LALALALA –skips over flaming pitchforks- I was…in a coma? :'D

And a note – I know you guys are mad at me for not updating, but can I just say how much I love you ALL? Seriously, your reviews- and even on my other story, they make me grin like an idiot! Unfortunately I don't have time to reply to them all, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate every one of them, and all of you are so thoughtful and kind, I could never ask for better readers!

Oh oh oh- also, after I finish this story, I'm starting a new historical Spamano fic, where Spain is a pirate, and Feliciano is the Pope, or a priest, I haven't decided…and of course, Romano is his brother, who has decided not to join the convent…I'm going to outline it so it should go faster :D Slightly inspired by the fact that my friend and I are cosplaying Pirate Spain and Pirate Britain for Otakon in a couple months…so if you see a Pirate Spain there remember that it is your loverly Spamano writer deathbysharpie ;D

"Just, Jesus Christ – This guy is so fun to irritate. He's such a priss," Antonio's closest friend, Gilbert, rambled lightheartedly from across the dorm room they shared. "And his reactions are priceless. I can make him blush like a freakin' poppy."

Antonio chuckled, listening bemusedly to his friend's stories as he carefully folded and packed several articles of clothing. It wasn't that Gilbert's attempted sexual exploits weren't entirely riveting, but Antonio's attention was drifting elsewhere. He was indescribably excited to go visit Lovino and the rest of the Vargas family. It seemed almost silly that he was such, but it was like home to him, and he missed it.

"Bonjour! Open the door to be graced with my presence!" a muffled voiced called from behind the door.

Antonio sighed, rolling his eyes and smiling as he walked to the door to let his French-speaking friend, Francis, in. Francis couldn't share a dorm with him and Gilbert because it was only two to a dorm, but he lived in the one across the hallway. Technically, freshmen weren't allowed to pick their own rooms at all, but if there was anything the trio of friends did well, it was not abiding by predetermined rules and 'pulling strings', so to speak, to get what they wanted. Either way, three to a room with only two beds (and, Antonio considered, with Francis being the pervert that he was) it would have been rather uncomfortable, so Francis roomed with some freshman Canadian. Antonio felt bad for the poor bastard; apparently Francis thought he was cute. 'Bangable' was the term he had used. Then again, Francis had quite the reputation for being a tad hypersexual in highschool. Just a tad.

"Merci!" Francis called into the small room, accompanied by a wide smile as the door was opened for him and he entered in quite the grandiose fashion.

"We don't speak French, you sissy bastard!" Gilbert barked authoritatively, chucking the bouncy ball he'd been playing with at Francis' head.

Francis ducked, ignoring the lazy German on the bed and turned towards Antonio, offering a tired smile.

"Leaving us so soon, mon ami?" he asked, a fake pout on his lips.

Antonio laughed. "Almost everyone has left already, Francis, and I don't know why you guys wanna stay at school for Christmas break. That's absurd."

He shook his head as Gilbert replied from across the room, "Hey, I'm leaving too. Gotta go visit the little bro. I'm just staying a little longer so Francis and I can fuck up a few dorm rooms before we leave." He smirked, and then continued, "But believe me, if priss was staying, I'd totally bother him the whole time. I'd be all up on that!"

"Still attempting to sexually harass Roderich?" Francis laughed, leaning against Antonio's bedpost.

"It ain't harassment." Gilbert deadpanned, briefly looking down uninterestedly at his nails, "not if he likes it. He just doesn't know he wants me yet. But he does. Who could possibly resist me? I'm fucking awesome."

At this, Gilbert promptly slapped his own ass and stuck his tongue out, biting down on it with one of his sharp canines, his ruby eyes glowing with laughter.

"You…are such a moron," Antonio said, shaking his head; but there was no bite in his tone, only fondness for his goofy friend.

"So what about you, then, Antonio," Francis started, cutting off any complaints from Gilbert. "Going back to the house you've been enslaved in for the majority of your high school life? Sounds like loads of fun."

Antonio simply smiled and shook his head in reply as he zipped up his suitcase.

