Longest chapter yet Hope you continue to like my attempt at some Huddy closure!

It was too dark to see anything clearly. As hard as she tried to strain her eyes, Cuddy could only make out the shapes and shadows that engulfed her. She was frightened, unsure of where she might be. All she could feel was the fear creeping around her. It felt like it would devour her whole…She needed him, he would protect her.

"House?" Cuddy called his name. It felt strange to her to speak it out loud, as if her voice was being swallowed up in the darkness.

"House!" she heard herself call out once more, scared that he wouldn't answer, wouldn't come to her rescue. Cuddy stretched her hands out in front of her, blindingly attempting to find him. She tripped over something in the room and stumbled forward, when she hit the floor she stayed there burying her face in her hands, completely terrified of being alone in the bitter dark.

It was at the moment she felt him, his hands surrounded her whole body, guiding her back to her feet. She immediately felt relief, he was there. She placed both her hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat pulsate beneath her touch and leaned in to him; overjoyed to be in his arms. He let go of her, too quickly she thought, and reached around her. With a spark the room filled with a small glowing light, revealing to her that she was merely in her own bedroom.

"The neighborhood blew a fuse while you were sleeping. I just went to get candles." House spoke, looking at her with curiosity and amusement. Cuddy bowed her head, hiding her humility. When she finally chanced to look back up to him she saw him grinning back at her. She wanted to kiss that amused smile right off of him.

"Shut-up House." Cuddy spoke through the smile already forming on her face, taking notice on how damn sexy he looked by candlelight.

"I think I can come up with a way to shut me up…pretty sure it would be a win-win compromise." House spoke this as he threw his cane aside and placed his hands on either side of her face, coming in perfectly close to her; encasing her senses with his presence. He began kissing her softly all over, her cheeks, eyebrows, nose, neck…taunting her.

It was heaven, the way he could still create that indescribable feeling inside her when he was near. It was something she had searched for her whole life…

"Mommy..." Cuddy stirred, aware of her daughter calling for her attention, breaking the spell.

"MOMMY…" She could hear Rachel in the distance but didn't want to open her eyes, still trapped in that middle between sleep and reality. She couldn't leave her dream, not yet. It felt so good to stay in that warm place her subconscious had so specially crafted for her…for her and him.

"MOOOOOMMMMY!" Rachel bellowed this latest cry for attention while climbing up on her Mothers blankets. Cuddy felt the weight shift in her bed, finally pulling her away from the last bit of fantasy she had spent the night surrounded in. She could still feel his stubble tickling her cheek.

"Rachel, honey, don't shout." Cuddy said rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "I'm up." Cuddy shifted in bed and grabbed onto her child, making her giggle as she pulled her under the covers with her, cocooning them inside a dark tent of pillows and blankets.

"Mommy, you's silly." Rachel said through bursts of laughter.

"That's because I have a silly daughter that wakes me up at the crack of dawn every morning." Cuddy said holding her daughter by her side. They stayed that way for awhile, holding each other. This was their morning routine, cuddling up and sharing their dreams from the night before.

"Sooo, tell me," Cuddy said gently while running her fingers through her daughters hair. "What happened in your dreams last night? Must have been something good considering how you bounded in here like a wild animal this morning. Spill!" Cuddy emphasized this last word by tickling her tummy.

Rachel continued to giggle and shake around under the darkness of the blankets. Finally she settled down. Cuddy could make out her daughter trying to collect her thoughts, get her story in order to share properly. 'When did she get so grown-up?' Cuddy wondered. Her daughter had brought more joy to her life than she had ever thought possible. She didn't want it to go by too fast.

"Ok." Rachel said looking over to her Mom making sure she had her undivided attention. "I was on a ship. A big blue ship! It had sparkles, and there's were a unicorn on it too. I know's it was a unicorn cause—cause I saw it's horn. And then there were some bad guys that came. They were's them mean pirates. But I was not scared cause my friend was on the ship too. He told me that he was going to eat up those baddies!" Rachel giggled once more at that last memory, obviously re-living parts of her dream through her own narrative.

Cuddy knew in that moment she was talking about House. He had introduced that filthy pirate cartoon to her which became her daughter's ultimate obsession. "So did he eat them up like he said?" Cuddy asked.

"Yep! Of course Mommy, House is very brave. He eat them all up and then—and then he spit them out into the sea." Rachel smiled in fondness; so proud of her protective friend.

"Mommy Is House gonna come over today maybe?" Rachel asked with her big eyes pleading for the answer she wanted so desperately to hear. Cuddy was waiting for that question; she was all too familiar with it recently.

"I'm sorry Rachel not today. Remember I told you that we live too far away from him now. We crossed a big ocean and it's much too far for House or any of our other friends to come see us." Cuddy softly reminded her, knowing it wouldn't be enough to stop the daily questions.

