Hazel flopped into a chair in the lounge with a huge sigh. Every muscle in her body ached. She wished she could just take a hot shower and go to bed, but unfortunately someone was hogging the bathroom.

"I swear to all the gods," Piper muttered, stalking into the room and taking the chair next to her, "if Valdez starts singing again I'm going to go in there and do something stupid and illegal."

"Everything okay down there?" asked Frank from the corner where he was cleaning monster slime off his bow. There was a half-healed gash down his left cheek; his clothes were torn, burned, and splattered with unidentifiable ooze. Still, Hazel thought he'd never looked more handsome.

"Yeah," Piper replied quietly. "Well, to some extent. Percy I'm not too worried about, but Annabeth..." She trailed off, adjusting the bloody bandage wrapped around her upper right arm.

"I wouldn't freak out," said Hazel gently. "You've gotten really good at healing since your boyfriend decided to become injury-prone."

"I heard that!" called Jason from down the hall.

"You were supposed to!" Hazel called back.

Jason entered the room with Nico close behind.

"Coach decided to hit it early," said the son of Jupiter. "I'm surprised he's not down in sickbay hovering over Percy and Annabeth and threatening them with his baseball bat if they try to pull anything."

Nico snorted. "What are they going to pull? Annabeth broke six ribs and her ankle doesn't look too great either. Percy looks like he got ran over with a tractor. They're in no shape to go anywhere."

Hazel opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a shrill "AND A PAAAARTRIDGGGEEEEE IN A PEAAAAAAARRRR TREEEEEEEEEEEE!" coming from—you guessed it—the bathroom.

"I should have known my luck wouldn't hold," sighed Piper, stomping from the room. Moments later, Hazel heard her pounding against the bathroom door and yelling something in Greek that probably would have earned her a lifelong grounding from Coach Hedge. Her suspicions were confirmed when Jason—who had picked up a tiny bit of Greek from Piper—flinched at his girlfriend's words.

Over the sound of running water, Leo replied, "IF YOU'RE ASKING ABOUT THE CELESTIAL BRONZE CABLE, PERCY'S DRIVER'S LICENSE, FRANK'S WEIRDO BOOK, AND THE TACO MACHINE, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO THEM!"

"We have a taco machine?" asked Jason.

"My book is not weird!" cried Frank indignantly.

"Percy has a driver's license?" Nico sat straight up in his chair. "Does that mean—"

"Sorry, Nico, not driving you places," interrupted a voice from the doorway. Hazel looked up to see Percy—scarred, bruised, and generally looking like schist, but still very much alive—leaning against the doorframe, Riptide in hand.

"Wise Girl's asleep," he said, noticing their stares. "I was going to go crash soon because I'm exhausted, but I just wanted to make sure you guys knew we had a dying whale on board singing Christmas carols in the bathroom."

The room exploded into laughter. Leave it to Percy to turn a slightly depressing situation into something funny.

As if happy to oblige, Leo promptly burst out with "MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD, AND THEY'RE LIKE 'IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS'—"

"Well, then, that was an interesting one."

"HMM. WHAT IS THAT MYSTERIOUS TICKING NOISE? NOT OVER HERE, NOT OVER THERE, HMM...KIND OF...CATCHY..."

Percy shrugged. "What the Hades. Why not."

What followed was one of the weirdest things Hazel had ever seen, as everyone lapsed into some song they'd apparently seen on "the Internet":

"SNAPE, SNAPE, SEVERUS SNAPE. SNAPE, SNAPE, SEVERUS SNAPE—" Leo.

"DUMBLEDORE!" Jason.

"SNAPE, SNAPE, SEVERUS SNAPE" —"DUMBLEDORE!"— "RON, RON, RON WEEEEASLEY!" This time, Nico added his voice to the mix.

"HERMIONE. HERMIONE. HERMIONE." Despite herself, Piper couldn't help joining in.

But it was Percy's part that made Hazel laugh the most: "HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER, OOH! HARRY POTTER, HARRY POTTER—THAT'S ME!"

"SNAPE"—"HARRY"—"SNAPE"—"HARRY"—"SNAPE"—"HARRY"—"SNAPE!"—"HARRY!"—

"DUMBLEDOOOORRRREEEEE!"—"HEEERMIONE"—

"DUMBLEDORE!"—"SNAPE, SNAPE, SEVERUS SNAPE"—"RON, RON, RON WEEEEASLEY!"—"HARRY POTTER, I'M HARRY POTTER, I'M HARRY POTTER, HARRY HARRY POTTER—"

"SINGIN' OUR SONG, ALL DAY LONG AT HOOOOOGGWARRTTTTSSS!"

Nobody could stop laughing for a very long time—broken only by the sound of slow footsteps on the stairs.

"Annabeth," Percy said suddenly, turning as if to leave. He didn't have to, though—she had appeared behind him.

"At first I was only going to kill Leo," she said, slowly and deliberately advancing past Percy into the room, "but now you're all on my list." she turned around, leveling the point of her knife at Percy's chin. "Even you, Seaweed Brain. Watch yourself."

And with that, she made her way back through the doorway and down the stairs.

Percy gulped. "Suddenly I'm not too keen on getting any sleep tonight."

Laughing, Jason gave him a gentle shove back through the door. "Oh no, dude. She's your girlfriend. You need to be a man and handle this yourself."

Percy squared his shoulders and headed back down after his girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Leo had gotten out of the shower and had come into the lounge wearing sweatpants and a TEAM LEO shirt. "Hey, guys! What'd I miss—what the Hades is that?"

Loud shouting was now coming from downstairs: "ANNABETH—OW, QUIT POKING ME!—NOT THE KNIFE, PLEASE NOT THE KNIFE—YOU IDIOTS, WHY DIDN'T YOU CONFISCATE THE SHARP THINGS?"

Everyone facepalmed.

A/N: Over 100 reviews on this story! *fangirls* OMG. I didn't expect this story to become so popular! Thanks so much! :)

As for that long section involving manymanymany Harry Potter characters, go look up 'The Mysterious Ticking Noise' on Youtube. And while you're at it, check out the other Potter Puppet Pals videos.

I dare you not to pee yourself laughing.

I DARE YOU.

EPC