Chapter 37

Beginning of Always

"Congratulations"- Blue October

Kyle (POV)

When I woke that morning I felt extremely relaxed and comfortable. I had an odd sense of nostalgia waking up in my old tub. It was calming. I listened to all the noises in the house. There were a few creeks of the floor boards upstairs as Nicole crept around getting ready for the morning. It was around 9:30 which was when Stephen usually got up. But given that he had stayed up late last night to help me with Josh and Declan I couldn't blame him for staying in bed a little longer.

It was a chilly in the house so when I got out from under the warm blanket I threw on a long sleeve shirt. I slowly made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. As I sat at the counter eating and reading the paper, Nicole came down the stairs.

"Good morning!" she cheerfully greeted, taking her violet mug from the cupboard.

"Morning!" I mused back, taking a spoon full of fruit loops.

"How did you sleep last night?" she asked, hinting at the surprise she and Stephen had come up with.

"Wonderfully, thank you," I smiled.

I watched as she poured milk into her tea and dropped a spoon full of sugar in as well. I couldn't help but feel like I was seventeen again, noticing all of Nicole's morning rituals. Also the fact that I had slept in my tub again made the feeling so much stronger.

Nicole had pulled out her hand written agenda and was going over it.

"Stephen is going to pick up the tuxes at eleven so make sure he's up by then." She had a separate sheet of paper and was making a small list for us guys.

"We're all meeting at the garden at two but the guests aren't going to arrive till around 3:30, four o'clock-ish." It seemed to me that she was just saying her thoughts out loud.

I ate the last spoonful of my cereal then put the dirty bowl into the dishwasher. I could hear Brice start to move around in Nicole's office so I grabbed another bowl from the cupboard for his breakfast. Within a couple of minutes he had made his way out to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Nana," he mumbled as he climbed up onto the chair at the counter. He had started to call Nicole Nana because he felt it was easier to say. Nicole didn't mind because she has always said that Grandma made her feel old.

"Good morning sweetheart," she smiled. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mmhmm," he nodded. "Daddy can I have some cereal?"

"Sure buddy, fruit loops?" I asked, grabbing them off the counter.

He nodded and I poured him a bowl. He ate his cereal and listened to Nicole talk about everything we had to do today. I finished my coffee and listened as well. Stephen came down the stairs not long after.

"Those boys are not getting up any time soon," he chuckled, rolling up the sleeves of his red plaid shirt. "Morning," he mumbled as he passed Nicole, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Well they better get up soon because they have stuff to do."

"Declan will be fine once he gets going. I'm not sure about Josh though," I explained.

"Well if they're not up by the time I get back from picking up the tuxes we'll dump water on them," Stephen joked. "What do you say Brice, does that sound like a plan?"

Brice giggled when Stephen ruffled his already messy hair.

"I'm going to go next door and get ready with the girls," Nicole informed us. "I think David and Jack will come over here later to get ready."

Well all nodded or mumbled a "yeah" in agreement.

"Okay, I'll see you later. Try not to let the sleeping beauties up stairs sleep too long." She gave us each a kiss goodbye before leaving.

Stephen poured himself a cup of coffee then looked over the list Nicole had left on the counter.

"Brice do you want to go with me to pick up the tuxes?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Sure!" he beamed.

"Go get dressed and get your shoes on and we'll go." Brice hopped off the chair and ran into Nicole's office.

"Do you want to come too?" he asked me.

"No, I've got a few things to do here."

He nodded and went out into the hallway to get his shoes on. A few minutes later he and Brice left and it was quiet again.

I walked back into my room and sat down on the edge of the tub. I remembered the first day I came to this house. Everything was such a mystery to me yet life was so simple. It was all so new, so easy. I loved how my life had turned out so far, but it was always nice to remember the simplicities of life.

I stood up and went over to my desk where a velvet box sat next to the vows I had written weeks ago. The vows were my promises to Amanda. But to me it was more than just promising to love her and care for her. It was a vow to keep her safe and protected no matter what. I remembered what I had said to her years ago.

FLASHBACK:

"Kyle,"

"Amanda I…I didn't think you'd want to see me," I admitted.

