Alone in this place with a lifetime to trace

And a heartbeat that tells me it's so

I've got these tears from a long time ago

These are tears from a long time ago

And I need to cry 30 years or so

These are tears from a long time ago

"Thirty Years of Tears" Written and sung by John Hiatt

Chapter Twenty Seven

Three Months Later

March 30

Kitty was having a late breakfast at Del Monico's with Doc when it started. In the middle of their discussion about today's overcooked food and weak coffee as compared to the underdone food and burnt coffee of the day before, the painless twinges she'd been having off and on since she got up that morning suddenly gave way to one that was actually painful. Something in her voice must have alerted Doc and he immediately asked her what was wrong.

"Oh, my back's been bothering me a little, Doc."

"Your back? Well, why in thunder didn't you say something? Just how long has this been going on?"

"Well…" Kitty suddenly felt a little foolish not to have realized what was probably happening. "Just this morning. And this is the first one that hurt."

"All right, young lady, breakfast is over." Doc stood and laid some coins on the table and helped her out of her chair. "We're just going on up to my office and see if we can figure out what the problem is," he said soothingly.

"I know what you think the problem is, Doc. But I've got three weeks yet."

"Well, it just might be that the baby doesn't know that. It'll be all right, honey. Come on, now." Doc had a hard time not hurrying Kitty down the street, he was so anxious to have her safely in his office. They were nearly to his stairs when they heard the jingling of spurs on the boardwalk behind them and Festus' voice calling out a greeting.

"Mornin' Doc, Miss Kitty! Plumb purty day, ain't it?"

"Oh, Festus!" Doc turned around. "Say, am I glad to see you!" Festus raised one eyebrow and squinted in his direction skeptically.

"Morning, Festus," Kitty said unenthusiastically. While she was in no hurry to start climbing the stairs, she was also in no mood to stand there while Doc and Festus got into one of their usual verbal sparring matches.

Festus, noticing Kitty's pained expression, Doc's supporting arm around her shoulders, and the fact that they were heading for his office, suddenly realized there might be a problem. "Ya feelin' poorly are ya, Miss Kitty?"

"That's just what I wanted to talk to you about," Doc answered for her. "Would you ride out to the farm and get Matt back here as quick as you can?"

"Shore thing, Doc! Baby comin', is it?"

"Well, I don't know about that, and the whole town doesn't need to know, either, but I think Matt ought to be here just in case."

"I'll do it, Doc. Ya want me to carry ya up ol' Doc's steps first, Miss Kitty?"

"Would you just go get Matt and let me worry about getting Kitty up the stairs?" Doc barked at Festus.

"Now, wait a minute, Doc," Kitty said, gasping. "Festus, that would be real nice. I don't think I can make it up there on my own." Festus lifted her up as if she weighed nothing at all and began carrying her upstairs, with Doc following behind them berating Festus for his part in causing Kitty to stand there in pain while the two of them argued.

"Oh, you ol' quackety quack quack…" Festus began, before Kitty cut him off.

"Would both of you please stop? I just don't feel like hearing it right now," she said wearily, resting her head on Festus' shoulder.

"You betcha, Miss Kitty," Festus said agreeably, not feeling chastised in the slightest. He reached the top of the stairs and stood back for Doc to open the door.

Doc motioned to the examination table in the front of the office. "Just lie her down there. Take it easy, now, she isn't a sack of potatoes." Doc growled as Festus lowered her carefully to the table.

"It's fine, Doc, I'm not a crystal vase, either. Thank you, Festus."

"Wadn't nothin' atall, Miss Kitty. Now you just rest easy and I'll be back with ol' Matthew 'fore you can say rat-run-over-the-roof-with-a-piece-of-raw-liver-in-his-mouth."

"Festus." Kitty grabbed the front of his shirt before he could walk away from her and pulled, forcing him to lean over her with his ear close to her mouth. "I appreciate you bringing me up here and going after Matt for me, but, just so you know...I'm never, ever going to say that."

Doc chortled with glee. "Oh, she got you good this time!"

"Oh, fiddle!" Festus glared at Doc, then looked down at Kitty and patted her shoulder gently. "I'll bring Matthew back here directly." As he passed Doc on his way out he muttered, "Quackety quack quack…."

"Young lady, what in thunder are you doing out of that bed?" Kitty was standing at the window when Doc came through the door. She turned and walked unsteadily to the wardrobe.

"What did you do with my shoes, Doc? I need to go find Matt."

"You aren't going anywhere, Kitty. Good heavens, you might be in labor. You're going to get right back into bed and get some rest while we wait for Matt to get here."

"He should have been here by now, Doc. How long does it take to-" She was interrupted by another contraction. Doc put his arm around her and she grabbed his shoulders, gasping. "Something's happened, Doc, I know it has. He must have had an accident, or maybe he's been shot. These are getting worse, Doc. I think maybe it is going to be today."

The contraction passed and Doc gently led her back to the bed. "All the more reason for you to lie back down here and wait. Now, if he's been hurt, which I doubt very much, Festus will bring him in and then I'll have two patients to deal with. Maybe if a certain stubborn mama had told him about her twinges this morning he would have stayed home."

"I need him here, Doc. I...can't do this without him."

"I know, honey. I'll tell you what. If I go and see if anyone's heard from them, do you promise to stay in bed while I'm gone?"

"I won't leave this room, Doc."

"That's not what I asked you."

"All right. I won't get out of bed. But please hurry back. With my husband."

When Doc's office door closed behind him, Kitty suddenly felt alone and abandoned, even though she'd practically driven him away to go find Matt. The pains were getting stronger and coming closer together and she wanted someone; Matt, Doc, it didn't matter much who it was right then, even Festus, to sit next to her and hold her hand. This wasn't going at all like she'd imagined it; home, in her own bed, with Matt close by and Bess, who knew more than anyone else in the world what it was like to have a baby, and Doc to help her through it.

"Little girl," she said, gently stroking her abdomen, "if you could have just waited a week your Auntie Bess would be with us right now."

She closed her eyes and tried to relax, maybe even sleep, until Doc came back with Matt, but suddenly all she could think of was the last time she'd been in this bed, more than two years before. In pain and barely hanging onto life at times, images of the horrors she'd just endured kept returning to her mind, even with Matt and, later, Doc, there to protect her. The memories came to her again, unbidden, and she struggled to breathe. "No!" she snapped. "Take your hands off of me!" This couldn't be happening again. She couldn't move, she was drowning, and they wouldn't stop hurting her. She tore at the covers in a panic, desperate to free herself. She had to get away from the Dog Soldiers before they killed her.