Chapter 4

Emma

I can hear a faint beeping. My body feels numb. My eyes are closed, they don't feel like opening. My head hurts. I can feel the weight of my body. That beeping is in sync with my heartbeat. I give in and let my eyes slip open. I'm not in my bed. I'm not in my hospital bed. I'm in the emergency unit.

When I try to sit up there is a tangled mess of wires and tubes. I can't move. "Emma?" I look around the small white room. Nurse Jackson is walking over to my bed. "Good morning, sweetie." She is checking something on one of the tubes, hooked into my arm. "How ya feelin'?"

Like a truck hit me? Like crap? Like an idiot? Like a failure. "What's going on?" I try to recall what happened but there is a lag in my memory. "What happened?"

Nurse Jackson hands me a glass of water and sits on the side of my bed. While I struggle to get water down Nurse Jackson begins to explain. "Britney found you and Leo passed out in the stairwell. He was screaming for help, but you were both out by the time she got there. We were able to get some information from him when he woke up, but not much. He said he found you running up the stairs. You passed out, because you had nothing in your stomach and you were running on empty. He caught you, but cut his leg up pretty badly when he fell." She takes the empty glass when I finish drinking. "You're lucky Leo found you."

I sigh and look down at my arms, so many different tubes are hanging out. Everything comes back to me slowly. Leo was trying to stop me from running. I pushed past him, I didn't care. "Is he okay?"

"Leo?" Nurse Jackson gets off the bed and starts filling out my chart. "Yeah. He was only out for a day. We needed to give him a blood transfusion and stiches, but he will recover. He just needs to stay in bed or in his wheelchair for a few more days. His prosthetic was replaced, and he will be back up in no time." She glances up at me, her tone changes from neutral to stern. "It's you we are worried about."

"I'm fine." I grumble. "I'm really sorry I caused all this trouble. I guess I just wasn't thinking. I need to get myself back on track."

Nurse Jackson gives a small smile. "You got that right, baby." She comes back over and places a hand on my shoulder. "We took you off the feeding tube this morning. We pumped the proper nutrients back into your body, and fluids as well." She squeezes my shoulder gently, she knows the idea of being force fed through a tube is sickening to an anorexic. "So it is like you are starting fresh. We will bring you dinner later, and as long as you eat it everything will start to work out."

She leaves me with that. She leaves the door open behind her, I listen to her footsteps until I can't hear them anymore. I am alone with my thoughts. I am alone to drown in my self-hatred.

It is the stupid pizzas fault. If I didn't eat that damn pizza I would have been fine, I wouldn't have pushed myself again. And poor Leo. This is why he left me, because I am a stupid girl who lets her sickness take control. And he still gets hurt by me, only physically this time. I am so selfish. I am so stupid. I need to remove myself, I need to take back control of my life. Or else I am going to die.

Leo

I am stuck in bed. I have been lying in bed for two days now, unable to move. My meals are brought to me and I am constantly being visited by nurses. Apparently I lost a lot of blood, and I need to rest before I can try to go back to my daily routine. Apparently I need to have the bandage on my leg changed every few hours so it doesn't get infected. Apparently I am in bad shape.

There is a knock at my door. I don't bother to grant entrance, because I know it is a nurse who is coming to change my bandage and take my temperature. It has been the standard five hours. Nurse Jackson walks in with a garbage bag and a new bandage. She is smiling at me. "I don't think you have ever stayed out of trouble this long, child." She sits on the bed and pats my head. "What's goin on in that little bald head of yours? No schemes?"

I chuckle softly. "No, not yet. But once I have something it'll be good. I promise." I take the blanket off my body and slowly remove my baggy sweatpants. My leg looks okay, despite the bruises and giant gauze pad. I stop smiling and sigh. "I want to get out of this bed."

Nurse Jackson nods a few times and starts removing the bandage. There is still some blood coming out of the wound, but hardly any is on the white gauze. Everything is slowly fixing itself. I try not to look at the mess of stiches, so I don't make myself sick. "Well, how about we take a little trip when I finish up your bandage."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "What, really?" I sit up a little taller in my bed and hold my breath when she starts to disinfect my wound. It stings like hell. "Where?"

