Chapter 65 Friend And Confidant

The crowd of loved ones and well wishers at Winnsboro dispersed within moments of the last wagons disappearing down the road. Melanie Tavington and Bridget Wilkins stood together for a minute, watching the throng separate and go their different directions as these two women dried their own tears of just having let their husbands go away for who knew how long.

It was now early afternoon, and the clouds left from the storms last night had moved out. The sun was high overhead now and with it, so the Carolina summer heat had returned.

Bridget turned to Melanie with an idea. "Why don't we ride home together? We can catch up on things and have a good talk."

"That would be wonderful," Melanie said with a pang of relief in her voice.

The ladies decided to ride in the Wilkins' carriage. The slave Ezra would drive the empty Tavington coach home following closely behind. Both would stop near the lane of Melanie's plantation where the women could separate again and go on home to their respective farms.

Melanie found Bridget again after she'd set the plans with her driver, Ezra. The Irish woman was looking about the area for a privy which she finally spotted.

"Please excuse me for a moment," Bridget begged politely, "I must relieve myself. The baby seems to make that even worse."

"Certainly," Melanie replied as she watched her friend hurry off.

As she stood waiting for Mrs. Wilkins to return, her mind wandered back to moments ago. She recalled waiting, trying to have just one minute with William and all the interruptions from his men and duty that pulled him away.

While waiting on General Tavington to find a free moment from duty, Melanie looked about and saw soldiers bidding farewell to their wives and sweethearts. She spotted James and Bridget Wilkins within the bunch.

Melanie remembered watching them from across the village green, their love for each other so apparent. Jim's hand rested on Bridget's swollen belly, caressing it, saying goodbye to his growing child within. His other arm was about his Irish wife, holding her close. And the two kissed deeply and lovingly, and had locked eyes with each other for what seemed like forever to Mrs. Tavington as she watched them. Their hearts had obviously learned to talk to each other through their eyes without either of them uttering a single word.

The general's wife recollected feeling a bit of jealousy as she saw that, for she wished that William and her had that much understanding of each other. Deep longing had stirred with her as well as she watched them, wanting so much to have the absolute love that the other couple had.

"I'm back," Bridget said, appearing again at Melanie's side. "Ready to leave?"

Mrs. Tavington nodded her head. The two ladies then moved into the coach and settled in for the ride back to their respective plantations.

The windows were open on the Wilkins' carriage, but there was no breeze to move through the vehicle. Both women found their fans which they waved over themselves trying to find some relief from the Carolina heat.

"I've been worried about you lately," Mrs. Wilkins stated, "You were so upset that last time we saw you. Have things been any better at home?"

"No," answered Melanie. "William beat me when I returned from your house….with his riding crop."

"Oh, no," Bridget lamented.

"Yes," confirmed Mrs. Tavington. "He was furious. He said I had defied him and had to be taught a lesson."

"I shouldn't have let you go home," Bridget regretted, "You said he had threatened to punish you."

"I couldn't stay at your home forever," Melanie sighed, "I had to go home sometime."

Mrs. Tavington took a breath and let it out. She glanced out the window for a moment, then looked back at her friend.

"Three weeks ago, William had closed a business deal with a new client," began Melanie, "and he came in from it very late and entirely drunk."

Bridget remembered hearing the gossip of this from her own servants, who had most likely heard it from the Tavington's servants. But she didn't let on that she knew anything. Besides, she had hoped to hear about what happened directly from her friend.

"William wanted relations," Melanie continued, flushing red a bit from starting to talk about such an intimate subject. "I refused him because he was so intoxicated."

Mrs. Wilkins listened quietly and with understanding to her friend. She was happy that Melanie trusted her enough to divulge happenings that were sometimes embarrassing.

"I ran from our bedroom to one of the guest rooms and locked him out, hoping that he would give up and pass out," Melanie said, recounting the details of that night. "He kicked the door down and dragged me back to our room."

