If anyone's interested I have just finished a fanfic of Merlin/Morgana drabbles looking at the development and downfall of their relationship over the series. It's called "Never Meant to Be" and it's quite short but you're most welcome to read it if you're interested :)

Anyway, on with the chapter, I hope you enjoy it :) I read it through in a bit of a rush so my apologies if you spot any mistakes.

Chapter Five

Monsters

Merlin woke with a jolt on the cold, hard ground, staring up at the branches of trees surrounding him, random beams of sunlight pierced through them, forcing Merlin to shield his eyes, still heavy with sleep, with his hand. It was still early morning and despite the sun he shivered with the cold. He's not sure what had woken him, but he soon finds out when he turns his head and finds Morgana and Gwen sleeping soundly nearby, but Arthur is nowhere to be seen.

Three days had passed since the four companions walked in single file away from their homes in Camelot and into darkness. They walked through the first night in silence, the only sound was their pounding feet. By the time the moon set and the sun started to rise Camelot's castle was nothing but a small collection of towers in the distance, surrounded by the dawn. As they continued to travel town houses and market stalls slowly gave way to rolling fields and small farm cottages. By this time the four companions were all beginning to grow tired, but no one said anything. They were all waiting for Arthur to stop and suggest that they rest, but he never spoke, he just kept walking with his head down.

Merlin knew what Arthur was doing as the Prince marched across the fields, he was trying his hardest to run away from what had happened, but soon he would stop and realise it was impossible. Then it would finally hit him what was happening, and that it was happening to him. This was not a dream, this was not someone else's tale his was watching from a distance, this was his life, his curse. And Merlin knew this because so many times he had wanted to run away from his own destiny.

After all he had been through, how easy would it be to turn around, walk away and not look back? Leave behind all the pain and suffering and terrible decisions he had been forced to make ever since the Dragon had told him of his destiny. How nice it would be to go away and live a quiet life, never having to make the decisions that could change the whole world around him, instead the biggest decisions Merlin would have to make was if he had time to go to the market that day, or what type of vegetables he should plant this year. It sounded like such a peaceful life, but it was one he could never have. Even now when he was running from Camelot, he was doing so because he still needed to follow his destiny, he needed to be by Arthur's side. He could never leave it behind because it was always following him, it would always be with him. And no matter how far Arthur walked away from the towering castle, he would never be far enough away from what happened at that joust or the power that now dwelled inside him, dormant, for now.

Eventually, as the sun rose higher in the sky, Merlin broke the silence and suggested that perhaps they should stop, have some rest and eat something. Morgana and Gwen agreed and looked grateful for the break, while Arthur just nodded silently and kept his eyes to the ground, like a child that was in serious trouble so had to do what he was told.

They kept walking a short way until they found an empty barn in the middle of a field where they could sit and rest inside. Despite Morgana saying that she had talked to Uther and he had accepted their plan to leave, the others agreed that it would be best to stay out of sight for now, they didn't want anyone to know where exactly the Prince was going, or come across some furious peasants who had decided they didn't want a sorcerer for an heir.

Not long after they had sat down in the barn and eaten a few of their rations Morgana and Gwen started to drift off to sleep. Arthur tried desperately to stay awake but after a sleepless night exhaustion overcame him and he too was soon snoring gently amongst the hay. Merlin was the only one who didn't sleep, he sat amongst his friends, suddenly feeling wide awake despite the long night. He felt like he should keep watch, as if they were still being hunted by the King's men, and there were many thoughts still spinning around his head that stopped sleep overcoming him.

As the others slept soundly, Arthur and Gwen lying so close their hands were almost touching, Merlin watched Morgana closely. There was a small frown on her face as she slept, he wondered what she might be dreaming about, why she was lying beside the Prince as they go on a journey into the unknown. Did she truly have good intentions, or was there something more sinister in her mind? Everyone was so pleased when she was found, everyone was relieved that was all right. But Merlin could not bring himself to share their happiness, as guilt and weariness laid heavily on his heart at the sight of her. No one else knew that he had poisoned her, but he couldn't forget it. The pain on her face as the poison took hold, the look in her eyes, asking him why he had done this to her, she was his friend. The betrayal she must have felt in those few moments before she fell unconscious Merlin couldn't imagine. Then suddenly she returns, after weeks of guilt eating away at Merlin's insides, with a smile and a forgiving heart. How could that be possible?

