Starsky vs Hutch
Chapter 15
Hutch stood by the window overlooking the parking lot. The doctors had discharged him and he was waiting for a lift home. He drummed his fingers impatiently, wishing he would see Starsky's Torino pull in, but knowing it was not to be.
He was struggling to understand what was going on with his friend. When he first came round after the accident, he had been delighted to see Starsky's worried face and hear the concern in his voice. But Starsky had gradually withdrawn into himself as it became clear that Hutch had escaped with nothing worse than bruising, a large egg on his head and the concussion that went with it, plus a cut on his head that was hidden by a dressing and a cut on his arm that required stitches and a sling.
Starsky had once again become the stranger who would not meet his eyes and Hutch had been dismayed to wake up the day after the accident to find Starsky was not in his accustomed place, in the chair by his bedside. In fact he had returned, voluntarily, to the secure unit.
"Feeling guilty I guess," Hutch thought. "We'll have to do something about that, pal."
He saw Huggy's car pull into the parking lot and readied himself to leave. His discharge papers were already signed so there were no hold-ups other than stopping off to collect his pain medication.
"Sorry, Hutch. I need to call at the bar. I got a delivery comin'," Huggy said as he pulled out onto the road. "Shouldn't take long and then I'll take ya home."
"Just take me home now, Hug...I'll be fine." Huggy looked like he was going to argue but Hutch cut him off. "Honest, Hug. I'll be fine. I just wanna go home. I'd rather be in my own place, you know?" He turned blue eyes on his friend and Huggy knew when he was beaten. Shaking his head and grumbling good-naturedly, he turned his car towards Venice Place.
After making sure Hutch really was all right, he headed off, promising to return as soon as he could.
Hutch discarded his sling and tossed it onto a chair as soon as Huggy left. He kicked off his shoes and ambled into the kitchen, smiling when he saw his fridge was well-stocked with provisions. He grabbed a carton of juice, poured some awkwardly with his left hand and then sat on the sofa to wrestle with the bottle of pills.
Picking up the phone he rang Edith Dobey, knowing she would be the one responsible for his well-stocked cupboards. She extracted from him a promise that he and Starsky would call round for a meal in the not too distant future. After hanging up he eyed the phone, debating whether to wait for Huggy or call a cab to take him to the secure unit. Deciding that Huggy might try to talk him out of visiting so soon after his discharge, he called a cab first and then his friend to prevent him returning to Venice Place.
As expected Huggy tried to dissuade him but knew it was pointless to try to change the stubborn blond's mind. "All right, my friend. But call me if you need me."
Hutch pushed his feet back into his shoes, shrugged into his jacket with difficulty and went downstairs to wait for the cab.
During the journey his mind ran through various scenarios, most ending with he and Starsky best friends once again but one or two disconcertingly ending with them estranged for ever.
Unsure of his partner's state of mind and knowing how stubborn he could be, it was with some trepidation that Hutch paid for the ride and entered the centre.
Danny was standing at the reception desk. He looked up and smiled when he saw Hutch. "Ken! How are you?" he asked, beginning to walk down the corridor with him.
"Better than I look, thanks," Hutch replied. "How's Starsky?"
"Very withdrawn. I think your accident gave him quite a shock."
Hutch looked disappointed. "He seemed better when I came round...more his usual self, you know?"
"He does seem different..." Danny mused. "Less hard...uh...unnerved...scared."
"Scared? That's not the Starsky I know."
"Well, Dr Brumley is convinced that you're the key, and maybe your accident is the catalyst he needed to break free. Just be patient a little longer, Ken."
They arrived at Starsky's door and Hutch took a steadying breath before entering.
Starsky was sitting at the small table staring at some cards set out for solitaire. He did not acknowledge his presence giving Hutch an opportunity to observe his friend. He looked fit and healthy but his expression showed that his thoughts were not in a happy place.
Hutch sat on the other side of the table and moved one of the cards onto another stack.
"Hey!" Starsky growled, slapping the back of Hutch's hand.
"Thought you were stuck, buddy," Hutch smiled. "Red six on black seven and now you've got a black five..."
"Stop it, Hutch. I'm not in the mood."
"Well at least you're calling me 'Hutch' now. Sounds so much better than 'Mr Hutchinson'."
Starsky winced. "Jus' leave it, Hutch."
"I can't, Starsk. You're the best friend I've ever had and I'm not about to give up on that."
Starsky stood and walked away from the table. "I think you should. I'm not a friend to you any more."
"So you're not my friend any more? I'm still your friend...always will be."
Starsky spun around angrily. "Oh c'mon, Hutch! How can we be friends after what I did to you?"
"What did you do, buddy?" Hutch asked softly, sensing that he was near a breakthrough.
Starsky glanced at Hutch but his eyes slid away, unable to bear the expectation on Hutch's face. "You know what I tried to do," he mumbled. "And what kind of friend does that make me, huh?"
"You weren't yourself, buddy. You didn't know what you were doing."
"That's no excuse!" Starsky shouted. "I shoulda been stronger, I shoulda stopped her, I shoulda...I...I...I shoulda done somethin'!"
"You did the best you could, Starsk. No one could ask more than that. You protected yourself the only way you could. I just wish I'd found you sooner...I should've found you sooner. I tried so hard, Starsk, but I couldn't find you." Hutch's voice cracked with emotion.
"Hutch! Stop it now! No guilt trips, huh? You did find me"
Hutch smiled. "That works both ways, Starsk...no guilt trips, buddy."
Starsky turned away. "Not that simple, Hutch. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for what I've done."
"Starsky, you're a victim too. I know you don't want to think of yourself that way but you are."
Starsky shook his head angrily. "Stop this, Hutch. Stop tryin' to make me feel better. I killed those other men and I tried to kill you..."
Starsky suddenly stopped and drew in a sharp intake of breath. "Oh my God...I tried to kill you..."
It was as if saying the words aloud forced Starsky to confront what he had done and the enormity of it hit him hard. Turning pale he raced to the bathroom and Hutch could hear him vomiting. He followed slowly, knowing Starsky hated to be observed being sick. Waiting until the retching had ceased, he entered the bathroom. Starsky was slumped on the floor, arms across the pan and head resting on his arms.
Hutch grabbed a cloth, wet it and crouching beside his partner, began to wipe his face and the back of his neck while murmuring soothing nonsense.
Starsky feebly tried to push him away. His face was waxen and pale, and tears trembled on his lashes. "Hutch. Please stop it. Jus' leave me alone."
"Sorry, buddy. Can't do that. I can't leave you in this state."
"How can you bear to be near me...to touch me, after what I did to ya?" Starsky's voice was full of anguish and Hutch felt his own eyes filling.
"'Cause I love ya, mushbrain." Hutch's voice was warm with affection as he reached for Starsky, stifling a hiss of pain as the movement pulled at the stitches in his arm.
Starsky resisted at first but Hutch's hold was firm yet gentle. He allowed himself to be enfolded against Hutch's chest. It felt like coming home. Hutch's heart beat steadily in his ear and he gave a shivery sigh as the silent tears began to fall.
Hutch closed his eyes in relief as he felt the sobs shake his partner, knowing that 'his' Starsky was finally back.
TBC
Well, we've reached journey's end...just a short epilogue which I will post tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing, it is much appreciated.