Mrs. Tavington stopped telling the story and looked down at the floor. She sighed, not sure she wanted to go on talking about what happened.

Bridget reached across the coach to Melanie's seat and clasped her hand. "We don't have to speak of it if you don't want."

Melanie swallowed hard. "No….it's alright. I need to talk. I've…..I've felt so alone."

Mrs. Wilkins let go of her hand and gave her friend a reassuring look.

"William beat me that night, also, I suppose because I defied by refusing him relations," she said. "Then he forced me to submit."

"Will expects me to have relations whenever he pleases," Melanie stated, "or else I will be made to submit to him. He says it's his right as a husband, and as a wife….I have to."

"Oh, no," Bridget replied.

Both women were quiet, thinking about the unfortunate scene that night. Melanie timidly broke the silence.

"Does Jim make you submit?" Melanie asked slowly and cautiously.

There was quiet from Bridget. Mrs. Tavington felt that she had immediately overstepped her bounds.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

"No, it's alright," answered Bridget. "He is the only husband you have had, and you've only just been married a few weeks, so of course you don't know anything else other than what your husband wants."

Mrs. Wilkins became quiet for a moment, wanting to answer Melanie's question in a discreet and tactful way.

Soon, she answered. "No…Jim doesn't make me submit. He never has," Bridget replied. "However, I do know when he really wants the relations and I may not feel like it, but I do it anyway because I love him and do want to please him. And as you said, I do know that it is his right as a husband."

Melanie nodded her head in agreement. She went on listening to Bridget, curious to know how their marriages differed.

"Lately, being pregnant, sometimes I am feeling sick or too tired to have relations," Bridget stated, "When that happens, Jim doesn't make me. He is very understanding."

"Things have been so strained between Will and I these last couple of weeks," said Mrs. Tavington. "At first, when I found out he was leaving for duty, I didn't want him to go. With everything that has transpired between us recently and the awful thing I found out about him, I found myself wanting him to leave."

"You didn't act like that this morning," Bridget commented with a sly smile. "Everyone saw you and William saying farewell. I thought you two looked happy."

"After wanting him to leave, I found myself feeling differently this morning," Melanie declared. "I was nervous. I was sorry to see him go."

Mrs. Tavington took a breath, then continued. "I wanted to be close to William in those last moments before he left, but as the commander, he kept getting interrupted. I just…..I just…I wanted to hold his hand one last time."

"Are you still sorry you married him?" Bridget asked.

"No…I'm not," Melanie answered honestly. "I am still upset about making the horse fall, my miscarriage…….but I will get over all that one day. I will forgive him in time."

"That's good," Mrs. Wilkins sighed, "I was afraid you were going to have to live together hating each other."

A moment of quiet passed between the two. Both looked out the window at the countryside, then back at each other.

"Do you love him?" asked Bridget.

Melanie immediately became tearful recalling her husband's unexpected declaration earlier that day. "No….I don't," Mrs. Tavington answered.

She went on, elaborating her feelings. "William surprised me this morning in the carriage. He told me that he loved me. It upset me."

Mrs. Wilkins was stunned. "Why? I would think that would make you happy?"

"Yes….I was …yet I was sad because I don't love him. I couldn't say the words back to him," Melanie lamented.

"It has left me so confused," the young woman continued. "That man makes my head and my heart spin insanely! I can't figure him out."

The young woman let out an exasperated sigh then went on. "When he is furious with me, he says the most hateful, hurtful things to me."

"Men sometimes do that when they are mad," Bridget said. "Perhaps he regrets what he said now."

Melanie shook her head. "I suppose so, I don't know."

"And then there are the times he acts so loving, like this morning," she added. "I guess I haven't figured out yet how to be a wife…how to be married."

"You will learn," Bridget stated.

"My parents loved each other so much," Melanie informed. "They had a loving marriage. I think I thought my marriage would be like that right away."