Merlin longed to be forgiven for what he had done for her, but he somehow knew that her forgiveness was not genuine. After all, he had still not forgiven himself. And if the manservant of the Prince tries to kill you, how could you return and still be on the Prince's side with nothing but a smile? How could she walk alongside the manservant on a long and possibly dangerous journey? It wasn't right, it was too good to be true, which was why Merlin couldn't bring himself to trust her. She had worked with the enemy before she had disappeared, what had happened since?

But still Merlin couldn't put up too much of a fight when she announced that she would be joining them. He suggested she stayed behind and tried to think of a logical reason for her not joining them, but he couldn't give a good enough excuse for her to stay behind without revealing what he had done and what he knew. What could he say to make them understand the distrust he felt towards her inside of him, which was no one's fault but his own? At these thoughts Merlin once again longed to run away from his own destiny. Yet here he was, sitting in an old barn with Morgana lying nearby as he waited for the Prince to wake up.

Just as he thought this Morgana suddenly stirred and Merlin quickly looked away, he didn't want her to know he had been staring at her.

Merlin's companions only slept for an hour or so before they began to wake up. As soon as they were ready they set off again across the fields just as quiet as before and occasionally fighting off a yawn. They continued to travel throughout the day, stopping just once more to have something to eat before carrying on until nightfall. Merlin was exhausted by the time they came to a stop, there was nowhere nearby to provide them with shelter so the four travellers were forced to lie out in the open fields. They were too tired to get a fire going and worried about who might be nearby in the darkness, so they just wrapped themselves up in the blankets. Merlin tried to fight to stay awake once more, he was pretty sure Arthur was still awake, staring into the darkness, probably feeling totally alone despite being surrounded by his friends. However Merlin was too tired after going more than a day without sleep, and before he could stop himself he had drifted off to sleep and didn't wake until the sun rose.

The next day was a quiet one once more, the four companions saw no one apart from the occasional farmer in the distance across the fields and they spoke little as they continued to travel North. North was the quickest way to get out of Camelot and the border was surrounded by forest, the most likely place where you might find some Druids. Throughout the day Morgana gave Merlin no reason to doubt or be suspicious of her, in fact she was quite useful that evening helping to get a fire going after they reached a small patch of woodland to sleep in. Meanwhile Arthur remained silent and when they stopped for the night he sat a little way from the group, his head down. Merlin considered trying to talk to him, but when he saw Gwen go over to the Prince and tried asking if he needed anything to eat he was silent and motionless, looking as if he wasn't quite there, and Merlin knew if Gwen couldn't get him talking he couldn't. He knew Arthur was probably still in shock about the whole thing, and just hoped that by the time they left Camelot's borders Arthur would grow more hopeful that they would be able to find help and even a cure. It wouldn't be long now, another day's walk perhaps and they would reach the border.

That night, just as they were settling down to sleep, the fire slowly dying into embers, Gwen whispered to Merlin, "Is he going to be all right?"

Merlin tried to give her a comforting smile. "Yes," he said, "it's going to take some time, but I think he's going to be all right."

In the meantime however, there would just have to travel through the silence and hope that Arthur really would be all right.

It was on this morning, the third day after leaving Camelot, that Merlin woke up in the woodlands and found the patch of ground where Arthur had been lying was now deserted.

He sat up quickly, "Arthur?" He called out, hoping that perhaps the Prince had woken up early and was merely a few yards away relieving himself or looking for some food in the woods.

But Arthur was nowhere to be seen and the only response to his call was birdsong.

Merlin stumbled to his feet quickly, trying not to panic, his movement awoke Gwen and Morgana.

"What's the matter?" Gwen mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

Morgana's yawn was cut off when she realised someone was missing, "Where's Arthur?" She asked.

Merlin shrugged, his face pale with worry, "I don't know, he's gone."

The other two immediately became wide awake at these words and pulled themselves up onto their feet. "Gone? Gone where?" Gwen repeated, fear in her eyes.

"It's all right Gwen, maybe he's just gone to stretch his legs or something, he can't be that far," Morgana tried to say comfortingly.

"She's right Gwen, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, but I think we should go and look for him, just in case." Merlin added.

Morgana nodded, "If we split up we'll find him sooner."

The other two agreed and quickly hurried off in opposite directions, each calling out Arthur's name. Merlin tried to convince himself that the Prince's disappearance had an innocent explanation, but he still broke into a run as he rushed through the trees and continuously called for his friend. Gwen and Morgana's voices and footsteps had quickly disappeared and there was no one to respond to their calling, even the birds had scattered.

