Authors Notes: Thanks to Moony for some help on this chapter. Angsty stuff but then it gets fluffy.

Aurelia's missing memories

They watched as the ghostly figure walked towards them, her eyes went to Aurelia, anger flared in the ghost, "What have you done?" She roared as she reached out to touch Aurelia.

"No, keep your hands off of her," Loghain tried to shield Aurelia from her.

"My greatest gift and you squandered it," She reached out to touch her again.

"Maker, you're Andraste!," Teagan exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes," She said calmly, "I've come to take my gift back."

"What?" Bryce asked confused.

Andraste sighed, "She never told you. Eleanor and a witch made a plea to me, Eleanor was desperate after yet another loss. I answered that plea, giving you my most beautiful gift yet."

"You're not taking her from me," Loghain still hadn't released his gripped on Aurelia.

"You mean my Daughter is some kind of deity?" Bryce couldn't wrap his mind around it.

"No, not like that, but she is unique, she does have power, it makes her strong and confident in battle. She is the light that fights the darkness. Have any of you ever felt renewed around her?"

"My Father, he always said that Aurelia made him feel young again," Cailan replied, it was true, Maric did feel young, even his leg felt better when she was around.

"Now I have to take her back," Andraste looked at her mournfully.

"Please, bring her back, I'll do anything, I'll give my own life, just bring her back," Loghain begged her with his tears to bring her back to him.

"You would do anything?" Loghain nodded, "How about this, I'll bring Aurelia back, but she will have no memory of ever being your wife or ever having loved you. Do you love her enough to sacrifice your love to give her life?"

"Will she remember the children?"

"She will."

"Then bring her back," Loghain kissed Aurelia's forehead.

"Put her to bed. In the morning she will wake, no memory of your marriage or love, no memory of the blight."

Loghain carried Aurelia to her room in their estate, kissing her once last time, he left her knowing she would not love him when she woke.

Aurelia woke with the sun, the birds outside her window were chirping merrily, everything in Ferelden was peaceful except for the young woman who laid in the massive bed. She looked around, wondering why her room was not as she remembered it, she glanced up and recognized the Mac Tir coat of arms above the door why it was there instead of her family's was even more confusing.

Eleanor appeared after having heard her daughter stirring, she was laden down with bandages and poultices.

"Mother," said Aurelia when she saw her Mother, glad for a familiar face. "What are we doing at the Mac Tir castle? Why aren't we in Highever?"

The Teyrna took her time placing the medical supplies, trying to think of an answer that would satisfy her daughter's curiosity but still remain true to Loghain's wish that she be reminded of him at every turn. "We're here on business, darling, your Father was called for a Landsmeet and Teyrn Loghain was kind enough to house us while we're in Denerim."

"How kind of him," said Aurelia, she moved on the bed but regretted doing so when she felt pain shoot through her leg. Eleanor was quick to react, peeling away the soiled bandages and going to work on replacing them with clean ones.

"Your children are eager to see you," said Eleanor, she held her breath as she waited for her daughter's response.

Aurelia laughed. "Children? Mother, I how could I possibly have any children, I'm not even married."

Eleanor pursed her lips as she wrapped bandages around her injured thigh. "You are married, darling, to Loghain."

"Now you're just messing with me," chuckled Aurelia, "You know Father would've never let me marry him, he wants me to marry Howe's son Nathaniel."

"Arl Howe is dead," replied Eleanor sternly, "And Nathaniel is presumed to be dead as well. You're married to Loghain, Aurelia."

Aurelia was getting irritated now, her mother's ruse no longer funny. "No, Mother, I think I would've remembered if I had gotten married."

"No, darling, you don't," said Eleanor, tears springing up into her eyes. "You see, yesterday you-"

"Mother, I'm not married!" she insisted.

Eleanor's shoulders slumped, "Darling, you are married to him, he Fathered all of the children. My heart breaks for him, he made a huge sacrifice and it's killing him."

"You're not kidding are you?" Aurelia flinched away from her Mother slightly, "What happened, Mother?"

"Perhaps, your Father or Loghain will explain it better, for now the children want to see you."

The door opened and 4 bouncy children ran into the room, Aurain launched himself on the bed, "Mama, you're awake!"

Aurelia instantly remembered the children, "Hey babies, Mama has missed you so much," Aurelia hugged all 4 children.

"Right, children, Papa is taking you out to play with Oren," Eleanor shooed them all off the bed, "Aurain, no trying to pick up Papa's sword, you wont be able to lift it until you're a lot older."

Eleanor took the children out of the room, leaving Aurelia to rest in bed. She felt herself dozing, when someone knocked on the door, "Come in," She said sleepily.

Anora let herself in the room, "Aurelia, your Mother said you were awake."

"Yes, although its been rather a surreal wake up, I'm married and I have no memory of it."

