Chapter 3: The Monkey that Reached the Moon

I cannot believe what is happening. This time yesterday, Renji and I were at home, making love, and now…now he's here fighting for his life. What happened? How did this happen? I guess I don't really need to wonder. I let him go without me. He was angry…but we could have put it aside. If I had given the order, he would have had to obey it. And I would have been there. He wouldn't be like this. Maybe his search party would still be alive.

As it is, we had to send for support troops. We've lost enough seated officers that it was necessary. So now we wait for the 11th division to arrive. We cannot even bring back the bodies of the fallen from the valley until they arrive.

"Captain Kuchiki?"

I turn to face Hanatarou and I can see that the news is not good.

"How is he, Hanatarou?" I ask, fearing the worst.

"Sir, it is worse than we thought. We healed his wounds, but his spirit energy is dangerously low and he has lost a great deal of blood. We have tried several treatments to raise his spiritual pressure, but he isn't responding."

"Hanatarou, you said that Renji would live. You said he would be all right."

Hanatarou lowers his head.

"He should have responded to the treatments…" he trails off.

"Is Renji…going to die?" I ask, hardly able to say the words.

"I don't know," Hanatarou whispers, "We've sent for Captain Unohana. Maybe she can help him better than I can."

"I want to see him, Hanatarou," I say firmly, "I want to see him now."

"Of course, Sir," Hanatarou says, bowing, "I'll show you to his room,"

I follow Hanatarou in a fog, only half aware of what is going on around me.

Renji is dying?

We reach the room and the first thing I notice is that a partially recovered Rikichi is sitting at his side. I pull up a chair next to the boy and watch him in silence for a moment.

"He wasn't angry with you, sir," Rikichi says suddenly.

He turns his head to look at me.

"He was awake for a few minutes. He told me to tell you that he doesn't blame you. He blames himself. He also said to tell you…that…he loves you. He didn't know if he would be able to tell you himself."

Of course. That's Renji. He won't die without absolving me of guilt. That also means he knows what kind of shape he's in.

"Thank you, Rikichi," I whisper.

"I'll give you some time alone, sir," he says, rising.

"Rikichi,"

"Hai,"

"Thank you."

"It was nothing, Captain."

I hear his footsteps fade away.

I study Renji's face. It strikes me that it looks different. There is a darkness to his features that wasn't there before. It isn't the color of his skin. It's more the reiatsu that seems darkened. I reach out to touch his face and I find that it is warm and pulsing with life.

"Renji?"

His eyes open and they freeze me in place. I cannot move. A chill goes through me. What is happening? His eyes are glowing red, like the creature he fought and his hand is reaching for me. I find myself shaking. I still cannot move. He touches my chest. Light flashes between us and I start to fall, but as I drop to the floor, I hear his voice clearly.

"I choose you."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Byakuya," a soft voice calls.

Rukia…but what is she doing here?

"Brother," she whispers.

I open my eyes. I find myself looking up into my sister's huge frightened eyes. What is she doing here?

"Rukia…"

She smiles.

"You're awake! I was so worried. Brother, you were at Renji's bedside and you collapsed. They said that your spirit energy dropped very suddenly to a dangerously low level. They don't know why."

"Rukia, how did you get here? Why did you come?" I ask.

"I came with Captain Unohana," she explains, "I came as her escort. I heard that Renji was badly injured, so I wanted to be here with him."

"Rukia, listen to me," I tell her, "You must be very careful. Do not go out into the desert, or even near the barrier…do you understand?"

"Yes, but Brother…"

"Don't go outside the barrier. And Rukia, if you visit Renji, do not visit him alone."

"What?"

"Just obey me, no questions. Do not visit him alone," I repeat.

"I won't," she assures me, "He always has other people in there with him anyway. He woke up, you know."

"What?"

She stares at me with wide eyes.

"Oh, you don't know, do you? Renji is the one who got help when you collapsed. They don't know how he did it. They said that he had some kind of reiatsu surge or something. He was doing better, but his reiatsu keeps dropping. If he sinks too far…Byakuya, I'm worried that he'll die!"

