Chapter 44 A Shared Grief
The next day was an early one for Melanie Prescott. She had arisen earlier than usual to make a ride around her entire plantation. The young woman didn't return back to the main house until late morning.
As she entered, she laid her riding cape over a chair and waved off meeting with her house servants until later. The girl was anxious to know how Colonel Tavington had fared through the night. She hadn't heard noise from his room, leading her to believe he'd had a restful sleep.
Melanie climbed the large stairway to the second floor. As her foot touched the landing, she sashayed down the hallway toward the officer's room, feeling excited to spend some time with him.
As she opened the door, she was surprised to see the man sitting up in bed reading his diary. The young woman smiled at him as she entered the room.
"Good day, colonel," she greeted as she neared the bed.
"Ah… Hello Miss Prescott," he replied with a soft smile.
As Melanie pulled the chair up close to the bed, she thought to herself how nice it was to see the dragoon commander smile, something she'd not experienced a lot of. He was rather more well known for a scowl or a sneer.
"How are you feeling today?" asked Melanie. "Did you eat breakfast?"
"I could only eat a little until I began to feel sick."
"Well, I'm pleased that you ate something and could keep it down."
William closed his diary and placed it on the nightstand, speaking as he did. "I thought I'd see you earlier this morning."
"Oh… I toured the plantation on horseback this morning with Mr. Andrews. He is still showing me the ropes of running a farm. Even though our whole family worked this land along with the slaves, father didn't show me all the aspects of it, so now I am gradually learning."
"Is it in favorable condition?" Tavington queried.
"Yes. I'm very happy with it," she replied. "Mr. Andrews helped to keep it in good shape. We have several former business partners that have expressed interest in resuming commerce soon."
"Would you like some of my tea? Deidre filled my cup—I only wanted a little sip," offered the girl.
"Yes please," answered William, handing his cup to Miss Prescott. "Mine went cold."
Melanie divided the hot drink, pouring half into his cup and leaving the other half for herself. Silence passed between the two as they both enjoyed sips of their tea.
William broke the silence. "I heard you crying in your room last night," he began, his words cautious and measured. "I tried to get out of bed to go to you, but I was too weak. You became quiet, so I assumed that you must have cried yourself to sleep. I felt badly that I couldn't get up to comfort you."
The girl suddenly felt embarrassed that someone had heard her very personal moment of grief. Sadness crept in as well, remembering that she wept nightly over Alexander. She took a breath for composure, not wanting to fall to tears in front of the officer.
"Thanks, colonel, but I don't want you to worry for me," she said in a gentle voice. "You must conserve all your strength for your recovery."
"Should I not be worried for my caretaker?"
"I'm honored for your concern, but really, you needn't be," the young woman assured. "I will be fine eventually. I'm still in the middle of my grief. Everyone keeps telling me that time will heal the wound."
An awkward silence passed between the two. William wondered if he'd trod too far, but truly was concerned for Miss Prescott and wanted to help however he could.
"You think of Alex all the time still?" the colonel asked in a caring tone.
"Yes. I am actually to the point that I can have a passing thought of him during the day and not fall apart into tears." She paused then continued. "But the nights………the nights are the worst."
"Come now, you made it through the grief of losing your family, and you will get through this as well," said William, trying his best to reassure and comfort her. He took her hand in his, brought it to his lips and gave it an innocent, yet affectionate kiss.
Melanie remained quiet as he did this, shy at the gesture. She forced herself to look into his eyes, sighed, and pushed her lips into a faint smile.
"I need to thank you," the girl began. "You were a great comfort to me the day Alex died. I will never forget it." Miss Prescott began to feel tears in her eyes, and did her best to fight them back.
Colonel Tavington took her hand again, holding it gently. "I was concerned for you. I know how much you loved him. I was worried, as well, that you were going to try to hurt yourself again."
The young woman slipped her hand out of his to rummage in her pocket for her handkerchief. "I was so numb. I can't honestly say if I even thought of suicide," she remarked as she dabbed at the corner of her eyes with the dainty cloth.