Aurelia sighed as she sat on the bed next to Aurelia, "When Cailan told me, I hoped he was exaggerating things, but sadly he wasn't. My Father isn't taking it well."

"Why is it only him that I don't remember?"

"I think my Father is the one who should tell you that, then you can understand his reasons for it," Anora got up off the bed and headed to the door, "Get some rest."

"Anora?" Anora stopped and turned around, "Were we happy?"

"Blissfully, people envied you," Anora said with sadness.

"Why?"

"Because, when people saw you and my Father together, they knew instantly that you were deeply in love," Anora smiled at Aurelia before leaving the room.

Aurelia settled herself back down onto the bed, she felt conflicted, obviously they were happy once, Aurelia just didn't know if they could be happy again.

Loghain sat in his study, head in his hands, he came to decision to let Aurelia go, after 2 months of her looking at him with disdain, she kept the children from him as much as possible, he couldn't take being treated like vermin in his own home. He decided to give her everything and he would head to the Korcari wilds to find stray bands of darkspawn, if he didn't came back alive, he was sure no one would miss him.

Loghain heard someone enter his office, "Go away," He muttered without even looking up.

"Loghain, I'm sorry it's turning out like this, I tried to convince Aurelia to stay but she wants to return to Highever," Bryce looked at his son in law with all the sympathy in the world, Bryce knew Aurelia meant everything to Loghain and now he's losing her and his children.

"Tell her she can stay, I'm handing over all my titles and riches to Aurelia. She can remarry, I wont stand in her way, she wont ever have to see me again."

"What are you planning, Loghain?"

"Cailan needs people to go to the Korcari Wilds, I've volunteered, probably wont return."

"What about the children?" Bryce thought the effect of losing Loghain would have on the children.

Loghain finally looked at Bryce, tears staining his cheeks, "You mean the children Aurelia tries to keep me from like I'm some sort of monster."

"So leaving is the best solution?"

"Aurelia wants her freedom, she can have it. I love her too much to make her stay married to me when I know she doesn't love me."

"And the children?"

"She's planning to take them to Highever, so I'll be parted from them anyway."

Bryce walked out of his office at a loss on how he can repair this, Aurelia must still have feelings buried deep down.

Aurelia walked around the grounds searching for Aurain, he disappeared after dinner and she was starting to worry, eventually she got to the house on the grounds for the old grounds keeper, voices could be heard coming from inside, she recognised the voices of Loghain and Aurain, she stood by a slightly open window to listen.

"Papa, what's wrong with Mama?" Aurain asked genuine worry in his voice.

"Mama banged her head and she lost some memories," Loghain pulled Aurain onto his lap.

"But she only lost memories of you."

"I know, squeak. Aurain, Papa is gonna go away and I wont be coming back, so you're gonna be the man of the house, you look after your Sisters, can you do that for me?"

Aurain nodded through his tears, "I don't want you to go, Papa."

"I know, Squeak, I know."

Aurelia cried listening to them, walking away she headed back to the castle, angry that her memory loss had started to effect her children.

Later Aurelia put the children to bed, Aurain refused to cuddle her, "Squeak, what's wrong?"

"You make Papa sad, now Papa is leaving."

"If Papa wants to leave, I cant make him stay."

Aurain threw his teddy to the floor in anger, "Papa wants to stay, but you don't like him. I wish it was you that was going," Aurain turned away from Aurelia, sobbing into his pillow.

Aurelia left the room in tears, guilty that she didn't make more of an effort with Loghain, now her children were suffering and she didn't know how to fix it.

The Satinalia celebrations got into full swing, only Aurelia didn't feel much like celebrating, it had been 3 days since Aurain stopped talking to her and she hated it. She decided to hide in the library away from everyone, watching people dancing and being happy made her sick and she hated them all.

Bryce followed his Daughter into the library, "Pup, you need to speak to Loghain, you have to try."

"Mother said you hated him."

Bryce took a seat on the sofa next to her, extending his arm out, Aurelia moved into his embrace, "Pup, I did hate him at first, refused to acknowledge the marriage, but then something changed."

Aurelia rested her head on her Father's shoulder, " What changed?"

"Arl Howe made an attempt on our lives, you and Loghain, left your children with an Anora and rode for days to get to us. I knew then that Loghain would do anything for you, he'd give up anything, even his own life for you. You are his whole life, you and those children, there's nothing more important to him, now your all slipping away from him and it's killing him slowly."

"What happened to me, Father? I need to know."

Bryce sighed, "Pup, you were fighting the archdemon, the force of the kill blew you off the tower, you-" Bryce stopped to swallow the lump in his throat, "You died."

Aurelia didn't want to believe it at first, "Sorry, but I died? Why am I here now?"

