Chapter 57

Goodbye

"You Found Me"- The Fray

Brice (POV)

I sat down on the porch steps in the back yard. The sun had set almost an hour ago. I had been home for a few days now and things were, hesitant. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells. No one was sure of what to say or how to say anything. I rested my elbows on my knees as I tried to sort out my thoughts.

I listened to the stillness that seemed to surround the house. There wasn't anything like it. It was one of the many things I missed about home since I had been living in L.A. There wasn't any street noise or people shouting. It was just quiet, only the sound of crickets and water from the bay.

I heard the porch door open slightly than the familiar sound of footsteps approaching me.

"Hey mom," I greeted as she took a seat next to me.

"Your dad could do that too," she sighed.

"What?" I asked.

"Recognize a person by their footsteps." She smiled.

"It's just something you grow to recognize," I chuckled. "Is Dad asleep?"

"Yeah, he just fell back asleep about fifteen minutes ago," she informed.

I nodded.

"Sophia seems to be doing better," she noticed.

"Yeah," I nodded, "I talked to her the other day,"

"Really?" She seemed surprised. "None of us have been able to get through to her."

"She's just scared," I whispered. "In her eyes, dad couldn't be touched, and now he's dying,"

"And what about you?" she asked quietly.

"What about me?"

"You don't have to put up this front," she said. "You're allowed to be scared, or upset, or hurt,"

"I know," I mumbled. "And what about you?"

"I'll…" she hesitated, "I'll be okay,"

"You should go get some sleep, Mom," I suggested. "You've been taking care of everyone all day."

"I don't want to leave your dad," she said, biting her lower lip.

"I'll stay downstairs with him," I provided. "You need sleep,"

"So do you," she countered.

"I've had more sleep than you have these past few days," I retorted.

"Okay," she sighed. "Come get me if anything happens."

"I will," I said as we both stood and headed back inside.

She disappeared upstairs and I went to the kitchen and grabbed a drink from the fridge. Sophia had passed out on the couch and aunt Lori had helped me get the twins to bed a little while ago. We were all drained. Just getting by with functioning.

I looked up to see uncle Declan come out of Dad's room. It was clear that he had been checking dad's vitals because of the stethoscope around his neck. He quietly shut the door behind him and almost tiptoed away from it.

"How's he doing?" I asked, taking a sip from my drink.

"He's…. hanging in there," he shrugged.

"Please just tell me the truth," I pleaded.

He sighed, "His breathing is more shallow, and labored,"

"What about his heart?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Given the circumstances it's fairly strong." He paused. "It's working on overload though."

I nodded as I set my drink down on the counter top, fixing my eyes on one of Nana Nicole's yellow note pads. I contemplated whether or not to ask my next question.

"How much longer?" I finally asked, meeting his eyes.

"Within the next few days," he mumbled, I could see the hurt in his eyes.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't think that uncle Declan knew what to say either. I could see aunt Lori studying us from the brown armchair in the family room. She had picked up on our tense conversation and studied us cautiously.

"Okay," I said, not knowing what else to say. What else was there to say?

He watched me carefully as I stalked into the room where dad was sleeping. He didn't follow and neither did aunt Lori. I took a seat in the chair by his bedside and just watched him. His skin was ashier and he looked frailer. I sat forward slightly and took his hand.

I stared at him; a small naïve part of me still had hope that he would recover from this. That he would wake up and he would be healthy again. I watched his chest raise and fall in what looked like slow motion. Every few minutes his breathing would become raspy than even out again.

"Dad," I whispered, knowing he was in too deep of a sleep to hear me, "I… I don't want to see you hurt… anymore,"

I fought the tears that were seeping my eyes.

"You shouldn't have to go through this," I said softly. "It's not right,"

There was no use is fighting the tears anymore. They rolled down my cheeks with ease. I rested my elbows on his bedside and cradled my head in my hands. I tried my best to compose myself.

The whole time I sat there a memory kept playing in my mind. I must have been three or four years old at the time. Dad had taken me down to the docks and we boarded a ferryboat. We spent the entire afternoon on the boat just riding back and forth across the harbor. The other passengers would load and unload, however we stayed on. He held me so that I could see the water bellow the boat.

The only reason we were on the boat was because I enjoyed riding the boat so much. He always did things with me that would make me happy. No matter how tedious the task was he did it, and he did it for me.

I rubbed my eyes and sighed, getting up from my chair. I tucked the blanket around him before I left the room. When I entered the family room, aunt Lori looked up from her laptop and gave me a sad smile.

"I'm going to head to bed," I mumbled.

"Okay," she nodded.

I slowly climbed the stairs to my room. I didn't even bother to change out of my clothes I just collapsed down onto the bed and fell asleep. My body was so exhausted it had begun to feel ache and sleep came with ease.