"Díos, no, it was nothing like enslavement. You guys know that. I was never happier than when I was working there…" Antonio trailed off, recalling the depressive condition he'd been in before he'd found something to make living worthwhile.

"Oh, right, shit Francis, Antonio's got a nice piece of ass over there. That's why he likes that job so much. How old is Lovi, now, 14?" Gilbert cut in, wearing a shit-eating grin on his face.

Antonio blushed at his friend's shamelessly crude connotations.

"Oh, shut up," Antonio snapped, rolling his eyes. "And he's 15."

At his final comment, Francis and Gilbert burst out laughing, the latter almost rolling off the bed on his side of the room.

"Well, that's not so bad," Gilbert gasped amidst his laughter, looking like he was tearing up. "S'only about 3 years!"

Antonio crossed his arms and put his lips together to avoid blurting out that it was technically four, even though he hadn't turned 19 yet. It wasn't like it mattered, knowing that his friends would ultimately end up turning him into the butt of one of their jokes yet again. He didn't really mind that much, it was just that them involving Lovino frustrated him a little bit more than it should have.

"Hey, I'm not blaming you man," Gilbert said, walking across the room to join them. "I'd tap that, for sure."

Antonio felt his jaw drop a bit, accompanied by a sudden uncomfortable tightening in his chest and stomach, and he couldn't think of a funny way to respond. He didn't want to respond in a funny way. This upset him.

Francis smiled warmly, placing a hand on Antonio's shoulder as he spoke to Gilbert.

"Non, Lovino is Antonio's."

Antonio simply shrugged off the feeling, picking up his suitcase and sighing.

"You guys are dumb."

—This Is A Line To Separate Occurrences In Time—

Antonio was not the type of person to judge people. He made a point of not doing so, in point of fact. However, Lovino's father was an individual whom he found it increasingly hard to keep a neutral (God forbid he say fond) opinion of. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He found himself often wanting to take a lunge at the lecherous man and give him a proud bloody lip. Unfortunately (and fortunately, in some cases) this man was his previous employer, and had paid him quite generously in both money and a fantastic job reference.

He had witnessed, firsthand, the cruelty of this man toward both his children, and was incredibly unsettled by it. How the man treated them—even when Antonio was presently in the room—did not leave much to the imagination of how home life was until he had come along. He really, truly hoped that he had made an improvement in the boys' lives, and that, at least when he was there, he had made home a little more bearable.

That was not the issue at hand at this very moment, however, Antonio thought, as he sat pensively in the passenger's seat of Mr. Vargas' expensive vehicle, listening to the older man chat away about things he held little to no interest in.

"…but the company's just as profitable as ever, of course. As is only to be expected! No company I work for would let itself come anywhere near to falling flat, despite these so-called 'troubled times.' So anyway Antonio—how has school been?"

Antonio had been slowly tuning the elder man's one-sided conversation into a soft lull in the back of his head, and almost missed the question he asked, quickly snapping back to attention.

"Oh. Great! Great. I really like it there. Great professors, great campus life," Antonio nodded briskly, cracking his sunny smile.

"Very good, yes." Mr. Vargas replied, nodding approvingly without much of a smile. "Speaking of colleges, I remember my freshman year at college; it was a very large, prestigious school…"

Antonio inwardly sighed and prepared himself mentally for another hour of this.

—This Is Also A Line To Separate Occurrences In Time And Its Name Is Roberto—

Antonio felt—of all things—a pang of nostalgia as Mr. Vargas turned onto the street that he had so often driven down for a good portion of his life. Of course, it couldn't be helped. It wasn't like he could stay there forever; the boys would eventually grow up. He wasn't even sure if he could consider Lovino a boy anymore. Was that patronizing? He was in high school now…

Antonio bit his lip with an unfamiliar anxiety welling up in his stomach that seemed absolutely ridiculous to him. Was he worried that Lovino wouldn't be close with him anymore? The college student swallowed his nervousness and put on his familiar sunny smile as he climbed the steps to the Vargas abode, the man of the house chattering away in his ear about stock brokers or something equally inconsequential.