"Aurelia, you are something called "Andrastes gift" something beautiful and honest, but powerful. Andraste came to take you back, but Loghain begged her not to, so Andraste gave him a choice, if he wanted you to live, then he would sacrifice your love and you would have no memory of ever loving him."

"So he took my memories to keep me alive?"

"Loghain said that he didn't want to have to tell 4 children, Mama wont be coming home."

Aurelia got up abruptly, "I'm going to bed," Aurelia rushed out of the library and straight to her bedroom, there she slipped on on a shift and got into bed. After what seemed like hours, Aurelia was still awake, getting up, she pulled on a robe and walked towards the window, in the distance she spotted a flickering candle, instantly she knew it was Loghain and she had to go and see him.

Aurelia braved the strong winds as she walked to the old house, just as she reached the house, it had started to rain, she got in the house quickly.

Loghain looked up and watched Aurelia enter, "You know, I cant go anywhere with being reminded of us having sex."

"Excuse me?"

"Everywhere I go, your scent is everywhere, I cant talk to you, touch you, not sure If allowed to even look at you," Loghain got to his feet, "You keep the children from me as if I'm a monster, now you want to take my children away, Am I that repulsive?"

Aurelia didn't know what to say to him, so she let him continue his rant.

"I'm leaving for the Korcari Wilds soon, before I go we can dissolve our marriage, you can have everything, I don't plan to return," Loghain said sadly.

Aurelia suddenly felt alarmed at the thought of Loghain leaving, "What about the children?"

"The children that you planned to take away from me anyway?"

Aurelia couldn't reply, she felt guilty for planning to take them away, "If you stay, I'll stay."

Loghain felt his anger raise and he stormed towards her, forcing her back against the wall, "What be the point, you cant stand me, you treat me like vermin. But still after everything, I cant say I regret doing what I did even for a second, at least the children have you, I just wish she'd taken me," Loghain tried to walk away, but Aurelia held him in place.

Aurelia swallowed hard, as Loghain towered over her, she ran her hands over his chest, feeling him tense underneath her hands. She grabbed a handful of his tunic and pulled him closer to her kissing him gently. She released him from her grasp, breathing faster and slightly irregular.

Loghain looked at his wife, unsure that she wanted to kiss him again, but he needed to feel her again, so he took the risk. Lips crashed together, the urgent need evident, in the feeble grabbing of clothes.

Aurelia squealed slightly as Loghain picked her up, carrying her to the rickety bed, she landed on stained, moth eaten sheets with a soft bounce, causing her robe to fall open, she pulled it off, leaving her in just a shift. Aurelia felt the weight of Loghain pressing down on her, it felt familiar to her, his warmth on her, his scent engulfing her nostrils. Aurelia reached down pulled Loghain's tunic out of his breeches, she forced him to sit up slightly so she could pull it over his head, throwing it somewhere on the floor.

Loghain pulled Aurelia's thighs apart, kissing them gently, enjoy the soft mewling from his wife, he'd miss those little noises she made when he was worshipping her body. He pushed the shift over her stomach, allowing him to leave gentle kisses on it, he continued up her body until he reached her face, he kissed her gently, tugging on her bottom lip before pulling the shift over her head.

Aurelia wrapped he legs around Loghain's waist, unwilling to release him, Loghain took it as a sign Aurelia didn't want to be teased, she just wanted him inside of her, he managed to break free of her grasp and stood up briefly to remove his boots and breeches, Aurelia reached up tugging on the necklace around his neck, pulling him down to her, she traced her fingers against a scar on stomach, "Darkspawn," he whispered, Aurelia gently kissed it. Loghain found the scar on her leg, most of the other scars from battle had healed, leaving a scar that looked bizarrely like an "L", he rubbed his thumb over it, "That was Darkspawn too."

Aurelia found 2 scars on shoulder, perfectly parallel to each other, Loghain kissed the hand on his shoulder, "That...was from you."

Aurelia laughed heartily as she stroked his hair, "Sorry," She whispered through her sniggers.

Loghain knew she wasn't sorry, she wasn't sorry when she did it, although sparring with hormonal pregnant woman was a mistake he would never repeat, "You were pregnant with the twins when you did that, a mistake I never repeated. You're dangerous enough without the hormones to spur you on."

"Did I at least make it up to you?" Aurelia asked as she tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth.

"Yes, several times, I believe."

"Good, now I think we started something," Aurelia pulled him back down, kissing him fervently, she whimpered slightly at the feel of his erection nudging at her sex.

He entered her slowly, closing his eyes, sighing with pleasure, moving her arms above her head and pinning her down with his weight, he moved in and out of her slowly, she growled at him, he knew that growl well, that growl was her way of telling him she wanted more. He released her arms and sat up slightly, pushing her thighs towards her stomach, he withdraw from her, earning himself another growl, he slammed into her up to the hilt, causing her to arch her back and cry out. He gripped on her thighs as he relentlessly pounded into her, "Oh Maker," she scream as Loghain felt her walls tighten around him, Aurelia gripped onto him for dear life, pulling him up to her as he continued his ministrations, that familiar feeling coiled in his stomach, he made a few more shallow thrusts as he spilled his seed into her.

