Chapter 23 A Meeting Of The Minds
Two hours later, the pair sat beside the fire, Melanie on the stool and Bordon still in the chair, eating a late meal of stew, apples and nuts, and cider mixed with a bit of the major's wine. They ate in relative silence, only exchanging an occasional cordial word.
When they were finished, the two stepped outside the cabin, the rain still pouring. Both needed to relieve themselves. Melanie did so quickly on one side of the cabin, then scurried back inside, attempting to keep as dry as possible. After urinating outside the lean to, Bordon stepped over to the pail, which had collected some rain water, and took it to Galahad to drink.
Alex entered the shack again and barred the door for the night. He began to unbutton his waistcoat, taking it off for the evening, watching Miss Prescott as he did so. The man noticed that in the short time he'd been outside, she had already found his bedroll in his saddlebag and had spread it out on the dirt floor near the fire. Now, she turned back the bed linens, which had been sloppily made by the cabin's owner, readying it for sleep.
Melanie turned back and caught the Major watching her. He quickly averted his eyes downward as he folded and laid his vest neatly across the back of his chair. Trying hard not to blush, the young woman busied herself at the fire.
"More cider," she asked without turning back to face the officer.
"Yes. Please," replied Alex.
Reaching for the two cups on the floor, Melanie spoke again as she filled them with the remaining cider. "Will we get into trouble for not going back to the fort tonight?"
"No," Bordon answered confidently as he pulled his long queue over his shoulder. He unwrapped the plait of hair as he continued. "There were extenuating circumstances which I've apprised my superiors of in my report."
"Will they look for us tonight?" she asked as she mixed some of the wine into the warm cider.
"No. If the others made it back, then they will notify the Colonel that we were separated. I don't think we're that far from the fort. We'll leave here in the morning, and probably make it back before they can get a search party out."
Miss Prescott acknowledged his words with a nod as she turned to give the officer his drink. She stayed still for a moment, quietly holding the cup as she as she studied Bordon unbinding his braid. As he ran his fingers through his now loose hair, Melanie caught her breath as she noticed how the firelight brought out the blond in his long locks.
When his hands were free from his red mane of hair, Melanie handed him the cup of liquid refreshment. She watched as Bordon settled back into the stiff wooden chair, closing his eyes after taking a long pull on the cider and spirits. The girl heard him shifting in the chair, trying to make himself comfortable, as she sat down on the stool close to the fire. Looking back up at the man, he had now stretched his legs out in front of him, probably wanting to relieve the stiffness in them from the long riding of the day, she thought.
Bordon took his turn at watching Miss Prescott now. He noticed how weary she looked as she looked into the fire. The man stared softly at her as she folded her arms in front of her, resting them upon her knees. As he watched her lift the mug to her lips for a sip, a memory of their kiss from a few days earlier flashed across his mind. Drawing in a sharp breath, he shuddered and shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of the sensuous thought.
The young lady looked up at him just as he did, thinking he was trying to stave off sleep. He looked very comfortable, lounging within the chair. She felt a bit more relaxed, attributing that to the warm cider and wine mixture now working its way through her system.
The girl smiled nervously at him, then looked down at the floor, hoping that the fire did not show the flush of pink she felt in her cheeks. Melanie stared back into the flames, which both warmed and mesmerized her.
As she watched the flames dance, Miss Prescott delved into her mind, dwelling silently on the strange path of her relationship with Major Bordon. She remembered how stiff and duty driven he was when she first met him during her convalescence at the fort; very much the proper officer. Then the girl recalled how he assaulted her, taking advantage of her person and helping himself to her virginity. And of late, how the officer had apologized for his actions, pledging to leave her alone. He had held true to his word.
Melanie closed her eyes at the last thought: the memory of the sweet kiss the two of them shared only a few days ago. She marveled at how Bordon had remained a perfect gentleman, even now as they were alone. This was all so confusing for the young woman, and these memories and the silence now in the cabin were driving her crazy.
