a/n: oh ho ho! y'all wanting Regina's birthday and I can only apologise for holding out on you. so as a form of apology, I give you the cutest, adorablest, fluffiest, sassiest swan-mills family moments that I can currently muster. BIRTHDAY WILL HAPPEN, I SWEAR TO THE LORD ABOVE. p,s this is going to be a long ass motherfucking fic if I write it out like how I planned it. So hope y'all okay with that...
Also thank you so so much for all the reviews and favourites! It's so fabulous wow. You're all great.
ALSO IF YOU WANT TO PROMPT ME FOR FICLETS OR WHATEVER, HIT ME UP AT TUMBLR.
Emma xoxoxoxx (ant1ers. tumblr. com)
"Get the hell out of my way, you little shit,"
"No, screw you Ms first place,"
"Oh, oh, I see how it's going to go down,"
I leaned forward eagerly with the black wireless Xbox remote in my clammy hands. I shook it violently, hoping that it would spur on the little mushroom man I picked. There was a whirring noise and suddenly my character exploded into a plume of blue smoke and Henry's green dinosaur shot in front.
"What the hell!" I screamed at Henry, "who uses a Blue Shell on their Mother?" I seethed, turning my glare back to the television screen.
"I do," Henry giggled as he dodged a banana skin as I hit a weapon box thingy. The box clicked over until I hit the flying bullet.
"Eat this dinosaur dude," I stated proudly as my character turned into a bullet and took out four other racers including my son's.
"Mum! That's so not fair," Henry whined as I shot over the finish line and raised my arms in triumph into the air.
"Who cares? I won, wee! Go mushroom man," I poked my tongue out at Henry and glanced at the clock; 4:57p.m. Oh shit. Henry sighed and turned off the console with the click of a button,
"He's name is Toad and mine was called Yoshi," He took my controller off me and stacked them back on top of the machine. I stood up and stretched, yanking up my jeans in the process.
"Whatever, I still kicked your butt at Mario Kart,"
"One time Mum, one time,"
"And you'll bet your little butt that I'll remind you constantly…hmm, maybe I'll tell Regina tonight?"
"I don't think she'll care to be honest; this is Ms Mills we're talking about,"
"The woman is extraordinarily competitive. I'm sure she'll want to know she's dating the finest Super Mario Kart racer in all of Maine,"
Henry rolled his eyes as I opened the fridge and put the chilled bottle of white wine into a cooler bag. Suddenly he started laughing,
"Can you imagine if Ms Mills was actually really good at Mario Kart? Like, super good and kicked both our butts,"
An idea sprung into my tiny brain. That's it.
"Henry, that's genius. We should take the Xbox to Regina's…"
Henry's eyes widened and he grinned mischievously, "yes! I mean, I hope she won't mind…"
But I grabbed my phone and opened up my messages to Regina,
'Feeling competitive?'
"Go stick it all in a bag and then go get ready alright kid?" I smiled at him as the message read 'seen'.
'Depends what I'm competing for dear'
'The royal title of supreme excellent ruler in Mario Kart'
'…bring it on Swan'
I grinned stupidly at the electronic device in my hands as I headed into my bedroom.
'Sweet' I tugged my grotty shirt off over my head and replaced it with a well-fitting black tee shirt, denim jacket, a scarf and a pair of flats. My phone pinged again.
'I'll have you know, I always win'
I snorted and threw the phone back down onto my bed, "oh babe, don't I know that,"
Regina actually lived closer to Ruby than I originally anticipated. Like, when she sent her address to me via text, I knew that her street was just off a main road in the next town over. Ruby lived in super expensive land, whereas Regina lived next door in semi-super expensive land.
But as I pulled up to Regina's, I realised that her house, no mansion, shat all over Ruby's fancy little pad. I double checked the text; yep, 108 Mifflin Street.
"Holy shit," Henry whispered. I didn't even get angry at him because I was also about to mutter the same words.
"Holy shit indeed," I cleared my throat, unplugged myself from the seat, got out and opened Henry's door before he started drooling all over the window.
"Come on kid, let's do this," Henry grabbed the Xbox from beside him and hauled himself up to Regina's front door with me trailing behind.
We waited with bated breath. Henry had knocked loudly and there was a small yelp from inside. Hopefully Regina hadn't stabbed herself or this would be shit start to the evening. The door swung inwards and Regina stood looking majestic in her casual jeans, grey tee shirt and bare feet. But to tie the entire outfit up nicely, she wore a dorky apron that outshined mine and her glasses were pushed up into her hairline. She was fucking gorgeous. Regina and I stared at each other for a good thirty seconds in silence before Henry cleared his throat and motioned to the heavy Xbox in his tiny hands.
"Hi Ms Mills,"
"Oh, h-hi, hello Henry, glad you could come," Regina peeled her eyes off me and smiled down at my son who looked like he was struggling with the weight of the device without trying to look like it was actually that heavy. How strange that like twenty four hours ago, Regina was completely seductive and was making a fucking feast out of my pussy, and now she stood, barefoot, adorable and slightly flustered in a dang fifties styled pink frilly apron.