She doesn't say anything while she bandages up my leg, she is taking her time to make sure she does it right. When she is finished she places a thermometer in my mouth. "Emma woke up today. I was thinking you and her could eat dinner together." She smiles widely at me, and takes the thermometer out of my mouth. "What do you think?"

I am nervous as Nurse Jackson wheels me down to the emergency unit. Emma has been asleep for three days and I haven't gotten a chance to see her. I don't know if she is going to be mad at me, or grateful. Or if she will be too sick to say anything. I have no idea what to expect.

When we get to her door Nurse Jackson knocks twice before she pulls the thin sheet aside and wheels me in. Emma is sitting up in bed, her hair tied back into a pony tail. There is color in her cheeks, she looks healthier than I expected. I guess feeding tubes really do work. She still looks thin and fragile, especially in her hospital bed with tubes sticking out of her arms.

"Leo?" She is surprised to see me. "What are you doing here?" I cannot tell if she is happy or disappointed. Either way I know I am happy that she is okay.

"I thought you two would like a little while to talk." Nurse Jackson explains for me. "Over dinner." She pushes me next to Emma's bed and steps out of the room. We don't say anything, just look at each other. Nurse Jackson comes back in with a tray, two sandwiches, two waters, and two puddings. "I'll be back in an hour." She winks before stepping out of the room.

I wait until Nurse Jacksons footsteps are far away before I open my mouth. "I'm sorry." Emma and I both say it at the same time. I look up at her and she is staring at her lap.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask her. "You didn't do anything."

She sighs and looks over at me. "I am sorry that I am sick." She mumbles. "I am sorry that I let it get the best of me. I am sorry that I caused you to hurt yourself. I am sorry that you have had to deal with me for so long, especially because we aren't together anymore. I'm sorry I just can't get a grip." Her eyes start to water. "I'm sorry, Leo."

I don't know what to do, so I reach out to grab her hand. Her fingers are cold and dainty, they hold no weight. "Emma, stop that." Her tears fall freely from her eyes, and I start to tear up as well. "We can't help that we are sick."

"No, Leo." Her head snaps up and she is looking at me sternly. "You can't help it. Because you have cancer." She takes her hand away from mine and motions to herself. "But me? I just can't eat. That isn't anyone's fault but my own."

I reach out for her hand again, she lets me grab it. "Emma, listen to me okay?" She nods once, but her muscles are still tight. "You know that isn't true. Nothing you are saying is true. And you will fight this sickness, it just takes time." She starts to relax, her eyes close. "I am glad I was there when you fell, even if I got hurt too. Because it would have hurt me much more if you were gone. And just because we are no longer 'together' does not mean I don't still care for you."

She opens her eyes and look at me through her tears. "I care about you, too, Leo."

I take a deep breath and squeeze her hand tightly. Now is my chance to tell her I regret leaving her. Now is my chance to redeem myself. To get the girl. To get Emma back. "I regret leaving you, Emma. It was stupid of me. I was just afraid I was going to hurt you. I was afraid that you wouldn't love me with one leg. I was afraid that things would get to complicated."

"You regret it?" She sits up tall in her bed and attempts to squeeze my hand back. "Leo, we both know why you left. And it has to do with a lot more than that." I furrow my eyebrows and look at her. What? "You don't want to be with me because I can't control myself. I can't do anything right. I am not a perfect, pretty, blonde super awesome girl. If it weren't for our sicknesses we wouldn't know each other. You weren't afraid of hurting me or getting hurt." She pulls her hand away again and looks down at her lap. "You were afraid that you'd be stuck with me."

I want to get out of my chair, crawl into her bed, and kiss her. To prove her wrong. To feel her skin. To make her smile. "Emma that isn't true. Things just got complicated in my head. That's all." I shake my head and place my empty hand on her leg. I want to tell her I love her. But now is not the time. "Let's just let it go, okay? Start over."

She lifts her head and looks into my eyes. "As friends?"

Those words sting. I want to be so much more then friends. Lovers, partners, together. I make a smile come out and take my hand off her leg. "As friends."

A/N: Sooo, hey guys. I cannot help but notice the amazingly high amount of views, yet depressingly low amount of reviews. I mean one, really? Show me some love you guys...

Also, I am trying to stick to the show a little, but I cannot help but spice it up a a little. Lemme know what you think!