"I don't want to be mad anymore. I feel like that's all I've been lately." She sighed. "I'm so confused about what to think of you…and the only thing I can do to get through it is to follow my heart…My heart says that there's still something there."

There was silence until she spoke again.

"Please say something."

"Amanda…This person I am…This life I lead it's…Its different than anyone else's…I'm different."

"I know that."

"You know some of it…But there are things that I can never tell you…And people who want things from me who know that the way to get to me is through the people I love."

"What does that mean 'get to you'?" She seemed so frustrated.

"It means that as much as I want us to be together, we can't."

"Why does that get to be your choice?"

"Because my choice is to protect you…Always."

"You don't need to protect me…What you need to do is explain," she pleaded.

"I'm sorry…But I can't…"

END FLASHBACK:

For now everything with Latnok seemed to be at ease. The thing with Latnok is they're always planning something. For a while I thought it was naive of me to think I could be with Amanda and keep her safe. I thought being away from her was doing what was best for her. Then I realized she would always be in danger because of the emotional attachment we shared for one another. It didn't matter if we were together or apart, Latnok knew that the way to get to me was through the people I loved. And I've never stopped loving her.

When I came to that realization I thought about running away and not having ties to anyone. It was after… after Cassidy's death that I contemplated that. I had gotten so far as to having a bag of clothes packed and sneaking out at three o'clock in the morning. I had gone to Foss thinking he would understand and that he would help me.

FLASHBACK:

I had run all the way to the warehouse from the Trager's home.

"Foss," I called as I walked through the door.

"Kyle?" I heard him call back from the makeshift office. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm leaving," I said simply. "It's the only way to keep everyone safe."

"Kyle," he paused, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You're not leaving."

"I have to! I'm the reason everyone is in danger, why everyone has the burden of keeping my secret." I had been thinking about this for a while but I had never spoken to anyone about it.

I had become a little emotional. It had been the first time since Cassidy's death that I had really had a conversation with anyone. He looked at me and I saw a hint of pain in his eyes, it was gone just a quickly as it had came.

"That's not what Adam would have wanted," he finally said.

"So Adam would have wanted innocent people to be in danger?" I shot back.

"Kyle, you know that that's not true. Adam wanted you to touch the world. To Adam you were 'a light in a world full of darkness'," he quoted Adam. "Wasn't it you who told me you couldn't touch the world unless you were part of it?

"How are you planning on doing that if you run out on your family? You will cause them more pain than Latnok ever could, Kyle," he continued. "You've become a part of a family, and you can't just tare yourself away. Believe me when I say, losing a family member is one of the most painful things in the world."

"I just want them to be safe…" I pleaded.

"They will be safe…if you stay. But if you leave think of what that will do to them. Think about what that will do to Nicole, Kyle. You're her son, and if you take that away from her…." He trailed off but I knew what he meant.

END FLASHBACK:

I knew then that the only way to protect the people I loved the most was to be a part of their lives. It wasn't fair to them to make it my choice to leave without their input. Even with all the people who wanted to hurt me, they couldn't do half the damage to my family that I could do by leaving.

I heard movement upstairs and realized Declan was awake. I glanced at the clock on the corner of the desk, it was already noon. I left my old room and climbed up the stairs.

"Hey," I said as I leaned in the doorway of Lori's old room.

"Hey." He was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed in the same clothes he had on yesterday and that he had fallen asleep in. "How much did I drink?"

"A fair amount, but not so much that a shower and a cup of coffee won't fix," I chuckled.

"Yeah." He stood up slowly and stretched.

"First we have to wake up Josh," I said as he passed me in the doorway.

He just nodded and I followed him into Josh's old room.

"Josh, come on get up," I said, gently nudging him.

"That's not going to work," Declan said, reaching for the blanket and tore it off of Josh's body.

He didn't even move. I looked around the room for something that would make a lot of noise. Declan caught on to what I was doing and found an air horn in the piles of junk on Josh's desk.

"1,2,3," Declan counted before pressing down on the horn.

Josh shot out of bed like a rocket.

"Josh, it's time to start getting ready…" I patted him on the back as I turned to leave the room.

Declan just laughed as we left the room and I could hear Josh grumbling as he got himself together.

