From a hilltop a kilometre away, Jonas could see the river that bordered the community. It was just as he remembered it, and for a second he feared that the community would be unchanged too. He shook his head violently to rid himself of the thought and concentrated on making his steady way to the bridge that crossed the river.
It had taken him almost two months to reach this point. He'd had to wait until after Gabriel's ceremony, and then explain to the Village that he was going away for a bit. Once on the road, he had taken his time, trying to prepare himself for what he might see. Part of that included shedding his identity as Village Leader; he didn't want to walk into the community as someone in a position of power. The only other identity he could be, then, was Jonas, the boy who could see beyond. He hoped that he had been away from the community long enough that he would not be recognizable.
Jonas hopped off his bicycle when he arrived at the bridge, opting to walk across instead. Being back in the seat had made him feel a little like the fugitive he had once been, even though the bicycle looked nothing like it had twenty years before. It had been repaired and altered as the years went on, just waiting for someone to use it again.
As he crossed, a group of laughing children ran by, slowing down to stare curiously at him. Jonas froze, gripping the bicycle handlebars tightly as one brown-haired boy approached him. To his relief, the boy only directed him to a small inn where the small number of travelers to the community stayed. Jonas relaxed his hold on the bike as the children trotted off. He let his eyes wander around him, taking in the buildings and streets that made up his old home.
His first impression was of colour. Even though he'd been aware of blue skies and green grass when he'd left, this was the first time he had really taken in the buildings. Most were different shades of grey, reflecting what had once been Sameness. But some buildings were brown or dark red, and there was even one in the distance that looked to be many different colours. Jonas thought that it might be the daycare where his sister Lily used to stay.
The inn wasn't far, but it took a good twenty minutes to get there because Jonas kept swinging his head around to take in different sights. He really did feel like a passing stranger, completely unfamiliar with his surroundings. He took care to park his bike at the inn, thinking of the way Asher's bike had never been upright. Then he entered the building.
"Hi, there!"
The chipper voice made him turn to the left, where a pretty young woman stood behind the counter. She had brown hair and brown eyes and looked only a few years younger than Jonas himself. Strangely, she looked familiar as well.
"Hello," he replied cautiously.
"There's nothing to be nervous about," she said, and smiled. Jonas thought that he recognized that happy, almost mischievous smile. "You're new here, right? How about I get you settled in a room. My name's Lily, by the way."
"Lily?" It had come out without Jonas meaning to, but it made sense; she really was his sister. He hurried to smooth over his fumble. "My – my name's Jonas." He cursed mentally – why had he given her his real name? She might be his sister, but she obeyed the community's rules above all else.
"What a strange name," she remarked. "It's so outdated that I've never heard of anyone with that name." Jonas gave a weak laugh. He changed the subject and was soon sitting on a bed in his own quarters, eating the evening meal provided. Afterwards, he lay back, tracing patterns in the ceiling with his eyes.
Why hadn't his own sister recognized him? I recognized her after twenty years. He was half grateful though, because he had broken several major rules on the night of his escape. He tried to imagine what his dwelling must have been like the morning after. His parents would have been upset to learn that their previously well-behaved child had committed serious transgressions without apparent provocation. He imagined that they would have tried to keep Lily's attention from it for as long as possible. A thought crept into his mind: would they even have cared?
It was a startling and painful idea. But, Jonas mused, one that made sense. Most of the community's rules had been designed to keep members emotionally separate so that they wouldn't turn on the community. He had seen things like that in the Giver's memories, where deep and complex relationships between residents had caused uprisings. After all, the word "love" had been considered inappropriate; there were pills to suppress the Stirrings, feelings that might cause revolutions; Sameness had been created to eliminate choice; and the Council of Elders had very, very carefully monitored each citizen.
Thinking of the community's governing body made him think of all of the Ceremonies they held. Jonas smiled as he recalled each of his twelve ceremonies and Lily's eight. He did regret not being able to watch her last four, but hoped that at least she'd been able to choose her own path. He wondered what the Council would have Assigned her to – maybe Storyteller, like their mother had once suggested.
Were his parents still alive? Jonas insisted to himself that they must be; there were grand-parents in the Village that were older than they. He decided to check in the Records the next day, trying very hard not to think that they had been Released already. In the back of his mind, a small, cruel voice whispered, your father would have deserved it.
Jonas straightened up, shocked. Had he really thought of something so horrible? He tried to squash the idea. But, as always when he thought of his father, he pictured the Release of the twin and his gut clenched painfully. That poor twin, who hadn't even lived a full hour before his life came to an end...that poor twin, whose existence almost no one knew about...that poor twin, whose passing had been just that, with no Ceremony or anything.
Then it clicked. There were three Ceremonies that recognized birth and death – Release, Loss and Replacement – and when Jonas and Gabriel hadn't been retrieved by the Searchers, the community would have performed a Ceremony of Loss for them both. Jonas recalled the one he had attended, for a child that had drowned, and thought of the way that the name followed the Lost one into oblivion. He stood and stretched, silently forgiving Lily for not remembering him. Twenty years is a long time. Besides, she was only eight years old then. He fell asleep shortly after, anticipating a long day ahead.