"You told me yourself that you hope to grow to love him," Bridget said. "As each of you grow to love each other, you will learn how to be married. It could be a loving marriage like your parents."

"And like yours," Melanie pointed out.

"Well, Jim and I are so much in love, but we are still getting used to marriage, as well," Bridget informed. "We have had our fights and disagreements. But it seems that Jim is maybe more even tempered than your William is."

"Oh….oh," Bridget cried, her hand dropping to her belly. "The kicks and movements are getting stronger."

Melanie reached across the carriage to touch her friend's pregnant belly. She felt the baby moving, then felt tears in her own eyes.

The young woman pulled back and reached for her handkerchief. She began to cry.

"Excuse me, Bridget, I'm sorry," she wept.

"Oh, Melanie."

"I'm a terrible friend! I'm so jealous because you're pregnant," Mrs. Tavington confessed. "Of that I am so ashamed."

"Melanie, no, you don't have to be ashamed," Bridget said. "I understand. I would feel the same if I had your path to walk."

"I just….I am truly happy for you," Melanie sobbed, "but I am so sad for myself."

Mrs. Wilkins reached forward and took her friend's hand again. She felt no ill will against Melanie and was glad she could confess how she felt.

"I'll never be able to feel a child move within me," she cried, "I'll never know what it feels like to give birth. The only thing I'll ever know of it is the sickness it caused early on, and the pain of the miscarriage. That is what I'll have to remember."

Bridget listened patiently without passing any judgment as her friend wept.

"When Will asked me to marry him, I was upset because I couldn't give him an heir," the woman sobbed, "and then I find out he has caused this state."

"You will forgive him, Melanie," Mrs. Wilkins said, "and the two of you will get through it. You will find an understanding. Major Bordon treated you horribly at first, then you forgave him,then the two of you began to understand each other, then you fell in love."

"Yes," Melanie sniffed. She took a deep breath, dried her tears, and settled back into the carriage seat. She stayed quiet for a moment, submerged in memory and thought.

"You still miss Alex, don't you," asked Bridget.

"Yes, very much," Melanie replied. "It hurts less with each day that goes by. I know I will never entirely get over it. I just hope to be happy again."

"You will, I'm sure of it," Bridget says, smiling at her friend.

The carriage rolled on along the road back to the Wilkins and Tavington plantations. Both women took a break from talking and rested back on their respective seats.

After awhile, Melanie's head began to ache, then spin and feel dizzy. After a moment of that, she then felt like she couldn't breathe. The young woman felt flushed with heat. She leaned forward, beginning to feel sick to her stomach.

Bridget sat up straight, alarmed at how suddenly her friend became sick and how pale she was. She knocked frantically on the ceiling of the coach.

"Samuel, stop the carriage please," she yelled. "Mrs. Tavington is sick!"

In an instant both vehicles pulled off the road. Melanie quickly stepped out of the carriage and fell on her knees to the ground in the grass. She bent over forward and began to throw up.

Soon at her side were Mrs. Wilkins, and the slaves Samuel and Ezra. Bridget wet her handkerchief from the wagon's canteen and dabbed Melanie's face with the cool liquid when she had finished vomiting.

"I'm sorry," Mrs. Tavington said, "It's this heat. I've lived in South Carolina my whole life and don't remember a summer this hot."

The two slaves helped Melanie up and back into the carriage. Bridget made her friend lie down across the coach seat to rest.

As Mrs. Tavington rested, she also thought about how bad the mosquitoes had been this summer and last, as well. It was always in the back of her mind remembering people from her youth who had suffered Malaria or Yellow fever and died. She recalled how sick Colonel Tarleton had become from Malaria last fall; he nearly died. Melanie had become sick a few days in the heat, but she hoped she would never contract either of those mosquito borne diseases.

By early evening, the two carriages arrived near their plantations. The two friends hugged each other and vowed to spend a lot of time together while their husbands were away. And with that, each woman got into their respective carriage and made their way onto their own farms.