The house was bright, so bright, he thought. He had not forgotten the high ceilings and ornate light fixtures in the entryway, but he had forgotten the bright light emitted from them that he had to shade his eyes from, as it contrasted so sharply with the darkness from which he had just left. In doing so he very nearly missed the shadowed figure standing at the top of the stairwell, one hand extended to the railing and remaining stalk still.

"Lovino!" Antonio called, setting his suitcase upright and grinning as the smiling figure on the staircase came into focus.

Lovino shifted and crossed his legs, but did not move from his position on the staircase. His smile twitched a little bit, and he gingerly raised his hand to wave.

"Hey Antonio."

Antonio cocked his head to the side, slightly worried at Lovino's distant behavior, but not disheartened enough to stop himself from holding out his arms wide and cracking a goofy smile.

"Well? Come on, compadre! Give me a hug! I haven't seen you in too long!"

At this, Antonio noticed a similar smile broke out on Lovino's face as he descended the stairs and approached Antonio.

In this brief time period—before the aforementioned younger came up to him and crushed him in a surprisingly, well, crushing bear hug—Antonio made two distinct physical observations. One, his dearest Lovino had gained a substantial amount of height, and was literally what looked like three to four inches away from matching up with him perfectly. The second observation was the ambiguous cloudiness that hovered in Lovino's eyes, and the dark circles that sank beneath them.

However, once that moment passed, Antonio indeed experienced the full growth of Lovino's once noodle-like arms as they encircled him and squeezed absurdly tight, crushing the chests of the two young men together rather uncomfortably. Antonio laughed nonetheless, clapping Lovino on the back, and gasping for air a bit. After a few seconds, Lovino pulled back, with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Hey Antonio. Uh, what's up?" he asked almost shyly, looking down at his hands before meeting the other's eyes.

"Not much man, it's so great to see you though," Antonio said, beaming at the younger of the two.

Before Lovino could answer, his younger brother flew from the kitchen, attaching himself to Antonio's abdomen, knocking the breath out of the poor man by force for the second time in the last 5 minutes.

"Hey there, Feliciano!" he laughed, inconspicuously detaching the monkey-like elementary-schooler from his torso after patting him on the back and ruffling his hair.

"Antonio! Antonio! You're back!" Feliciano yelled excitedly as he jumped up and down in a manner quite uncharacteristic to a 'big boy' fifth grader, but quite characteristic of the boy himself. "How is your school? Is it fun?"

Antonio laughed, rubbing the back of his neck as a nervous habit, as was characteristic of him. Feliciano was such a complete opposite from his brother. Not that he minded; they were both great boys. (Or in Lovi's case…guy?) He could only take Feliciano in doses, though. The kid was incredibly cute, and he'd gotten used to him after babysitting him for so long, but their discussions could only get so deep.

"Feliciano!" a voice that Antonio knew far to well squawked from the kitchen. "Keep it DOWN."

Antonio winced ever so slightly, preparing himself for the always-lovely Mrs. Vargas. Said woman marched out of the kitchen, in her stilettos of death, not much longer after Feliciano had snapped his mouth shut like a turtle. She had a 'company' smile on her face, and extended her hand for a quick shake and a skin-stretching smile when she saw Antonio. He returned the smile expertly; picking up his bag from the floor once his hand was free.

"Mrs. Vargas! It's so nice to see you. Thanks again for letting me stay here for break! I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem Antonio! We're glad to have you. You'll be sharing a room with Lovino. Lovino!" she snapped, 'company mode' slipping quite easily into 'bitch mode' around her eldest. "Show Antonio up, and help him with his bags."

"Yes, ma'am." Lovino sneered, staring darkly ahead as he picked up one of Antonio's bags.

His mother narrowed her eyes at him but said nothing, click-clacking swiftly back into the kitchen. ((A/N: WHERE SHE BELONGS. Derp sorry I couldn't help it :3))

Antonio released a breath, rubbing the back of his neck again. He realized Lovino had picked up one of his heaviest bags, and gently placed his hand on the teenager's arm, halting him on the first step. He extended his other, lighter bag toward Lovino, smiling.