"Maybe he can take the ship, like the one in my dream!" Rachel said as she unwrapped herself from her mom's embrace, too excited to contain this last thought inside she threw the covers off and bounced away from bed.

Cuddy knew she missed him, more then she wanted to admit to herself. She had worked so hard to break away, free herself from his hold on her, and Rachel. It had been over two months since the day he crashed into her house, since the night he broke her heart for the last time…but he was still with her…everyday.

In her dreams he was that wonderful, crazy man she allowed herself to finally be with. The man that drove her absolutely insane, but also the person who made her feel more alive than she had ever thought possible. The dreams were always different, sometimes sexual, sometimes just a conversation, but when she would wake her heart would break all over again; mourning for the man she could never have; the one who only existed in her dreams.

Cuddy got out of bed, too sad to think any further on the fantasy…on him. She had managed to get out of the country in a matter of days, only stopping back home once to gather a few special things she might need for her and Rachel. The hole was sealed up that next day like Wilson had promised, the hole in her heart would take much longer to fix.

Cuddy and Rachel had traveled around quite a lot over the next month. Rachel actually enjoyed her "Mommy and Rachel adventures," a phrase she came up with herself. Cuddy loved sharing this experience with her, it was more than she had ever expected. Rachel was maturing before her eyes each and every day there was something new; something special she accomplished.

They had finally settled down from their adventures and rented a small cottage in Western France. A beautiful little place painted all white with a small back porch leading to a beautiful garden. In it there were fresh herbs, flowers of every variety growing wildly, and a tree with a swing for Rachel. Cuddy had never seen Rachel so exhilarated before, but then Cuddy sadly realized it was because she never usually got to spend this much time with her daughter…work always kept her away.

When the decision to leave the country was decided, she remembered her friend mentioning something about people trading houses for extended vacations from different countries and she found this one available right away. It was in a city in Normandy called Caen, and it was beautiful. Being there brought a certain peace to her that she never expected. She was able to reflect, and start to analyze her choices; to truly look at herself and the messes she had created.

The only problem was her plan of escape wasn't actually working. She couldn't shake him. House was still with her, everyday. It hadn't worked…and it was driving Cuddy crazy.

Cuddy shook her head trying to jolt the memories of him away. Rachel was sword fighting around the room, cracking herself up with the special moves she was creating. Cuddy smiled at her, secretly liking her daughters new passion; her pirate obsessed little girl.

'Knock. Knock,' the sound of the mailman at the door snapped her into the present. 'That must be the package that her Mom had sent Rachel.' Cuddy pondered, she had been expecting it for a few days now, as did her eager daughter. It was Rachel's birthday the following day and she was not a fool when it came to presents, she was like a bloodhound always on the hunt to discover her future treasures.

When she opened the door there was indeed a package at the threshold, she picked it up as she also noticed a card; it was from Wilson. Cuddy hesitated when she saw the return address. She told him she didn't want to know anything, but assumed this was probably going to be a Birthday card for Rachel and nothing more.

Once Cuddy had settled down in Caen she had called Wilson. It was the first time they had spoken since the morning she left his home. Cuddy struggled before she finally decided to call him, finding it more difficult then she had imagined to make any sort of contact to that world she had run away from. He was kind, like she knew he would be, and he held true to her wishes…House was never mentioned. It took all of her during that phone call to not inquire, not give in to her absolute desire; to find out if he was ok. It was in that one phone call that she had given him her address, knowing that he wouldn't betray her trust and give it to House.

"Is that for me?" Rachel ran into the room when she saw her Mom bring in the small package. Cuddy was startled out of her reverie she was unaware she had slipped into…something that had been happening a lot lately.

"Yes, I think it might be…but I'm pretty sure today is not my little girls Birthday. Aren't we supposed to wait and open our presents on our actual Birthday?" Cuddy teased, she knew she wasn't going to try and win this battle, her daughters beyond excited expression was too cute not too indulge.

"Mommy, please…Um, maybe the mailman bringed it today cause-cause Grandma told him too." Rachel pleaded with her Mom, brushing her messy tangled hair away from her face so that Cuddy could truly witness the puppy dog eyes Rachel was concocting for her.

"Hmmm, well ok." Cuddy smiled, "If the mailman brought it today then I guess we can make an exception. Here you go." She handed her daughter the small package and kissed her on the forehead. Rachel took it and leapt away with delight. It was only moments before her daughter was back asking for help to open her precious Birthday gift.

Cuddy went to the kitchen and found some scissors to open the gift. She placed the rest of the mail on top of the counter; once again noticing the letter from Wilson, still torn between curiosity, and not wanting to know what was inside. She slit the tape down the center, opening it just enough so that Rachel could still feel like she got to unwrap it.