I hopped in the shower and Declan went down to the kitchen to get himself some coffee. While I was in the middle of rinsing my hair I could hear Stephen and Brice come home. I finished up in the shower then proceeded to shave and brush my teeth. The last thing I did before leaving the bath room was fix my hair.

"Your tux is in your room," Stephen called when I walked past the kitchen with just a towel around my waist.

I snatched the clean pair of black boxer briefs that I had pack in my bag and slipped them on. I put on my black dress socks and a white tank top. I unzipped the bag that my tux was in and took the contents of it out. I slipped on the white shirt with black buttons, then slipped on the black pants and tucked the shirt into them.

"Josh and Declan have showered, Declan is helping Brice shower. David and Jack are here, they are getting dressed in Nicole's office. And I accidentally put my tux in here," Stephen poked his head into the room and informed me.

"Alright," I said simply, standing in the mirror fixing my black bow tie.

"Do you need help with that?" Stephen asked.

I remembered the Nicole telling me to let Stephen help me with my tie; it was another father/son ritual.

"Yeah," I said quickly screwing up the knot; I had already started, without him noticing. "I can't get the bow to form right."

"Here, bow ties can be a little tricky." He smiled.

"Thank you," I mumbled when he finished.

I clipped the cummerbund around my hips and slipped on the jacket.

"How do I look?" I asked.

"Well you might want to put on your shoes," he chuckled, looking down at my feet. "Oh, and don't forget the flower."

He grabbed the white rose from the plastic container and pinned it to my jacket. I slipped on the shiny black lace less dress shoes. Then I snatched the velvet box that held Amanda's wedding band and the vows I had written off of the desk and slipped then in the pocket inside my jacket.

"You look great Kyle," he beamed. "You'll make a great husband."

"Thank you, Dad." Tears were filling the brim of his eyes when he hugged me.

"Right, I'm going to go get ready. Congratulations." He tried his best to hide the tears in his eyes as he patted my shoulders and left grabbing his tux off of the door.

I walked out into the living room and found Foss all ready in his tux. He almost reminded me of James bond.

"Wow Foss, I don't think I've ever seen you in something that you couldn't roll your sleeves up," I joked, giving him a hug.

"I'll just take that as a complement," he joked back. "You look great, Kyle."

"Thank you."

"I actually wanted to give you something." He dug in his jacket pockets. "These were Adam's; I think he'd want you to have them."

He opened a small box and inside were two small silver cuff links. His initials had been engraved in cursive on the inner part of the links. I took them from the box and shrugged off my jacket and clasped them to my white shirt.

"Thanks, Foss that means a lot," I smiled as I put my jacket back on.

"Yeah, well… it's what Adam would have wanted," he shrugged.

"Daddy look!" Brice called running into the living room and sliding in his dress shoes. He almost fell but I steadied him by grabbing his jacket.

"You have to scuff your shoes, Bri, or else you're going to fall," I explained, kneeling down to his level.

"But it's fun to slide!" he cheered.

"He's already fallen twice upstairs," Declan told us.

"Just be careful," I warned him. "By the way Declan, I think you're supposed to hold onto this."

I tossed him the velvet box, that had been in my jacket pocket.

"Alright, I'm all ready to go!" Josh announced when he joined us.

"We're still waiting for Stephen, Jack and David," Declan explained to him.

"Make that just Stephen and David," Jack corrected when he joined us as well.

"We still have forty-five minutes till we need to be at the garden, we have time," I said.

It wasn't long before David and Stephen were ready. I was the only one of the guys who wore a black bow tie and a matching cummerbund; the rests were a dark royal blue to match the bride's maid's dresses. We drove in two cars to the garden: Declan, Josh, Brice and I in my car, and the others in Stephen's car.

I stood behind the last row of the white chairs that had been set up by the rental service. The garden was beautiful, the flowers were in full bloom and the trees had changed color to a lovely ray of reds and yellows. We had been lucky with the weather it was a comfortable 70 degrees with a slight breeze and not a cloud in the sky. The stone path aisle had been covered by white rose petals.

One by one the guests started to arrive, people from work, a few of Amanda's relatives along with some friends from college. There were two tents set up, one for the girls to reside in and one for the guys. It was all a way to ensure Amanda and I didn't see each other.