"Here, that one's too heavy, I shouldn't make you carry it. I'll take it, and you can take this one," he said, reaching for the bag.

Lovino stared at Antonio's hand on his arm, and then at Antonio for a few seconds, looking flustered, before he wordlessly took the other bag and gave Antonio the one he was holding. After the switch, he quickly walked up the stairs, refusing to look back at the other.

Antonio followed, slightly bewildered, wondering why Lovino had looked so flustered.

Later that night, after Antonio had settled in, he walked out of Lovino's bedroom and decided to ask if he could help out with dinner, as was only the polite thing to do. He walked downstairs to a delicious smell wafting upwards. He walked into the kitchen, yawning slightly and greeting Mr. and Mrs. Vargas.

"Hello Mr. Vargas, Hello Mrs. Vargas. Do you need any help with dinner? I'm a pretty good cook!" he said amiably, offering a warm smile.

"My, my!" Mrs. Vargas smiled bashfully at him, putting a hand on her hip as she turned away from the stove for a moment. "Well, aren't you just a gentleman, Antonio! No dear, that's fine, but thank you for the offer! Actually, why don't you go see if you can find the boys, maybe you can get their lazy butts to set the table?"

Antonio smiled, nodding his head as he exited the kitchen. The youngest Vargas was nowhere to be found, but his abandoned coloring book and crayons indicated that that he had made off as quickly as he could at the mention of setting the table.

He knew Lovino wasn't in his room, and began to look for him, until he found him sitting tensed on the edge of a large chair in the den area. He had one hand to his ear, covering it, and the other sandwiching a cell phone between his hand and his other ear. His shoulders were hunched over, his brows were furrowed and his face was a little red. Antonio was about to tell him that his mother wanted him, when he realized the other was still talking on the phone.

"N-no…Eliz..Elizaveta, that's not true!" Lovino's face turned a darker shade of red as he listened to the reply from the other end, completely oblivious to Antonio. "NO! Of course not!"

Antonio took a cautious step forward. He was not planning on eavesdropping on Lovino, and felt as though whatever he was discussing on the phone was something private, if the boy's body language was any indication.

"Look, I swear to God if you tell anyone, and I mean anyone about this, you will wish that you were never bor-" Lovino started, but cut himself off quickly when he saw Antonio approaching with a sheepish smile.

"A-Antonio!" he half-shouted, fumbling with the cell phone and dropping it onto his lap before quickly snatching it up to listen to the shrill noises that even the Spaniard could hear from the distance where he stood.

"N-no…Stop- stop it! Elizaveta! I told you that's not true! NOTHING! I'm hanging up on you. Goodbye, Elizaveta."

Lovino looked positively mortified as he jabbed the 'end call' button on his phone, his gaze drifting up to meet Antonio's eyes, his face a bit pale in palor.

"Uh…'Tonio…how much did you hear?" he asked cautiously, scratching nervously at his arm.

"Nothing much. Just you threatening the life of some girl, which is, of course, not a cause for concern," Antonio laughed, his eyebrows raising in amusement.

Lovino's laugh sounded somewhat forced and shallow. "Heh…yeah, she's my…friend…" Lovino rolled his eyes, "and she found something out. She's kind of nosy. But it doesn't really matter. So anyway, what's up?"

Antonio shrugged and did not comment on Lovino's hasty change of subject; if he didn't want to talk about it, than it was none of Antonio's concern.

"Well…" he started, clearing his throat. "I believe that your mother would like you to set the table, Mr. Vargas."

Lovino groaned.

—Hey It's Roberto Again Just Separating Some Time—

After a few days of staying at the Vargas residence, Antonio found himself falling back into the normal routine he had practiced for so long, with Lovino becoming more and more friendly, Feliciano acting as bubbly as was normal, and their parents harassing the boys just as often as usual.

However, no matter how much Lovino seemed to become comfortable with Antonio—as he had been in the past—he would continually have relapses if Antonio became too friendly, like hugging him or putting an arm around him. The older of the two began to worry that leaving for college had truly estranged the two, once inseparable, friends. Did Lovino feel as though he had been betrayed? He had to understand that Antonio couldn't have stayed forever, of course. And it wasn't as though he had moved across the country; he had remained in the state and was hardly over an hour or so away.

