I sat back down, immediately. Unless you are in the middle of an argument, for the most part when Darry tells you to do something, you do it.
Soda and Pony, having sat right back down too, both spoke simultaneously.
"Why?" Pony demanded.
"What's going on, Dar?" Soda questioned.
"I just think we just need to talk, is all. I feel like some stuff came up today that needs to be cleared up."
I was immediately worried that I'd said something wrong, and he picked up on my worry right away just by the look on my face, apparently.
"Relax, Scout. It's not about anything you said being bad. I was just surprised by some of it. I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here." He sat down on the arm of the chair where I was sitting.
"Same page about what?" Pony asked. I saw him glancing at the clock and figured he was probably expecting a phone call from a certain girl, or was expected to call her.
"Well, first of all – Scout… what that lawyer asked you, about the night Mom and Dad died – they didn't die on your birthday. You knew that, right? I saw the death certificate. They died after midnight. That lawyer was just trying to make it look like somehow you would be more affected by it than the rest of us since it happened the night of your birthday."
"I know." I had read the obituary, and knew that the date on it was their anniversary, the day after my birthday.
"Why'd you say it was on your birthday, then?" Soda asked.
"I don't know… It's not like I really had any idea what was going on up there – I mean, I wasn't expecting him to ask about anything like that. It feels like it was the same day as my birthday - since it was before morning that we found out about it. Seemed like the same day. I guess I was just caught off guard, and I didn't really think about it - about arguing with him. Not until I really got mad, anyway. I'm sorry." I was still worried to death that something I said was going to mess up the whole case for all those families who had lost loved ones. There was no pressure quite like being a 12 year old "star witness," I was realizing.
"No being sorry," Darry insisted. "You did great up there."
"So that's what you're worried about? It wasn't that big of a deal, was it? I mean, what difference does it make? The judge said he wouldn't allow any of that stuff anyway." I was surprised this was being considered an issue.
"It shouldn't make any difference. I just wanted to make sure you had the facts right. They didn't die on your birthday. Your birthday was a great day, with all of us together, and I just want us all - especially you - to remember it that way."
Nobody spoke for a moment. It had, we all knew, been the last time we'd all been together.
"Is that it?" Pony finally asked. "I have a book I want to get back to."
"No, not yet," Darry answered. "Your phone call can wait. Nice try, though." Soda laughed and Pony scowled. I didn't say a word – I figured us having a truce in regards to not teasing each other about our love interests cold only eventually work in both our favors.
"I think we need to talk about something else Scout was saying."
I sighed, wondering what else I might have messed up, and Darry laughed at me.
"Relax, Miss Paranoid, it's nothing bad. It's not even about you. Just something that came up that made me a little worried."
"What?" I asked, not entirely sure I wanted to know.
"When the lawyer asked you what you and Soda were talking about in the car, just before the crash…"
"Forget it Darry," Soda interrupted, anticipating what was coming. "It was no big deal."
"I wouldn't 've said anything, Soda," I jumped in, remembering how I'd tried to keep that conversation private. Soda wasn't one to open up and show his insecurities very often, and I knew he wouldn't be thrilled to have it all put out there in the open. "But, they said - I guess they needed me to answer to prove I hadn't been asleep, or forgotten anything about the crash."
"I know." He looked over at me. "It's fine. But Darry, it ain't anything we have to talk over. It's okay."
"No," Darry was firm. "It's not okay, and it absolutely is something we have to talk about."
Soda looked down and I could tell he wasn't looking forward to this particular talk.
"I told him he was wrong." I offered.
"He was dead wrong," Darry continued with a strong voice. "Soda, if you're thinking you're any less valuable in this family than the rest of us – that's nothing but just plain bull."
He didn't answer, and I saw him biting his lip, something I did all the time when I was upset but not something I'd ever seen any of my brothers ever do.
"You don't really think that, do you?" Pony seemed shocked. Soda didn't answer.
"You do?" Pony moved over closer to him on the . "Why? Hell, Soda, you know I depend on you. So much I took over your bedroom," Pony tried to make him smile, and when he didn't Pony's voice softened. "I never would have made it through the past year without you."
"That's not really what he was talking about, Pony," I tried to explain.
"Out with it, Soda," Darry demanded. "We're not done here until this gets worked out."
Soda remained quiet, but it became clear that Darry wasn't relenting on this one.
"Take your time," he said, his tone suddenly soft.
"It ain't about…" Soda started, then stopped. "It ain't about havin' someone to talk to at night, Pony. I mean, that's just being your brother. That don't take any brains. It's just…"
"Just what?" Pony had his hand on his shoulder.
"It's just hard sometimes, feelin' like an idiot in a house full of geniuses," he finally blurted out. I immediately started laughing, despite myself. I was about the farthest thing from a genius I could imagine.
