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Ruth closed his eyes, tilted his head back and took a deep breath, smiling as the Sun's warm rays danced on his cheeks.
Haldir, who was riding next to Ruth couldn't help but smile as well.
They have been riding for half a day now and most of their ride was spent in comfortable silence. Haldir has had enough time to observe Ruth quietly and he had to be completely honest.
He has been enticed by the raven haired Wizard.
They have been riding alongside the borders of Lórien. On lady Galadriel's prompting Haldir and Ruth decided to do a full circle around Lórien on their horses. Their journey would last for three days and Haldir couldn't have imagined a better companion than Ruthímiel.
They haven't spoken much since they have embarked on this three day voyage, since Ruthímiel seemed to be enticed by the beauty of Lothlórien and appeared to be concentrated on the sights around him, but Ruth had proved himself to be an avid listener, paying close attention to Haldir after the Wizard would ask a question and Haldir would answer.
Haldir had caught himself many times already staring at Ruth while the Wizard paid attention to something else, unaware of the Elf observing the Istar's every move and falling for Ruth more and more with each passing second.
"You appear to be lost in thought, Haldir," Ruth said and Haldir's eyes met those enchanting orbs, glowing with life.
At the sight of the peaceful smile tilting Ruth's perfect lips, Haldir couldn't stop his lips from tilting up as well, his heart finally at peace after several days of suffering such a turmoil incomparable to anything Haldir has ever experienced.
"I cannot help but think how glad I am that we have decided to undertake this journey," Haldir answered honestly and Ruth sighed contently, looking up at the clear blue sky.
"It is quite relaxing," Ruth agreed only to tilt his head to the side a bit with a small thoughtful pout. "Although I am worried about Boromir."
"I had thought Lord Boromir had nothing against us departing," Haldir commented and Ruth huffed, shaking his head in slight annoyance.
"That in on itself is surprising," he muttered. "I couldn't help but notice how overly protective he has become of me," Ruth looked at Haldir with a small smirk, eyes glimmering with mischief Haldir had yet to experience on his skin, "which makes me wonder why he hadn't complained about the two of us going alone on this field-trip."
"Do you think he has romantic inclinations towards you?" Haldir asked, feeling something in his stomach clench, and the Elf had a hard time stopping himself from actually blushing when Ruthímiel laughed merrily.
"Oh no," Ruth managed to press out between fits of laughter, "he doesn't." Ruth shook his head in full conviction making Haldir raise an eyebrow.
"Are you certain?" he asked and Ruth snickered.
"Of course I am," he said and shrugged carelessly. "Boromir sees me as a brother, as I see him and the rest of the Fellowship. I consider all of them family." Haldir nodded, barely managing to suppress a smirk. "Tell me, Haldir, why did you agree to accompany me on this little journey? I was under the impression that you consider it your obligation to guard the borders of Lórien."
Haldir hummed as he thought about what to answer. "I trust my brothers to do my part of the job. Lady Galadriel suggested that I get to know you better."
Ruth raised an eyebrow, head tilting to the right. "And you always do whatever the Lady tells you to?"
Haldir cleared his throat and swallowed, daring a glance in Ruth's direction. "When it comes to my obligations, yes," he admitted, taking a deep breath before continuing, "but when it comes to you?"
Haldir looked at Ruth and the Wizard choked up a bit at the darkened gaze meeting his multicolored eyes. Something danced within Ruth's chest although he couldn't understand why. He had been target of such glances many times in his long life, but rarely had he felt affected by them.
He had always sought partners - or lovers if you would - based on an emotional connection, knowing that falling in love with someone's looks would lead to nothing good.
Haldir had the looks, of course. The Elf could possibly be the most beautiful man Ruthímiel had ever seen, but Haldir also had strength and intelligence, and even though Haldir was just like any other Elf in the area of being difficult to read on an emotional level, Ruth had seen many feelings pass through those mercury silver eyes.
In a very short time, Ruthímiel had learned that Haldir was a man of many layers, and even though Ruth had promised to himself a long time ago to never again allow himself to grow attached to someone, he has found himself wishing to get to know the Elf that had carried him to Lórien broken and dying, and had approached Ruth many times already with nothing but kind words, even though Haldir has proved to have quite a teasing nature - as Ruth had witnessed several times already - and appeared to be quite crafty with words when he wanted to be.
Even though Ruth had tried to deny it, he honestly wished to get to know Haldir, although he had yet to admit that he was actually attracted to the proud, strong Elf.
"When it comes to you, Ruthímiel," Haldir's softly spoken words broke Ruth's ponderings and startled the Wizard, and Ruth looked in Haldir's eyes finding the Elf looking at him with such an open and yet unreadable gaze that something in Ruth's heart shifted. "I find myself willing to ignore everyone's orders. I have yearned for a chance to spend some time alone with you ever since I took you from Boromir's arms to carry you to Caras Galadhon. You intrigue me. I find myself - I find myself attracted to you."
