The weekend seemed to fly by, and I spent most of my time working on the plants in my garden and being amused by Tang's antics as I pruned and watered things and he attempted to destroy them. It was pretty clear after a few days that this particular cat wasn't likely to be going anywhere anytime soon. I had caught each brother, at separate times, talking to him, and I'd caught Soda on Sunday morning snuggled up asleep with him on the couch in front of the television.
Even Two-Bit had showed up Sunday afternoon with some sort of fancy cat food that I was sure he'd shoplifted from somewhere. It was kind of funny – a bunch of tough-as-nails guys turning to mush around a kitten, but, then again, I had already discovered that there was a softer side to all of the guys that even just a year ago I hadn't known existed. This side of them, which they thankfully brought out from time to time, made it slightly more tolerable to be surrounded by nothing but testosterone most of the time. At least once a week I cursed being not only the only girl, but the youngest as well. My teenaged years were going to be one interesting ride, I was pretty sure of that.
Soda had dinner duty that Sunday night and was procrastinating worse than ever about getting things started in the kitchen - first fooling around with the cat, then getting in a wrestling match with Pony, and then talking to Sandy for what seemed like forever on the phone. By the time he got off the phone, I was starving, and getting pretty cranky as a result. I was starting to notice that about all of us - that the hungrier we were, the more irritable we tended to get. I used think it was only the boys, but now that puberty was setting in, it was starting to be true for me, as well.
He finally hung up the phone and sat back on the couch, not moving. I stared at him from the arm of Darry's chair. He didn't notice.
"Soda?"
"What?" He didn't look up.
"Are you gonna cook? I'm starving."
He sat up and looked at me like I was nuts. I had to admit, it was usually the reverse- him starving, and us procrastinating on dinner.
"You are?" He seemed skeptical.
"Yeah," I assured him. "I'm about to go out hunting and gathering in the yard if you don't get things moving in the kitchen. I mean, I'll help you, or whatever, but can we get this dinner show on the road?"
He eyed me, a smile forming on his face.
"You can eat whatever now, right? You're all better?"
"Yeah."
"I think we owe you a Dingo cheeseburger."
Just at the mention of it my mouth started watering.
"Yeah, you do! And you'd better get me it, now that you just brought that up," I said.
He laughed.
"I will. I got some extra cash from a side job I did on some lady's Chevy who came in just as we were closing up last Thursday and just couldn't wait til we opened up on Friday. Only took me fifteen minutes and she gave me ten bucks! I didn't really feel like cookin' tonight, anyway."
"No kidding...?" I loved being sarcastic with Soda, sometimes it went right over his head. Not this time, though.
"Yeah, okay wise-ass," he kidded. "You wanna eat out or want me to go get it and bring it home?"
I didn't really feel like going anywhere.
"Home."
"Alright, well, tell Darry what's up and I'll be back in a few," he said, grabbing the truck keys and heading out the door. I heard him talking to Pony out on the porch and then he called back, "Pony's coming with, 'kay Scout?"
"Yeah. Just don't hang around down there, you got a starving kid here. The state frowns on that kind of stuff." It was weird, for me to be so hungry. I guess all that liquid diet had made me appreciate all the real food I'd been missing.
I heard the truck start and then drive away and realized that for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was alone. Darry had gone off with Kevin to play football with some high school friends who were home for the summer. I was glad to see him go – I hoped that playing football with somebody other than us – somebody who actually knew what they were doing – would get him thinking about school and how much he'd miss playing if he didn't go back. The thought of him really quitting school for good ate away at the back of my mind, knowing how much of a big deal it was that he'd even gotten there in the first place. It would have killed our parents to see him have to quit, after all his hard work.
I flipped on the television and sat down in the armchair - which I was now truly starting to think of as Darry's rather than Dad's. Tang heard me sit down and jumped up on my lap, settling down as I patted him. I sat there, staring at the TV but not really watching, feeling Tang's gentle purr on my stomach. I was still sitting there when Darry came in.
"Rough day?" he joked, looking at me draped over the chair.
"Yeah, real rough," I answered sarcastically. "How about you?" I asked.
"Not too bad. Hey, where's Soda, anyway? Isn't it his night? I'm starving."
"He went to get that cheeseburger you guys owe me, and he's bringing back dinner for all of us. Pony went with."
"Ah, and here I'd thought that you'd forgotten all about that cheeseburger," he laughed. "Sounds good though," he said. "How long ago did he leave?"
"I don't know, maybe half an hour ago?"
"Cool. He should be home soon, then." Darry headed past me into the kitchen and I could hear him opening the refrigerator and pouring himself a glass of milk.