"Shut up, Scout," Darry snapped at me and I realized what a jerk I was for laughing when Soda was opening up about something that so obviously had been bothering him for quite a while.
"I'm sorry," I stopped immediately. "Just… I am definitely not a genius."
"Nobody in this house is anywhere close to genius material," Darry added. "Believe me."
"Well it feels like it sometimes," Soda continued. "Feels like you all are. You guys are all about reading, and writing, and math… Darry helps you guys with homework 'cause you all know I can't. I sit around reading car magazines and listen to you guys talk and I just feel dumb. Like you three are just in a totally different league, like some smart club or something, and I'm the joker who's out in the parking lot parking cars for the people smart enough to get inside."
The three of us looked at each other, shell-shocked.
"I hate math," I somehow felt that would be helpful to add, but nobody responded.
"Soda," Darry started, slowly, "Has anybody in this house ever called you stupid, or anything like that?" It was a good point, I thought. Two-Bit and Steve had always joked about Darry having a hard head with nothing much inside, but none of us had ever called Soda dumb. I don't think any of us had ever thought it, even. I know I hadn't.
None of us, except Soda, that is. I realized that we had all just sort of brushed off his put-downs of himself, thinking he was trying to justify quitting school and working instead, which we all really thought he wanted to do anyway. But, we all suddenly realized, he had been believing all of those bad things he'd been saying about himself, and letting them eat away at his self-worth, little by little. I looked desperately at Darry and Pony, wondering what we should say – how to possibly fix it.
"No," Soda answered. "You guys don't need to say anything. I already know - it's just a fact, I mean, when Sandy took off – before I knew why – that's when it really hit me, you know? I mean, why would any girl want to be with me? I ain't got much of a future to offer – not like you guys. I'm not goin' to college – best I can hope for is the army – and that's not exactly a great situation – I mean, not like they make dropouts into generals or something."
"Knock that off. We've talked about this. You're not goin' into the army. You get drafted, we'll deal with that. But you ain't enlisting." Darry was stone-faced.
This was the first I had heard any talk of Soda enlisting and from the look on Pony's face, it was his first, too. My stomach turned to rock.
"Why not, Darry?" Soda was suddenly angry, standing up and banging his fist against the wall. "Why not? I don't have what you guys have. I hear you talking about Scout's math homework and she's five years younger than me and I don't even get it. How do you think that feels?"
"I don't get it, either," I offered.
"Scout's math isn't the issue here," Darry interrupted. "Plus the fact that she and Pony both are taking advanced classes two years above other kids their age. You think I can write like she and Pony can? Or draw like Pony? You think I understand stuff like poems like those two can? Jesus, Soda, everybody has different skills. Scout's right – she hates math…." He trailed off, seemingly not sure where to go from there, now that he had Soda's attention.
"Darry, don't even try to convince me you're not smart, because we all know you are." Soda stared up at him.
"Darry is smart. No matter what anybody says, we all know that. But so are you, Soda. Jesus, you know more about taking stuff apart and putting things together than anyone I know. I watch you at work doing stuff to those cars and I have no idea what's going on. How many times have you asked me for a tool and I've handed you the wrong thing?" Pony was getting worked up.
"That's work, Pony. It's different.."
"That's exactly what we're trying to tell you," Darry cut in. "You may not be book smart – that doesn't make you dumb."
"Soda, how much was gas today?" I had watched Soda at work, too, and I suddenly had an idea.
"What?"
"Humor me. How much per gallon?"
"Thirty one cents."
"How many gallons does the truck take?"
"Scout, what are…?"
"Just answer me. How much?"
"Ten gallons, empty. Usually about nine and a half since we catch it just before we run out." Darry and Pony were quiet, waiting to see where I was going with all this.
"Okay, so nine and a half gallons. How much to fill up the truck today?"
"Two ninety-five." He answered almost immediately.
"Darry, is that right?" I glanced over at him and he took a few seconds working it out in his head.
"Yeah. Two ninety-five."
"How'd you figure that out, Soda?" I asked.
"I don't know – you just split it up. You know, thirty times nine, plus one times nine, plus half of thirty. Comes out to two ninety four and a half, so you round up."
"Okay, so, Darry - you've watched me do math. If I did that in my head that fast, what are the chances I would get it right?" I asked.
He laughed. "Not very good. Pretty bad, actually. You tend to get it wrong even with pencil and paper quite a bit."
"Right, and so does Pony. Because we rush, and it doesn't come second nature to us." I turned back to Soda.
"You just did that in your head, faster than I could do it on paper, and probably Pony too. I've seen you do it over and over again at the station when the register's broken. You're not stupid." I hoped I was making my point. "You know what the problem is? You're thinking that school – and our grades – is what really measures how smart someone is. But think about it – Pony gets good grades, but he does dumb stuff all the time."
"Hey!" Pony objected.