Days later I stood in front of my mirror in my room fixing my solid black tie around my neck. I thought back to when I was a kid and Dad had taught me how to tie a proper knot for a necktie. It was for uncle Josh and aunt Andy's wedding.

Dad had passed away in his sleep two nights ago, with mom and I sitting at his bedside.

"Your grandparents are downstairs," Mom informed me from the doorway to my room.

"Okay," I nodded, still focused on the tie.

"Here," she offered, coming closer to me and adjusting my tie.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"I have a feeling today is going to be a long day," she noted as she picked invisible lint from my shirt.

"You're probably right about that," I agreed, stepping over to my chair and snatching my dark grey suit coat and slipping it on.

"I'll just be glad when it's over," she sighed.

"Me too," I nodded.

We both evaded my room and she went to help Sophia get ready. I poked my head into the twin's room to check on Lyla, who had flown in last night for the funeral, and was currently helping the twins get ready.

"How's it going in here?" I asked.

"Fine," she smiled over her shoulder, "We're all set,"

Wyatt and Mason both darted off ahead of us and down the stairs. I took Lyla's hand and led her down the stairs. Shortly after mom and Sophia joined us.

"Looks like everyone's ready," Grandpa Stephen mumbled, there was no real emotion in his voice other than sadness.

I watched as he wrapped an arm around Nana Nicole and were the first ones out the door and to the car. Everyone seemed to file out of the house in twos, uncle Foss walked with mom, uncle Nate with Sophia, the twins, and Lyla and I. We made the drive to a secluded cemetery in two cars where we met the rest of the family.

There weren't many gravestones in the cemetery. As I walked with Lyla through the cemetery, I remembered having to be here years ago when Christopher had died. We had buried him next to Adam. We all stood at the foot of the empty grave, Dad's white wooden coffin sat next to it.

"Kyle, I don't even know how to begin to explain someone so truly extraordinary," Nana Nicole smiled sadly with tears in her eyes, "You came into this world as a blank slate, having no idea who you were or who you would become,

"However you were able to touch each of our lives in astonishing ways. You became a son, a brother, a best friend, a father, and a husband. You brought our lives closer together, just by being the kind, gentle, and caring person that you are. I truly believe that you are a light in a world full of darkness. You will forever be in our hearts and always be in our memories."

Uncle Foss and I stepped to the head of the casket and picked up the rope that lay underneath. Than uncle Declan and uncle Nathan took the middle rope, followed by uncle Josh and Grandpa Stephen at the end. We carefully lowered the white casket down into the grave.

I stood at the edge of the grave and peered down. Sophia came up beside me and handed me a single white rose. To her right stood Mason, he too had a rose. That was when I noticed Wyatt to my left standing there with a rose in his hand as well.

I glanced at the white rose in my hand. "I love you Dad," I whispered before I dropped the rose and watched it fall down into the grave.

Sophia, Wyatt and Mason all did the same. I felt Sophia grab my hand and I noticed that she already had ahold of Mason's hand as well. I peered down at Wyatt; his tears stained his cheeks. I placed my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently. We had all lost our father, and we were all grieving.

I don't know how long we stood there. It felt like seconds however I knew it must have been longer. Eventually we left and went back home. Everyone came over to our house, and right away Nana Nicole busied herself by making dinner. I was exhausted and needed a moment alone so I escaped to my room.

I wasn't sure how or even why, but once I entered my room I found a white envelope sitting on my desk. My name was written on it and I recognized the hand writing immediately, it was from Dad.

I sat down on the edge of my bed with my envelope in my hands. After a long moment of just staring at the envelope I forced myself to open it.

Dear Brice,

I never expected to have to write a letter like this. I never expected to not be there to see all that you will accomplish in life. I'm sorry for that… I know that it hurts right now, and you're probably angry, that's fine. Be angry, be sad, be hurt: you have every right to be.

Even though I'm not there with you now, I want you to know that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the way you've been so strong for your mom and siblings. I'm proud of how you've put your family before everything else. I'm proud of the man that you've become. I know I won't be there to see it but I know in my heart that one day you will make a wonderful husband and father.

I want to thank you; for all that you have taught me. In raising you and your siblings, I was able to experience childhood. I was able to learn to cherish the small moments and celebrate the big ones. I've learned what it means to be a father.

And lastly, Bri, I want to say that it will get better. The pain and loss you feel now does get better. You may feel sad from time to time and that's perfectly okay. Just know that I will always be there to listen when you need to talk. I will always be in your heart and I will always be in your memories. I love you son, which will never change.

Love,

Dad

AN: Well…. That's the last chapter. I do plan on an epilog, however, this is the end. I know it's not what everyone would have liked to have happen, but I have my reasons for ending things the way I did. After I post the epilog I will post an explanation for why wrote the entire story the way I did.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, thank you all for reading this entire story! It's been a blast writing Fatherhood. Thank you!