For the first time in his very long life Haldir wanted to cut his tongue odd. He had said far more than he intended - than he needed to say, and possible ruined any chance he might have had of coming into Ruthímiel's favor.
"There is nothing attractive about me."
Ruth's words startled Haldir, and the Elf let go of a quiet laugh before he could stop himself, earning a confused gaze from Ruth. "I believe you are wrong about that, Ruth," Haldir answered, forcing himself to look in Ruth's eyes. Haldir has never stepped away from a mess, especially one he had made himself, and this time wouldn't be any different. He would bring this conversation to the end, if only to know where he truly stood with Ruthímiel the green. "You are quite beautiful and kind. Your heart is as beautiful as your face is."
"You flatter me." Ruth turned his head away from Haldir and the Elf chuckled, shaking his head in fond remembrance.
"It is not flattery if it is true," he paraphrased the sentence he had already told Ruth upon their first official meeting.
"How do you know that?" Ruth challenged, looking at Haldir with soul-searing eyes. "What makes you believe my heart is not dark? What makes you believe that my thoughts aren't shrouded in shadows?"
Haldir looked deep in Ruth's eyes and after a few moments of quiet observation, his lips stretched into a small smile and he looked at the road ahead. "Your thoughts may be shrouded in shadows. Your heart may know darkness." He looked at Ruth again and the Istar shivered. "But your heart also knows light. Your heart also knows love and kindness. You are wiser than many I have met in my long life. Even though you have seen darkness you haven't strayed from the right path. It is all written in your eyes, Ruthímiel. You could never surrender to the shadows of your heart and thoughts. You care too much for Life to be the Harbinger of Death."
Ruth let go of a wavering breath and swallowed difficultly, looking away from Haldir's certain gaze. "I am not as certain of that as you are, Haldir."
The Elf nodded and looked at the sky for a moment, taking a deep, calming breath. "Then all I need to do is convince you of my words." Ruth looked at him in slight surprise and Haldir answered with a smile. "You shall see your own worth, Ruthímiel; that I promise you."
And as Ruth looked away, and silence settled between them, Haldir let go of the breath he had been holding. While he hadn't gotten anywhere with this conversation, he held on to hope. He would have Ruthímiel for himself for two more days.
Within those two days Haldir would find out what Ruthímiel truly thought of him. Even if in the end Haldir would have to forget about his growing feelings.
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"I hope you enjoy it." Haldir said and Ruth accepted a bowl of a delicious smelling vegetable stew.
"I'm sure I will," Ruth answered gratefully and Haldir smiled as he took a seat to Ruth's left.
The Istar looked at the star covered sky as they ate in peace. It has been a while since he had felt such peace. With the war looming on the horizon and his worry for the Fellowship, Ruth had barely had a moment to appreciate the little things that give life meaning.
He moaned as he tasted the stew and Haldir raised an inquisitive eyebrow, lips tilting into a smirk at the expression of pure enjoyment on Ruth's face.
Haldir had never even thought he would find someone he would feel so at peace with. They weren't even all that close and yet Haldir felt as though he has known Ruth for a long, long time. Something was constantly pulling him towards the Istar and he found himself unable to deny that need that appeared in his heart every time he would look at Ruth.
Uncalled, but not unwelcome, the memory of a nymph bathed in moonlight flashed in Haldir's mind and a shiver traveled over his strong form. The more Haldir thought about it the more convinced he was that what he had see had only been a fantasy, a dream.
Haldir looked at Ruth when the Istar sighed and placed an empty bowl on the ground, smiling when Ruth tilted his head back and those amazing eyes glimmered like the stars that decorate the night sky.
Haldir could only stare in complete wonder. The veins on Ruth's skin shone like liquid moonlight and his skin seemed soft and so, so inviting to touch. Raven locks looked like velvet and Haldir almost didn't manage to stop his hand from reaching to feel the softness of those long black tresses.
"Vanima," (beautiful) he whispered and Ruth looked at him with confusion coloring enchanting eyes.
"What did you say?" Ruth asked and Haldir felt as though he woke up from a trance.
He opened his mouth to say something that would sound as a good enough excuse, but then he thought, why? He had nothing to feel sorry about. "I merely said that you are beautiful," he spoke and hoped he did nothing wrong.
Ruth's mouth snapped shut and he looked at the fire to avoid Haldir's scorching eyes. "I am not beautiful," Ruth mumbled as he pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them.
"I do believe that the saying goes 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder'. Am I wrong?"
Ruth cleared his throat and shook his head, refusing to look at Haldir. "As far as the saying goes, no," Ruth admitted quietly, "you aren't wrong."
Haldir chuckled and shook his head. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that you are good?" he asked and Ruth spared him a sideways glance.