"I'm happy I came, your house is super cool," Henry said gleefully as Regina pointed out the lounge room for him to dump the machine.
Regina stepped closer to me, "hey,"
It was so casual and so freaking perfect that I stuttered, "h-hello,"
"Nervous?" Regina cupped my face with her hands and her breath smelt like extra strength spearmint toothpaste,
"A little," I shrugged as melancholy as possible but Regina shut me up with her lips.
"No need to be dear, just be yourself and keep your dirty shoes outside…"
I didn't realise that I had somehow entered Regina's hallway, fully-shoed,
"I will not having you tracking mud through this pristine clean house, Ms Swan,"
I rolled my eyes and flung my shoes out the front door. They hit a marble pillar and piled nicely on top of each other.
"Way to ruin the cute little moment we had there Regina,"
"No worries dear," Regina swung the door shut and sauntered into the kitchen, straight past Henry who was staring open mouthed at the giant screen that Regina called her television.
"Oh my god, I'm so full I could die," Henry leaned backwards and rubbed his food baby affectionately. He puffed out his cheeks and blushed as Regina laughed. She patted his hand and looked at me.
"Well Ms Swan, aren't you a delight to look at," her voice dripped with sarcasm. I was in the exact same position as Henry except I was prodding my protruding stomach and grimacing.
"Eyes bigger than your bellies…" Regina smirked as she grabbed our dishes and piled them up, "shame, I had some delicious banana and toffee ice cream…"
"Wait," I put my hand on Regina's forearm as Henry smiled brightly at his Head Mistress, "banana and toffee ice cream?"
Regina deadpanned at me as I shifted my weight, "I might…I might have enough room for that,"
Regina rolled her eyes and pried my fingers off her arm before heading into the kitchen, hopefully to get the ice cream. Henry licked his lips over exaggeratedly as Regina returned holding a tub of expensive looking ice cream, two bowls, spoons and two ciders.
"Hell yeah," I grabbed a spoon and shovelled out a massive chunk into Henry's bowl and slid it over to him. Regina just sat there, watching me, sipping her cider.
"This is so good," Henry groaned as a piece of toffee stuck to his top lip. Regina raised an eyebrow at me as I spooned some heaven into my mouth.
"How do you do it?" Regina shook her head.
"Us Swans can eat our weight in food and not gain a single kilo, it's great,"
Henry slurped at the melting ice cream in his spoon, "yeah, it's like being a cow; we have like, four stomachs,"
I smiled at my child across the table as Regina huffed.
"Breakfast food stomach, snack food stomach, dessert stomach and chicken stomach," Henry droned as if he'd rattled the list off a thousand times already,
"Chicken stomach…?" Regina asked quizzically,
"I can eat so much chicken, it's ridiculous. It's like, having a bottomless pit for a stomach," my spoon clacked loudly against the ceramic bowl as I tried to get the last dregs,
"I see…" Regina took another sip of her cider, contemplating my statement.
"Okay, now I'm officially so full I could die," Henry sat back again and closed his eyes as he rubbed his belly.
"You did well son, you did well," I said proudly as I grabbed the other cider from Regina and sipped it so it wouldn't upset my bulging stomach.
"Holy, this is so good," I stared at the blank brown bottle and peeked into it. Regina nodded her head in acknowledgement, "thank you, I made it myself,"
"Really? Wow," I took another sip and winced as the alcohol mingled uncomfortably with the ice cream.
"So was that ice cream,"
I was impressed. Henry looked at Regina like she just answered all his prayers.
"Let me guess, so was dinner?" I rolled my eyes. There was no way that was all organic and homemade. Regina just smiled.
"No…really?"
"Yes really," Regina's grin got wider as my mouth dropped.
"Well fuck me," I quickly slapped my hands over my mouth and glanced at Henry. He rolled his eyes as Regina leaned forward, her lips brushing my ear,
"That's the plan dear,"
Shit. My eyes widened dramatically and Henry looked at me weirdly, "what, what did she say?"
"I, uh…" fuck. But Regina saved the day,
"I was just telling her that I'm going to kick her butt at Mario Kart,"
Henry's eyes narrowed his eyes. I was worried he'd knew that she lied but thank the Lord, he stood up and stuck his nose in the air, "we'll see about that Ms Mills," and stalked off to the lounge room to set up for the war that was bound to happen.
"This game is preposterous,"
"You're in first place, shut up babe,"
"Can you both shut up and accept the fact I'm about to own your butts with this squid?"
"No," Regina and I said at the same as Henry set the inking squid on us.
"Oh for Pete's sake Mr Swan," Regina growled as our screens were covered in splats of ink, hindering our driving. Henry's stupid dinosaur, Yoshi, shot forward, taking over my green capped Luigi and Regina's weird little red thing that had a scary chainsaw mask on. Apparently he was called Shy Guy.
