Chapter Sixteen

The Fallen

Morgana was having a meal when she felt her sister die. She was sitting alone in the Great Hall, a goblet of wine half way to her lips, when suddenly she cried out in agony. The goblet of wine fell from her hand, spilling the blood-red liquid across the table, but she didn't notice. Tears stung her eyes and she clutched her chest. Morgana felt as if something had just smashed into the back of her hand and her heart had been torn in two. Dust fell from the ceiling as the walls shook with her cries and her sorrow. She had never experienced anything like this before, but somehow she knew, she knew that her sister was dead.

And in that moment any chance of redemption she had for her old friends was lost. She thought Morgause had gone back to them to offer a hand of friendship, or at least an alliance, but instead she had died and Morgana somehow knew that she had been murdered.

The only times when Morgana didn't feel completely alone was when she was with her sister, but now Morgause was gone, she was lost forever. She looked up at the Great Hall and suddenly the walls and great pillars seemed unfamiliar to her, as if she too was lost. Tears tumbled down her cheeks, but Morgana was numb to them. Her heart thumped madly but the only thing she felt was the terrible realisation that she was alone.

Merlin had caught up with Arthur and Gwen and helped the Prince through the trees as fast as they could, however it was clear Arthur couldn't go on running. In the end they reached a huge, ancient tree that had been uprooted a long time ago. It was lying across the ground making a small clearing, the inside had become hollow over time and its roots stuck up at odd angles. In the darkness it would have seemed like some terrible beast that was lying in wait for an unfortunate victim, however in the day it looked like a perfect hiding place for the hunted. Arthur and Gwen crawled into the tree sat just inside the trunk, trying to stay out of sight. As soon as they were inside Merlin went back to find Freya.

As Arthur crouched in the fallen tree he wondered if this was where he was going to die. He hadn't said anything but throughout the day he felt the curse growing inside him and now he felt as if his whole body was burning. His head was so painful it was almost blinding, he wondered if his skull was going to split in two and every movement caused him even more pain. He leaned a hand against the inside of the tree and could feel the ancient wood beginning to burn beneath his fingers. He tried to take deep breaths to control himself but he felt like the air wasn't getting to his lungs. He could hear Gwen talking to him but her voice was strangely distant and blurred, in fact the whole world was blurring and all Arthur could feel was a burning pain that was beginning to consume him.

Suddenly it all became too much and Arthur cried out and collapsed. Gwen was calling out his name and shaking his shoulder but he couldn't respond, he felt as if he had just been stabbed in the stomach and the pain was overwhelming.

But as the seconds past, Arthur was astounded to feel that the pain was slowly easing. The world wasn't as blurry any more, his skin wasn't burning, the agony in his stomach had already ceased and he could feel the rest of the pain drain from him, like blood pouring from an open wound.

Merlin knelt beside Freya, his shaking hands cradled her head. Her eyes were closed and for a moment he thought she was already dead, but when one of his tears fell on her pale cheek she opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"It's always nice to see you, Merlin," she said, her voice as quiet and soft as a fluttering breeze.

Merlin couldn't speak. His throat was blocked with sorrow and grief, he was finding it difficult even to breath. Finally he managed to whisper hoarsely, "Please Freya, please don't leave me again-"

Freya's smile faded. She was so cold and so pale, but for now she was still breathing. "I'm sorry Merlin, I'm so sorry I had to put you through this again, I didn't want to. But I wanted to see you again and I wanted to help your friend so I came back, knowing that it wouldn't last. I'm so sorry-"

"No," Merlin said quickly, finding his voice again at last, but it was shaking and cracking as he spoke. "Don't be sorry, I wanted more than anything to see you again as well, and I want you to stay, please, stay with me."

By the smallest of movements Freya shook her head. "I'm sorry Merlin, I can't stay."

"Please," Merlin begged, he glanced over at her wound, he couldn't see much, just a lot of blood seeping through a tear in her purple dress. There was too much blood. "If you just hold on, we can get you back to Camelot or...or we can find someone who can help you, heal you. Please Freya, all you have to do is hold on."

Again Freya shook her head, "You don't understand Merlin, I could never stay, not forever, this had to be the way. Now your friend can live and I can rest in peace. Please understand that this is for the best."

"No it's not!" Merlin sobbed, "Please, please I want you to stay with me. You can't leave me all alone, not again!"

Freya's voice was so calm when she spoke. "I'm not leaving you Merlin, not really. And you will never be alone, you have your friends beside you and I will always be with you, holding onto your hand, even if you cannot see me and you cannot feel me. I will always be watching you and loving you."

It was Merlin's turn to shake his head, Freya's words offered him no comfort. "But I want to see you and I want to feel you, I want you to stay with me! Please, why can't you stay?"

Freya's eyes closed again for a few moments, as if she was sleeping, then she opened them again and spoke. "Because it always had to be this way Merlin. I had died once, I could never be brought back permanently, I could never be truly alive again. It was a powerful spell that brought me back, but no spell is powerful enough to defeat death forever."