I take her hand.

"Don't say that. Renji is very strong. He's going to be all right."

I don't know if I say the words more for her or for myself. But, kami, I think I know when the reiatsu surge occurred! I think back to the Kuchiki family histories. There was something there…some reference to something like this.I have to go back to the Sereitei as soon as I can.

"I think I'm all right, now," I tell Rukia, "I want to see Renji."

"They said you need rest!"

But I'm already on my feet and heading for the door. I do feel weak, but I need to get to him. I need to understand what is happening. I need to talk to him. I return to his room, only to find that he is unconscious again. I sit at his side with Rukia beside me.

"Can I join the party?" asks a soft feminine voice.

"Yoruichi?"

She smiles.

"Soi Fon and I came along with the 11th division. I was visiting her when word came that Renji was injured. I just heard that you collapsed. What happened, Byakuya?"

"I'm not sure," I tell her, "I'm trying to figure that out. But you say the 11th is here? Then I need to return to the Sereitei."

"Whoa!" says Yoruichi, "You're not going anywhere. Your reiatsu dropped almost low enough to kill you. You have to stay here for at least another day or two."

"Yoruichi, lives are at stake. I have to figure out what those things are! The longer it takes, the more the chance that others will die."

"No one is going outside the barrier. That's the head captain's order. They brought in the bodies from the valley and now no one is allowed outside or even close to the barrier. Don't worry. You have a few days to regain your strength."

"I don't care about myself. I just want…I just want to help him. Yoruichi, a few days just might mean death for Renji!"

Her expression softens.

"Ah…that's what this is about. You want to help him. Byakuya, even Captain Unohana isn't sure why he had the reiatsu surge or why he is still not able to maintain his spiritual pressure. What are you going to do that she wouldn't have thought of trying?"

"I don't know," I tell her, looking down at Renji, "but I have to find a way. I have to. I didn't get the chance to tell him…"

Her hand comes to rest on my shoulder.

"Rukia," she says quietly, "May I have a moment alone with Byakuya?"

Rukia nods and gives me a light hug, then leaves.

"What didn't you have the chance to tell him, Byakuya?" Yoruichi asks.

For some reason, I am afraid to say it. Again. But I know I have to at some point. I have to say it before I lose the chance.

"I returned home with Renji a few days ago. I did so for reasons I never spoke aloud. Yoruichi, I wanted to talk to Renji about taking vows of life partnership. We've been so happy together, I wanted to make it permanent. I wanted to do that so he would know how much I love being with him. But that wasn't all. I was going to talk to Renji about what Urahara told us. I wanted to know if after we were life partners, we could start a family. I think we've been together long enough. I know I don't want there to be anyone else…ever. But I didn't say it to him. I just…I don't know. If I said it and for some reason he wasn't ready, I might jeopardize things. I should have trusted him. I should have told him."

"You just did," Renji says softly.

I freeze.

His eyes are open and looking up into mine. He's smiling again…even though he's still in pain.

"What you just said," Renji continues, "the way you feel? I feel the same."

I cannot believe what I'm hearing. My heart knew it already, but my head can't quite accept it.

"Byakuya, if that's what you want then I want it too," he says, touching my hand.

"But…"

"Don't do that," he says, "Don't talk yourself out of it. Aren't you the one who told me before that the first instinct is usually the best?"

I nod. I can't speak at this point.

"Then I say we go ahead with this."

"It will take time to…"

"Byakuya, I'm going to be honest with you. We know how hard life can be. We know how quickly things can change. There is a time to move slowly and there is a time to just move already."

"Renji…"

"Yoruichi, can you do something for me?" he asks.

"Yes, Renji."

"Whatever Byakuya needs to do, help him. I don't know how much…time…we might have."