"Scout, you all set for that counseling session tomorrow?" I could sense the hesitancy in his voice. I knew he knew how much I didn't want to go.
I stood up, pushing Tang down to the floor with a discontented meow, and headed towards the kitchen. Darry was leaning up against the counter, staring back at me.
"I'm not gonna to lie to you," I said. "You know I don't want to go."
"I know," he said. "But I really think it might help."
"I still can't believe you got Soda to agree to go," I said. I knew the last thing Soda liked to do was talk about his feelings. In fact, that was pretty much the last thing any of the boys liked to do. Granted, I wasn't too thrilled about having to bring up my own situation again, either.
"I was a little surprised he agreed, too, to be honest. But the whole situation is bothering him. A whole lot more than he lets on, I think. It certainly can't hurt. We'll talk about it again after tomorrow's session and see what you guys think, okay?"
"Okay." I had already agreed to do it; there was no going back on my word at that point. The last thing I wanted was any of my brothers still feeling bad about something that hadn't even been any of their fault.
Just at that moment there was the general ruckus of boys at the front door and Soda and Ponyboy came crashing through, take-out bags in hand. In short order, the table was filled with cheeseburgers and fries and milkshakes and we all sat down to eat. Soda didn't seem too worried about the counseling session the next day, or at least, if he was, he didn't let on about it.
After supper, I helped to clean up and then I headed down to my room, wanting some time to think about what I was going to have to say the next day. I wondered about this counselor - whether it would be a man or woman, what kind of questions they would ask, whether I'd be able to answer without crying. I felt like I had grown a lot, and become a lot stronger, but I remembered what had happened when I'd had to talk to Dr. Bryant about things. I hoped what Darry had said was right, that maybe after talking to somebody who was totally removed from the situation, I'd be able to "get over it" or at least stop feeling like I was on the verge of dissolving into a complete mess all the time.
I was lying on my bed listening to the thunderstorms again rolling in from the west, as they did most nights, when I heard a distinct sound coming from the kitchen, one that I hadn't heard since well before my parents died. I got up and headed toward the kitchen only to find Soda standing in front of the stove, shaking a Jiffy-pop container over the burner. Every once in a while, when my folks had been alive, we'd pop popcorn and all watch TV together - even Dad - who wasn't much of a fan of the television.
"Where'd you find that?" I asked. I was sure there hadn't been any in the cabinets since Mom and Dad had died.
"I bought it," Soda said, not turning around. "I thought it was about time for a TV night, it's been a long time."
Pony came out of his room and was suddenly beside me. At first he didn't say anything, and I wondered if it made him upset. Finally, however, he walked over and stood next to Soda at the stove.
"Hope you bought more than one," he said. "Darry eats one all by himself."
"I got four," Soda said, finally grinning. I think he might have been a bit nervous about our reactions. "We'll have plenty."
I left Soda and Pony in the kitchen and went into the living room to find Darry sitting in the armchair. The television was on but he was only half-watching.
"So, did you know Soda was planning this - TV night?"
"No, but I think it's a good idea. Everybody's been so busy with work, I think it's a good idea for us to spend some time together… not in a hospital setting," he joked.
"I guess so." I had a feeling that the whole thing had to do with the counseling session the next day and this was just Soda's way to try and get us all to relax about it, but I was willing to go along with it. It did seem kind of relaxing, just hanging out and watching a movie on television, even knowing that the drama would all start right up again the next day.
Soda finished with the popcorn and brought it in and we all sat there, each with our own bowl, watching the movie and tossing popcorn into each other's mouths, with far more kernels hitting the floor than their intended targets. I had to hand it to Soda - TV night had been a good idea, and even though Mom and Dad's presence was sorely missed, it felt good, just being together. I missed the simple things we'd used to do with them but hadn't done since they'd been gone – I assumed because none of us was ever sure whether the others were ready to handle it or not. It hadn't even been a year, yet, after all...
Even Darry must've enjoyed it, though, because he agreed to clean up the mess we'd made with all the popcorn, sending the rest of us off to bed. He and Pony had work in the morning, and Soda's and my counseling sessions were scheduled to start at eight thirty, so that Darry could drop us off on his way to work, and Soda would still be able to make it to his work for ten.
It was raining outside, with the rumble of thunder still in the distance, and I secretly hoped that the rain would keep up and Darry wouldn't have to work the next day. I wasn't sure exactly what I was afraid of, but if the counseling was supposed to be helping Soda, too, I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of falling apart in front of him. I hated myself for how much I was starting to depend on Darry, when I realized what he really needed was for us to be less dependent on him so he could have more of a life of his own.