"But you felt alive to me, you are alive!"

"But you could feel that I was growing cold and as the days past I was beginning to lose feeling, I couldn't feel the heat of a fire or the breath of a wind. Soon I wouldn't have been able to feel your touch because I was fading, fading back into the world I truly belong."

Merlin shook his head vigorously, "No, you belong here with me! You can't leave, if you hold on for just a little longer I'll find a spell so you can stay, I promise."

"You mean well," Freya said gently, "but there is no spell, and even if there was and you used it I would never be truly happy because I would be trapped in a world that I did not belong. This is for the best, trust me."

"How? How can this be for the best!" Merlin shouted. He didn't feel like he was shouting at Freya, but at the trees, the forest, the whole world. How could this possibly be for the best?

"Because in my death Arthur will now live," Freya explained, "the cure for the curse was always death, but someone decided to give Arthur a chance so he didn't have to die. When she brought me back she removed my bastet curse but then had to give me another spell, another curse, where if I was killed by Morgause or Morgana Arthur's curse would be lifted and he would be saved. Now your friend can live and you can take back Camelot. Once Arthur was not on our side, but I feel now that he has seen the truth about magic he will become a great King, even greater with you beside him, and people like me will be given the chance of true freedom. So it is for the best."

"Who's she?" Merlin demanded, "who gave you such a curse? Who brought you back just to kill you again?" Despite this mysterious stranger giving him a chance to see Freya again, he was more angry with them than he had ever felt towards anyone else, even when Morgause was coming to kill Arthur.

Freya shook her head again. "Someone did not bring me back to kill me again, someone brought me back so I could save another life. I could finally repay you for how you had helped me, and redeem myself after killing that witch's son so long ago. And she did it so she could also redeem herself."

"Who?" Merlin repeated.

There was no point in Freya keeping secrets any more. "Nimueh. You'd be surprised about who will go through their lives with such determination, then in the afterlife have such regret." She added when she saw the shock on Merlin's face.

For a moment Merlin was stunned into silence. Nimueh had not crossed his mind for so long and he never thought she would be the one to one day help him. After all, he had killed her after she had tried to kill Gaius. He wondered who else might one day feel such regret, who could change so much and that it might never be too late for redemption. But as he turned his head and saw blood soaking the forest floor his mind immediately snapped back to Freya.

"If Nimueh truly felt regret, she would let you stay," he muttered.

Freya sighed, "It doesn't work that way Merlin, although in these past few days I have wished for nothing more than for me to stay with you but I don't belong in this world any more. However I am grateful to have spent a few more precious days with you that we didn't have the chance to have before. I am so proud of you and who you have become," she said, smiling once more. "Although it couldn't be forever, I am glad I was able to tell you this. And I will always be proud of you and watching over you. Remember that."

Despite Freya's words, Merlin could feel his heart breaking for her all over again. He could find nothing to say but to quietly beg her not to go, to stay. He could see now that she was fading away. She had lost too much blood and she was so cold, there was nothing he could do now, but still he begged her, he begged the world, for her to stay.

Freya didn't seem to hear his words, she was looking up at the trees surrounding her, then said, "The lake you took me to before, the one surrounded by the mountains and trees, it was so beautiful. No one had ever done anything like that for me before. When everything is done, can you take me back there? I would like to rest in those calm waters again."

Merlin managed take several deep breaths so he could speak clearly again, "Yes, I will," he promised, even though even now he was still in denial. She wasn't going to go back to the lake because she didn't need to, she wasn't going to die. But there was so much blood.

"That lake-" Freya continued, she was beginning to struggle to speak now, but she kept going. "There is something there I left behind when I went to find you, something that Arthur will need to help him take back Camelot. Go to the lake when you leave this place, you will find hope there, I promise, even if now everything seems dark. And then when everything is done and light has returned, you can take me back there."

Merlin managed to nod, tears spilling down his cheeks, "We will and when this is done I will take you back, I swear," he said. He didn't notice that Arthur and Gwen had quietly walked through the trees to find them again. They stood not far away from Freya, watching the scene, holding onto each other tight. Gwen was crying silently and Arthur's face was now pale with grief rather than pain. He was still weak but his strength was returning.

Freya gave Merlin one last smile. "I am proud to be part of such a great destiny, and I am so lucky to have met you Merlin," she said. "Just don't forget that I am still here and I will never truly leave you."

With those final words fading into a whisper Freya closed her eyes for what Merlin knew would be for the last time. Silently he leaned forward to kiss her already stone cold lips.

Another shorter chapter today, and a sad one :( but I hope you enjoyed it all the same.

I've been umm-ing err-ing about whether to do a little one shot for this fic from Freya's point of view about her thoughts everything that's been happening. Is that something you would perhaps like to read? If so let me know and what you'd like to see in the one shot and I'll see if I can find time and enough ideas to write it :)