't deny this of him. After all this, I had to at least see. He'd just gone through too much not to.
I wasn't particularly excited to go there, but I figured I could at least give it a shot. I wondered just how much my dad had told her about me. Heather. My aunt, his sister. Obviously enough for her to be expecting me, at least. I could show up, do a little looking around on my own. What could it hurt?
So I turned. Heading south at a steady walk. I needed to get out of Alaska first. I couldn't help it. I wanted to leave this place far behind. Nursing a broken heart, I moved faster.
Once I found a safe place to start running, I ran. I wasn't worried about crossing paths with humans, least of all these humans. She was my dad's sister. Was she like him? I recalled the photos I'd seen of that entire side of my family, thanks to Leandra, and I wondered how much they'd changed. It was a little funny that I'd get to see them when Leandra couldn't.
I wondered what they were like the entire way there, and despite the way I had never been there before, I could at least find the city on my own. Minus the glimpse at a roadmap in the hands of some couple outside a diner.
I found the city sometime around nine that night, which wasn't bad, considering I'd had no idea where the hell I was going. I'd just stepped foot into the city, and already I was overwhelmed. This place was huge. I didn't have a scent to go on, and I was suddenly reminded of the fact that I'd wanted to try to track my dad this direction. I was so glad now I was talked out of it. I didn't even have a clue where to start.
I was half tempted to find an alley to sleep in for the night, and find her house in the morning, but I couldn't wait. I wanted an extra look before making any firm decisions.
About an hour more of just walking, I gave in and ducked into a gas station. In search of a map of the city. Looking it over, I found that I wasn't too far off, surprisingly. Just a few streets over, and I'd find the right one.
It was dark on this street. Perfect for crouching and watching from the hedges across the street from the fourth house down on the left. It was a neat little house. Tiny front yard, grass on either side of a walkway. A driveway to the right of the front door. Typical two-story house in the middle of a city.
It wasn't at all what I expected. Hadn't Leandra said they'd gotten money from Heather's mother? This is what they spent it on? It was a decent sized house, but other than that, it was downright dull. Nothing remarkable about it. Even the basket of flowers hanging from the porch ceiling was plain boring. It blended in.
I did find something interesting, though. Something that caught my immediate attention, and kept it.
Outside on the dark front porch, someone stood smoking. Huddled in a jacket that looked way too thin to keep a human warm on a late autumn night, stood a man. Roughly mid-twenties. Decent height. I'd seen humans smoking before, and I never understood the pull. The smell didn't appeal to me at all, but that wasn't what interested me.
What did interest me was the fact that I faintly recognized him.
It took studying him for a minute or two before I finally recognized him as the older boy in Leandra's pictures.
That was Josh. Mid twenties, and much older looking.
I smiled a little to myself, just fascinated until I decided I wanted a closer look.
What was the best way to approach a human? I'd never had much experience with doing so, because my dad had never allowed it. The only real practice I had with humans, was hunting them. I didn't want to hunt Josh. I was curious.
Straight on? What other way was there?
I'd always been a bit abrasive, abrupt and to the point, so why change that now? It was just one human. Not like I couldn't handle him if I had to, but I didn't want to hurt him. So I did the only thing I could do. I wanted to meet him, to see him closer, so I moved.
I stepped out from behind the hedges, and crossed the street. Slow enough steps to be considered human myself, and I hoped I didn't startle him. He spotted me once I reached the other side, surprised, given his expression.
I could just read the 'Where the hell did you come from' question in his blue eyes.
A/N: I know it's a little short, but I wasn't comfortable adding any more lol any more was just.. Too much, I think.
To my beautiful REVIEWERS, THANK YOOOOU. :D:D I even managed to get it out sooner for one my faithfuls. :D I hope you enjoyed it.
As for ten, I'm not entirely sure if that one's going to be the last, but we'll see.
Until Ten, my friends! :D