"I don't like this game anymore," Regina huffed as she recrossed her legs and set Shy Guy after Princess Peach's butt.
"You don't like it because you're not winning anymore," Henry mumbled as he leaned the same way Yoshi did. Regina glared at my son and rolled her eyes at me,
"He's your son, through and through, isn't he?"
I was too busy trying to overtake Bowser to even respond.
"Yeah, that's what Ms Blanchard said too,"
"Of course she did," Regina sneered and shot a Red Shell at poor Peach before zipping up close behind me and started tailgating. The clicking of our joysticks was the only sound for a good minute and a bit.
"I don't get it Miss, if you don't like Miss, why don't you just fire her?" As I tried to figure out which Miss was which, Regina smirked and overtook me,
"It's not that easy Henry, and anyway, who says I don't like Ms Blanchard?"
"Come off it Ms Mills, everybody knows," Henry leaned forward, sticking his tongue out as he laid out three Banana Skins. I glanced over to Regina and she looked flabbergasted.
"How…?"
"Face it, you're not exactly the Queen of Subtly when it comes to hating people," I laughed as I shot out a tonne of Green Shells; hoping one would at least hit Regina. But she simply glided through my assault.
"Oh really Ms Swan, is that so?"
"Yeah so Ms Mills," Henry took out Donkey Kong who was still a lap behind and flew over the finishing line in first place. Regina frowned at my son and edged closer to the screen.
"Damn it,"
"Like you really had a chance Miss," Henry stated matter-of-factly and watched the screen as Regina and I battled for second place.
Regina ended up coming second and I threw the controller down on the carpet like the true child I am. I glared at Luigi who was now sobbing next to a chuffed looking Shy Guy and that stupid dinosaur who was holding a gold cup. The moment after Henry left, stating he was off to finish off the container of ice cream, Regina tackled me. She hit my side with more oomph than I expected from a little brown haired woman. I hit the floor with a grunt and Regina snuggling into me like a giant super affectionate cat.
"Uh, hello," I rubbed her back soothingly as she entwined her legs with mine,
"Hello dear," she nuzzled into my neck and took a deep breath.
"And what can I do for you this evening Ms Mills,"
"Fuck me," Regina planted kisses up my neck and said it like it was the most innocent statement that left her lips.
"Oh," I frowned and Regina poked at the wrinkled skin on my forehead. I smoothed out my facial features and kissed her on the eyebrow.
"What? Wasn't that the plan for this evening…?"
"Yes but,"
Regina got up onto her elbows and stared down at me. That stare could have sent the average human running away but not me.
"Let me guess, you're on your period," Regina's eyes narrowed at me as mine opened to the size of dinner plates,
"What! No, of course not Regina, Jesus,"
"Then why not Ms Swan," she pouted as she kissed my lips like twelve times in quick succession, "I knew I should have worn something more…alluring," Regina bit her lip and pulled herself off me. How the literal fuck was Regina going to be more alluring? She was the actual definition of allure. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, "no, no, trust me it's not that. I just…I just…want to get to know you and not base this entire relationship thing on sex,"
Okay that was super lame. Regina's eyes brightened and once again, she threw herself at me.
"Since when were you the gentleman,"
"Well she had to teach me somehow didn't she?" Henry barged in, holding the container in one hand and a large spoon in the other. Regina yelped but Henry was clearly undisturbed by our moment of affection. Henry wiggled his butt before placing it down on Regina's couch,
"Can we watch a movie?" he shovelled more of the ice cream into his mouth.
"We should probably head off soon kid…"
Both Henry and Regina turned to me and gave me a glare. I raised my hands in surrender,
"You are not going home this evening Ms Swan, you are clearly inebriated," Regina held me in an iron vice as Henry complained loudly,
"But Mum! I like it here…Miss has ice cream," He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and shoved more of it into his already packed mouth. We had to stay because of ice cream.
"Fine, fine, here it is," I huffed as Regina pulled me up onto her other couch; me and her on the loveseat and Henry and his tub of ice cream on the other.
"Now," Regina pointed a complicated looking remote at the screen, "How to Train Your Dragon?"
I was going to marry this woman; ice cream, cuddling, Mario Kart and animated films.
"Hell yeah," I said as I snuggled deeper into the woman's side. Henry whooped gleefully and settled himself in for the night ahead.
Yep. I was totally in love with Regina Mills.
a/n: if you have any ideas you want me to play with in this fic, sling 'em into my ask on tumblr or pm me on here.
(ps to the lovely lass who suggested a regina/emma/ruby threesome, as DELIGHTFUL as that would've been, that is ONE of TWO sexual things i will not write; the other is anal, because literally, what the fuck). so to sum up, NO THREESOMES AND NO ANAL.
okay? okay. good. excellent. hope you enjoyed that cavity induced cuteness.
please pretty please review xo