I think that was the worst part about the impending morning - the uncertainty. I had no idea what the counseling session would be like. I always thought psychiatrists were for crazy people, and I didn't think I was truly crazy -- just a normal kid with more than her share of problems, maybe, but, then again, I was no doctor. In any case, I was apprehensive, to say the least.
I brushed my teeth, and crawled into bed, pleased when Tang jumped up onto the covers. I knew it was silly - it's not like a cat could protect me from anything, really, but I felt less alone with him on the bed. I would have never expected it, with all of the thoughts swirling around my head, but I actually fell asleep without any trouble, before Darry even came in to say goodnight.
I awoke with a start.
"Are you goddamned kidding me? What is going on this summer? Again? Everybody up!" I was completely confused, listening to Darry's cursing through the wall, the tornado siren, and another sound which I eventually realized as hail beating against the side of the house. I sat straight up on instinct, throwing my legs onto the floor and heading for the door of my bedroom. Almost immediately, I tripped over the clothes I'd left on the floor the night before. Just as I hit the floor, my bedroom door opened, then Darry was there, hauling me up by the underarms.
It was then that my confusion was replaced by full-on fear, remembering exactly what had happened the last time I heard that siren.
"No, Dar, wait!" He was practically dragging me out of the room. Even as afraid as I was, I was still half asleep, both of us stumbling in the dark over things I hadn't picked up off my floor.
"Scout, come on!" Darry said in his I-mean-business voice. I wanted to grab my mom's ring and my dad's necklace, but he had me out the door and heading down the cellar stairs before I could gather the wits or energy to fight back. Once on the stairs, however, I found my reserves and fought against him, not wanting any part of that basement.
"No, I don't want to go down! I'll just wait up here. I swear, if a tornado really comes, I'll come down. I promise. Please, Darry. I don't want to."
It was all coming back to me, going down into Coach's basement with Laura, and everything that had happened afterward. The blackness, the feeling of complete fear I'd felt. I realized I was now terrified of being trapped underground in the dark, regardless of the fact that all three brothers would be there with me.
"It's safe. I promise. I told you, I had the whole house sprayed. There's nothing down there that can hurt you." He was practically yelling over the noise of the wind and rain, and pulling on my arm, trying to drag me downstairs, but I had planted myself on the top step, and was resisting with all I had, holding on to the railing. I could hear Soda and Pony calling me down from the darkness, urging me to come down.
"Scout! Let go! You'll be fine, you need to come down." Soda called. Darry pulled harder, and I realized how tightly he had my arm.
"Let go of me, you're hurting me," I said, sure he hadn't been meaning to. He let go immediately, and I folded my arms across my chest and buried my head in them. He took advantage of the situation then, knowing I'd finally let go, and grabbed me off the step, carrying me down the stairs and sitting in a chair, me balled up in his lap.
Soda had known exactly where the flashlight was this time, remembering where he'd put it the last time, and he came and knelt by me.
"Open your eyes, baby, look. We're all here, you're fine."
I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to keep them closed and make everything disappear and wake up in my own bed. I sat there, not looking, not talking, not moving. I kept them closed and didn't open them again until the danger had passed and Darry had carried me back upstairs to my own bed.
When I finally opened them, I couldn't think of one single thing to say that would make me feel like less of an idiot. I'd always hated the storm cellar, and my brothers all knew that - but again, here was a situation where I was supposed to be growing up -- getting stronger, getting braver -- and I felt like I was just going backwards, acting like a completely unreasonable little kid. Darry stared down at me and finally spoke.
"Baby, I know the basement's scary for you, and I'll do whatever else I have to do to make it better, but you have to come down when the siren goes off. I'm not leaving you up here. You know as well as I do that probably nothing will happen, but I'm not taking that chance."
"I know. I wish I didn't... I mean, I'm sorry I'm always complicating everything."
"You're not," he started, then reconsidered. "Okay, well... maybe you are, but I get it. I know you're not doing it on purpose. Maybe this counseling can help you with some of the other stuff you're scared of, too."
"Maybe," I admitted, though I still had my doubts. I felt him stand up, his weight lifting off the bed.
"Sleep tight, okay? You got an early morning tomorrow."
"Mmmm." I didn't want to think about it.
But I did. All night long.
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A/N: First off, I apologize for the long delays in posting. The non-fic world is kicking my butt and my writing time has been extremely limited. Secondly, I hear what some of your reviews have been saying about the slow pace of this fic over the last few chapters. As in real life, Scout has to have some down time too, or she'd probably be in an institution or something by now. Seriously, though, things will get more complicated again in the next few chapters. As always, I appreciate so much your continued comments, of any kind, and I thank you so much for sticking with Scout and her story. I hope you all had a great holiday!