"You were watched like a hawk, you know," William proclaimed. He shifted slightly in bed, but kept his focus directly on her pretty face.
"I was?", she asked incredulously.
"Yes. I gave specific orders to keep all weapons out of your hands, as well as Laudanum and any other medicinal herbs," stated the commander. "I felt it was my duty to keep you well so that you'd be able to return home. I knew you'd be fine once you were here again. I trust you found comfort and solace here."
"Yes. A strange relief, as well."
Another uncomfortable quiet passed between the two. Melanie soon broke the silence.
"I don't think any of my workers and servants have passed judgment on me," the girl remarked. "They know what transpired at the Fort. At least no one has addressed me as 'Bordon's Whore'."
The young woman sighed, then continued on. "Mrs. Sloane sat me down soon after my return to inform me that they'd heard rumors about me." The girl shuddered an instant, then shook her head. "I had to tell her that they were true. She asked me if I had been forced or if I had to do it to stay alive."
Melanie looked away from the man, her eyes cast downward in despair. She felt ashamed again.
"How did you answer?" Colonel Tavington asked with concern and curiosity.
"I lied to her, for her sake and my own as well, telling her what she wanted to hear," confessed the girl. "I told her I did what I had to do to survive."
"That isn't really a complete lie, is it?" William pointed out in a questioning manner. "People do things in a time of war that they wouldn't normally do. You and Major Bordon pursuing your love for each other was a means of survival, wasn't it?"
"I suppose so," she agreed as she sheepishly folded her hands and pushed them into her lap.
Another silence passed between the two. Feelings were being dredged up that were hard, yet needed to be voiced.
"I miss him, as well," Tavington confided. "I am wholly sure that he was the best aide-de-camp I could ever have. Alex was the only subaltern I truly trusted. Our thinking and our ways of commanding were a lot alike. Though we disagreed on a few things, I still respected him."
Will took a breath, then went on. "Us officers, we all earned our share of nicknames from the area locals. He earned the name 'Brutal Bordon' for interrogation tactics that he sometimes had to resort to. But yet, he had a true art for diplomacy. He could smooth over a situation with the generals better than I ever could. And his talent for gathering intelligence was unparalleled. I know that I will never have an adjutant again as good as him. But, I may not have to worry about that since my future military career is in question at the moment."
Melanie smiled at him again. As she did, she was absently twisting her "wedding" ring from Bordon on her finger. William noticed this and spoke up.
"You are nervous," he commented, pointing to her left ring finger.
"Oh……I didn't realize I was……," the girl's voice trailed off. She began to tear up again. "It was a gift from Alexander. I can't bring myself to take it off yet. He gave it to me only days before he died." Melanie sniffled, trying to hold the tears back.
William sighed wearily. The officer reached out weakly toward her, summoning what strength he had left after their conversation to touch her chin. With his thumb and index finger, he gently directed the young woman's head back to look at him. "You will fall in love again," he assured her. "There will be another man."
Melanie said nothing, still fighting back tears. Instead she looked away again, sighed and shook her head in mute, uncertain agreement. The conversation was now getting a little too intense for the girl, and afraid of bursting into sobs at any moment, she excused herself.
" Oh… Colonel…I need to go," she proclaimed, trying to sound stoic. "They need me to help with some of the other patients. And I've worn you out. You need to get some rest."
"Certainly," acknowledged Will. "Thank you for spending some time with me."
"Surely," the girl simply answered then left the room.
Once outside his room, she leaned back for a moment against his closed door. Trying to contain herself, she put her hand over her mouth and ran from his room. She moved swiftly down the steps and into the study, closing the door behind her. Melanie put both her hands over her mouth, trying to muffle her heaving sobs.
"But I don't want another man," Miss Prescott whispered as she wept, recalling Tavington's words of wisdom to her just moments ago. "I want Alex! I want him back! We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together."
She moved over to the desk and sat down in the large chair behind it. Melanie put her head down on it, continuing to weep as quietly as she could.
"Oh Alex. Why? I don't understand? I love you so much! I want you back!" She pleaded to her dead lover, as if her begging could bring him back.