Brushing the thoughts aside with a heavy sigh, Miss Prescott then tipped the mug again and drank down the rest of the cider in one gulp. In a moment, she thought, she would excuse herself for bed.
After a few moments had passed, the couple sat quietly still, an unsettling silence hanging between them. During this time, Melanie kept trying to speak up to bid goodnight, but the words remained only in her mind, as if being held prisoner by the thoughts that still haunted her.
There were so many unanswered questions; so much confusion and emotion still. Melanie knew this would keep her awake. She decided to speak up, if only for herself, to put some things to rest between them.
Summoning up her courage with a breath, Miss Prescott broke the silence. "Major Bordon, why did you do it?"
Alex sat forward, elbows upon his knees looking intently at the girl. Tired as he was from the day, he wasn't immediately sure what she was referring to.
Watching his face in the firelight, Melanie saw a questioning look spread across it silently. She stared resolutely into his eyes as he cocked his head to the side.
"Why did you force yourself on me?" she asked, unrelenting.
Bordon drank down the last bit of the concoction in his cup, then set it aside. The man heaved a sigh, and slumped backward in his seat. God, why did she have to bring this up, he thought.
Alex stared into the fire for a moment, feeling shame, embarrassed as scenes of him brutalizing her flashed across his mind. Yet, though he was guilty and equally ashamed, he felt obligated to answer her query.
Drawing in a breath, Alexander Bordon summoned as much courage as he could find. It had been years since he had felt this vulnerable, and equally as long since he had bared his soul to a woman. Yet he felt the strange need to tell Melanie.
"I had to discourage your feelings for me," he stated in a quiet voice. "I wanted you to hate me."
"Hate you?" Melanie looked at the officer, her face and eyes glowing with confusion.
"Yes," answered Bordon. "It would make things easier and much simpler for us both if you did."
Shaking her head in bewilderment, the young woman let out a sigh. She turned slightly on her stool away from the fire and now facing the Major. "Simpler?..Easier…? I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"
"I didn't want you to love me," Bordon replied. "If you hated me, things would be easier. If I knew that you hated me, then it would be harder for me to have feelings for you."
Melanie was puzzled. "Why didn't you want to have feelings toward me?"
"Because I couldn't," he responded. "I simply wouldn't allow myself to fall for another woman." Alex looked into the fire again with dejection upon his face.
Putting her right elbow upon her knee, Miss Prescott rested her chin in her hand. She gazed at the officer, moved at how forlorn he looked. She likened him to a lost little boy.
"I am a slave to my past," he declared. Major Bordon looked up from the fire and over at Melanie. To him, she looked so gentle and sincere, as well as beautiful in the firelight. He felt oddly as if he could trust her.
"You see, there have been women I have loved," he announced, "but they didn't return my feelings. And two of them were deceitful. I was determined never to be hurt again by another woman."
Miss Prescott was silent, listening intently to Major Bordon. She was curious to find out about the past of this man that she had feelings for.
"Back in Surrey, England, where my family's estate is," began Bordon, "I was 15 when I realized I'd fallen in love with my childhood playmate, Christine. Our families were neighbors, and we grew up together. I wanted to properly court her and finally got up the courage to ask her when we were 17. She rejected me instantly, telling me that I was like a brother to her and that she had no romantic inclinations toward me. I was so young and absolutely crushed."
"After that, Father purchased a commission for me in the Dragoons and I was posted in London. There, I met Mary at a ball. We fell in love and courted. Then, we became engaged and both our families were pleased. But, she broke off the betrothal when a man with status and more money came along. My heart was broken, again."
With this, Alex paused a moment to gather his thoughts. He looked at Miss Prescott, who was still sitting quietly, listening without words, and seemed to be passing no judgment. He continued.
"I think I had sworn off of love after Mary, and was alone for awhile. I went home to Surrey a lot. And when home, I'd often go with my friends into the village to meet them at the pub. The shopkeeper's daughter, Jane, was the village doxy. That was sort of a ….public secret. All the men knew where to go to do a bit of wenching. Needless to say, I cannot proclaim to be a saint, because I wasn't. I had been with her upon occasion, but so had many others."