Antonio sighed as he climbed the stairs after dinner one night, pondering over Lovino's distant and strange behavior. He considered asking about it, but wasn't sure if the stressed out teen would want to talk about it, and that it might even manage to drive him even further away from Antonio.

As he walked through the hallway he noticed that the lights in Lovino's room were off, and he could hear the rattling of the shower from behind the bathroom door. Sighing tiredly, he sat down gingerly on the side of the bed, glancing around the room briefly before his eyes traveled down to rest on an open composition book laying on the comforter.

Was that…Spanish? Interesting.

Thinking that it was simply an assignment, Antonio picked up the notebook, curiously peering over its contents.

A poem…in Spanglish? Was this an assignment? Oooh, a love poem…probably not. I should probably not be reading this…Hey, Lovino's pretty good!

Antonio read over the short poem once more, a thoughtful smile on his lips. He should really put it down…but Lovino was a great writer! It had a lot of sensory detail, and the Spanish wasn't half-bad, either.

Antonio heard footsteps in the hall, and knew he had to make the quick decision either to drop the notebook and pretend like he hadn't read it in the first place, or act like he didn't know there was anything wrong and that he was more than likely not paying any respect to the other's privacy. He decided on the latter simply because he already knew what he was doing was wrong, so he should apologize for it.

Lovino pushed the door open and stepped into the room, hair still dripping from his shower, at first not noticing the notebook in Antonio's hands. Antonio smiled the best he could in the dark room, rubbing the back of his head with one hand and not making an attempt at hiding the notebook, as he did not want to seem secretive.

"Uh…Hey Lovi. This poetry is great! Sorry I- well, I didn't know if it was private or anything, because it was just open on the bed there…but, you're really getting good!" Antonio said quickly, trying not to sound too lame.

Lovino's eyes moved slowly from Antonio's face to the notebook in his hands, as Antonio witnessed his brain piecing together what he had just said, and a look of utter, unconcealed horror crossed his features, his sun-kissed face turning quite pale in a mere instant.

"What did you read?" Lovino snapped weakly, his chest heaving a bit in difficulty.

"Just this…" Antonio said uncomfortably, extending the notebook toward Lovino.

Lovino quickly snatched it away, backing himself up as far away from Antonio as the small room would allow. He hung his head and his grip on the notebook tightened as he read the poem. The paper began to crinkle beneath his whitened knuckles.

"Lovi…" Antonio took a cautious step towards him, which he ignored. "It's…it's really good. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, but there's really nothing to be embarrassed about, I-"

Lovino snapped his head up, his eyes looking watery and betraying his hard grimace.

"It…w-was about something private!"

Antonio averted his eyes guiltily, biting his lip and stepping forward.

"I'm sorry…I guess I, sort of gathered that. I should've put it down the moment I realized – it's just, I mean – there's no real reason to be embarrassed..." Antonio said hurriedly, smiling comfortingly. "Everyone gets crushes. It's totally normal. In fact, it'd probably be weird if you didn't like anybody!"

Antonio laughed a bit, trying to read the sudden change of emotion in the younger teen's eyes. To his horror, they became glassy and filled with no longer rage, but extreme sorrow, the tears spilling over as the shuddering, heart-wrenching sobs that Antonio recalled from his graduation tore from Lovino's chest, the young man attempting in vain to stifle his sobs by forcing his face into his hands. Antonio's eyes shone with confusion and concern, his stomach twisting in knots as he witnessed the genuine agony of his friend. He quickly walked over to the door and shut it to give the two of them some privacy, returning to the center of the room and gently taking a hold of the teenager's wrists to pry them away from his face.

"Lovino, Díos! What's wrong?" he asked quietly, rubbing his thumbs over the skin of Lovino's wrists soothingly.

"I-I-I-c-can't…I-"

Lovino couldn't form a coherent sentence due to the fact that he was gasping for air in between sobs, and it was clearly a topic he didn't want to talk about.