"Stop," I tell him, "Don't talk as if…"

"As if I'm dying?" he says harshly, "You know, neither of us knows what's going to happen here. I don't plan on leaving, but you and I both know life can be hard. People lose each other. So I want to do this…not because I think it's the end, but because I want something more to fight for."

"Renji, I'm just afraid."

"Yeah, I know. Me too."

"I'll find someone to seal the partnership and forms to make it legal…and Hanatarou can collect what Urahara needs," Yoruichi says.

"But," I say, "We don't have a donor or surrogate."

Yoruichi smiles…and I don't know whether to be grateful, incensed, or just very afraid. It is an extreme situation. I'll go with grateful for now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I know this can't possibly be anything like what Byakuya wanted when he decided he wanted a life partnership with me. I can imagine he figured we'd do this at home…in the garden with the cherry blossoms floating all around. I can imagine the way the garden would look all decorated with soft colors and textures. We would have our friends around us. We would be dressed in something better than a shihakushou.

But Byakuya isn't complaining. He's making sure that even if this isn't perfect, that it looks as perfect as it can be. He doesn't realize that for it to be perfect only requires the two of us.

We have each other and a big group of friends around us. Byakuya sits at my side with Rukia and Rikichi standing as witnesses. Everything is ready.

"We gather today to celebrate the union of Byakuya Kuchiki and Renji Abarai. These two have expressed their desire to enter this loving bond, this lifetime partnership, each of his own free will. Today they will make their promises and take their vows to begin this great journey together. Let us join to offer our best wishes for the blessing of their union."

Rukia speaks first.

"Renji Abarai is my very best friend. Without him, I doubt I would have survived my childhood in Inuzuri. He is brave, wonderful, and caring. I don't think I can imagine anyone else who could make my brother happier. There is something very special about him. I am so glad he is joining my family…although in truth, he's been a part of it for a long time already. Byakuya found me and gave me a home. Because of him, I belong to a family. I can't even count the number of times he has been there to rescue and protect me. But Byakuya has been lonely for a long time. He has been searching for someone who could give him back his happiness and bring joy to his life. It is a great thing to be loved and protected by Byakuya. Renji is truly blessed. I wish both of you peace and happiness," she says, then she leans over and kisses us each on the cheek.

I watch Byakuya's face as each person steps forward to say something about each of us and to offer their blessings. He's still in a little bit of disbelief. He wanted this badly, but he had no idea it would happen like this. Still, the happiness is clear. I love it when he looks like this. I'm going to fight for this. There is no way I'm going to leave him behind. It doesn't matter what I have to do, I'm going to hang on. This is too good to give up. Our friends finish and it's time for us to make our pledges. He lets me go first.

"If someone had told me that I would ever be here, taking the hand of this amazing man, I would have said they were crazy. He's too good for me in a million different ways, but for some strange reason, he chose me. I won't question it. I will never doubt it. I trust Byakuya Kuchiki with everything. I trust him with my life. Every day with him is a gift. Every moment is worth remembering. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to share everything with him. So I promise to remain at his side…and to offer him peace, contentment, and love for all of the rest of our lives."

He isn't shedding tears, but his eyes speak volumes. He has to wait a moment before he can speak.

"I used to think that love equaled loss. I was afraid to commit to love, because when you love someone, you have to take your chances and pray that you'll still have each other when all is said and done. Before I lost my wife, she told me that even in the darkest times, there is still hope. She told me that someday, loving arms would reach for me, and when they did that I should grab on with both hands and never let go. Renji Abarai's arms were the ones that reached for me. And because of who he is, I found myself wanting to believe in love again. Today, I'm reaching out and taking hold of his hands. They are hands that are filled with love and kindness. I promise now that I will never let go."

I lose track of what is said after that. There are vows and an exchange of rings, but all that really gets through to me is how happy this is making both of us. I was right about what I told him. This isn't being done just because everyone thinks I'm dying. I am going to fight like hell for this. We deserve this happiness. We deserve to have time to enjoy this. I'm not going to just be another loss for him. No matter what, I'll survive this, because this…is so worth it!