"I-I don't know," he said. "I guess I just…" his voice faded and Haldir looked at Ruth, simply taking him in. The light of the fire reflected in Ruth's eyes and warm skin glowed like molten gold. "Lam nósconuth nith lam cáe gúiman," (I don't know who I am anymore.) Ruth whispered and Haldir frowned not knowing how to answer since he couldn't understand the beautiful words rolling off of perfect lips.
The fire danced stronger for a moment and Haldir looked at it, unable to shake of the feeling that the Istar was lost in a way. Haldir didn't know how he knew that, but it was as though something was whispering in his ear, something that was telling him to help the Istar find his way again.
He looked at Ruth when the Wizard hummed melodiously in time to see Ruth close those enchanting eyes.
"Ithotháer lam thuorolám fásu umán, (Someday I want to run away,)
Di Talo do Hristam. (To the world of Midnight.)
Huram gártha pústha rea. (Where the darkness fills the air.)
Huram hats luro hlio. (Where it's icy cold.)
Huram nerártho tud Ine. (Where nobody has a name.)
Huram vetarem cetnuth igurem. (Where living is not a game.)
Bis, lam fer sacre leam únitha lértha; (There, I can hide my broken heart;)
Úrthe di márthir. (dying to survive.)
Bis, nerártho fer qlúphe púemo (There, no one can see me cry)
Zúthare do leam esamyeath samáth. (the tears of my lonely soul.)
Lam beth lósce ruth do sef (I'll find peace of mind)
Da gárme cer hlio Talo do Hristam." (in the dark and cold world of Midnight.) (1)
Haldir didn't know what the song was about, but it had such a sad note to it that his heart ached. With every note, every word, Haldir felt as though a piece of his heart was breaking. "You have a powerful voice," he spoke up in a voice hardly louder than a whisper, and Ruth bowed his head a little, sadness marking every beautiful line of his features.
"Sometimes the song of the heart reaches further than a voice ever could," Ruth whispered and settled in his sleeping bag with a sad sigh. "Blessed night, Haldir."
"Blessed night," answered the Elf and looked at the fire with a frown. He didn't know why the atmosphere between them turned so gloomy all of a sudden.
Had it been something he had said?
Had he offended Ruth in some way?
Haldir's eyebrows narrowed as he gazed at the fire. He turned their whole conversation in his head over and over again trying to find out what it was that he did that made Ruth sad or what could have offended him.
No matter how hard he had tried Haldir had found nothing. After some time he gave up, settling in his sleeping bag, and granting himself one last glance at Ruth's sleeping form before forcing himself to relax.
There was no sense in breaking his head over it.
Hopefully he would find out in time.
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Ruth woke up immediately aware that something was wrong. He took a seat and looked to his left. Haldir was in a sitting up as well and he looked at Ruth the moment the Istar sat up.
"Something is wrong," Haldir said and Ruth nodded, glancing around their small camp. The fire had long turned to timbers and the chill of the night settled in the woods.
"It's quiet," Ruth muttered. "Too quiet." He moved silently and took the short sword he received from Galadriel before they left and which he kept in his traveling bag. Their horses, Best and Cathi were restless as well. "I see nothing." Ruth slowly stood up closely followed by Haldir.
The Elf frowned and bowed down to take his sword. He crouched low and showed Ruth to follow him, receiving a minute nod before both concentrated on the forest, trusting the other to watch their back.
Ruth's senses were on high alert and his heart was beating quickly. He could feel something building up inside him and forced down a swallow, palms clammy and heart beating a mile per hour, trying to convince himself that it was just the adrenalin rushing through his veins that was making him hyperaware.
Haldir stopped and Ruth kneeled on the ground. He held his short sword in his right hand while he placed his left on the cold grassy earth. Almost immediately something in him burst.
Haldir turned around quickly when Ruth inhaled sharply and the Elf's heart stopped at the sight of Ruth's eyes glowing pure emerald. The Istar wasn't breathing or blinking and Haldir felt dread taking hold over his mind and body.
"Ruth?" he called out and received no answer. "Ruthímiel!"
In that moment Ruth's eyes cleared and filled with panic. "Duck!" he snapped, grabbed Haldir and pulled him to the ground. They rolled away in time to avoid a rain of arrows hurling towards them. Within seconds they were surrounded by Orcs and Wargs snapping their jaws at them.
"What do we have here?" mocked one of the Orcs. "An Elf and a human child."
"A very pretty human child," drawled another. "A tasty human child."
Haldir frowned and Ruth's eyes widened when the Elf grabbed him and pulled him closer trying to keep himself between the Orcs and Ruth. It proved to be difficult because they were surrounded and in the dark they couldn't exactly determine how many of them there were.
"You will not lay a finger on him," Haldir pressed out through bared teeth and Ruth looked at the back of Haldir's head with wide eyes.