It was getting closer and closer to when I was supposed to walk down the aisle when I heard a voice that belonged to none other than Paul.

"Kyle Trager! Man, get your ass out here!" I shook my head, I was lucky that I was alone in the tent and the others had busied themselves.

"Paul! I didn't think you would make it!" I said, stepping outside the tent.

"You really think I would miss your wedding?" he joked, giving me a hug.

"It's good to see you," I smiled.

"Yeah you too, man," he muttered.

"Kyle we're ready to start," Nicole interrupted us.

"I better go find my seat; I'll talk to at the reception." Paul patted my shoulder. "Good luck, Kyle."

"Are you ready for this?" Nicole asked as I linked my arm to hers.

"Of course," I smiled. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"You look pretty handsome yourself." She patted my arm.

We walked pasted the tall shrubs that circled the garden and also the view from the makeshift altar. There were two photographers that ran around snapping pictures of everything. When Nicole and I reached the opening of the aisle everyone turned their attention to us. We glided down the aisle and kissed Nicole on the cheek as I left her at her seat and joined Father Jacob in front of the fountain.

David escorted Carol to her seat and he sat down with her. Declan and Lori were next to make their way down the aisle. They parted and he came and stood at my side. Josh and Andy followed them until Josh joined Declan and I, and Andy joined Lori. Hillary and Brice were next to follow and they did the same.

Everyone stood in anticipation of Amanda and Jack when 'Pachelbel canon d' began to play. I felt my heart beat a little faster and I could hear Amanda's do the same. When they reached the opening of the aisle I saw her and she was beautiful—more than that; she was stunning beyond words. I was smiling before but now I was beaming, I could feel the grin stretch across my face. Her dress flowed elegantly as they strode down the aisle. Her hair fell in loose golden curls across her shoulders.

I had to remember to step forward to take Amanda's hand from Jack and step back in front of Father Jacobs.

"You look stunning," I whispered in her ear as I took her hand.

"Thank you," she whispered back.

"Who gives this woman to marry this man?" Father Jacob's asked.

"Her mother and I do." Jack and Carol stood.

"And who give's this man to marry this woman?"

"His mother and I do," Stephen announced as he stood with Nicole.

I held both of Amanda's hands as listened to Father Jacob's instructions.

"Now the Bride and Groom have also written their own vows to share with each other," Father Jacob explained to everyone.

"Kyle Adam Trager," Amanda beamed. "You and I have been through so much together. No matter how lost I felt at times, you've been the one right there beside me. Holding me and telling me 'everything will be alright.' You've always been there to save me, Kyle. You're the one I want to have thirty kids with, and grow old watching those kids grow as well. You are the one I want to be with, when it's all said and done. You're the one I love, Kyle, forever and always."

The girls were all sharing tissues and had passed a couple Amanda as well. I could even feel the tears sitting in the brim of my eyes.

"I love you," I whispered so that only she could hear.

"Amanda, I want to remember today, for it is the beginning of always. A celebration of a chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. Together we will always be stronger than apart. And love will always be what binds us together. A bond that can never be severed no matter what obstacle is thrown our way. Today though, is mere formality, only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Amanda Kathryn Bloom I promise to love you, always."

The tears that were sitting on the brims of my eyes had fallen and Father Jacob continued.

"Do you Amanda Kathryn Bloom take this man, Kyle Adam Trager, to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," she beamed with tears trickling down her cheeks as she slipped my golden band on my finger.

"And do you Kyle Adam Trager take this woman, Amanda Kathryn Bloom, to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," I grinned and gently slid her wedding band onto her delicate finger.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

I leaned forward and cupped my hands around her soft cheeks and brought my lips to hers. She laced her hands around my neck and the guests applauded. The photographers went crazy with the pictures. I pulled back after a moment leaving a soft kiss on her lips and the guests applauded for a second time. I linked my arm to hers and took Brice's hand and the three of us walked back down the aisle as a complete family.

AN: I've posted a few pictures on my profile (Amanda's dress, Kyle's tux, the flowers, etc…) let me know what you think of those. I hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I did writing it. Please, feel free to comment! I have some free time coming up so I plan on getting some writing done. Thank you for reading and keep an eye out for the next one!

Happy Holidays