He propped himself up on his elbows, moving sweaty hair from her forehead, kissing her gently, "Is it always like that?" Aurelia asked breathlessly.

"Sometimes, we do other stuff," Loghain replied deliberately avoiding the subject of their bondage games.

"Like what?"

"Sometimes, you like me to tie you up and pretend your my slave," Loghain waited for disbelief, instead he got a very different reaction.

"Do you whip me and spank me?"

Loghain wasn't sure if he should admit to that, "If you want me too."

"Have I ever done it to you?"

Loghain suddenly liked where this conversation was going, "A few times."

Aurelia got lost in thought, "I'll have to think up a new one for us."

Loghain chuckled, "For now we should sleep."

"I want us to work, the children at least deserve the effort."

Loghain stretched his arm out, letting Aurelia snuggle up to him, "We can take it slow, we were happy once."

Aurelia pressed her cheek into Loghain's chest, something about being in his arms felt so familiar to her, for the first time in 2 months she felt ready to embrace their marriage as genuine.

Loghain and Aurelia headed back to the castle in the morning, they heard Bryce talking to a distressed Aurain.

"But Grandpa, Papa told me he's going away, I told Mama to go away and now I lost both of them," Aurain sobbed into Bryce's shoulder, "I didn't mean it, I didn't want Papa go and I want Mama back."

Loghain walked up to Bryce, who handed a sobbing Aurain over, "Hey squeak, what's wrong?"

"I lost Mama," Aurain gripped onto Loghain.

"I'm right here, silly," Aurelia hugged both Loghain and Aurain, "Mama would never leave you."

"Please Mama, don't make Papa leave."

"Papa isn't going any where, his place is here with us. Isn't that right, Papa?"

Loghain stroked Aurelia's face before turning towards his Son, "That's right, my place is with you," Loghain dried Aurain's tears with him thumb, "Now is that your stomach rumbling?" Aurain nodded, "Well so is mine, so lets go and eat before Papa gets so hungry I have to eat you."

Aurelia watched Loghain carry Aurain of for breakfast, she smiled knowing she was doing the right thing, maybe they could be happy again, last night in his arms, she did feel happy, she knew she needed more.

"Everything ok?" Bryce asked as appeared next to his Daughter.

"I think so, I remember things."

"Really, what did you remember?" Bryce stroked Aurelia's hair, putting his around her shoulders.

"Just feelings really."

Bryce squeezed his Daughter affectionately, "It's a start, lets go and join the others."

Loghain and Aurelia went to bed separately that night, neither wanting to rush things. The snow hand started to fall and she felt cold, but it wasn't physical warmth she just needed, it was emotional warmth, only one man could give her that. Aurelia opened her bedroom door with the candle in her hand, quietly moving along to Loghain's room so she didn't wake the others. She opened the door quietly, slipping in before she gently closed it, she moved to the bed placing the candle down before she slipped under the covers, she turned away from Loghain to blow out the candle, she felt tingles down her spine as she felt his hot breath on her neck, warm arms surrounded her.

"I do believe you sneaking about, lead to our first night together," Loghain muttered into her hair.

"I missed you, felt cold and lonely," Aurelia snuggled into him, taking in his warmth.

"My arms are yours when ever you want them."

"Would you really have left?"

"Possibly, yes."

Aurelia briefly felt the nagging sadness hit her, she knew the children would miss him and she now knew, she would miss him too, "I dreamt about things, I realise now they were memories."

Loghain felt his heart stopping momentarily, "What memories did you dream about?"

"Our first night together, our wedding, times we shared together, are they real?"

"Tell me about the wedding?"

"I was in labour with Aurain, you had arrived and told me you wanted to marry me, so Leliana got the Revered Mother, we got married while I was wearing a shift, then Aurain got bored of waiting and he was born. You called him a masterpiece because I grew him. Is that right?"

Loghain felt tears stream down his face, "Yes, that is exactly it."

Aurelia suddenly burst out laughing, "Romantic Stallion."

Loghain laughed in her hair, "Yeah, Cailan and Maric got use out of that."

"It's the end of Blight celebration tomorrow. Shall we go as Husband and Wife?"

Loghain kissed her forehead, "We shall, we can going shopping in the morning, since the Arlessa did such of good job of rebuilding."

"That's why you love me, my super efficiency."

"It's one of many reasons," Loghain hoped he would hear those words, but he didn't want to push her.

Aurelia stayed silent almost dozing off, then it hit her, she loved him too, she felt it, it was strong and surging through her veins, she loved him, "Loghain?"

"Mmmmm," He replied sleepily.

"I love you."