When Merlin broke through the small cluster of trees they had slept in and found himself in a field, he thought he saw a figure in the distance walking away from him, it looked like a man. Merlin prayed that he had found Arthur and wasn't about to run into a confused and disgruntled farmer.

"Arthur!" He cried out, sprinting towards the retreating figure, which didn't stop at the sound of his call, but the closer he got Merlin was sure it was the Prince. "Arthur, please, wait!" He called.

The figure seemed to hesitate at these words, giving Merlin time to catch up with him. It was indeed Arthur, though he didn't look pleased to see his manservant.

"Where, where are you going?" Merlin panted as he reached the Prince.

Arthur's eyes were as cold as his father's, something Merlin had never seen before and he didn't look his friend in the eye. "I'm leaving, Merlin. I'm going far, far away."

"I know, but we're coming with you, remember?" Merlin said.

But Arthur shook his head, "No you're not. You're going home Merlin, you all are, I'm doing this on my own. We're not at the border yet, you still have a chance to turn back, and you should. I'm better off alone."

"No one is better off alone," Merlin replied. "We said we'd help you Arthur and we will, no one is going to leave you."

"But I'm not safe Merlin!" Arthur snapped, angry at his friend's persistence. He didn't want to say goodbye. "I could hurt you, I don't know how to control this curse, I could attack any of you like I did to people on the day of the joust and I would never forgive myself if I did, especially if I hurt Gwen." He muttered, looking down at his feet.

"But you haven't hurt any of us yet," Merlin pointed out.

"Exactly, not yet, but any moment I could strike out at you. I'm out of control. I had a dream last night where everywhere I went things were burning to the ground. Fields, trees, houses. They were all burning and I knew it was because of me but I couldn't stop it." Arthur sighed, "I'm a monster Merlin, it's better that people stay away from me, far away so no one gets hurt." Merlin could tell Arthur had been planning this since he had agreed to leave Camelot. He would not let his friends become endangered because of him, so before they got too far he was going to leave them. As much as it hurt he was going to walk away from them as soon as he found the chance, they would never know where he had gone and they wouldn't be able to follow him, and then they would be safe.

"You're not a monster," Merlin said gently.

"Yes I am!"

"But not everyone who has magic are monsters."

"How would know that?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin took a deep breath. Ever since he had seen Arthur using magic he knew now was the time. Now he had to tell the Prince the truth. How could he let his friend struggle through all of this and not tell him he too had magic? Arthur was feeling so lost and alone, he needed to know that there was someone by his side who understood and make him see that he wasn't alone. He needed to realise not everyone who had magic were monsters. He couldn't keep his secret hidden any longer, this was the moment to reveal all.

"Because I have magic."

Arthur took one look at Merlin and laughed. It was not a laugh full of warmth and happiness, it was cold and bitter and almost manic. "You, have magic?"

"It's true."

Arthur pats his shoulder and stops laughing, but there was a strange smile on his face as if he was trying hard not to offend his manservant who had just told an awful joke. "You're a good friend Merlin, trying to make me feel better, but it's not going to work. Besides, I know what you're like, you could never keep a secret like that. Take care of Gwen and Morgana for me," he said as he started walking away.

"I can show you." Merlin called after him.

Arthur stopped and turned back again, eyebrow raised. "Really?" His voice was full of disbelief.

Merlin nodded and slowly raised his hand. The field they were standing in was dry and dusty, it had not seen rain for several days. With a flash of gold in his eyes the dust rose from the ground around him and hovered in the air, forming a shape.

Arthur stared as a dragon made of dust glared down at him, then disappeared on a breeze as if it was never there.

There was a short silence which felt like hours. Merlin watched Arthur carefully, hope growing inside him that he had made the right decision. There was no way Arthur could deny what he had just seen in front of him. His manservant had magic, and now he could see it wasn't as frightening as he thought, because if his friend had magic and could control it, how terrible could it really be? He could now see that he was not alone.

But when Arthur looked away from where the dragon had been and back down at Merlin there was no sight of relief or understanding in his eyes. Instead they were wide with shock and fear, and then narrowed with rage.

"You're right Merlin," he said, and for a moment Arthur didn't sound like Arthur, he sounded like his father. His voice had become that of the old and bitter King who was about to pass a death sentence on a traitor, and Merlin felt as if he was about to be given an execution date. "I am not the monster, you are."