Alex Bordon stopped for a moment, realizing that what he was just talking about wasn't proper conversation around a lady. He gave an apologetic look to Miss Prescott.
"I'm sorry," he bade. "This isn't…. suitable conversation."
The talk of whoring had not fazed Melanie. Indeed, she was intrigued at hearing Major Bordon's story, content that he had opened up to her.
She smiled a soft, reassuring smile at him. "It's alright," she persuaded. "Go on."
Melanie watched the man keenly. He bristled, as if the next part of his past was hard for him to speak of. Still, he went on.
"Well,….suffice it to say…Jane got her bellyful. And she named me as the father. I am sure it was because she probably had no idea who the father was, and took the opportunity to nab the best for herself, knowing my family's reputation and wealth. Her father came out to the country one day to speak to my father, accusing me of not fulfilling my responsibility to his daughter. Father tried to make me marry her, but I adamantly refused. He threatened to disinherit me, but I told him that I was not about to marry the village tart, who had been with many men around the area, and be a father to a bastard that was not mine. Father finally relented and did not hold me obligated to the girl, but it caused a scandal about us for which he has never forgiven me. Rumors rounded society and the countryside and disgraced the Bordon name nonetheless, all because Jane got herself into trouble. Defying my father drove a wedge between us. I'll never forget my father yelling at me, shouting 'If you would have kept your breeches up and ridden your horse instead of the village trollop, then you wouldn't be in this predicament!'"
This elicited an unexpected chuckle from Melanie. She pulled back quickly, controlling herself when Bordon glared at her. She apologized, "I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you or your grave situation, it is just that your Father's words were so….bold."
Bordon dropped his head then looked back up at Miss Prescott. With a lopsided smile, he conceded. "You don't have to be sorry. My father is very outspoken and has never minced words. His forthright opinions didn't help matters any with the next woman in my life. That was Paulette. And I was determined to take things slow with her and not rush in head over spurs. I was resolute that I would be in control of my feelings and the direction that things went. I was steadfast that this woman would not get the best of me; that I would either have unconditional love and devotion from her, or that she and I would have nothing."
The officer stopped abruptly, as if not wanting to recount the rest of his past. He drew in a heavy sigh, held it an instant, then let it out.
"Paulette was from a decent family with some fortune and standing, which was good. But she was questionable." Bordon paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. The man continued. "She was manipulative. She knew exactly what she wanted. And, then the deception started…." His voice trailed off.
To Melanie he looked lost, as if he wasn't sure what to say. But the young woman had already heard enough. And now she understood why the man had pushed her away.
"It's alright, Major," she assuaged. "You don't have to go on. I see now, and I understand things. And I'm so sorry that your past wasn't happy. I wish that you find happiness in the future."
"Thank you," he uttered simply, glad that he didn't have to continue his story.
There was a silence between the two. Melanie folded and clasped her hands together and stared into the fire. The major removed his boots and stockings, then settled back again into the chair.
The two were quiet as the fire popped and crackled, and the heavy rain continued to beat a cadence on the roof. Miss Prescott broke the silence. "How do you feel about me?"
Bordon was completely speechless and in disbelief at what she had just asked him. He tried to appear stone-like, conveying no emotion. He feared her knowing that her query had just shaken him to the core. The man wasn't sure what to do next. He was afraid to answer her, again not wanting to give in to his feelings.
Acting as if he hadn't heard her, he suddenly rose from his chair. "I need to go check the horse."
Just as quickly as he turned to walk out, Melanie rose from the stool and spoke out.
"Major," she called emphatically after him, "do you have feelings for me?"
Again, the officer avoided the question, still trying to act as if he hadn't heard the lady. As he grabbed the door handle with his strong hand, he suddenly found Melanie's small hand resting atop his. Her speed to catch him before he left jarred him completely, and he stopped dead in his tracks.
"Alex," she began in a trembling voice, "do you love me?"