'Here you go." Cuddy handed it back to Rachel and turned back to the letter blaring at her from the counter. She was going to have to get to it eventually, and it was probably nothing, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't want to know what was inside.

It was the handwriting that she noticed first when she finally opened it, she knew who it belonged too. It wasn't a Birthday card for Rachel; not a letter from Wilson. This was House…

"MOMMY!" Rachel shrilled as she came bounding back into the kitchen, shocking Cuddy back to the present moment. "Look what I got!" She held up her new treasure beaming from ear to ear as she twirled around the kitchen filled with new elation. She was holding a stuffed unicorn, a small one, perfect for cuddling.

"It's just like the one in my dream Mommy!" Rachel was over the moon, Cuddy was unsure of how her presents would be received tomorrow, that unicorn was sure to overshadow the rest. "I'm gonna name her Housie." Rachel shouted with delight clutching her new best friend tightly to her chest.

Cuddy flinched at the chosen name. It was then that she saw the note that her daughter was also holding. "Did you want me to read the note to you that Grandma sent with it?" Cuddy distractedly asked torn between her daughter's attention and the letter from House she had just uncovered.

"Grandma didn't give me this Mommy, House did. He did, he did, he did…"Rachel sang back at her looking into the face of her unicorn. Cuddy was taken aback, "What? Rachel how do you know this is from House, we haven't even read the note yet?"

Rachel stopped and looked up at her Mom. Cuddy swore she saw her daughter roll her eyes at her Mother's ignorance. "Cause Mom, House knows that unicorns are for to get those baddies off our ship! Bad pirates are scared of unicorns cause—cause they are too pretty for thems to look at!" Rachel said this final point while placing her hands on her hips like a thirteen year old.

"Read the note Mommy!" Rachel handed the note to her Mom. Cuddy reached out a shaky hand to grab the note offered to her. She knew she had no choice but to read what it said…out loud.

"Ahoy matey." Cuddy began, already choking back tears that she couldn't allow her daughter to witness.

"I here's it's your Birthday. So's I sent ye this here unicorn to save you from those scurvy dogs when this filthy bildge-rat can't protect his buccaneer. So batten down them hatches and this here unicorn will do the rest. Take heed to hide our booty where you see fit, and hang 'im from the yardarm he who tries to pilfer our doubloons!

Signed,

Your Bloody Scallywag

Cuddy finished the letter and looked down at her daughters beaming face. "See Mommy, I tell you House brung it to me." Rachel held her unicorn close to her, snuggling her face in its fuzzy mane.

"You were right." Cuddy said while trying to maintain composure, she noticed that she had taken a seat on a barstool, completely unaware she had moved at all. Rachel grabbed the note from Cuddy's hand and kissed it, a motion that did not go unnoticed by her shaken Mother. She ran out of the room then, filled with such joy…joy that House had created for her.

Cuddy reached for the letter she had opened moments before, knowing that now was as good a time as any to further open the wound he had already unfastened by sending Rachel the perfect gift.

Cuddy,

As you probably already know by now from the handwriting, this is not Wilson. I stole your address from him. After all he had you listed as Liz Kuttie so it did take a genius to crack that code...

"Of course." Cuddy thought out loud. She should have known he would find a way, always taking what he wants; damning what anyone else needed. She wanted to stop reading, rip it to shreds, to finally stop giving him his way! It was her need to know, to hear what he could possibly have to say, that made her continue.

If you haven't already stopped reading by tearing this note to shreds… Cuddy smiled, she couldn't help it. He would always know how she thought…let me begin what I set out to articulate. I'm sorry isn't enough, even in my drug addled and jealous warped mind you know and I know what I did was, well I can't come up with a horrible enough word. You had every right to run as far away from me as you could.

Cuddy was taken aback, House so rarely admitted defeat, owning up and recognizing his mistakes was never something he shared openly.… Like you said before, you know I'm screwed up and I will always be screwed up, but you took a leap anyway with me and I will always be grateful for the time we had together, you should have never taken that leap Cuddy, never given me a chance.

Cuddy put the letter down on the counter to wipe her tears away from her cheeks. She couldn't stop her emotions…this was too big to push aside. House had never put his thoughts down on paper like this for her to read freely. The only notes she ever got from him through the history of their twenty-plus year relationship were fake memos and smart-ass notes. This was different. He was more honest, more eloquent then she ever thought possible. It was overwhelming…but she picked the letter back up. She had too.

It is a blur to me now; what even happened. I saw you with him and an image of you holding his hand the way you did mine earlier that day crashed into me. Cuddy your touch burned in me as it always has and I just couldn't stop the pain from eating me alive.