"No, she's right," Darry jumped in. "Pony and Scout's grades are good, but I can't count on them to fix the car, or anything in the house. Good old common sense seems to be lacking, a great deal of the time with those two. You do things at the DX every day that require all sorts of skills the rest of us don't have. You think Scout could change out a transmission?"
"No," he admitted.
"You think Pony knows how to reframe a door like we did last summer?"
"No, but…"
"There's no but," Pony chimed in. "You're not dumb, Soda. You're not even bad at the stuff you think you are. You were miserable in school not so much because you couldn't do what you had to – but because it wasn't important to you. You didn't care, so it wasn't worth the energy to you. Once something becomes important to you, you learn to do it just fine. Hell, you just figured that price in your head when both Scout and I'd need a pencil and paper to figure it out and Darry couldn't even do it fast as you could. You know that fancy foreign engine you've been talking about repairing all week?"
"Yeah"
"Well, how'd you learn how to do that?"
"Steve tracked down the manual. Hell, it was in German, but we figured it out by the pictures…"
He seemed to be getting the point.
"You're not even close to dumb, Soda," Darry stared at him. "Nobody here's going to let you believe that." I wondered, had we not been in the accident, whether I would have been able to do as good a job convincing him that day as the combined effort of the three of us. I doubted it.
"Alright, alright… I get it," Soda admitted. "Just – sometimes I wish I could've done better in school. It just seems so easy for you guys."
"It's not that easy," Pony complained.
"You can go back, anytime," Darry asserted. "I mean it, we'll make it work. We'll all help you, buddy."
"I don't want to," Soda answered. "I'd still do the same. I just can't sit still and listen all day."
"Well, look – here's the bottom line," Darry stared at all of us. "Everyone in this family is equally important. You guys all know – if one of us is gone, or unhappy – things around here just don't function the way they should. And that definitely includes you, Soda. Christ only knows how I would have even lived through Pony and Scout being missing without you here then."
"I don't want you to go in the army," I offered. "I need you around here."
"Me too," Pony agreed. "I didn't know you were feeling this way… I wish you would 've said something. I mean – you're always reassuring me about everything. I could've told you from day one how smart you really are – probably more, since you get people so well."
"Thanks, guys." Soda smiled, a small but genuine smile. "Never thought it was that much of a big deal. But I guess maybe it was. I guess everyone needs to be reminded every now and then that they're needed."
"Oh, you're needed," Darry laughed. "In fact, you're needed to help me with dinner in a few minutes." We all laughed. "Seriously, though, you feeling okay about this now?"
"Yeah, I am."
Pony started to get up, but Darry stopped him again.
"What now?" he whined, obviously dying to get to his phone call.
"Well, I wanted to wait until after I was sure we were done with court, but it seems like a good time for some good news, so… I have a surprise for you and Scout."
I was still mulling over the prospect of Soda wanting to join the army, and wasn't sure I was up for a surprise, but Darry looked excited and I'm guessing Soda knew about it too, since he was suddenly on the edge of his seat.
"Okay…" Pony said. "So?"
"You're going to Uncle Pat's for a week."
This was unexpected. We always had gone down to Texas for a week and stayed with Pat and his family, but I had assumed with Darry and Soda both working, it would be out of the question this summer.
"Don't you guys have to work?" Pony asked exactly what I was thinking.
"Yeah. Oh, I mean – Soda and I aren't going. Just you and Scout."
I was totally confused. If Darry and Soda weren't going, how on Earth were we going to get there and back? I guess Darry read my mind.
"Pat sent tickets. I tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted, and when it comes right down to it, just because Soda and I are working doesn't mean the two of you don't deserve to have a vacation like usual. I mean, you two have worked harder than the two of us ever did at your age – and Scout, you've been through all sorts of rough stuff this summer… So Soda and I, well, we agreed you should go."
"When?" Pony asked.
"You leave the day after tomorrow."
I wasn't hearing most of what he said. I was thinking… 'Pat sent tickets?' I remembered Darry arguing with him over the phone, saying he didn't have to… We had always driven down to Texas and back – the whole family packed into the car…
"Tickets?" Pony demanded. "So... plane tickets?"
"Yeah. He insisted," Darry answered.
"Unbelievable," Pony was practically shaking with excitement. "A plane… are you kidding me? Unbelievable. Glory, this is great!"
None of us had ever flown on a plane before – and I honestly had no plans to, anytime soon, especially alone. Or just with Ponyboy.
For what felt like the millionth time in just a few hours, my mood once again changed to something I couldn't quite decipher. Fear? Anger? One thing, however, I was sure about. As they all looked at me for my reaction to the news, I looked back at them with complete resolve.
"I'm not going."
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A/N: As always, thank you for reading, and reviews are much loved and appreciated. Now that fanfiction allows readers to search by favorites and follows, I'd appreciate if you'd favorite and follow this story, if you havent already! Just a matter of checking a box! (feel free to review too!)