"Yes, Lovino, you can," Antonio began, walking the pair over to sit down on the bed. "You know you can tell me anything."

If this was the cause of the teenager's distress-that which had clearly been eating away at him for quite some time now-It was important that Antonio knew what it was. This wasn't something that he could stand to see his friend keep bottled up.

"I-I'm…I th-think…Oh God…"

Lovino wrapped his arms around himself tightly, as if holding in the next wave of violent sobs. Antonio looked at him encouragingly, his curiosity sparked.

What could possibly be tearing the teenager up to such an extent? Did he have a crush on a psychotic killer or the like? Honestly, a high school crush was not something to get this worked up over. There had to be something else going on…

"I'm…" Lovino took a deep, quivering breath and stared at his hands. "I think I'm gay."

Well, that was certainly something else.

Silence reigned supreme in the dark room as Antonio began to process what he had just heard. Unfortunately, he would think back later, that was a very bad time to be silent.

"Oh my God. You probably think I'm a freak. And disgusting! Just…forget I ever said anything…" Lovino trailed off, his face hopeless and his eyes refusing to meet Antonio's.

That snapped him out of his stupor.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Antonio said quickly, pulling the other to his chest and encircling him protectively with his arms. "Absolutely not! I was just…a little surprised. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay Lovino, nothing at all. It's completely natural. And if that's who you are, than that's who you're supposed to be."

Lovino let out a few more shuddering breaths before looking cautiously up at Antonio.

"B-but…my p-parents…they'll…I-" Lovino couldn't finish his sentence; another sob was working its way up his throat.

"Hey, hey, shhh. It's okay; they don't have to know right now. If you want, it can just be between you and me. You don't have to tell anyone else until you're ready, okay?"

Lovino looked up at him, his eyes hesitant before he nodded, and slowly pulled himself out of his former caretaker's embrace.

"Lovino…" Antonio started, his voice quiet and cautious. "You know that Gilbert, Francis and I are all bisexual, right? There's nothing to be ashamed of."

Lovino looked as though he had just been hit by a bus.

"Wh-what? Is that really true?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"Really, really," Antonio laughed, patting Lovino on the back, before continuing softly. "So, when did you realize…?"

Lovino immediately averted his gaze, his cheeks getting darker as he clutched his sides.

"Alright, alright, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Antonio began, putting up his hands in surrender.

"N-no…it just…sort of happened. This year, at the beginning-ish…I realized…th-that…I liked someone," Lovino stammered quietly, staring at the floor.

Antonio's face softened. "Well, he'd be lucky to have you, Lovi," he said, rubbing Lovino's back affectionately.

He felt the younger man twitch slightly beneath him, but didn't take it to heart; he knew that he was distressed. Lovino laughed bitterly at Antonio's comforting words.

"He's not interested in me," he mumbled, a hopeless smile crossing his face.

Antonio's heart nearly broke. Lovino was much too young to be giving up hope already!

"You don't know that!" he exclaimed, tilting his head and looking sympathetic.

"Trust me, I do."

Antonio sighed, patting Lovino's back once more before returning his hands to his lap, and then quickly grabbing a scrap of paper and a pen from the bedside table. He started scrawling down his number messily, looking up at Lovino as he spoke.

"Look, Lovi, if you ever need anything, anything at all, or if you have any questions, can you please promise me that you'll call or text me? This is not a burden you have to bear on your own," Antonio said, his face stern as he handed the scrap of paper to the young man seated next to him.

Lovino looked hesitant, and avoided eye contact as he accepted the piece of paper, but eventually smiled a bit as he pocketed it.

"I promise."

Hey guys, I know there's a lot of notes in here, but I've just finally finished writing this chapter today, and unfortunately I found out some very bad news this morning, that someone in my family whom I was very close to died today from the cancer she's been fighting for several years. She was a wonderful person and the reality of death really hit me hard today.

Never forget how important people are to you, and never forget to tell them how much you love them, because one day, it might be too late.

R.I.P. Stephanie Larson