"I miss you," that's what I should have said in the hallway. I walked away from you and let go of your hand because that was the only way I could stop myself from kissing your perfect lips, from taking advantage of your guilt and compassion. I didn't want your compassion; I'm not capable of receiving it. I have never in my life displayed, given, said, or have done anything that deserved compassion. You know this.

I realize now that I should have kissed you, stopped the torment in my body and given into my instinct. I will never forget that mistake as long as I live, or every other mistake I have drudged upon you. However I know and you know that if I had kissed you, then things would have been different that day. There are many things in my life that I choose to ignore, push away, and mask with sarcasm. I chose to do that to you forever the moment I crashed into your home, to severe you from my life completely, then maybe the pain would stop. You could go on hating me and in that knowledge I could run away and know that our intertwined lives would be broken for good. The only thing is I can't push you away. You are in my every thought, my dreams, and my moments of weakness…

And you are in mine…no matter how far I run.

So I came over to get you back. To, once again, flush the vicodin down the toilet and win your heart back. I had no idea what I would say or how I would convince you to give me a chance again, I just knew that you still loved me and that was all that I saw...until I saw him.

The hairbrush, there was a reason it wasn't in the box Cuddy, it was the last thing I had that smelled like you. I didn't want to give up that last piece. It was all consuming.

Cuddy stopped and thought about his shirt she had taken from Wilson's…the shirt she took when she gave into one last moment of weakness. She had brought it with her, tucked in a pillow case still zipped inside her suitcase…she couldn't bring herself to be any closer to it, but she couldn't get rid of it either.

…Your smell is an addiction like so many countless others in my life. I knew it would be when you finally gave me a chance. I had studied that smell mostly from afar for over 20 years. That's how long you have affected me. From the moment of the party when we danced so close I couldn't see straight, you looked up at me with those piercing eyes that saw all of me, they always have, something changed in me. You were always someone to me and that will never change. You took a piece of me that night all those years ago, I never forgot it and although we both pushed it away for far too long, you can't deny its presence.

No, I can't…

…I'm not going to pretend that writing you this letter now isn't the same old selfish House trying to get an ounce of forgiveness from the most important woman in my life, I am selfish. I ran to Mexico, I crashed into your house and I ran. I can't go back and fix all the mistakes I've made with you…

No you can't…

…but I'm going to try to repair the damage. If I never see your face again then I will have to deal with that. This isn't a shot in the dark to wash away the pain I've cause you and Rachel, but a first of many. I will never stop trying to make you finally understand how important you have always been to me and will be for the rest of my pathetic life. I failed when I had you and I will not fail again. If you never read another letter I send again, I will leave you with this: you are the most incredible woman I have ever known, you are always going to be the most incredible woman I have ever known.

House

Cuddy sat perfectly still once she was finished reading his letter…his heart. Wet with fallen tears, the letter was laying there in front of her, staring evasively into her soul. She was not able to decipher every feeling that had shot through her in the last few minutes. It was too overpowering to muddle through the anger, fear, passion, need, ever aching sadness, the love…

…there it was. Love. She knew she would always love him. Cuddy never for a second deluded herself in thinking that she would someday outgrow her love for him. All she wanted was for it to stop consuming her. She just never expected this from him, never thought he would express this much. This was something special, full of regret and more humanity then she thought he had left. House was getting in, seeping back into her like a flood, without any chance of relief.

He knew he would, Cuddy realized. House admitted that he was selfish that his motives were not pure, she hated him for knowing that he could get to her; she loved him for still needing to try.

"Housie and I want some milk please Mommy." Rachel's voice broke through and Cuddy turned around to meet her eyes, forgetting to hide her tears away.

"Mommy you's is sad?" Rachel came up to her with concern for her Mommy reflecting in her eyes; crawling up Cuddy's leg until she was sitting in her lap staring into her eyes.

"No honey, I'm ok." Cuddy said with a smile, attempting to convince Rachel there was nothing to be concerned about. She sniffled back the tears and put her arms around her daughter, placing her head on top of Rachel's.

"Did House give's you a note too Mommy?" Rachel's muffled little voice spoke, seeing the letter on the countertop. Cuddy unfolded herself from her daughters comfort and looked over to his letter, still reeling from the emotions it stirred up inside her, the pain she had wished to forget.

"Yes he did." Cuddy replied, she was frightened of the affect he still had on her; terrified of how much she missed him…but she also felt electrified, wanting desperately to hear more. Cuddy gave her daughter a genuine smile this time, her last thought triggering such a feeling of joy. She scooped Rachel off her lap and set her on the ground, then picked up his letter and folded it back the way he had designed, placing it in her pocket, keeping it with her.

This was a part of House she had only ever seen in glimpses. It was new…and she wanted more.