And even as I wander

I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the window

On a cold, dark winter's night

"Can't Fight This Feeling" Sung by REO Speedwagon, written by Kevin Cronin

Chapter Sixteen

Kitty finished tying the bandage on Matt's leg and eased herself away from the footstool, leaving his foot propped on it. She impatiently wiped away the tears that had streamed down her face through most of the procedure and checked on Matt's condition. His pulse was steady and stronger than before, and he had no fever yet. He was still out and most likely would be for a while, considering that she'd had to stop twice to give him more brandy. Her stomach lurched and she recalled that twice she had to run to the window for air to overcome her nausea. She took some deep breaths and managed to fight it off once again.

When had it gotten so cold inside the cabin? Kitty added more wood to the fireplace and stove. She remembered what Matt had been doing when he was injured. That firewood wasn't going to do them any good lying around outside. Matt and of course, Doc, would be appalled when they found out she'd brought in a load of firewood, but it couldn't be helped.

"I'll be back in a little while," Kitty told her unconscious husband before leaving through the lean-to door.

It was beginning to snow when Kitty pushed the wheelbarrow full of firewood through the outside lean-to door. If Matt hadn't shown her the tool shed earlier, she would still be carrying the wood in a few pieces at a time, she thought as she latched the door behind her. She went to the front door and took down Matt's gun belt; putting his gun back in the holster, she brought it with her to the sofa. Now that the firewood was in, Kitty couldn't bring herself to do another thing but finally sit down next to her husband. Matt's pulse was still strong and there was no sign of fever yet. She picked up the nearly full glass of brandy from the floor. After a moment she raised the glass in his direction. "I think I've earned this, don't you?" she asked out loud. She took Matt's hand, threading her fingers through his, and sipped the brandy until it was gone. She rested her head on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes, taking comfort in the sound of Matt breathing as she fell asleep.

"Kitty! Kitty!"

She woke at dawn to Matt frantically, if weakly, calling her name and shaking her by the shoulder. "What's wrong?" she asked, feeling confused and hung over.

"What happened to you? You're covered in blood! And this room..."

Kitty looked around the room. Doc's office had never looked like this after treating a patient. "It's not mine, Matt! It's not mine." She put her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back against the sofa. "Don't you remember what happened?"

"Yeah. Some," he admitted. "How'd I get back inside?"

"You walked."

"Not on my own, I bet." He was beginning to regain more memory of the evening before. He looked down at the bandage below his knee.

"You had to have stitches."

"You rode for Doc?"

"There wasn't time. You would have...bled to death before we got back. I-" Her eyes filled with tears and she choked back a sob. "What do you think Doc would have to say about me riding?"

"You mean you stitched up my leg? Kitty, you shouldn't have had to do that. I'm sorry." He tried to pull her toward him but couldn't quite manage it. In daylight she could see that he was as pale as he was the day before, and when she reached up to kiss him she noticed he felt a bit feverish.

"Matt, I'm going to get you some of that stewed rabbit we never got a chance to eat for supper. You lost a lot of blood last night. You need to get your strength back." She stood and every muscle in her body protested as she walked to the kitchen. Her back hurt even more and she could barely move her left arm.

"Where's yours?" Matt asked her when she brought him the bowl of stew.

"I'll have some in a little while." In spite of actually feeling hungry this morning, she didn't have the energy to eat.

"I'll eat when you eat." Matt waited. She didn't have the energy to argue, either. When she returned with her own bowl and had taken a few bites, Matt finally started eating. As hungry as he was, he stopped every few bites and refused to go on until Kitty ate more, finally getting her to eat about half the bowl. "Where's my boot?" he asked looking around.

Kitty pointed in the direction she thought she'd thrown it the night before. "It's ruined."

"It'll have to do until we get back to town. I'm going out to take care of the horses." He started to get up to retrieve the boot.

"The only place you're going is to bed!" Kitty exclaimed, instantly forgetting her own fatigue. "You have a fever and you'll undo all that fancy needlework I did last night. I'll go."

Matt looked at her incredulously. "You're the one who's going to bed. Come on. We'll both go. The horses will be all right awhile longer." Kitty nodded her consent, but they both knew Matt would go out as soon as she fell asleep, just as they both knew Kitty would be determined to stay awake longer to prevent that from happening. They walked arms around each other's waists, to the bedroom, Matt looking curiously into the open lean-to door as they passed it.

"Kitty, are you going to tell me about the wheelbarrow?" he asked her once they reached the bedroom.

"I had to bring the firewood in."

"Oh, Kitty. We would have been all right." How could he blame her? He had told her himself it was going to be a cold, snowy night and he wanted to make sure they didn't run out. The truth was, like the hunting he'd done before lunch, he'd found another outside chore in order to do some thinking about Kitty's question. How could he run a farm and continue to wear the badge? More importantly, what would it do to Kitty? Forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her. He told Doc he'd take care of her and not only was she taking care of him, it could have cost her their child.

As tired as Kitty was, she couldn't stand the ruined dress another minute. She wasted no time removing it and her corset, finally able to draw a deep breath for the first time in more than a day. She turned to the bureau to get a nightgown.

"Kitty, what happened to your back?" Matt asked her quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"It's all bruised up. Did you fall or...was someone here?"

"No one was here. I stumbled when we were coming inside and fell back against the doorway. It's nothing."

"I did this to you, didn't I?"

"It couldn't be helped, Matt. I wish you would stop getting mad at me for doing what I had to do yesterday."

"Honey, I'm not mad at you. All of this is my fault. I wanted you to see we could have a good life together here and look what happened."

"What do you think of your fancy saloon owner now, Cowboy?" Kitty smiled as she lay down next to him.

"This isn't funny, Kitty. You wore yourself out yesterday because of my accident. I hurt you and might have hurt the baby." He wrapped his arms around her protectively.

"Nothing's happened to the baby, Matt. We'll both be just fine."

"Doc was right. I had no business bringing you out here to live. I want us to live in town. At least until the baby's born."

"I agree. About living in town, I mean. But don't beat yourself up over it, Matt. I think we could be happy here." Suddenly, Kitty couldn't keep her eyes open another minute. "G'night, Matt," she said sleepily, not caring that it was the middle of the morning.

Matt waited until she was sound asleep before slipping quietly out of bed to take care of the horses.

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Kitty woke to find to find Matt's side of the bed empty and the light in the room changed. "Matt?" she called anxiously. In a moment she heard his familiar footsteps approaching the door.

"You all right, Kitty?" He walked into the room with a bowl in one hand and a cup in the other.

"Fine, I just-how long did I sleep?"

"Almost a whole day. How do you feel?"

"I'm starved!" she realized. "Is that for me?" She ate a few bites of the rabbit stew and drank some tea, then turned her attention to Matt. He had changed clothes and was wearing his boots. "You haven't been up on that leg too much, have you?"

"Well," he grinned a little sheepishly. "I went out to the barn yesterday and then this morning. Besides that, I've stayed off of it."

"You should probably let me have a look at that today." She took a few more bites of her stew and handed the bowl back to him.

"I will. But first, I want to talk to you about something." He set the bowl on the bedside table while she waited for him to continue. "I was awake most of the night thinking. Doc made a lot of good points the other day. I can't take care of you if I'm not here. Here or in town. I have to put you and the baby ahead of this." Kitty heard a soft metallic noise as he picked something up from the table. She looked at what he was holding out to her.

"Oh, Matt!" she gasped, softly. "Are you sure?"