Chapter 18

Open Heart

"Weight of the World"- Blue October

Kyle (POV)

"Mr. Trager, we ended up having to perform open heart surgery on Mr. Foss. When we opened him up we found that there was more damage than we had originally thought." Dr. Lynn explained. "Mr. Trager the next 24 hours are critical."

I slipped my arm around Amanda rubbing her shoulder, I needed her close.

"What happens after the 24 hours?" I asked calmly.

"Well we would have to perform a heart transplant as soon as we can get a donor heart. We already have a team searching for a heart; Mr. Foss is at the top of the recipient list. " She said directly "With out the transplant his chance of living isn't very high. If he didn't have the transplant he would likely have another heart attack, but this time it would be fatal."

I was shocked at how easy it was for Dr. Lynn to tell us this news. That a loved one would likely die without a transplant. But I knew that in order for her to be able to do her job she couldn't become attached to her patients.

"Can we see him?" All I wanted to do was see him.

"He's resting now, but in a little while I'll have a nurse bring you to see him."

"Thank you." I mumbled to be honest I just wanted her to leave, which she did. It wasn't that she wasn't being nice or doing her job, it's just that every time I talk to her she seems to have bad news.

"I'm just… I just…" I couldn't get my words out. "I need…a minute…" I told Amanda as I left the waiting room. I could hear her call my name once, but I didn't respond.

I stepped out into the hall way, I didn't want Amanda to see me if I broke. I faced the window my back to the waiting room door. My hands shook as I clasped the window sill. I had to clench my jaw again to fight back the tears.

I took deep breaths tying to compose myself. Foss could die. It was hitting me like a ton of bricks. He could die. A tearless sob shook through my body.

I felt Amanda's gentle hand on my shoulder. She turned me to face her and pull me into a hug. I buried my face into her hair, and another tearless sob shook through my body.

I held her in my arms not wanting to let her go, she was keeping me calm. After a while I stopped shaking, and pulled away from her so that I could see her face.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"You don't have to thank me Kyle," she gave me a weak smile. "I'm here for you."

"Mr. and Mrs. Trager?" A nurse assumed interrupting us.

"Yes," I said on instinct, not really thinking about what she had said.

"I can take you back to see Mr. Foss." She informed us.

I took Amanda's hand. "Okay, thank you."

"Ah, Kyle I should call Paul and see how Brice is doing." Amanda stopped me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, you go ahead." She tried to assure me, but I could tell something was wrong.

"Okay." I kissed her softly on her forehead. All this talk about heart attacks had to be hard on her, and I didn't want to push her.

The nurse showed me to Foss's room. When I walked in he was sleeping so I quietly pulled a chair over to his bed side again, and waited for him to wake up.

I examined everything that was hooked up to him. His monitors were beeping steadily and he had pain medication flowing though his I.V. Then I looked at him. He still looked weak, he had dry sweat on his forehead, and his color was still a mix of grey and white. I looked at his eyes they still looked like they had purple bruises under them.

As I was mentally examining him he started to stir. He groaned a little but he wasn't in any pain, he was just groggy.

"Good to see you," I spoke softly.

"Kyle," His voice was hoarse.

"How do you feel?" I asked, helping him with some water.

"Fine, tired." He lied about being fine again, but he told the truth about being tired.

"Did you know?" I asked.

"Did I know what?"

"About the heart problems." I clarified.

"Yeah…" He grumbled.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I questioned calmly.

"Nothing for you to worry about." He said sternly.

"Yet you can worry about my life." I retorted.

"Kyle," He warned, and I dropped it not wanting to stress him out.

Dr. Lynn came in and explained, what she had already told me, to Foss. He didn't seem to show any emotion about it. After Dr. Lynn left Foss drifted back to sleep so I left.

"Hey," I tried to smile when I found Amanda in the hallway outside the waiting room, it was the only place we could use our phones. "How's Brice doing?"

"Paul say's he keeps asking for us." She frowned.

"I have to be here for Foss…" I trailed off.

"I understand, I was thinking about running by the apartment today to get a change of clothes, take a shower, and spend sometime with Brice." She told me.

"Okay, thank you." I said looking out the window realizing the sun coming up which meant it was morning.

"Have you eaten or slept since you got here?" She worried, running her had across my stubbly cheek.

"No, I don't need to sleep." I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

"Kyle you haven't slept or eaten for almost 24 hours." She scolded.

I shrugged.

"Okay well we should eat, let's find the cafeteria." She suggested, taking my hand.

After wondering around the hospital getting lost we found the cafeteria.

I ordered a coffee and a blueberry muffin, and she ordered a coffee and a bagel. We found a table by the windows that over looked the courtyard.

We talked, while we ate, about how crazy the past few hours were, it hadn't even been a full day even though it seemed like it. We also talked about Brice, and that it wasn't fair to him that we left him with Paul for a couple of days, Brice needed his parents. So Amanda was going to bring him back to the hospital with her.

"I'll be back in a little while," She told me, I wrapped my arms around her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Okay, I love you." I kissed her softly on her lips.

"I love you too, Kyle," She kissed me one more time before leaving.

I went back to Foss's room, he was still sleeping but I had bought some magazines at the gift shop to keep me busy. Every so often a nurse or Dr. Lynn would come in and check on him, but he slept for the majority of the time.

After a few hours I got a text from Amanda saying she was on her way back to the hospital. I glanced over at Foss, he was sound asleep, Dr. Lynn said that it was normal for him to be sleeping this much. I sighed standing up; on my way out I told his nurse that I was just going to meet my family and that I'd be back soon.

When I got to the waiting room I stopped outside the door for a minute to collect myself. Brice hadn't ever seen me like this, unshaven, and sleep deprived, the last time I looked like this was when Brice was taken away from me.

Brice looked up when I opened the door, immediately his face lit up.

"Daddy!" He shouted, dropping his train and scurried over to me.

"Hey buddy," I said picking him up.

I tried to smile for him, but Brice is very perceptive.

"Daddy, sad?" he worried touching my stubbly cheek.

"Yeah, buddy Daddy's sad, but I'll be okay." I comforted him, kissing his forehead.

I took a seat next to Amanda and Brice sat on my lap. Once it got close to his nap time he dosed off, curling up on my chest. I wrapped one arm around Amanda. It felt good to have my family with me.

"How are you holding up?" I whispered to Amanda.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She said.

"No, I know all this talk about heart attacks has to be hard on you." I paused. "That's why you didn't come back with me."

"You noticed that…" She trailed off.

"Yeah I did, are you okay?" I asked

"I'll be fine, I just don't think I'm ready to see him, I think it will be too much of a… reminder." She leaned her head on my shoulder.

"That's okay," I said kissing her softly on the top of her golden hair.

Eventually we all had drifted off to sleep, and for Amanda and me it was the first time in the past 24 hours.

AN: Hope you guys liked it, please comment!