"And who will stop us?" screeched another Orc, licking black, chapped, deformed lips.
"I will," Haldir hissed and the Orcs laughed.
"You and what army?!" mocked the first Orc.
"I don't need an army," Haldir bit out and his sword glimmered in the moonlight.
Ruth turned to stand back to back with Haldir, licking dry lips as he took his stance. "I'll be alright," he whispered, knowing Haldir had heard him. "I don't need magic to kill some Orcs."
Haldir hummed to show he heard him, and Ruth shivered and let go of a wavering breath feeling that pressure he felt building up earlier grow even stronger.
"What say you we kill the Elf and have some fun with the child?" leered an Orc standing right in front of Ruth who sneered at the disgusting creature.
"I am no child," Ruth growled and the Orc laughed mockingly.
"No, but you will cry and beg like on once we're done with you!"
In that moment the Orcs and Wargs attacked and Haldir and Ruth could do nothing but fight for their lives.
No matter how hard he tried not to, Ruth lost sight of Haldir after a few moments. He fought left and right, slaying both Warg and Orc alike, trying to catch sight of the Elf's platinum blond hair.
The blood of Orcs and Wargs was soaking his clothes and his heart almost stopped beating when he realized that he not only lost sight of Haldir, but that they were separated completely.
"Haldir!" Ruth cried out, searching frantically for the Elf.
"Ruth!"
The Istar turned around in the direction of Haldir's voice, cut down an Orc and ran. A Warg rushed at him and Ruth ducked under it cutting the Warg's stomach open. He had finally found Haldir and was about to sigh in relief when he caught sight of something that made his whole body freeze up.
An Uruk-Hai stood behind Haldir, aiming an arrow at the Elf's back.
"Haldir, watch out!" Ruth cried out and ran forward, only to realize he would never make it in time.
Haldir's skin turned pale as realization dawned upon him.
To Ruth it seemed that everything slowed down. Each step echoed in his ears, his heart beat so fast it seemed it would fly out of his chest, and the pressure became unbearable.
The Uruk-Hai grinned and the arrow left the crossbow.
"HALDIR!" Ruth screamed and in that moment something in him snapped.
Haldir was forced to his knees when a wave of incredible power exploded from Ruth. The Elf covered his sensitive ears with his hands when the air filled with the howling of the Wargs and the screams of the Orcs.
It was over within minutes and Haldir dared open his eyes.
Nothing had remained of their enemy. Nothing but ashes blown away by the wind.
Haldir turned around slowly and his breath caught in his throat.
The powerful Istar was on his knees staring at trembling hands with wide eyes full of shock and confusion, breathing in shallow gulps of air.
What had Haldir halt in his step was the fact that the veins on Ruth's skin seemed to be almost pulsating. It was as though Haldir could see blood pulsate through Ruth's veins with every beat of his heart.
Ruth looked up and the Elf shivered at the sight of pearly white eyes shining with power, just a thin circle of green around the white iris.
"What was - what was that?" Haldir asked, taking another hesitant step towards Ruth.
"I - I don't know," Ruth whimpered, breathing ever quicker. "I don't know - I don't know what happened - I…"
When Ruth started to babble, Haldir pushed aside the shock and confusion clouding his mind and rushed towards the kneeling Wizard, falling to his knees in front of Ruth and taking a firm hold of the Istar's shoulders.
"Calm down, Ruth," he whispered, cupping Ruth's face within trembling hands and looking into those out-worldly eyes. "Calm down. It is alright. Everything is alright…"
"When I - when I saw that Uruk-Hai taking aim I…" Ruth choked up and gasped, unaware of his hands fisting on Haldir's chest. "All I could think about was that - that I needed to save you," he gasped out, looking deep in Haldir's eyes. "I couldn't let you die."
"I know," Haldir whispered, wiping away crystalline tears rolling down Ruth's cheeks the Elf was certain Ruth wasn't even aware of. "I know, Ruth, please…"
"It was - It was as though a dam broke in me," Ruth whispered, and Haldir's heartbeat stuttered when Ruth smiled through tears, lips tilting into a small smile full of relief.
Silence settled between them as they gazed into one another's eyes, with Ruth trying to push the words past the pile of absolute joy and happiness in his throat and Haldir trying to actually find something to say besides 'what?'.
"Haldir?"
The Elf was spared of trying to find something even remotely intelligent to say by Ruth speaking up first.
"I can - I can use magic again," Ruth breathed out, the most beautiful smile Haldir had ever seen gracing the Wizard's perfect face. "I finally feel alive…"
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(1) Translation of 'The World of Midnight' by Minako Obata. I claim no rights to the song.
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I remember having problems with this chapter because I just wanted to get on with the story, but I couldn't just hop on to Rohan and needed some character and relationship development. It was difficult as F*** to write, but looking at it now, I kinda like it. :D